That magazine did it!
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In the mess of motorcycle magazines and National Geographics Dad promised to give me, I found old issues of 'Signs' magazine encased in an old folder. It was actually a picture of the whirling dervishes on the back cover of one of the issues that prompted me to rescue it from being incinerated with the other old material from the library. I thought it was a manual for Whirling 101 yeah The folder actually contained photocopies of the actual issues and the person who did that only photocopied the information inside (with exception of the first 2 issues, everything else had no covers) so I spent an entire afternoon rearranging the pieces of paper when I noticed a particularly article on hijab. Then I got really interested and not just in learning how to spin without puking.
Because I was never satisfied (and because the teachers in muslim Sunday school almost always say "you mustn't question for questions make people go crazy!" when they can't answer me), I wandered through different religions and philosophies. I briefly contemplated being a nun; Catholic and Buddhist, I almost took a trip down to the local synagogue and tried not to feel stupid while enacting ancient Greek prayers to the many gods through the day. Someone said that you can feel different genders and personalities when communicating with the divine and this is prove for polytheism. I just felt strange and a little cheated though I have to admit that Greek mythology is loads of fun and I took to it because the rituals were exotic. But the naggy feeling never went away as time and time again I kept going back to Islam and the various sects around it though after each time I walked away feeling even emptier than before. When I read 'Signs' magazine, I felt like coming home. I never liked the hadiths and the main thing that bugged me was, if Muslims prayed the same way since the time of Muhammad, why then do the different sects, even the different schools in Sunni Islam, have different ways of doing it? I actually considered Shi'a Islam for awhile because it challenged my Sunni understanding of God.
I can't accept information which didn't make sense to me and this certainly led me down the path of frustration and meandering through different belief systems. So I went out and bought a giant edition which has the Arabic, English translation AND commentary + notes on the Qur'an. I read it, really read it instead of just reciting the Arabic and thinking in my head how awesome I sound, and I liked it. And I felt better and less frustrated. When I prayed the way the Qur'an instructs, I found that closeness I was seeking, without having to imagine different gods, without feeling detached like it was a routine with my mind thinking through random things. All because I thought a stack of papers was going to teach me how to whirl like a dervish. So there ya have it, the magazine did it. It confirmed what I felt and knew all along deep inside but was too afraid to accept.
After that, I googled looking for what became of 'Signs' magazine and the term 'Qur'an Alone'. I knew about the Submitters when a few of them descended upon an lj Muslim community and though I found it intriguing, the stuff about the numbers bugged me. Much of what I found online then appeared to be about the Submitters and I searched around some more until I found this site. A lot of the discussions here helped me think through what I'd learnt and what I was learning, and, most importantly, to find out the truth myself, to go back and read the Qur'an and not to allow someone to feed me with doctrine.
I never found out who gave my dad that stack, he can't remember either. Dad's a Deist and for once, he was happy that I was reading material on Islam.
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welcome to the forum. Interesting story
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<<<and because the teachers in Muslim Sunday school almost always say "you mustn't question for questions make people go crazy!">>>
That quote sums up the state of all the major religions today. They discourage the inquisitive mind and want you to have have blind faith (aqeedah is Muslims call it I believe.) I have discovered that Allah encourages humanity to use their individual brains and study his signs, not to blindly gobble up the spoon fed morsels of dis-information eat...Very interesting story. Welcome to Free-Minds. I am a new poster (long time reader) as well. -
In the mess of motorcycle magazines ...
I never found out who gave my dad that stack, he can't remember either. Dad's a Deist and for once, he was happy that I was reading material on Islam.
This is an interesting story, and you do have quite a knack for story telling, might I add.
)Peace,
Sarah
