Strip clubs?!
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Peace ammarb87 ,
Hey I'm not going to knock anyone else's comments and advices to you about this but I have a few words for you.
I know it is hard. I'm a young Afro-American guy and our culture is very macho and I suffered through people trying to call me a homosexual because I wasn't that interested in making pursuing and glaring at females my top occupation. So I know what it feels like when you are trying to be righteous and the whole time being emasculated by your own community for trying to be righteous in the aspect of sex. So I am not going to give you a guilt trip as it is not the end of the world. But I also know why you told everyone here. You know that it is really none of our business but when you live in a society that congratulates you for committing indecencies like this and approves of you and your worth as a man when you commit these kinds of acts then you have to tell someone who will help you feel like it is wrong, because the longer you are around people who congratulate you for these things the more you think that it is okay and that it is even right somehow, and justified.I think many of us here can sympathize with you. Now marriage is good but it is definitely not the same as going to a strip club and somewhat having your way with a woman and then leaving no strings attatched. The bad thing about strip clubs is that you are tempting yourself and maybe even God (in the Jewish sense of the phrase). You are around drunkeness, immorality and even prostitution as strip clubs are also most definitely centers of prostitution and those girls most times definitely have pimps. So yeah you are having fun with the guys but let it happen more than once and it will definitely turn into more and you will see how you are stepping through a door to even worse habits. I know it is not fun being alone and it feels good and right to feel like a virile young man along with your guy friends but it will easily lead to other habits all the way until you realize, 'What have i sunk into.' I'm not not one to publicize everything I've done or seen but believe me, I just pray you and God that you don't feel curious to try this road once you know what it is.
To get back to marriage, marriage is not easy and it is certainly not an only-for-sex relationship. It is rare to find the woman who is fuly-confident in herself and her husband. No, believe me most woman have their bad habits, insecurities and many, may illogical reactions many times to very simple things. But sex is definitely a benefit and sexual relationships are usually more fulfilling in long-term relationships and when you actually love (and at the same time lust after) your partner.
So I do recommend marriage but you also have to be able to coexist, comprimise, set limits and interact daily with your wife (unless you have some sort of long distance marriage). But it is in no waaaaaay equivlant to sexual satsifaction only. There may even be times where you are so displeased with your wife that you don't even want to have relations with her, that won't happen with a random girl or a stripper but you don't know that girl and are actually doing (and can do) more harm to her and yourself than you realize.So in the end i would do my best if I were you to wean myself from those friends, and alot of the negative aspect of your immediate culture that define your manhood in this way. It has been a process for me as well. You should really try to strengthen your thankfulness, love and faith for God. I know no-one wants to be like Ned Flanders from the Simpsons either but if you can find some Muslims, Jews or even Christians with a head on their shoulders and who also strive towards morality like you, you may find some comfort there. Try to look for good people who do their best to be moral, but beware of the extremist, the idol-worshippers and the hypocrites in whatever religion they come, they will drag you to the opposite extreme which you will find is no more based on faith, love, thankfulness and submission to God than those guys who go out to strip clubs, get drunk and look to gather their modern day harems or get laid or close to it. Yes what you did was wrong, but realize that you will do more wrong to yourself by going back and letting those "friends" get to you. Try to find your manhood in God, rather than women or the words of ungodly peers.
Godbless,
Anwar -
Peace,
Nice post Br Anwar!
Maria
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Salam.
I'm your friend, brother.
I'm a 29-year-old virgin and can't wait to get married because at least i will have something to look forward in the marriage when and if it comes - not just sex. InshaAllah.You have many friends here, brother, brothers and sisters, we're all here for your support. But do keep up the prayer that will keep you away from the strip clubs and bad people. InshaAllah.
Peace.
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I hate strip clubs.
It is expensive, the girls are nasty and you don't get the job done.
Get a girl, give her jewerly, she ll pretty much have to give you more than just a blowjob if that is what you are looking for.
Is it a sin to have sex? Get real, animals sniff the anus for gender identity and stick it where it should be. It's something like tetris. Your dog doesn't go through the process of humping only those who are Muslims. Chances are he' ll hump my leg if he really needs to.
So why would you feel bad if you go to a strip club? The God rule was there and something in you said to ignore it and go on. Humans are stupid when it comes to God and what is right or wrong. If you want to achieve an errection you don't really have to be attracted to Muslim girls only. And what does an errection tell you? That you penis is willing any moment.
Why would you put your dingdong through an unecessary process of limitating it from some action because you are just not married?
I guess God wants us to be married before we have sex, but do you even have the slighest idea how your life will be if you are married to a woman. You need a REAL JOB and a REAL CAR HOUSE and by the time you are 40 you SIR CAN GET MARRIED! WOOHOO !!! So stupid...
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peace
Is it a sin to have sex? Get real, animals sniff the anus for gender identity and stick it where it should be. It's something like tetris. Your dog doesn't go through the process of humping only those who are Muslims. Chances are he' ll hump my leg if he really needs to.
okey, we're not animals.
now ammarb87, don't feel bad, it could have been worse, you were with a naked woman and you didn't do anything more then look, it's not like you had sex with her and you didn't go looking for sex after that.
but i never saw in the entire quran that God will send to hell people who look at girls. -
Peace,
Weinmar, that was pretty bad. Maybe you should take back your post, it makes you look pretty immoral. You don't have to but I'm sure you don't want people to think of you the way your post makes you seem.
Godbless,
AnwarI read that post a couple of times and couldn't figure out where weinmar was coming from. Thanks for making that clear for me anwar.
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Hi guys,
ammarb87 feels bad that he commited adultry when he went to spend money and time looking at naked chicks at the strip club.
He is in a middle of two strong currents. Current number 1 is the will to see the female naked body and no man can resist that. Current number 2 is people making it such a big sin to go to stip clubs.
ammarb87 wants to touch to satisfy some of his sexual desires, but also skeptical if he is being a bad person with God. The idea of burning in hell disturbes his desire to have a lap dance, and the same idea is being converted to regret which leads only far to pessimisticism.
I say, if you want to do something, do it correctly or don't that way you pick a side and move on with your life. If you decide to "sin" you are better off doing it all the way or if you are think you should be good with God then don't do it at all. Always move on.
When it comes to sex, it is funny that only human beings are so complex about how to pass their offsprings. We are animals and that is a fact. What makes us worse than animals is our brain's complexity. Our brains evolved and got better than any other specie that it is scary sometimes.
If you are a guy, and you achieve an errection, that is your primitive side demanding sex. Your primitive side is filtred before you decide to act. You think that you are not an animal and you must not act like one. You wish to believe that by marrying one special girl you are doing what is lawful and moral. You choose a religion to filter your primitive desire to reproduce and limiting the inputs for your output (if you catch my drift).
Thats the whole idea of what is sinful sex. An errection is an errection and it doesn't mean that an errection is only accomplished once you are married. It is there for a purpose not because it is time to get married, but it is time to make some kids. Its our natural instict and we are a dominating race. We want to reproduce so our specie lives more than any other.
We help sick people, put retards in rehabilitation and save people under surgery. We want to live more and more and that crap is unatural. A sick elephant is a lion's dinner.
I had enough, some one finish this for me please lol
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Weinmar,
Please, I am not on the politically correct bandwagon, BUT calling people with special needs "retards" is unacceptable.
dotty
I think we call them retards to distinguish them as lesser then the regular. Call them mentally challenged or special people but my point is still about them.
Didn't you feel good as a kid to make fun of them? Didn't you hit them and curse at them? Didn't it make you feel good at all?
You only don't want to make fun of them because you don't wish to be like them. AHH! If I make fun of them, God will curse me and be like them
While I really feel bad for their disability, you find retards to be the happiest people in earth. They enjoy everything unlike you and me.
-peace
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And who is more astray than one who follows his desire, without guidance from God? God does not guide the wicked people.
(Al Quran 2850)Had We wished, We could have elevated him by it, but he stuck to the Earth and he followed his desire. His example is like the dog, if you scold him he pants, and if you leave him he pants; such is the example of the people who deny Our revelations. Relate the stories, perhaps they will think.
(Al Quran 1767)The difference between animals and humans is that we are supposed to be able to control our desire ...
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The difference between animals and humans is that we are supposed to be able to control our desire ...
Even animals control their desires. What desires are you talking about?
Camels drink until they had enough. They then roam the desert. They don't stay in an oasis until they drink it all and die...
Cats lick themselves until they think they are clean. They don't lick every last hair of their body...
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Didn't you feel good as a kid to make fun of them? Didn't you hit them and curse at them? Didn't it make you feel good at all?
That would be a big fat "NO" on all counts.
While I really feel bad for their disability, you find retards to be the happiest people in earth. They enjoy everything unlike you and me.
I have spent many years working with kids with special needs from ages 3-21. I have seen their pain and stuggle on a daily basis. Trust me, they don't enjoy everything. As far as being the happiest people on earth, well... you have no idea what you are saying.
peace
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I think we call them retards to distinguish them as lesser then the regular. Call them mentally challenged or special people but my point is still about them.
Didn't you feel good as a kid to make fun of them? Didn't you hit them and curse at them? Didn't it make you feel good at all?
NO
You only don't want to make fun of them because you don't wish to be like them.
Not true. its cruel to make fun of anybody.
AHH! If I make fun of them, God will curse me and be like them
please quote from the quran where Allah threatened she will make us like them if we made fun of them.
While I really feel bad for their disability, you find retards to be the happiest people in earth. They enjoy everything unlike you and me.
interesting observation.
it is true that the less you have the more you appreciate and vice versa
but how many people do you know with special needs that are genuinely happy?
in some cultures they are ostracised.
and in the past they were treated very badly for being different
salaam
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Peace,
Weinmar,
I really don't know how to approach you. It sounds like you feel that the only law of God is the instincts he gave us and totally deny his revelations like that of the Quran. Correct me if I'm wrong.
Sex and the urge to have sex is as godly as the command to feed those in need. I agree with you to some degree (though I feel like those deeds that transcend instincts are of a higher rank than just instincts) as there is a divinity in everything God does and in how he made us in this physical world. But God gave us revelation to also channel our instincts in order to make us better people and to gain paradise (do you not believe in Paradise either). In the modern day romantic mindset we look for that one special person and forget all of the practical aspects that we should look for in a mate like they did in many of the cultures we sprang from. (This is the basis of arranged marriages, practicality and compatibility of personalities. Older cultures are sometimes so practical it feels like being married is a transaction of cattle). So yeah I do think that us modern day people can take it a little too far with romanticism about the idea of marriage and love. Alot of people think that once they get married everything is supposed to be different or magically change. But marriage is a relationship still the same.
When you marry you should do it for practical reasons as well, however we also live in times where families are more disjointed & less likely to support each other which puts real strain on young couples and their ability to stabilize the financial aspect of their lives. It's not like the old tribal, farm days anymore where your childs family was welcome in the same house as the parents (they usually built an extra room or the like). So this is the opposite of the romanticism of marriage and more like the materialization of marriage.
So we have two extremes here(in most societies living side by side and conflicting with each other in our own minds) and this is what I feel like you are dealing with, extremes. You know the material strains and impossibilities on youth to be married in this day and age and with reason reject the pure romanticism of marriage at the same time. So what do you say? you say "get in where you fit in and get your licks however you can" until you either feel you have found that special one or have the material goods to marry, or both.
Your argument is based on wrong premises and ungodly notions which is why your advice is so perverted. No one said he should go out looking for his snowwhite, nor are we telling him "Young man you must be financially established before you get married, that means house, car etc."
No. He should be looking for girls with some morals and character and a knowledge of God, and naturally he should be looking to improve his situation for his own sake. Going out and spending his money on strip clubs when he could be saving it up to have some of those material goods that could help him later on is fruitless.
So as before where i said I wasn't going to knock anybody's advice, I take that back and I'm going to knock yours. Your disenchanment with marriage (For romantic or financial reasons) constitutes a desperation and desperation is ungodly. We don't have to be extreme and unreal about the conditions under which we can marry but we don't have to despair over marriage and doubt its merit (when God encourages it) only to settle in for getting it in where it will fit in (as long as we don't have the means or don't see any good prospects). And you know what I mean by It. (Sorry if this is somewhat explicit but this is real, and should be discussed).
Godbless,
Anwar -
Even animals control their desires. What desires are you talking about?
Camels drink until they had enough. They then roam the desert. They don't stay in an oasis until they drink it all and die...
Cats lick themselves until they think they are clean. They don't lick every last hair of their body...
Weinmier these are not just desires these are needs. God has designed many of our instincts in a way to make us desire what we need. And when we don't need it anymore we don't desire it anymore. The camel stops drinking because he has no more desire , his need has been fulfilled. Same with cat's licking themselves. And even sex. When we finish having sex (depending on what our bodies tell us is enough) we don't have the desire to do it anymore. Many people if sick, hungry or thirstly don't feel the need to have sex at all. There is a need for the physical body to reproduce (though it is low on the priority and gets bumped out the way for the life or death needs. And we feel pleasure with all these needs, eating drinking, going to the bathroom etc.) Not to be gross but isn't it the best feeling in the world to do a number one when you have been holding it for a long time. That is because you need to go and your body is encouraging you to fulfill this need.
As for making fun of retards. Laughter is sometimes a reaction when we are shocked. We really don't gloat in their misfortune but people laugh sometimes just to let off the steam of the impact that seeing someone like that has on you.
But there is the malicious laugh that comes from group dynamics. Where those who are not able to keep up with the group are ostracized from the group. This is in my opinion a remnant of group and tribal dynamics from when our primitive ancestors needed sharp adaptable individuals to fit into the group to survive. It is a very animal instinct that is needed for the most harshest of times. These cut throat actions are only needed during very hard times and we as human beings with God's help can dominate these base instincts to create better lives for ourselves, and as we are conscious of our lives before and after we die we realize that everything is not based on this animalistic type of thinking and we can transcend it. That is the test of this life, using our consciousness of God to correctly sift through and appropriately use our instincts so that we can attain His pleasure and rewards in the next life where these indiscriminate instincts will not be there to test our faith in God. These instincts are tools and must be used correctly. God's revelation lead us to that so that we don't end up living our lives like pigs and apes.
It is basically like the following for us humans, God gives you desire (which if you were a blind instinctual creature would help you survive no matter how base your life might be) and then he reveals to you through your conscious/soulful mind how to use that instinct to live better in this life and the next. You can either disbelieve in the next life and dedicate yourself only to your base survival on this earth or you can think on the next life as well and live a good life here and there.
You sound like you only want the rewards of this life and the Quran says that God will give that to you, but at the cost of the last. Do you believe in the last life? If you don't then I can understand why you feel like you do.
Godbless,
Anwar -
Anwar, This is for you
I really don't know how to approach you. It sounds like you feel that the only law of God is the instincts he gave us and totally deny his revelations like that of the Quran. Correct me if I'm wrong.
Sometimes I really think so. I don't remember a discussion with God telling me that he set rules called Islam. I think you learn the rules of life the more you live. Instincts only push you to live more than any other person.
Sex and the urge to have sex is as godly as the command to feed those in need.
People are selfish. The ratio of how many times you have sex in your life time exceeds the amount of how many times you fed a hungry poor person. The urge to reproduce your genes have higher priority than letting someone else do it before you.
But God gave us revelation to also channel our instincts in order to make us better people and to gain paradise (do you not believe in Paradise either).
I am skeptical about Islam sometimes. I love surat arrahman but i don't like how God is so punishing. I Love it whenever God in Quran tells how he created the world and such, but I am not a big fan of heaven or hell. While I agree that there is injustice in the world, there must be reward and punishment for people later on. I can't prepare myself for a next life yet, my current life is still a mess. I am young, and I am stupid.
But marriage is a relationship still the same.
Marriage is a dead end. You set yourself to one partner, and you work your ways with them. It is a challenge since two minds are involved for the common interest. It is a relationship of course but one must be willing to be involved. Its alot of work. Fun and frustrating.So we have two extremes here(in most societies living side by side and conflicting with each other in our own minds) and this is what I feel like you are dealing with, extremes. You know the material strains and impossibilities on youth to be married in this day and age and with reason reject the pure romanticism of marriage at the same time. So what do you say? you say "get in where you fit in and get your licks however you can" until you either feel you have found that special one or have the material goods to marry, or both.
Ask any girl to marry you and she will want to know what do you do for job, what car do you drive and where the hell do you live. Girls get more attention than boys. Boys are productive by nature while girls are just dumb. They commercialize theirselves for us. Unlike before, women obeyed their husbands because man is in charge of the family. Only when some ugly lesbians convinced the rest of the women that they shouldnt live under men's authority. It worked so well. Men worked their butts off making a living and women worked hard raising kids and taking care of the home. Now women are as good as men. They probably have bigger penises than mine. Argue about that brother!
Your argument is based on wrong premises and ungodly notions which is why your advice is so perverted. No one said he should go out looking for his snowwhite, nor are we telling him "Young man you must be financially established before you get married, that means house, car etc."
You should know what the situation is right now. Women are in the same status as men. That means that women want authority that they can't handle. I cant handle a kid in my tummy for 9 months, and stay at home raising kids. WHY NOT? cuz i am not genetically engineered for such tasks geez... The line has been crossed. Women think they are in the same status as us so marriage just evaporates. There is no teamwork in that. Women are in the work force too, and they dont want to bare children. So how do you expect any of us to be married and have "lawful" sex?
No. He should be looking for girls with some morals and character and a knowledge of God, and naturally he should be looking to improve his situation for his own sake. Going out and spending his money on strip clubs when he could be saving it up to have some of those material goods that could help him later on is fruitless.
So as before where i said I wasn't going to knock anybody's advice, I take that back and I'm going to knock yours. Your disenchanment with marriage (For romantic or financial reasons) constitutes a desperation and desperation is ungodly. We don't have to be extreme and unreal about the conditions under which we can marry but we don't have to despair over marriage and doubt its merit (when God encourages it) only to settle in for getting it in where it will fit in (as long as we don't have the means or don't see any good prospects). And you know what I mean by It. (Sorry if this is somewhat explicit but this is real, and should be discussed).
Dude, Its not me who is extreem. It is society. I can;t take the agro alone and be a freaking patriot. I am 20, and i should have like 4 or 5 children by now if i lived the old way... Things change, so does marriage. Remember how like before, it is such a big deal if someone isnt married yet, now it is a big deal if someone is married... you arent fooling me when you say that I am "extreem and unreal about the condition under which we can marry but we don't have to despair over marriage and doubt its merit (when God encourages it) only to settle in for getting it in where it will fit in (as long as we don't have the means or don't see any good prospects). And you know what I mean by It. (Sorry if this is somewhat explicit but this is real, and should be discussed)."
Godbless,
Anwar -
Weinmar,
These are your opinions and you are entitled to them. I really hope you do come out of these pessimistic, despairing, extreme opinions though. I just don't understand why you think i am trying to fool you. When i was 20 I definitely didn't think like that, although I did despair over my ability to marry and find a good partner. So I am not going to blame your opinions on your youth, because it wasn't that long ago for me and again I didn't think like you at all, not even at 15. But again looking at the below quote you didn't explain how I am trying to fool you by saying what I said.
you arent fooling me when you say that I am "extreem and unreal about the condition under which we can marry but we don't have to despair over marriage and doubt its merit (when God encourages it) only to settle in for getting it in where it will fit in (as long as we don't have the means or don't see any good prospects). And you know what I mean by It. (Sorry if this is somewhat explicit but this is real, and should be discussed)."
You also have issues with accepting all of the Quran. You should keep reading, studying and thinking. I think you'll come to, but that is up to you and God.
Godbless,
Anwar