An open letter to the Islamic Human Rights Commission

Plimfix

Dear IHRC

As-salaamu alaykum

I am writing to congratulate you on the Islamophobia Awards, presented on 26th June 2004. I was particularly delighted to learn that this year?s ?Most Islamophobic Media Personality? was none-other than Guardian columnist Polly Toynbee.

I believe the selection of Polly Toynbee for this award is likely to be warmly welcomed by the entire English-speaking Muslim ummah. Polly is a popular hate figure amongst the Muslim intelligentsia and clearly such a dark atheist is doomed to eternal torment come what may. It is only right we should remind this treacherous woman of her future fate.

Many people mistake Polly Toynbee for someone resembling a decent human being. As a result of your hilarious award, her pose as a champion of human rights and social justice for the low paid and has been rightly exposed. No doubt those nasty Muslim liberal heretics and feminists who sympathized with her views will now think twice before making mischief and daring to speak out.

It has been suggested in some quarters that the decision to target a highly esteemed figure within the British media, construed as having legitimate views about the British Muslim community, was an act of reckless stupidity based on vindictiveness and insular petty-minded politics.

I can only assume these are malicious rumours put about by Polly?s secular friends.

Indeed, I believe the decision to name Polly as the Most Islamophobic Media personality was nothing less than a cunning ploy conceived by the clever people at IHRC and their sharp-minded allies. Henceforth, anyone attempting to bring the British Muslim community into disrepute by drawing attention to issues such as the position of women, faith schools, inter-ethnic racism, feudal politics, religious intolerance, sectarianism and the seep of fundamentalist thinking into mainstream Islam will now live in fear of being declared a bigot.

My sincere hope is that once these evil voices of hate are silenced, our network of friends will spiral beyond the micro-politics of Guardian liberalism to engulf the entire British media. Having crushed all voices of dissent by proxy, Muslims will then celebrate a free reign on positive PR.

Better still, any thoughts of ?reform? or ?cultural evolution? can be quietly consigned to the rubbish bin called ?lip-service? where they rightly belong.

In the meantime, might I suggest a nominee of comparable status for next year?s Islamophobia in the Media award. What about David Frost?

Wasalaam

Yakoub Islam
Tasneem Project