fathers
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Peace ALen. Do you realise how big of a life long responsibility having children is? Having and bringing up children is the biggest challenge/responsibility of life....Good luck,hope you are ready,prepared and with a suitable partner for the joys and trials of fatherhood.... elektro group
Salam.
I'm responsible and prepared, yes, thanks.
I got the ideal partner and we're getting married, everything is working out fine, alhamdilALLAH.Peace.
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Peace all.
Love is not a one way traffic...to earn true love and respect of others and especially of your children, you have to give them your love, take care of them, you have to stand with them no matter what the circumstances are, you have to give them the utmost preference even at the expense of your own personal desires/emotions/interests.
I know it?s easy to say something but hard to actually do it and since no human being is perfect, the chances to err are always there.
If we only look at the negative aspects of others, none of us can have a good relationship will anyone, therefore it is also extremely important to look at the positive aspects of others and that is where nerspi should concentrate on.
I don't know what he has gone through emotionally....no one amongst us can understand his position the way he understands......my suggestion to him will be to adopt the middle way i.e. if at all he finds it difficult to respect or love his father...he should try his best not to be disrespectful or portray any emotions of hate in front of his father because that will create more problems/misunderstandings in their already fragile relationship.
Time is the best healer but requires a lots of patience, so he has to be patient and a time will come when thing will get better, INSHA ALLAH.
God bless you Nerspi.
peace
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peace Alen,
Salam.
I'm responsible and prepared, yes, thanks.
I got the ideal partner and we're getting married, everything is working out fine, alhamdilALLAH.Peace.
Best of luck buddy, I wish you a healthy/prosperous/happy future.....and healthy/cute/ loving children sun
peace
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Assalaamu alaikum Nerspi
Im really sorry to hear about ur relationship with ur dad, I understand it is really hard as my dad did also leave me when I was 6. Its a very hard situation, I can only advice you to accept the situation if you know u can't and won't get a better relationship. It won't get better ignoring him or anything like that, try just to make the best of the situation, try to be nice to him. I dont know about u, but I have so much feelings of guilt, I think I feel that I have been bad to him even though I was just a child and it was he who left '( Stupid feelings
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peace
Nerspi
Being kind to your parents and obeying them also has its limits. If you feel that, after having tried your best with him, he is still pushing you to not be nice with him (that's to disobey God), just sever the relation with him. I do not think God orders us to keep this relation at all expense, especially if it will push us too far.
Try not to learn from him how to be unkind. He is not your teacher. Be better than him, and stay better. And remember, he already started paying for his own deeds he is losing a fine son.
ok i don't wanna be not-nice to him or bad to him...
also this obeying them, ok not 'them' but 'him', (i have no problem obeying mom, she's the best) and it's not like dad wants me to set up partnets with God or something like that (29,
but i have a problem with obeying/listening/doing anything he asks, somehow i feel i shiouldn't take orders from him, when he was here a few years ago he acted like a king and me and my brother and mom were like his butlers/servants... and why, was he here? does he deserve it? or is just the fact that he is the biological father make it enough that he deserves somekind of respect and obediance?i just don't want anything to do with him, i don't want to talk to him or be around him,
is that wrong?Al-Baqara - 2.83 . And ( remember ) when We made a covenant with the Children of Israel , ( saying ) Worship none save Allah ( only ) , and be good to parents and to kindred and to orphans and the needy , and speak kindly to mankind ; and establish worship and pay the poor due . Then , after that , ye slid back , save a few of you , being averse .
Al-Baqara - 2.215 . They ask thee , ( O Muhammad ) , what they shall spend . Say That which ye spend for good ( must go ) to parents and near kindred and orphans and the needy and the wayfarer . And whatsoever good ye do , lo! Allah is Aware of it .
An-Nisaa - 4.36 . And serve Allah . Ascribe no thing as partner unto Him . ( Show ) kindness unto parents , and unto near kindred , and orphans , and the needy , and into the neighbor who is of kin ( unto you ) and the neighbor who is not of kin and the fellow traveller and the wayfarer and ( the slaves ) whom your right hands possess . Lo! Allah loveth not such as are proud and boastful
An-Nisaa - 4.135 . O ye who believe ! Be ye staunch in justice , witnesses for Allah , even though it be against yourselves or ( your ) parents or ( your ) kindred , whether ( the case be of ) a rich man or a poor man , for Allah is nearer unto both ( than ye are ) . So follow not passion lest ye lapse ( from truth ) and if ye lapse or fall away , then lo! Allah is ever Informed of what ye do .
Al-An'am - 6.151 . Say Come , I will recite unto you that which your Lord hath made a sacred duty for you that ye ascribe no thing as partner unto Him and that ye do good to parents , and that ye slay not your children because of penury .
Al-Isra - 17.23 . Thy Lord hath decreed , that ye worship none save Him , and ( that ye show ) kindness to parents . If one of them or both of them to attain old age with thee , say not "Fie" unto them nor repulse them , but speak unto them a gracious word .
Al-Ankabut - 29.8 . We have enjoined on man kindness to parents ; but if they strive to make thee join with Me that of which thou past no knowledge , then obey them not . Unto Me is your return and I shall tell you what ye used to do .
Luqman - 31.14 . And We have enjoined upon man concerning his parents . His mother beareth him in weakness upon weakness , and his weaning is in two years . Give thanks unto Me and unto thy parents . Unto Me is the journeying .
These few verses to reflect upon nerspi.
IMO nothing forces you to endure an abusive parent. I'm kind of in the same situation as you are, even though in the mean time i've become a parent myself. I have no contact with my father, but i know that the day he'll die, i'll regret it.
peace
lkyes but in many verses there i can tell it's if both parents are good. if one is not good, i don't want anything to do with him. and i just wonder if there are any cases like that mentioned in quran, what to do in that case, i think the closest case in quran i think is abraham and his father, and eventually abraham left, right, he also didn't speak with his dad either, right?
it probably doesn't mention that, but i heard from tradition stories, don't know how true they are, but i assume he wouldn't want to be with his father anymore after they guy threatened him, right? -
I see that nobody writes in this thread since some time. I take it up anyway.
Regarding the parents, I agree that the Qur'an is speaking as a general rule with those parents with whome we live, the people around us, as well as enjoins goodness to everybody in general, unless there is a clear motive to be in guard.
The problem with a "bad" parent, or a brother of any relative or friend or whatever, is that we are in the ery awkward situation of being a judge and a party. Thsi parent has done something to us and there has been no judge that has seen the situation and decreed, for instance, yes your parent did this and that, but on the other hand he had this hindrance or competing duty or whatever, so he missed on such and such of his duties. To make up he should do this and that. Then the parent if he is really willing to make peace, may do whatever is needed tom make up, and then the child may feel peace, because somehow things have been righted.
But there is no judge for that. What then? A solution would be to look for a person or persons who could do that job and clean up. I don't know whether that is feasible. If not the only thing I see, is that the child picks up his courage, makes an exhaustive self examination as to the grudges, in fact, the obstacles between him or her and the parent and tells so the parent. What has the parent to say? May be he will deny everything and blame the spouse or the child, or may be he may think or start to think or may be really sorry and wellcome the possibility of cleaning up. So what do you expect of your parent to clean up?
I think that people cannot fake that they don't feel, That goodness is not attained by pretending but by going beyond. One can forgive in abstract, and most people are quite capable of forgiving, but will forgiveness in abstract make you love your father of feel any warmth. I don't think so. So one has to give the parent the opportunity to make up, for the parent him or herself sake and for one's sake. A botched realtionship is not going to get better by pushing dirt under the bed. Better be clear with ourselves and with those we want to get on. It may not be easy, but why should it be? On the other hand if it is done, we may have opened the door to a new relationship. What could have been will not be any more, but there will be something else. May be something that we need even more than what could have been.
Salaam
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peace
am i supposed to respect a father who left shortly after i was born? a father who almost never calls, who wasn't here, who insults me pretty much every chance he gets.
am i supposed to like him and respect him?
does qur'an say anything about this issue?Salam.
Respectfully.What does The God say in The Quran about parents?
Read it and keep it in mind.
Furthermore practise it.
It's not enough to just know lines from The Quran, you have to practise them in real life.Peace.
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brother~
i have troubles with my father, as well. he was a good, ultimately loving man who also would get angry, violent etc. he died suddenly before i was old enough to understand why he beat us and to understand him as one adult to another, not simply as a scared, angry kid.
the Quran tells us to ask forgiveness of our parents if they wrong us, and to ultimately be forgiving towards them. God knows that human relationships can cause much grief and struggle, and He knows what is in our hearts, brother. the Quran also says that we should not follow parents who are unrighteous, but rather obey God first.
it can take a long while to be able to forgive and reconcile, or to move on from damaging relationships. ask God for the ability to forgive and to move forward to righteousness, if your father is unrighteous, cruel, or selfish. God is the most capable, and the only one on whom we rely.
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peace
i'm sorry to hear that about your father ayani, but if he was alive today and if he was still treating you badly, would you talk to him at all or would you spend time with him?
ok i don't have a problem forgiving, i'm too old anyway to hold a grudge about it, i don't care anymore, he has his life i have mine, just that... i would like to keep it that way. i mean it's ok for a married couple to seperate if they don't like each other or if things aren't working out, so why can't a father and son also seperate?
also, another point, yes we are told to love, respect our parents, of course, they care for us, they work and buy food... but what about a parent that doesn't do that? does that person even deserve a title 'parent'? what makes him a 'parent'? just because he's a biological father doesn't make him a real father.
am i wrong?
any thoughts? -
Nerspi~
i have a dear friend in the Czech Republic who has such a situation as yours. his father... is basically a terrible person. there is no way to put it gently. i suggest my friend to allow himself to be angry, to have his own life, and to strive to do better than his father has done, and to put his father behind him, so that he can move on and have a good life away from his shadow.
you are you own person, Nerspi, and if for the sake of a better life for yourself right now you need to put some distance between yourself and your father, i think that is fine. if a parent acts foolishly or cruelly, we are told to turn from them, and towards God.