Found this interesting

http//eteraz.org/story/2007/1/4/65242/52391

By Ali Eteraz

The Great Jafi stepped through the door and said he was looking for Ali Eteraz. Somewhere in the world some murderers who called themselves Muslims had done some murdering and it was necessary to find Ali Eteraz to have him comment on the matter, since being a law abiding Muslim he knew everything about law breaking Muslims.

?Where is Ali Eteraz?? said the amazing Jafi. ?Where is the one Muslim who knows moderation? Tell me, is the anomalous Ali around or should I leave? I don?t have much time. If he is not around I will be forced to find another moderate Muslim and that will be a very difficult task because Islam does not produce very many Muslim moderates. Does someone have Irshad Manji?s number??

In his underwear because he was enjoying the company of a delicious white girl, Ali Eteraz came running to the Jafi. ?Sir, I am here, a moderate at your service. I hope I have not kept you waiting.?

The Jafi looked at Eteraz and smiled. ?What?s with the gettup??

?I was sitting around waiting for you to come by and ask me to demonstrate my moderation and I saw this woman and thought why the hell not. Besides, having grown up in repressed Muslim environments I have never truly been exposed to such openness in matters sexual. Sir, did you like my casual use of the euphemis ?why the hell not?? I am trying to be more American.?

?Very good Eteraz,? said The Jafi. ?I?m glad you are learning some of our American ways. It will show to all real Americans that you guys can be like the rest of us. Be sure to tell all Americans of your exploits. It will be seen as a sign of your moderation.?

?Yes sir,? said Ali Eteraz. ?I exist to be a model moderate. Please tell me other things I can do to bolster my reputation as a moderate Muslim.? As he said this, he put on his clothes and in his rush kicked the rolled up newspaper towards The Jafi.

?Well,? said The Jafi as he reached down and picked up the paper. ?Here is an MSM piece which glosses over the evils of your Prophet Muhammad. Why don?t you say a word or two about the evils your Muhammad engaged in. After all, that?s what a real moderate Muslim would do.?

?Yes sir,? said Ali Eteraz. ?Shall I begin by calling him a pedophile, or are we in the mood for maligning his political acts? How about both? How about I write a whole tract on Muhammad?s concubinage during times of war without consulting a single source of reference except my imagination. I assure you that Muhammad will come off precisely how you wish for me to cast him. I am immensely capable of spouting things off the top of my head. After all, I have been trained by you, great master.?

The Jafi put his arm around Ali Eteraz. ?You sure understand how to live among us Americans, Eteraz. I think you will get very far. It?s just too bad that your co-religionists cannot be more like you.?

Ali Eteraz smiled the great smile of those who know they are loved by the right people. ?I?m not sure why they aren?t more like me, sir. I wish I could be more convincing. I wish I could get them to be exactly how you want them to be. I wish all Muslims could be moderates like me.?

?You know what I think Eteraz?? the great Jafi offered his wisdom, since having read the work of Ibn Warraq and Irshad Manji, both after 2001, he was now a great authority on the world of Islam. ?I think the problem is not that you aren?t convincing enough ? God knows you kill yourself trying to convince Muslims to be more like you. I think the problem is Islam itself. I think Islam is evil?It is not capable of moderation??

??But Sir, did you forget I am Muslim? Aren?t I moderate?? asked a suddenly wary Ali Eteraz. He was scared that he was going to lose his station as the moderate Muslim voice of the internet and he did not want to lose the legions of Americans who daily came by to rub his belly and make his ego wag.

?Oh Ali! We know you are a moderate not because of Islam but despite Islam. There is nothing humanist about Islam.?

?Yes sir, I should change that part in my blog profile. Note to self erase humanist.?

?Remember, a Muslim can?t help but be an extremist.?

?Ah, right, right? said Ali Eteraz. Then, contrary to his usual self-deprecation when in the presence of The Jafi, Ali Eteraz got a concerned look on his face. ?Great Master, does this mean I ought to exclude myself from the Ummah of the Muslim since as you say I?m not really a part of the world that is Islam??

The great Jafi laughed. ?You know you cannot do that Ali Eteraz because you will be deemed an apostate and you will be killed. I suggest you remain Muslim. I care about you Ali Eteraz. I don?t want you to be killed at the hands of savages, which is really what your people are, and I think you know that.?

?Yes, sir, thank you for caring more about my life than those Muslim savages. We both know full well that even if a Muslim is educated and a law abiding citizen he is driven to blood-lust the moment he hears of an apostate and uses a direct dial number to the nearest branch of Wahhabi fanatic who then carries out the execution, especially because a Muslim cannot function in a democracy,? said Ali Eteraz who was very grateful for the love of the Great Jafi.

The Great Jafi laughed and clapped Ali Eteraz on the back. ?Yes Ali Eteraz, you get it! How well do you understand the evil of the Muslim today! You are a good man for recognizing that deep down all Muslims think alike and even the educated, democratic and law abiding ones are simply engaged in dissimulation! What is the Arabic word for it, again??

?Taqiya, sir,? said Ali Eteraz. ?I learned of it from the great scholars on Islam on Jihadwatch whose intellects are so great that they understand the truth about Islam better than any Muslim who has ever existed in the history of humanity! It is good that such great scholars of Islam exist because until I gained enlightenment in their comments section I had always thought that Taqiya was a defensive act practiced by a few persecuted Shia groups in Sunni dominated areas solely when their life was in danger.?

?Yes, Taqiya,? said The Great Jafi. ?Taqiya is the crux of the problem! Since the very belief in Islam makes a Muslim a brainless unthinking beast, every Muslim necessarily ascribes to the idea that you must lie to the non-Muslim at all times.? The the Great Jafi cast a suspicious look at Ali Eteraz. ?You wouldn?t be engaged in Taqiya, would you Ali Eteraz??

Stammering, Ali Eteraz fell to his feet and gripped the Great Jafi?s ankles. ?Sir, no sir, O great Master! I can prove it sir. How? Sir, well, think only of how many Muslims hate me! No, better yet, please allow me to demonstrate to you in some way or other. Great Master, was not my participation with the Progressive Muslims enough to prove my loyalty to you??

The Great Jafi lifted Ali Eteraz from the prostration and stroked his back with his foot. ?Relax, Ali Eteraz, I believe you. But the problem of the dissimulator is not solved. The rest of your brethren are engaged in lying. I can sense it precisely because I am not a Muslim. With their lying they are up to something. They are plotting against America. Against the entire Western civilization. Especially those funny looking Muslims up the street at that mosque. Being a mosque it must be paid for by Wahhabi wealth. Being Wahhabi they must be a sleeper cell.?

?Perhaps you should investigate the mosque, sir,? said Ali Eteraz. ?Maybe you can send out some of our friends from the pub and have them stake out the place.?

?That mosque is why I?m here today Ali Eteraz,? said The Jafi. ?Because I am convinced they are all practicing Taqiya, today at 2 pm someone I know will be calling the Feds on the mosque. That den of dissimulation has existed in our midst long enough.?

Ali Eteraz grew silent and then spoke up. ?But sir, today is Friday and that is the time for Friday prayer. Even I will be in the mosque at that time. Won?t I also get arrested and charged??

?Such things are necessary, Ali Eteraz,? the great Jafi headed out the door. ?I always told you that you needed to do more to make them more like you. You needed to do it faster. I gave you three whole months and yet none of them appear any different to me, none of them come by to kiss my feet. It must mean that they are dissimulators and potential terrorists!?

?But what if there is a shoot-out sir? What if an accidental bullet goes off? My reputation will be tarnished at the least! What about my career? My family? Who will pay for my bail??

?I don?t have time for this Ali Eteraz,? said The Great Jafi who had no time for such petty concerns.

?Sir please!?

?Sorry Ali, but you and the mythical moderates didn?t do what you were supposed to do. Now w e must protect the homeland.?

?Sir I thought you said I was an integral part of the future of the world.?

The Great Jafi was almost out of the door. ?Yes, I said that but only in one potential scenario. In the other scenario, the one taking place today, you are collateral damage. Goodbye Eteraz, you failed me. When all of your humanity is taken away blame your people. It was their inherent prowess in lying that made me do this. When you are in jail, blame Islam.?

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