An open letter to Abdul Wahid Hamid
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As-salaamu alaykum
Dear Abdul Wahid Hamid
I would like to draw your attention to a statement you make in your book "Islam The Natural Way", which I understand is a widely available and popular explanation of the basic beliefs and practices of Islam aimed at converts and Muslims seeking to educate themselves about their own faith.
I am keen to understand the source of your assertion, made on page 86 and 87 of the MELS 1989 edition of your book, which states
There is one thing in particular in which a wife should strive not to disobey her husband, and that is when he invites her to come to bed.
Over the last 30 years, women in the developed world have argued that women's interests are best served when the notion of sexual consent is clear and unequivocal. This is often summarised by the slogan, 'No mean no!' The implication is that the right of women to refuse sex should be absolutely unconditional, without fear of social pressure, intimidation, bullying or any other form of coercion.
I understand the weight of Islamic tradition is on the wife's duty to be sexually available to her husband in the absence of a legitimate excuse. However, I believe the time has come to challenge this tradition. In my view, the idea that sexual consent can ever be compromised is completely at odds with a faith that teaches compassion, kindness and justice as its fundamental values.
When you first published this book, in 1989, sexual consent was an issue under debate. Today, the debate is over. No no longer means 'No if he says so'. No means no! And as a leading member of the Muslim community, you have a responsibility to God and Muslim women to make sure this message is delivered to Muslims seeking to better understand their faith in a clear and unambiguous way.
I therefore urge you to withdraw this edition of 'Islam The Natural Way' from sale immediately, and reissue the same book only when the aforementioned phrase is deleted. In its place, may I suggest that you substitute the following statement
A husband may never pressure, coerce or bully his wife into having sex. Sexual relations should only take place on the basis of mutual consent.
For as Ar-Rahmn says of a believing husband and his wife, "they are as garments to you, as you to them" (2187)
I look forward to hearing from you on this matter.
Wasalaam
Yakoub Islam
(This letter has been widely circulated to assorted Muslim groups)