The CULTURE of Keeping Men and Women Apart

[Feshari]

Islam Questions & Answers
www.islam-qa.comQuestion Reference Number 20949
Title Friendship and love between a man and a woman

Question

I know keeping girlfriend will destroy the family
and so on but what if we were just friends secretly
were no one knew. this way we will we will stay
togethr until marraige and we can garentee we wont
perform any zinna. are there any cases in the old
times of love . Answer
Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly

Taking a girlfriend does not only destroy the
family, it destroys society, and those who do this
are threatened with the punishment and wrath of
Allaah. Love is a sickness that destroys the heart
and leads to evil and immorality. The Shaytaan will
keep tempting them and pushing them until they
commit immoral actions and thus each gets what he or
she wants from the other.

There are many forbidden matters associated with
this, such as transgressing against the honour of
others, betraying trust, being alone with a member
of the opposite sex, touching, kissing, speaking
immoral words, then the greater evil which occurs at
the end, which is the sin of zina.

The fact that the questioner says ?no one knows
about us? is strange. How can he forget about his
Lord Who knows what is secret and what is yet more
hidden, and who knows the fraud of the eyes and all
that the hearts conceal. (cf. Ghaafir 4019).

Our advice to you, as you are still young, is to
discipline yourself to obey Allaah and always
remember that He is watching; fear Allaah concerning
people?s honour; strive for the Day when you will
meet your Lord with your deeds; remember the scandal
that may happen in this world and the Hereafter.
Remember that you have sisters and will have a wife
and daughters, so would you like for one of them
what you are doing with the daughters of the
Muslims? The answer is that you would certainly not
like it, and other people do not like it either.
Remember that you may see the results of your sin in
some of your family members as a punishment to you
from your Lord.

You have to look for righteous friends, and you have
to keep yourself busy doing that which Allaah loves
and is pleased with. Pay attention to the best and
most sublime things and leave alone the worst and
most vile things. Make the most of your youth in
obeying and worshipping Allaah, seeking knowledge
and calling others to Allaah. Remember that there
were those of your age and younger who were men who
had memorized the Qur?aan, who sought knowledge,
whom the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) sent to call others to Allaah and to enter
the religion of Islam.

We advise you to get married to a righteous,
religiously-committed woman who will help you adhere
to your religion and encourage you to adhere to the
laws of Allaah, who will look after your children
and bring them up with good morals and religious
commitment. Give up this woman who agrees to go out
with a man who is a stranger to her (a non-mahram)
and meet him and talk to him; if she agrees to do
immoral actions now then what is going to prevent
her from continuing to do so in the future?

Remember that you are angering your Lord with such
sins as being alone with her, meeting her and
talking to her, and anything more than that is even
more serious.

You should realize that zina does not only involve
the private parts, rather the eyes may commit zina,
the ears may commit zina, the hand may commit zina
and the foot may commit zina, as was proven from the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).
All of that leads to the zina of the private parts.
So do not let the Shaytaan deceive you, for he is an
enemy to you who wishes you evil and tells you to
commit immoral actions.

Shaykh Muhammad al-Saalih al-?Uthaymeen said

Contact between lovers in improper and unlawful ways
is a calamity and a real disaster. It is not
permissible for the man to contact the woman in this
case, or for the woman to contact the man. If he
says that he wants to marry her, then he must tell
her wali (guardian) that he wants to marry her, or
she should tell her wali that she wants to marry
him, as ?Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) did
when he offered his daughter Hafsah in marriage to
Abu Bakr and ?Umar (may Allaah be pleased with
them).

But if the woman contacts the man directly, this is
the source of fitnah (temptation).

As?ilat al-Baab il-Maftooh (Question no. 86.

Secondly

With regard to your question about such forbidden
relationships in the ancient love stories, the fact
that such stories existed among those who came
before us cannot be taken as proof with regard to
shar?i rulings, because the rulings of sharee?ah
having to do with what is forbidden and what is
allowed are to be taken from the shar?i evidence of
the Qur?aan and Sunnah, and the commands and
prohibitions contained therein.

Some of those mentioned in these stories came before
Islam, such as ?Antarah and others, and such stories
are to be found in other cultures as is well known.
But we cannot take shar?i rulings from this because
Islam came to bring people forth from being
controlled by their desires to complete submission
to Allaah the Lord of the Worlds.

We ask Allaah to guide us and you and to give us
strength.

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Peace all,
I just found this in an old email a sunni guy had sent me. It nearly made my hair go completely white. I was incensed.
This is a prime example of cultural influence upon Islam and a prime example of scholars trying to rule the world with their opinions and of many Muslims blindly following scholars' every word. To quote the scholar below "Love is a sickness that destroys the heart and leads to evil and immorality." Excuse me? Love? Ah that explains the hatred.....
And then the solution is always "Get married!" Like that is the be all and end all.
And oh, the horror of a woman talking to a man! shock
Wali? Schmali ! Sunnah? Schmunnah!
Allah is my Wali. Period.
Needless to say I replied to the sunni guy asking him where in the Quran we could find any rulings on men and women keeping separate from each other. Please bear in mind I would never promote fornication or adultery. But this is going to extremes in my opinion. He never replied to me but instead sent my email reply to another sister, asking her to reply to my email. Go figure. cry