Support the mistress as well as the wife
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Salaam alaikum Elke,
Please I did not judge you at all I merely replied to you thread. Now that I know more about you I would say how could you be in her shoes? You?re a woman who has been given rights by Allah(swt) to demand her status and not to allow anyone to use you as mistress.
None has right to take a woman as his mistress, because Allah swt has given equal status to all women. You say that you could have been in her shoes, which goes to show the dilemma of a single woman. Your strength comes from your faith & guidance, whereas women like MS Symonds, do not have that guidance. They are under the illusion that they have equal rights.However why you?re not yukking at the man involved here, is due to living in a culture where only men are allowed to behave badly?
Peace farida,
its not that i have not understood the purpose of this thread, but i believe we do not speak the same language at all.
I'm not under the illusion that i have equal rights (even less so in this country where even the law is not yet acceptable, not to speak of the mentalities) but i believe in equality and i fight for it everyday. And i said i yuck on them all, which means the man too...salaams,
lk -
Tell me about it, I am so bewildered about this attitude of some women, including Ms Symonds, who could well live an independent life, yet they continue to humiliate themselves and, in some cases tolerate abuse in the form of domestic violence.
Finally we may not that far apart sis...
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Peace farida,
its not that i have not understood the purpose of this thread, but i believe we do not speak the same language at all.
salaams,
lkSalaam sister Elke,
Before I answer I?d like to tell you that I do not pass judgement on anyone on this forum; I only have my opinion. Since we do not know each other enough, our opinions are simply based on our limited knowledge through these threads, which could be wrong or right.
I believe that Allah swt has awarded equal rights to men and women and that, in the case of polygyny a woman has the right to get a divorce if she is not happy with the idea of sharing her husband. At least she has that choice.
You say...
I'm not under the illusion that i have equal rights (even less so in this country where even the law is not yet acceptable, not to speak of the mentalities)
Sis you are talking about a country I am only taking about the system ordained by our Creator.but i believe in equality and i fight for it everyday. And i said i yuck on them all, which means the man too...
Unlike you I believe that Allah swt has not given us the right to pass judgement on any one. All we can say is that the acts of such and such are good or bad, but ultimately it is for God to judge who deserves to be yukked at.
Therefore you are right in saying ?we do not speak the same language at all?....Finally I reiterate that I don?t find polygyny unfair to women as you are not allowed to inherit women by force.
In fact it stops men from secretly deceiving their wives and abusing other women behind the shield of monogamy. The woman like Ms Symonds too has choice to give her consent if she wants to become another wife but where Monogamy rules there is no option but to choose one as wife, and the other as the other woman.A woman is not allowed several husbands as it is everybody?s right to know its parents. You must have heard of adopted children who much as they are loved by their adopted parents, still want to know their biological parents. Therefore if a woman was to sleep with more than one man it is not possible to establish who the father is, until recently with DNA testing.
Having said that I wonder if I could be gracious enough to tolerate polygyny? An emergency situation, where lots of women need a home and protection, will be the test of my belief.
Best wishes
farida -
Peace farida
and also G OmarUnlike you I believe that Allah swt has not given us the right to pass judgement on any one.
sure only the God finally judges, but by judging their action you judge the people. even knowing that people can change. don't play ostrich, we all judge and evaluate each other all the time and are judged at the same time. see you just judged me above, thinking that i believe that i have the right to pass judgment...
i guess my reaction was du to the personal revivication of past pains...and even if i "yucked" on my ex-hubby enough to leave him, i'm still his friend and co-parent. i can be much cooler and un-judging about things i have not lived yet... just to put things into perspective. i better leave this thread alone, may be am too much involved and lose my objectivity
lk
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Peace farida
and also G Omarsure only the God finally judges, but by judging their action you judge the people. even knowing that people can change. don't play ostrich, we all judge and evaluate each other all the time and are judged at the same time. see you just judged me above, thinking that i believe that i have the right to pass judgment...
i guess my reaction was du to the personal revivication of past pains...and even if i "yucked" on my ex-hubby enough to leave him, i'm still his friend and co-parent. i can be much cooler and un-judging about things i have not lived yet... just to put things into perspective. i better leave this thread alone, may be am too much involved and lose my objectivity
lk
Salaam sister Elke,
Thank you for correcting me; even though I make every effort not to condemn anyone as good or bad I may have fallen into the trap of passing judgement.
Elke I understand your pain even though I can not feel it the same as you. We all have our individual, painful experiences, which often leave such a bad taste in ones mouth that one becomes biased in ones judgment. We are asked only to stand as witness in justice that?s all, so if any one does wrong we are to point it out, even if it is against our own self (nafs).
Please continue to express yourself, even if not in this thread but on the whole. My policy is not to take any thread as aimed at me; otherwise I would be limiting it. People have called me extremist etc but I did not get offended as no one out there on the forum knows me well enough to conclude that. These threads are mainly there to address common issues.
Many on this forum like to ?force? their opinion on others and take it as a matter of pride, not to admit being wrong. In that process they sometimes try to ?mould oil in their palms? (an old saying). They are the ones, who make fools of themselves.
Lots of love your children and best of regards
farida -
Salam all,
Br. Sharp001,
I think I have answered that question in one of my posts above. The extract is
"...love, devotion, dediction, affection, friendship and mercy between them (These attributes also confirmed by the Book, verse 3021).... (feeling of) comfort, protection, fulfilment of the sexual needs ... extension of lineage."Please excuse me that I missed it. My apologies...
peace be on you. peaceSis Farida,
As I see it there is a difference between needs and wants; a good marriage would satisfy most needs, whereas a bad marriage will not satisfy even the basic needs but sometimes the basic needs are satisfied but it?s the demands (want) which may make it a failure.
A good husband knows what to do and so does a good wife and since you are happily married I?m sure you don?t expect me to tell you what is needed in a satisfactory relationship.
However do not expect all your needs to be fulfilled in a marriage; there will always be something missing like one spouse snoring away when the other is trying to sleep; brickwall my poor husband (sleep IS a basic need)It?s all about perception and reality, make the most of each other?s company and give as much as you can, As ?in giving you receive?. peace
Well said! I agree with you on all points.. except maybe , " since you are happily married I?m sure you don?t expect me to tell you what is needed in a satisfactory relationship." Yes, I am happily married, thanks be to Allah, yet it's always good to hear and understand various view points.
peace be on you. peace
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Salam all,
Sis Farida,
Well said! I agree with you on all points.. except maybe , " since you are happily married I?m sure you don?t expect me to tell you what is needed in a satisfactory relationship." Yes, I am happily married, thanks be to Allah, yet it's always good to hear and understand various view points.peace be on you. peace
Salaam
Yes I could see that you are a happily married man as you know the secret which is remembering when your wedding anniversary is due. ;D
Do you really expect to get idealistic response from me -X seeing that I am a realist?
I do not believe in listing what is needed for a satisfactory relationship be it between husband and wife or parents and children I think basis of any good relationship is to put yourself in other persons situation and than think what is needed. peaceBest regards
farida -
Salam Farida,
Salaam
Yes I could see that you are a happily married man as you know the secret which is remembering when your wedding anniversary is due. ;D
Do you really expect to get idealistic response from me -X seeing that I am a realist?
I do not believe in listing what is needed for a satisfactory relationship be it between husband and wife or parents and children I think basis of any good relationship is to put yourself in other persons situation and than think what is needed. peaceBest regards
faridayeah, we both made sure we picked a day that was the easiest to remember...Thank God too cause I tend to forget my own birthday..
as it seems to becoming a norm so far with you, I can't disagree with you voodoo ... you're right about empathy being needed... i think you're absolutely right that in a marriage it's best to be realistic than idealistic! I'd also add at the same time not forgetting that we can make our idealistic notions real... at least with the right person... also, that compromise serves much better than thick headedness in a marriage!
may Allah protect you and yours and bring love into your family always...
peace peace
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Is Mistress allowed in Islam?
gazzali
yeah
Get her in a Bond, Pay UJOOR E HINNA, before you derive sexual pleasure, and keep in mind that you both are doing it to maintain Chastity, Not for merely legalising uncontrolled sexual desires (I mean no one night stands, but have a commitment for a reasonable period , like a mistress, and take care of her)
If you don't want to pay ujoors, then get Ma Malakat Emnakums, they are yours for free , for life . There is no restriction on the number, depends how many you can feed , and cloth. You also have the option of upgrading one or more of this specie as your Nikahed spouse (keeping in mind that your kitty does not exceed 4 in total, at a time)
peace
siki
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yeah
Get her in a Bond, Pay UJOOR E HINNA, before you derive sexual pleasure, and keep in mind that you both are doing it to maintain Chastity, Not for merely legalising uncontrolled sexual desires (I mean no one night stands, but have a commitment for a reasonable period , like a mistress, and take care of her)
If you don't want to pay ujoors, then get Ma Malakat Emnakums, they are yours for free , for life . There is no restriction on the number, depends how many you can feed , and cloth. You also have the option of upgrading one or more of this specie as your Nikahed spouse (keeping in mind that your kitty does not exceed 4 in total, at a time)
peace
siki