Does falling in love amount to shirk?
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Peace
You're feeling the other sex. Not sure if a crush is "falling in love" but if you're falling in love is it sticky and hard to tread through, or is it like the water of a lake, or maybe thrusting you back and forth wither it may like the ocean? I think God should be number one in your thoughts. If you give God that much significance in your reflections you're probably much better off.
Joe
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Peace Tarikh, Joe,
Tarikh, first I think you must be diligent in identifying the difference between lust and love.
Reflect on how you feel, and why you feel that way. Sort through the haze to get a grasp of your thoughts and identify their source and effect. An honest analysis of your feeling should shed some light on their nature.However, either pursuit can lead to obsession, which is certain to whack you out of balance. Remember, God's guidance is for YOU, not for God. As long as your feelings remain controllable, I'd say there's nothing to worry about. Don't think of depriving yourself of the wonderful feelings of love (which are a blessing from God) out of an unnecessary guilt.
And what advice would you give me to sort out this situation?
Talk to her.
Joe, you mentioned
I think God should be number one in your thoughts. If you give God that much significance in your reflections you're probably much better off.
I agree that remembrance is vital. But how do we keep God as number one in our thoughts if not through life experience?
Peace,
Tay -
tarikh
i have a similar problem with a dear friend of mine. who is also a Christian, and hesitant to meet me on common ground theologically. yet we are good friends, and i love him. he's a good person.
obsessive interest in a person can be shirk... i agree that you really should talk to her. i find that talking to one's crush gives more realistic ground to stand on, and puts out some of the fire of "what if?"
if nothing else brother, you perhaps make a new friend.
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Love, romantic love, is as much as everything else in life a trial and it seems for most people an unavoidable experience. And as a trial, it is not a matter of it happening, but of how you handle and stand the happening. You must be determined throughout the happening to keep your principles, the limits God has set, and try that your capacity to reason and act accordingly is not clouded. And while you stick resolutely to the limits and follow God's injuctions, think of thanking God, it is a beautiful experience, however painful it may also be, which may widen your capacity to admire and understand God's creation, and you should never forget that a woman, in this case, however wonderful, is human, not divine or a wonderful toy for us to enjoy life, and that she will disappoint you at some point, and you shouldn't blame her, since all of us disappoint those that "worship" us at some point. Stick to God's limits and thank Him, for the experience and for the limits. If you do so, you will come it pure and enriched, with greater understanding of yourself and people, more human. God loves the grateful and those who remember Him.
Salaam and all the best
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ayani, sure there must be friendship first but the risk is that the friendship remains so and does not 'evolve' into love. Which leaves us in the starting block. As for yr friend, have u referred to him, the various articles on the truth about christianity? There are many of them, but be careful with mr deedat's. His language is somewhat mocking even though his books are powerful tools. I suggest a book lisa spray's book and also 'divinity of jesus dialogue between mudhary and widuri'. You know, it's easier to convince someone who's christian than to convince hadith followers. And as brother kais pointed out, it's better to have the person converted to monotheism accepting God's revelation quran, then proceed with the romance. And to do this, you may have to be friends first
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hey tarikh, peace.
i don't necessarily want to convert him. he makes a good Christian and he loves his faith. i'm hoping to reach a point where we can both say
"let us come to a common understanding between us and between you; that we do not serve except God, and do not set up anything at all with Him, and that none of us takes each other as patrons beside God." 364
i feel like he knows the trinity is shirk. i'm open to debate and conversation, but i don't want to launch a dawa jihad on him. we will see where it goes when we meet again, hopefully this week.
but back to the topic relationships are complicated, but they've gotta start with dialog. try talking to this young woman, breaking the ice, getting to know her. if we know with only our eyes and what we imagine, we don't really know the person.
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Love, romantic love, is as much as everything else in life a trial and it seems for most people an unavoidable experience. And as a trial, it is not a matter of it happening, but of how you handle and stand the happening. You must be determined throughout the happening to keep your principles, the limits God has set, and try that your capacity to reason and act accordingly is not clouded. And while you stick resolutely to the limits and follow God's injuctions, think of thanking God, it is a beautiful experience, however painful it may also be, which may widen your capacity to admire and understand God's creation, and you should never forget that a woman, in this case, however wonderful, is human, not divine or a wonderful toy for us to enjoy life, and that she will disappoint you at some point, and you shouldn't blame her, since all of us disappoint those that "worship" us at some point. Stick to God's limits and thank Him, for the experience and for the limits. If you do so, you will come it pure and enriched, with greater understanding of yourself and people, more human. God loves the grateful and those who remember Him.
Salaam and all the best
Peace all,
that was roughly what i was going to tell tarikh when i read his question above. IMO it is shirk only if your let your love/lust/crush be stronger that your principles of morality.
lk
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Joe, you mentioned
I agree that remembrance is vital. But how do we keep God as number one in our thoughts if not through life experience?Peace,
TayThanking God everytime you can, reading the quran, pocket sized quran? , everytime you feel lust, anger, jealousy, envy and other stuff like that, think of God, that in the end, everyone will be juged by God, that the only safe and sure way is with God.
Since i truely believe (not blindly), i stopped to be affraid of the dark. 3 I stopped to be affraid of big insects and spiders. Anger is a feeling i less and less feel as time goes.
And there still a long way to go for me in order to stop the bad stuff.
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hey tarikh, peace.
i don't necessarily want to convert him. he makes a good Christian and he loves his faith. i'm hoping to reach a point where we can both say
"let us come to a common understanding between us and between you; that we do not serve except God, and do not set up anything at all with Him, and that none of us takes each other as patrons beside God." 364
i feel like he knows the trinity is shirk. i'm open to debate and conversation, but i don't want to launch a dawa jihad on him. we will see where it goes when we meet again, hopefully this week.
but back to the topic relationships are complicated, but they've gotta start with dialog. try talking to this young woman, breaking the ice, getting to know her. if we know with only our eyes and what we imagine, we don't really know the person.
I doubt that there are many christian who believe in trinity. I think they just have it parked there. They may have a great emotional attachment to the love of God, "who became man to suffer for us a redeem humanity", which in itself is in parte a worthwhile allegory and touching symbol, form my pointo of view. That as far as Christ. As to the holy spirit which is third person, most christians, yes, have it parked somewhere but do not know much what to do with it. Priests and studious persons surely know the theory, and the mystical, for sure are beyond trinity. Which brings us to the point where we ask ourselves what does "believe" mean and what does it mean to "believe in God". The fact that people nominally "believe in God" does it make them more believers, for instance, than those who say that they do not believe in God, but believe in justice and prove it with their existence or their behaviour? It is like a lover who loves deeply but doesn't manage to express it and sometimes even seems that he or she hates the loved one, or on the other hand the person who keeps talking of how much he or she loves, and come the cruch, all they have is sweet words and no materialisation of what they say. That way of seeing things may have had some meaning and usefulness when being of one or the other religion had legal consequences and therefore you had to have one. But is it really meaningful as to what a person really is and really BELIEVES, believe with the certainte that you dedicate your hours and your money to it and not a mere crutch or label so that people can place you?
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Yes, the question should also be what does "thinking about God" mean? What does it really mean to "think about God most of the time"? What is God? We won't know for sure, entirely, but we can come up with what God is NOT.
God is not (as I believe) some character or individual whitch you can focus on like you can focus on anybody.
I think it helps to think of God as some force which is goodness, truth, honesty, justice, mercy, helpfulness etc... and the way in which we could "think about God" is simply to be good, truthful, honest, fair, merciful, helpful, grateful etc, realizing that we should move in the same direction as this real, existing and almighty force of truth and love. Just "thinking" about some divinity and then doing, or not doing, everyting out of fear doesn't seem very natural or constructive.
Just my half cent...
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The problem is that i'm shy plus i dont know what to talk
brother Tarikh
these tend to work for me
taste in music, the weather, ask politely her name and where she is from ("excuse me, i see you every day but i've never met you. my name is Tarikh..." and let her fill in her part), or give her a small compliment.
i'm very shy, too. take your time, see how it works out.
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The problem is that I'm shy plus i dont know what to talk
Even I can help you there, always, ALWAYS, find something you have in common with her, use that as a base and let it grow.
I'm also having some problems in a (i prefer to call it a relationship, but it would be identified as a crush right now) relationship, I asked her out and she never gave me an answer. That was about two months ago, we still talk, almost as if it never happened. I try to talk about it, but so far no real progress. I know that she is very busy with band, JROTC, school, and home, and stressed; but I feel that its taken to long for a yes or no.
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Peace, thanks guys. You all have good points. I dont know how the situation is at yr side, but here talking to a girl can have various effects. People poke in your business, they backbite. When a hindu girl is seen talking to a non hindu, she's instantly warned not to and vice versa. That's why europe and usa are better. People seldom have racial considerations. Whereas here, there are classifications and sub classifications of race and caste. Even among the so called muslims who have a caste system. Surtees who originate from Surat, India cannot wed those who dont. Such a shame to see this and these people consider quranaloners as disbelievers.
So there is not only ice to be broken but also the issues i just mentioned. And also, how to get married when there's no one to witness the marriage. Sure, there is the civil ceremony, but what about the religious one? I dont wanna get married according to hadith based rules. -
Even I can help you there, always, ALWAYS, find something you have in common with her, use that as a base and let it grow.
I'm also having some problems in a (i prefer to call it a relationship, but it would be identified as a crush right now) relationship, I asked her out and she never gave me an answer. That was about two months ago, we still talk, almost as if it never happened. I try to talk about it, but so far no real progress. I know that she is very busy with band, JROTC, school, and home, and stressed; but I feel that its taken to long for a yes or no.
Lobster say, don't ask her out. Take it back (if you can do that). You're what, 14? You have enough time later on for relationships. If you like her as a person, enjoy her friendship, because it's possible that you may not get to have much of a relationship with her if she isn't interested in going out.
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Peace,
I guess that comment was meant for Lost philosopher and not you.
And no, you don't sound to be 14 yrs.
Maria