Relationships
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I listen to my heart and my mind, how is that going with the flow?
How isn?t it?
People can be eroused and motivated soley by lust whether in wed lock or outside of wed lock I don't see the relevance of this question. You can feel alot of things, whats of greater importance is the choices you make. You could feel like killing someone, yet you don't have to choose to go out and kill someone.
What I meant by my question is that you could easily fall into sex out of lust not love and maybe think it is out of love and it can distort your reasoning for sex before marriage.
And how do you become aware of what God ordered?
Read the Quran
Really? It examplifies connection in the most literal manner, isn't that what we are trying to do in our relationship with God; connect?
What I am saying is you don?t connect to God via sex.
Thats a generalisation. Sex can be used that way, but that is not the only way to utilize it.
It?s not a generalization besides I said people not all people. And if you don?t have sex to be satisfied or get satisfaction then why would you do it if you don?t gain satisfaction?
You never said sex = love. Though you play its importance so high in a relationship, so it?s somewhat indirectly said.
What other ways are there to interact besides physically? I?m sure there isn?t any other way (in a mothers womb)
Anyway this will be a never ending story, we obviously have different perceptions. So let it be.
Take care, Asalamu alaikum. )
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Peace All
wow bro Tanveer you rock!
to hear that coming from a guy is so refreshing ... in fact i never heard it before (
sad for all those who never were able to say your words but amazing for you!
insha-Allah you'll make one lucky lady enormously happy with your past choices.
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Peace Tanveer, all,
I agree with you 100%. Very-well stated. I would only add that "sexual compatibilty" should be of no concern whatsoever. Guys are easy to please. Women, on the other hand, require complete security, freedom, and most importantly, communication. Once a woman is capable of expressing what she wants, then voila instant compatibility.
On relationships, I also agree that dating for as long as possible is better than jumping into marriage because, as you said, a spiritual and psychological bond must be made. People fail to recognize that their spouse will be their best friend. We don't make best friends overnight. It takes work and trust and fighting through thick and thin together to reach that state.
Peace,
Tay -
Tanveer I just read your personal experiences (sorry for the delay, my focus was mainly on replying to khalil's posts), mashallah good for you! You have strong faith if only more were like you, lots fall for temptation. Anyway it's never to old to get married or find someone, inshallah God blesses you with a partner soon who makes your heart and mind content
The final step is the consummation of marriage. A date for the consummation of marriage must be set prior to getting married. The predetermined date can be anytime after the marriage (step 2) above.
Anyway I was reading this.. you kinda lost me. A date for consummation for marriage must be set??? as in intercourse date needs to be set before marriage? or I have it all wrong?
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Peace Sarah,
I listen to my heart and my mind, how is that going with the flow?
How isn?t it?
I like you am still on the path of learning. Of what I learn I sort and take out the best from it, and to find that I use my heart and mind. Sometimes I get off track but my heart eventually alerts me when I do.
I do not see it as going with the flow because I have my feet planted in something I am willing to stand for, so the wind blown my way by the people who act like wolves will not push me in a million directions forever, and in the past it has quite often, caused me to stumble but eventually I return again.
What I meant by my question is that you could easily fall into sex out of lust not love and maybe think it is out of love and it can distort your reasoning for sex before marriage.
You can, then work on learning to differentiate between love and lust, and if you are not sure and not comfortable then choose to not have sex until you are A. sure and B. comfortable
Read the Quran
People before scripture would not have had this choice, yet they still had methods of becoming aware of God. In the Quran, it talks all about Gods creation and observing it, that can always be done.
What I am saying is you don?t connect to God via sex.
I think you are capable of connecting with God through sex, but it is not the only method to connect with God.
It?s not a generalization besides I said people not all people. And if you don?t have sex to be satisfied or get satisfaction then why would you do it if you don?t gain satisfaction?
I never said that, I said not all people use sex for soley selfish motivations. It is not selfish if you gain pleasure out of an action, it is selfish if that pleasure is gained without consideration of the other (s) involved. I think we grow the most beautifully when we have pleasure involved in what we do, I love doing art and I love researching and so I excel at those because of the pleasure. Pleasure is not good or bad, the choices you make to derive pleasure will determine weather it is of benefit or not.
You never said sex = love. Though you play its importance so high in a relationship, so it?s somewhat indirectly said.
I did not. All I stated was that I am for sex inside or outside of marriage and that it is a beautiful method to express your love to eachother, and it is surely not the only method to express how you feel to your partner.
What other ways are there to interact besides physically? I?m sure there isn?t any other way (in a mothers womb)
Thats my point. That the feeling side is developed at birth, 9 months before any of our other senses.
Anyway this will be a never ending story, we obviously have different perceptions. So let it be.
I enjoyed our conversation and sorry Tanveer I feel I responded harshly to you a few posts back and even though we differ in opinions and beliefs I would rather work together towards a common goal than side tracking my energies.
I wish the best to you both.
peace,
Khalil -
Peace Bro
you do know that sex outside of marriage would be considered zina and is a gross sin right?
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alrite then peace
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peace
khalil can you elaborate how one gets close to God with sex?
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Peace all,
Thank you Boost, Sarah, Lilyfleur, Tay, Jankren, and Khalil for the kind words.
Sis Lilyfleur,
No problem; it is obvious that it was an honest misunderstanding. We all are humans and not perfect and bound to make mistakes sometimes. Keep up the good work and may The God bless you !
Bro Tay,
I agree with your words of wisdom ! If only everyone can keep that in mind, there won't be any unhappy or broken marriages any more !
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Peace Sarah,
The final step is the consummation of marriage. A date for the consummation of marriage must be set prior to getting married. The predetermined date can be anytime after the marriage (step 2) above.
Anyway I was reading this.. you kinda lost me. A date for consummation for marriage must be set??? as in intercourse date needs to be set before marriage? or I have it all wrong?
I quoted the article by brother Ayman and I think he has it slightly wrong. 2235 is in the context of widows and talks about not consummating the marriage until the required interim only in case of widows and not for general marriage.
2234 And for those of you whose lives are terminated and they leave widows behind, then their widows will have a required interim period of four months and ten days. So when they reach their required interim, then there is no sin upon you for what they do to themselves equitably. And God is Expert to what you do.
2235 And there is no sin upon you if you openly propose marriage to these women, or you keep it between yourselves. God knows that you will be thinking of them, but do not meet them secretly, unless you have something righteous to say. And do not consummate the marriage until the required interim is reached in the Scripture. And know that God knows what is in your souls, so be aware of Him, and know that God is Forgiving, Compassionate.
For example if a woman has become recently widowed, then I think one can marry (nakah) her immediately, but one cannot consummate the marriage until four months and 10 days after the death of her previous husband, to ensure she is not pregnant by her previous husband. Only in the case of widows should a date be set for the consummation of marriage prior to getting married.
As per 3349, 2236, and 2237, it seems that one can get married and not consummate the marriage immediately and it is left up to the married couple to decide between themselves when to consummate the marriage.
For everyone's info, I found a verse which I think implies that 2 witnesses are required for marriage or divorce
652 Then, once the interim is fulfilled, either you remain together equitably, or part ways equitably and have it witnessed by two just people from among you; and give the testimony for God. This is to enlighten those who believe in God and the Last Day. And whosoever reverences God, He will create a solution for him.
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peace
khalil can you elaborate how one gets close to God with sex?
Sure. In sex you have the oppurtunity to express/give to another care, love, nurturing, comfort, joy, passion, acceptance, understanding, warmth, tenderness, affection and an allowance and embrace of who that person is for whom they are.
How you interact with God is by interacting with Gods creation, which includes yourself and all that surrounds you, see, God is unseen but aspects of God are revealed in that which is seen. By pouring love onto Gods creation you have then reached out and touched God, and so that is how you may move closer to God through sex.
peace,
Khalil -
I think maybe that one brother of ours is some kind of saint who has incredibly strong self-control which enables him to constantly think about God while having sex with his girlfriend.
lol. I dont have a girlfriend, I have school and work! If I had a girlfriend I most certainly would not be online! P Maybe next year I'll find a girlfriend, right now I am practically isolated.
Could you clarify what you mean by thinking of God when you have sex? Do you mean mentally, or feeling a warmth in your heart??
peace,
Khalil -
Peace Sarah,
I quoted the article by brother Ayman and I think he has it slightly wrong. 2235 is in the context of widows and talks about not consummating the marriage until the required interim only in case of widows and not for general marriage.
2234 And for those of you whose lives are terminated and they leave widows behind, then their widows will have a required interim period of four months and ten days. So when they reach their required interim, then there is no sin upon you for what they do to themselves equitably. And God is Expert to what you do.
2235 And there is no sin upon you if you openly propose marriage to these women, or you keep it between yourselves. God knows that you will be thinking of them, but do not meet them secretly, unless you have something righteous to say. And do not consummate the marriage until the required interim is reached in the Scripture. And know that God knows what is in your souls, so be aware of Him, and know that God is Forgiving, Compassionate.
For example if a woman has become recently widowed, then I think one can marry (nakah) her immediately, but one cannot consummate the marriage until four months and 10 days after the death of her previous husband, to ensure she is not pregnant by her previous husband. Only in the case of widows should a date be set for the consummation of marriage prior to getting married.
As per 3349, 2236, and 2237, it seems that one can get married and not consummate the marriage immediately and it is left up to the married couple to decide between themselves when to consummate the marriage.
For everyone's info, I found a verse which I think implies that 2 witnesses are required for marriage or divorce
652 Then, once the interim is fulfilled, either you remain together equitably, or part ways equitably and have it witnessed by two just people from among you; and give the testimony for God. This is to enlighten those who believe in God and the Last Day. And whosoever reverences God, He will create a solution for him.
Tanveer
your understanding of the wordings/issue, is beautiful. bravo
peace
siki -
Something came to my mind, Have you ever heard that you can not marry an ex husband unless you have been married to another man then divorced then gone back to him?
So say I was married to X and then broke up(divorced) if I wanted to go back to him I have to get married to Y then get divorced and then marry X again?? I've heard this a number of times.. I'm not sure how it is backed up but whats the view on it?
Salam