salaam
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Salaam all. My name is Kristina, I am a 28 year old wife and mother to three. I was raised in a devout, practicing non-denominational Christian family. My parents were missionaries and I grew up in Europe, but returned to the US when I was 16. From the time I was very young I was dissatisfied with Christianity. Certain Biblical passages would stick in my head and I felt they were things no loving, just God would say or do. I couldn't get past then, and as a teen fell away from religious practice. When I was 20 I began reading the Quran out of curiosity. I was amazed to find that the problems I had with the Bible (scientific and ethical/moral issues) didn't seem to exist in the Quran. I couldn't stop reading, and on the basis of the Quran I converted to Islam. I met my husband at a Muslim gathering about a year later, and a year after that we were married. In the nearly 8 years since coming to Islam I have gone from ecstatic and zealous to disillusioned and apathetic. Things have been eating at me in the back of my mind that I have been too afraid to confront. Things like the fact that I'm not 100% convinced I need to wear hijab, the contradiction of the Quran's message of justice and equality with the social and cultural problems amongst Muslim groups with regard women's rights and the treatment of women and girls. The severe focus on exact details of physical practice, while letting the spirit of the message fall by the wayside.
I recently discovered the Reformist Translation of the Quran and read all the writers' appendices. I felt like crying- felt like someone was expressing everything I've been troubled about for the past few years and validating it with research. I want to get back to the Quran and the purity of my religion.
The problem is that my husband disagrees with me on important parts of this. When I say I can't trust hadith because their overall credibility has been destroyed by the offensive and clearly anti-Quranic hadith numbered amongst those that experts have deemed authentic, he tells me that we cannot just dismiss them all because it's important to find those which truly are authentic. His argument is that, as Shias, we (or he) believe that the Prophet request that certain things be written down for future generations to follow, namely, follow my family (the ahlul bayt). But then in the time of Omar a massive book burning was instituted to destroy this message. He argues that we were meant to supplement our practice with what the Prophet and his family taught, and by living according to the Quran alone you will miss important specifics (like hijab etc). I'm at a loss because in a way, I cannot argue with him. If the Prophet really did say "write this down and obey it" then we were probably meant to. But neither I or my husband were present to know and historical accounts are conflicting. The other side of me says that if it were that important Allah would have protected it the way he has protected and preserved the Quran.
I feel lonely and uncertain because I do not want a rift between myself and my spouse, and I want us to agree on how we raise our children.
Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.
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Peace Kristina,
If you study Quran really hard you will discover that it actually tells you not to follow such teachings. God's religion is not filled with complicated rituals or restrictions. If someone forbids what God has not outright forbidden then it is disobedience. Also there is ironically hadith which tells Muhammad told that nothing should be written down from him except Quran. This hadith goes in line with the Quranic warnings too.
I see that you may be in deep trouble being married to a traditional Muslim when having your eyes opened by God. I am somewhat in the same situation with my wife. I do not want my wife to teach my son to praise Muhammad as Christians praise Jesus.
God will surely forgive you for your past zealous ways as long as you stick to the Truth now.
And welcome to the forum.
God bless you