Beating of kids or threating them with light violence
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Peace
I think of beating of the kids as very unsensible ...
However i give them a few hits/strikes( i dont know if i chose the right word) here and there but only in the case when one of them hits the other - as a kind of retaliation...and a way to teach them that it is not good to applie violence to others
i would like to hear others opinions and particularly something on the topic from the scripture....
btw
What about women who are against beating of the women but beat their kids regularly for a simple and innocent childlish acts disobediance?
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Peace be upon you Zlatan,
My cultural development makes me want to say a good "whoopin" every now and then keeps you in order, but in my experience as a father, I have NEVER had to lay my hand on my daughter, who is 10 years old. I will not say that a physical punishment may not be called for in extreme conditions, but we must start our kids of with the TRUTHFUL understanding that the MIND is the greatest weapon.
The wise argument wins over physical means every day, but we should always have back up ready.
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Peace,
i would like to hear others opinions and particularly something on the topic from the scripture....
For the love of God, don't hit your kids! A parent of mine (won't say mum/dad) used to hit me when I was growing up and now there's this "wall" between me and this parent of mine. I never talk that much to them, I don't discuss anything that's going on with me, I don't even make eye contact because that fear is still in my heart. All because of some stupid discipline today I, a 20 year old have no solid and normal relationship with one of my parent. That's pathetic. Its been a long time now and I doubt we'll ever be like a normal family, the older I get, the more wiered it'll seem to try and make things normal, especially now that I only see them during these holidays and live on campus for like the rest of 9 months. I am more open on this forum here with people I know so little about than I am with this parent of mine. In an year, we only say about 500 words to each year (if we are lucky).
When I have kids, I'll NEVER hit time or even yell at them, God Willing
What about women who are against beating of the women but beat their kids regularly for a simple and innocent childlish acts disobediance?
Beating a grown woman is completly different from beating a child. To begin with, your child is a part of you and if you beat him/her (which you really shouldn't) it isn't the same thing as beating someone you actually accepted before God to be an equal and lawful partner of life.
Take care and DONT beat your kids.
I have NEVER had to lay my hand on my daughter, who is 10 years old.
idolfree1, you have a 10 year old daughter?!? For some reason, I thought you were a teenager or something...hmmm, isn't the Internet a fascinating thing where people who otherwise would've never known each other communicate across great distances (making assumptions about the person they are communicating with!?)
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Very hairy issue!
I must admit that I have sometimes slapped my kids. It was usually when they just wouldn't obey and after averting them more than once of what I was going to do if they wouldn't do as I told them...
Now my daughter is 11 and I didn't need to go that far for years. Even my son (7) has not been slapped by me for I think at least two years and inchallah, I will not need this again. I did need this (light) physical punishment to establish clear limits, but wish I had been able to do without !
Greenleaves wrote
A parent of mine (won't say mum/dad) used to hit me when I was growing up and now there's this "wall" between me and this parent of mine.
Exactely the same for me! My parent hit me hard even for things I didn't do on purpose, like breaking something. I was so afraid of this that I never even talked or answered this person and at sixteen just took of! But this has nothing to do with what happened with my kids - I try to not even speak harshly to them for things they did not do intentionally. There are degrees in everything...
Maasalama, Elke
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Salam again,
just a short story on how my daughter felt about my corrections...
When she was 4 and a half, my then husband had slapped he bottom once.
That was the only time he ever raised his hand on her!
I must admit, me being the one who took care of them all the time, it sure happended much more often with me.
At her 5th birthday (several months later), a friend of her asked if her parents were nice to her...answer "My mother is the nicest mother that exists, but my dad slapped me!!!" lolElke
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Salam Elke, lol all
I must admit that I have sometimes slapped my kids. It was usually when they just wouldn't obey and after averting them more than once of what I was going to do if they wouldn't do as I told them...
I want to say that I really appreciate how sincere some free-minders are )
And it was the same with me and my kids
When my first daughter was in her "hard time" , when she was between 2 and 3 (people who have kids know what I'm talking about) sometimes gave her a little slap. Never more.
Same with her sister. When she used to get up from bed the 10th time, I used to give sometimes a light slap. But even then I didn't feel good and I accused myself of doing so.
But since they are older and stopped being so stressy I never did it again. Now, as my kids are growing older I really can not imagine to slap them again. I can talk to them and they understand me - that of course helps a lot!
Bye -
At her 5th birthday (several months later), a friend of her asked if her parents were nice to her...answer "My mother is the nicest mother that exists, but my dad slapped me!!!" Laughing
Motherly love! See, my mum is like a sponge, I annoy her (not that much) and she soaks it all in and says nothing back, but my dady is like a flame, I say one teeny, tiny "bad" thing and he yells sooo much at me.
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Peace be upon you Green Leaves,
idolfree1, you have a 10 year old daughter?!? For some reason, I thought you were a teenager or something...hmmm, isn't the Internet a fascinating thing where people who otherwise would've never known each other communicate across great distances (making assumptions about the person they are communicating with!?)
lol I'll be 33 yrs old on March 28th.
This is a very interesting discussion. I am very happy that my mother spanked me, I don't believe I deserved all of them, but i think they helped me to understand cause and effect. Hatred over an event is an EMOTION. We are suppossed to get in control of the emotions. That is how Solomon got his "kingdom".
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Salaam,
I sometimes slap my kids but I'm not proud of it but I only do it when they have going too far in disobeying.
I have seen some programs on TV "Super Nanny" and that program give me some idea how to treat a wild child without violence.
I believe that if you hit someone that person learn to hit others, yeah if a kid get a slap of his mother then he thinks it is ok to slap someone because mummy are doing it and she is a grown up.
To have eyecontact with your children and to hold them and use and angry voice if they are bad and use a mild and happy voice when they are good.
One of my kids are 3 and a half year and he is so naughty most of the time and I don't know why because I have treat all of my kids in the same way.
Patience more patience are needed that's for sure.
Peace
Sis Majidah -
Peace be upon you,
I believe that if you hit someone that person learn to hit others, yeah if a kid get a slap of his mother then he thinks it is ok to slap someone because mummy are doing it and she is a grown up.
Good point, we start learning by imitation.
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Hi Majidah,
Salaam,
I have seen some programs on TV "Super Nanny" and that program give me some idea how to treat a wild child without violence.
This is Globalisation lol So you have the Super Nanny in Sweden too? I've seen it here in Germany. And I learnd how it COULD BE .What monsters other parents have, and what kind of angels I have in compare to the terrorists the "Super Nanny" dealt with.
I wrote down some ideas and tried them since my little one (four years) just doesn't wanna go to bed, lay her head down and sleep just like her sister does. Of course we have the rituals, prayers, fairy-tale, a quite atmosphere... NOTHING HELPS ( she is jumping happily in her bed, singing, dancing,shaking her head with her long curly hair, singing ..... . finding thousands things she still needs... ?
She can't calm down, thats her problem. So sometimes she gets up up to ten times. And sometimes I can't even be mad with herDoes anybody has the same problem and can give some advices?
The tired Mama
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she is jumping happily in her bed, singing, dancing,shaking her head with her long curly hair, singing ..... . finding thousands things she still needs... ?
She can't calm down, thats her problem. So sometimes she gets up up to ten times. And sometimes I can't even be mad with herDoes anybody has the same problem and can give some advices?
The tired Mama
I actually dont see that you even have a problem...you are a very lucky women -blessed by The God with a heathy, lively and according to the description given - very sweet child...
To feel less tired just try thinking of thousands of those whose children are deadly sick or invalids or deaf or blind etc...
Also, do not forget to try giving birth to an another children, maybe then she`ll naturally calm down....
I would sugest not to suppres her temper....every proffesion has its difficulties and many people often feel tired ...so is the case with mamas
best wishes to happy Mama
Zlatan
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Selam
I actually dont see that you even have a problem...you are a very lucky women -blessed by The God with a heathy, lively and according to the description given - very sweet child...
To feel less tired just try thinking of thousands of those whose children are deadly sick or invalids or deaf or blind etc...
Ohh, I didn't say that I'm depressed and unhappy and close to comitting suicide because of my daughter. It just came to my head while reading about the "Super Nanny" and in her bedroom my little one was screaming...
I don't have to mention here always the worst cases when I write about my own situation. That's what I'm doing daily anyway - thanking God for everything I have including healthy kids.
Also, do not forget to try giving birth to an another children,
It's good that you reminded me. I just prayed to God for a another kid this morning - in the meantime I forgot about it. lol
Salam
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Peace be upon you Warda,
Evertything is a test to see if we can keep a peaceful mind. Nothing outside of us should be able to effect our state.
Regarding her jumping around at night, I guess we all were at that stage, maybe try to meditate with her at night. It involved DEEP LONG BREATHING which eliminates those inner drives which are keeping her "excited"! Just observe someone as the fall asleep, thier breathing becomes very deep.
Also, watch the sugar!
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Greetings Warda,
she is jumping happily in her bed, singing, dancing,shaking her head with her long curly hair, singing ..... . finding thousands things she still needs...
Let her jump as much as she wants on the matress and take lots and lots of pictures when she does to show them when she gets old. I will be 21 in three weeks and I still jump on my matress )
Let her enjoy her childhood while she can because the older you get the more you realize how much life sucks and somehow jumping on the matress doesn't make you feel as much happy at 20
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Salam Kyle and GL
Thanks for your nice posts...DI guess we all were at that stage, maybe try to meditate with her at night. It involved DEEP LONG BREATHING which eliminates those inner drives which are keeping her "excited"! Just
Thank you Kyle, I will try it tonight! I'll tell you I succeeded or not. )
Let her jump as much as she wants on the matress and take lots and lots of pictures when she does to show them when she gets old. I will be 21 in three weeks and I still jump on my matress Smile
Let her enjoy her childhood while she can because the older you get the more you realize how much life sucks and somehow jumping on the matress doesn't make you feel as much happy at 20 Sad
See, that's how I see it also. However in REALITY of daily life the kid needs around ten/eleven hours of sleep to stay healthy. Since we have to get up in the morning early there is a limit at which she needs to sleep anyway. That's the point. Not to mention that Mama wants to read Posts at free-minds, read, study, watch TV,... in the evening before she goes to bed also.D
Salams
warda -
Peace
Ohh, I didn't say that I'm depressed and unhappy and close to comitting suicide because of my daughter. It just came to my head while reading about the "Super Nanny" and in her bedroom my little one was screaming...
sorry ops , it seems that i have projected my own frustration on you... i also have a four year kid... maybe they could marry in future cause they, as it seems, have very similar tempers
Nevertheless, try making your dother as bussy as much you can thrughout the day(for example -long walks), so she will be more prone to fall asleep in the night...
One of the tricks that also sometimes work is that you turn all the lights in the house off and pretend that you gonna go to sleep as well... lol
best wishes
Zlatan
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Greetings Warda,
You might find this article interesting http//my.webmd.com/content/article/42/1739_50197.htm and this one
http//my.webmd.com/content/chat_transcripts/1/100804.htmI haven't been around little kids since like 10 years or something and they sound like so much fun (I mean, jumping on the mattress, how much fun is that?)...makes me wanna adopt a cute kid D
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Salam Kyle, GL, and Zlatan
maybe try to meditate with her at night. It involved DEEP LONG BREATHING which eliminates those inner drives which are keeping her "excited"!
It worked. At least yesterday I don't know whether she was too tired anyway, but she liked it, turned around after a little while and slept !!!!! This happens once in six months
Saalam Green Leaves,
thanks for the links! They're quite interesting.Salam Zlatan
sorry Embarassed , it seems that i have projected my own frustration on you... Smile i also have a four year kid... maybe they could marry in future cause they, as it seems, have very similar tempers
No problem! So do you have a boy? I will ask my princess what she thinks about our arranged wedding at the age of four lol
Zlatan, if I may ask isn't your name slavish?Salam Aleikum
warda -
Salaam warda,
Yes we have also got that TV show at last I will say because we seems to always be the last one!
I think it's a good program so I will go on and watch it more times.
Take Care!
Sis Majidah