How sex before Marriage is not haram (prohibited) according to the Quran
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Peace Zubairus, San
San here are my answers to the questions you asked earlier on.
- what is exactly the oath that binds your relationship with your MMA?
I'm not sure on what you mean by this but i'l try and answer. If i misunderstood your question then let me know.
The oath that binds is the one that is implicitly applied when one starts a relationship. The Quran doesn't specify on how oaths are made but does convery that they can range in strength.
- how binding is the oath (i.e. conditions etc)?
Depends on the seriousness of the oath. So the stronger a relationship, the stronger the oath.
- what makes the oath different to that of "marriage"?
Marriage is when two people are sure that they want to spend the rest of their lives with one another. So this oath is meant to be rock solid. Thus the oath in a very serious relationship may be the equivalent of the oath in a marriage. Difference however is that marriage also contains a contract whilst a relationship does not.
(which in turn may require some explanation of what constitutes marriage/nikah -- at least as a precedence -- otherwise, we (different minds with different concepts) may confuse the meaning of "oath" to that of "marriage" while keep using both terms in confusion, especially as some have argued that marriage is not about administrative/legal documents at all.
If the above does not answer ask and i'll expand on it.
IF you have the rights to have sexual relationship with your MMA, then
- what is the rights of the MMA?
The same rights as you have as you are also their MMA. Thus it's something that is between the two.
what are the boundaries regarding sexual relationship with your MMA?
If the two are ready to have sex, then the same as in marriage.
in addition, as previously you told us that you worry about starting such a relationship for fear of ending it -- how does one end a relationship with his/her MMA?
The earlier to end the easier it is. I think i mis-explained myself. My fear is not ending a relationship as this is my right as well as whoever i may be with's right. Just like a husband and a wife both have the right to a divorce. However my situation is such that i only intend to marry an Iranian girl. Thus i know for SURE that i won't marry a non-iranian. Thus if I start a relationship with a non-iranian with this in mind, i consider doing wrong. But if I come across an iranian girl who i like then i'l start a relationship.
So to end a relationship, one just ends and parts ways nicely. You could end it aggresively but considering the Quran, reason and heart, the first option is more righteouse.
Let me know what you think.
Zubairus
I think an MMA is someone who you posses by oath. Thus in a relationship, you possess someone by oath.
An oath does not have to be written and it can be implicit in my opinion.Have i answered your question?
Let me know what you think.
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Peace Nima
you might find this interesting, read the personal notes. then the translation of transliterated words, in particular towards the middle of the second part (just read the whole thing, you might like the post above it too)
http//free-minds.org/forum/index.php?topic=8567.msg238293#msg238293
Ask yourself why would they get half punishment? ask yourself does MMA here mean or fit as a gf/bf type relation?
Salam
Thanks sarah
I'll look at it tomorow and i'll let you know what i think. If it's too long then i might not comment on it tomorow but at some point i'll comment on it after a read. Right now it's 0031 here.
peace
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Peace Nima
you might find this interesting, read the personal notes. then the translation of transliterated words, in particular towards the middle of the second part (just read the whole thing, you might like the post above it too)
http//free-minds.org/forum/index.php?topic=8567.msg238293#msg238293
Ask yourself why would they get half punishment? ask yourself does MMA here mean or fit as a gf/bf type relation?
Salam )
Salam Sarah
Different things to comment on but i'll focus on your question. I'm not sure on why they get half the punishment but this obviously shows that there is something different about the fatayat to the muhsinat. Something that makes them less worthy of punishment and apparently an alternative if one does not have the means (finance?) to marry a muhsinat. Also something that requiers parental permission.
Fatayat from this look like either slave females, young girls or dependent girls.
Slave girls looks like the best option in this case i think.MMA fits a relationship from alot of the verses that it's used in the Quran. Honestly i don't think anything else would make sense of MMA. MMA is not something in relation to legality. It's usage is oath. From the root of the word there is no other word that can be used in place other then oath.
peace
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When I think of ?ma malikat aymanakum? I seem drawn to power issues. the ?malikat? indicates you have power/authority over. So if bf/gf relations view both male and females as equals, going into a relation with mutual agreement why do you have power over them?
In my opinion ?slave? ?dependent? seems more fit for mma than gf/bf relation.
MMA fits a relationship from alot of the verses that it's used in the Quran. Honestly i don't think anything else would make sense of MMA. MMA is not something in relation to legality. It's usage is oath. From the root of the word there is no other word that can be used in place other then oath.
What word of what root are we talking about?
peace
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When I think of ma malikat aymanakum I seem drawn to power issues. the malikat indicates you have power/authority over. So if bf/gf relations view both male and females as equals, going into a relation with mutual agreement why do you have power over them?
In my opinion slave dependent seems more fit for mma than gf/bf relation.
What word of what root are we talking about?
peace
Sorry i should have been clearer. I meant this root
Ya-Miim-Nun = right side, right, right hand, oath, bless, lead to the right, be a cause of blessing, prosperous/fortunate/lucky.So in the case of the phrase MMA. From the above i think those whom you possess by oath makes the most sense in reference to verses we are discussing.
The point you make about possession also crossed my mind but think about it
I have a girlfriend (Is it much different to possessing a girlfriend whom you have an oath with?)
What else do you do in possessing a wife/fiance/gf? The way i see it, you possess eachother. You beloong to eachother. The Quran does not give us more authority over the MMA to my knowledge it just says that we possess them. This doesn't effect equality IMO.Now consider your understanding that the MMA are slaves or dependent. Why would muhsinat have to become/be a slave or dependent in order for us to marry them (bear in mind that there is no other way that we can marry the muhsinat and that it is not forbiddent for us to make them their MMA)?
What does this point to?
People think that by approaching MMA as something like a gf will cause alot of problems and i can see why they say this but I don't think that problems will occure and i'll explain in as short a way as i can. As well as the Quran obviously practicality of something needs discussing also and i think i have not done enough of this so here it goesBefore i start this, let's believe that you can't have sex with MMA. So consider all things coming up to be without sex.
Point 1) MMA are those you possess by oath.
This very fact means that you can't decieve them 1694. So you can't approach a girl only with the intention of taking advantage of her status (if she works in high places) and then abandon her once you get what you want because that is deception. The person you start a relationship with is most likely to expect that your are searching for the person you want to spend the rest of your life with and so you are required to have that approach also. Same with marriage. You can't marry with the wrong intentions/reasonsPoint 2) Now when it comes to breaking up. If you've not been deceiving (which you should not have been) then there is no blame on you in breaking up. The fact that you were not decieving means that you were being sincere thus there is no blame in breaking up when you have been sincere. This is the same with marriage only marriage is stricter with a contract in place which implies that one should make sure before deciding to marry and not take it casually.
Point 3) You can't cheat because of the oath in place as in you can't be seeing someone else (sex not included in seeing someone else) but the idea of seeing someone considering the oath in place is wrong. Same with marriage you can't see other people.
So anything wrong in that relationship so far?
Now consider all the above with the belief that sex is premitted in that relationship.
New complications that arise
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Pregnancy. In the highly unlikely event that one becomes pregnant and can't avoid this in the right way then this verse is to be taken into account 2233
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Increased intimacy. (will fit in the above guidelines)
Any other problems that are not covered by the above?
Also take into account this
2223 Your women are a cultivation for you. So approach your cultivation as you wish towards goodness. And be aware of God and know that you will meet Him, and give good news to the believers.
What is the unpracticality in this idea and where is the contradiction to the Quran and how does it go against the context of the whole of the Quran if people follow those guidelines?
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Peace Nima
This is tiring
There is no indication of sex being allowed without nikkah
Just because you can unguard your frj doesn?t mean you can have sex with them.
That?s my conclusion.
Sorry i should have been clearer. I meant this root
Ya-Miim-Nun = right side, right, right hand, oath, bless, lead to the right, be a cause of blessing, prosperous/fortunate/lucky.In that case I would not say ?oath? as the strongest opinion on the word, maybe in isolation it works.
So in the case of the phrase MMA. From the above i think those whom you possess by oath makes the most sense in reference to verses we are discussing.
The point you make about possession also crossed my mind but think about it
I have a girlfriend (Is it much different to possessing a girlfriend whom you have an oath with?)
What else do you do in possessing a wife/fiance/gf? The way i see it, you possess eachother. You beloong to eachother. The Quran does not give us more authority over the MMA to my knowledge it just says that we possess them. This doesn't effect equality IMO.It makes more sense because it makes it agree with your theory
It?s about you possessing her not you possessing each other.
Now consider your understanding that the MMA are slaves or dependent. Why would muhsinat have to become/be a slave or dependent in order for us to marry them (bear in mind that there is no other way that we can marry the muhsinat and that it is not forbiddent for us to make them their MMA)?
To be honest I don?t know. But i'll come up with a theory... If she is a slave shes under someone?s possession, if she becomes free thus independent she can be marriage material.
Point 1) MMA are those you possess by oath.
Oath or right hands possess. 1694 isn?t strictly related to MMA. Obviously doing wrong being deceitful is not acceptable.
So anything wrong in that relationship so far?
There was no nikkah, the assumption is that relationship is a personal one between male and female. People can have mmas of the same sex and that doesn?t mean you can go and have same sex relations. The relations aren?t of desire filled UNLESS YOU DO NIKKAH you can have that in it. it?s not like a gf/bf lovey dovey type, you made it that type.
When you can find me proof that you can have intimate sexual relations WITHOUT nikkah, I?ll consider some weighing to your theory. But to be honest I find none. I know you?re working hard to justify your theory but you gotta admit there are some gaps.
2223 Your women are a cultivation for you. So approach your cultivation as you wish towards goodness. And be aware of God and know that you will meet Him, and give good news to the believers.
What is the unpracticality in this idea and where is the contradiction to the Quran and how does it go against the context of the whole of the Quran if people follow those guidelines?
I dunno what you?re saying here
Nisaokom ?your women? are the ones you did nikkah with.. read back a few verses see the context it wouldn't mean mma.
Salam.
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Peace Nima
This is tiring P
There is no indication of sex being allowed without nikkah
Just because you can unguard your frj doesnt mean you can have sex with them.
Thats my conclusion.
236 mentions BOTH MMAs and spouses, so how can there be "no indication of sex being allowed without marriage", when it is one and the same ruling for MMAs AND spouses? I could use the same faulty type of argument of yours, twist it, and say "there is no indication of sex being allowed with spouses" based on what you cited. Just because one can "unguard" one's private parts around one's spouse it doesn't mean that one can have sex with him/her ;D
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yeh progressive you can do that based on that one verse, then when you realise there are other verses in relation to azwaj, you'll see that's the lawful means of sex.. you'll know sex is ok with azwaj which fits with the nikkah bond.
I give up, if you guys wanna have sex without nikkah and justify it by your own way go ahead do whatever you want by your own means but I don't agree with you, and i won't say it is quranically ok until you prove it.
there's to many things neither of us know and ignore and just keep moving on in circles, i've had enough
salam.
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Sorry Nima, i haven't read all your posts since my last on this thread. i think you missed the point about gender in the verse 2433 or maybe i haven't made that clear enough. you may compare that to 2433-34.
And anyway, i'm starting to lose interest in this subject because, i don't really see the point/benefit for our current society/time. I would also echo Sarah's comment that sex with MMA is never EXPLICITLY encouraged in AQ.
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Salam Sarah
This is tiring
I understand
If you want we can end the discussion between me and you on this topic. But i'll still discuss if you want.There is no indication of sex being allowed without nikkah
Just because you can unguard your frj doesn?t mean you can have sex with them.
That?s my conclusion.
Sarah how can we make unlawful something that is not made unlawful? Everything is lawful unless made unlawful otherwise i can claim that music is haram and then say that the Quran not mentioning that music is haram does not = music as halal. I've said this before
If you can explain how you can make something that is not unlawful to unlawful then bravo handshake
It makes more sense because it makes it agree with your theory
So if i say that's my wife or that's my son and so on, I don't own any of them and none of them own me?
It?s about you possessing her not you possessing each other.
But you do possess here.
To be honest I don?t know. But i'll come up with a theory... If she is a slave shes under someone?s possession, if she becomes free thus independent she can be marriage material.
So why would a free believing women suddenly have to become your slave in order for you to be able to marry them?
Oath or right hands possess. 1694 isn?t strictly related to MMA. Obviously doing wrong being deceitful is not acceptable.
I didn't mean say that they were strictly for MMA. It's just about oaths but as MMA are oath related, that verse applies to oaths with them also.
There was no nikkah, the assumption is that relationship is a personal one between male and female. People can have mmas of the same sex and that doesn?t mean you can go and have same sex relations. The relations aren?t of desire filled UNLESS YOU DO NIKKAH you can have that in it. it?s not like a gf/bf lovey dovey type, you made it that type.
You can have an MMA of the same sex if you don't consider it a fahasha or a transgression as then you can justify yourself Quranically based on MMA.
That however is subjective.When you can find me proof that you can have intimate sexual relations WITHOUT nikkah, I?ll consider some weighing to your theory. But to be honest I find none. I know you?re working hard to justify your theory but you gotta admit there are some gaps.
When you prove to me that it is halal to listen to music using my mobile phone....then i'll accept your objection. But to be honest i find no such restrictions in the Quran (sorry about the sarcasm -X)
Nisaokom ?your women? are the ones you did nikkah with.. read back a few verses see the context it wouldn't mean mma.
How?
2219 They ask you about intoxicants and gambling. Say In them is great harm, and a benefit for the people; but their harm is greater than their benefit. And they ask you how much they are to give, say The excess. It is thus that God clarifies for you the revelations that you may think.
2220 In this world and the next; and they ask you regarding the orphans, say To fix their situation is best, and if you are to care for them, then they are your brothers. And God knows the corrupt from the good, and if God had wished He could have made things difficult. God is Noble, Wise.
2221 And do not marry the female polytheists until they believe. For a believing female servant is better than a polytheist even if she attracts you. And do not marry the male polytheists until they believe. For a believing male servant is better than a polytheist even if he attracts you. Those invite to the Fire, while God is inviting to the Paradise and forgiveness by His consent. He clarifies His revelations for the people that they may remember.
2222 And they ask you about the menstruations? Say It is harmful, so retire yourselves sexually from the women during the menstruations, and do not approach them until they are cleansed. When they are cleansed, then you may approach them as God has commanded you. God loves the repenters and He loves the cleansed.
2223 Your women are a cultivation for you. So approach your cultivation as you wish towards goodness. And be aware of God and know that you will meet Him, and give good news to the believers.2221-223 talks about women. Not wives just women. 2221 talks about marrying a women 2222 talks about mensturation of a women and 2223 talks of the approach to women. It's about women not married women.
Peace
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Sorry Nima, i haven't read all your posts since my last on this thread. i think you missed the point about gender in the verse 2433 or maybe i haven't made that clear enough. you may compare that to 2433-34.
And anyway, i'm starting to lose interest in this subject because, i don't really see the point/benefit for our current society/time. I would also echo Sarah's comment that sex with MMA is never EXPLICITLY encouraged in AQ.
No problem San peace
About your point on gender, i've commented on it in my last reply to Sarah and i do agree that sex with MMA is not encouraged but I also think that it's not encourage in marriage either. I'm arguing that it's not forbidden. -
Peace nimnimak_11,
Sorry if this has already been asked. How is your theory related to the divorce proceedings in the Quran? i.e.
http//www.free-minds.org/divorce
Peace Aalmakto
I will hopfully reply to you tomorow as this will most likely be a lengthy reply (if you don't mind) i really need sleep right now. It's 630am here and i have not slept at all yet &
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236 mentions BOTH MMAs and spouses, so how can there be "no indication of sex being allowed without marriage", when it is one and the same ruling for MMAs AND spouses? I could use the same faulty type of argument of yours, twist it, and say "there is no indication of sex being allowed with spouses" based on what you cited. Just because one can "unguard" one's private parts around one's spouse it doesn't mean that one can have sex with him/her ;D
Oh so true. Just because one can "unguard" one's private parts around one's spouse it doesn't mean that one can have sex with him/her anyway he/she likes. At least it isn't conclusive in that verse anyway.
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I don't mind. Enjoy your rest.
Thank you
Ok so heres my understanding
Marriage relationship= One proposes marriage only when one is sure that they want to spend the rest of their lives with a certain person as that is what marriage is. This is not said in the Quran but this is my opinion and is important in this understanding.
Relationship with MMA= This is one searching for the person to spend the rest of their life with. One necessarily does not need to do it in this way. They could just see a girl and then go and propose. But I would think that the other option is a more reasonable approach and gives two people a better knowing of each other before choosing to get married and spending the rest of their live together.
Now considering the above, i understand that seperation in the case of marriage is a much more serious issue. The married couple may be making rash decisions in seperating. After all they did once pledge to live together forever. Thus the guidelines are given. This gives marriages that can be saved a saving chance. But in the case of a relationship with MMA (where there is no pledge of living together forever) it is different.
Looking at the guidelines set and my understanding of why they are there
2226 For those who abstain from their wives (nisa), they shall be given four months. If they cease, then God is Forgiving, Merciful.
After this abstinence, then it becomes clearer whether the couple still want each other.2227 And if they insist on the divorce, then God is Hearer, Knowledgeable.
If the abstinence fails then talagh.So far i don't see how this should apply to a relationship with an MMA. Unless the relationship was a strong one.
2228 And those divorced shall wait for three menstruation periods; and it is not lawful for them to conceal what God has created in their wombs, if they believe in God and the Last Day. And their husbands would then have just cause to return together, if they both wish to reconcile. And the obligations owed to them are to be fulfilled, as are the obligations owed by them. But the men will have a greater responsibility over them in this. And God is Noble, Wise.
Ok this is where I would have thought the verse should also have applied to a relationship with an MMA. It's dependent on whether this additional waiting period is purely for making sure to whether the woman is pregnant or wether it's there purely as a means to which to reunite the couple via the birth of their child which is implied by "And their husbands would then have just cause to return together...." and thus saving a marriage and giving chance for a new family. If it's purely dependent upon figuring out if the wife is pregnant then this raises the question why has this guideline not been applied to a relationship with an MMA? But if not this then it could still stand exclusive to marriage without it raising the question of why this guideline has not been applied to a relationship with an MMA.
Also bear in mind this
2233 And the mothers are allowed to suckle their children two full years, if they wish to complete the suckling. And the man for whom the child is born is responsible for both their provisions and clothing equitably. A soul is not burdened except with what it can bear. No mother shall be harmed because of her child, nor shall a father be harmed because of his child. And for the guardian is the same requirement. So if they wish to separate out of mutual agreement and counsel, then there is no sin upon them. And if you want to hire nursing mothers, then there is no sin upon you if you return what you have been given equitably. And be aware of God, and know that God is watching over what you do.This is a guideline which i see for all mothers and fathers (not just those in marriage) as there is no use of the word talagh when talking of seperation. Also there is no implication of the mothers being married.
Other guidlines in marriage
2236 There is no sin upon you if you divorce the women before having sexual intercourse with them, or before setting the dowry for them. Let them have recompense, the rich according to his means, and the poor according to his means. A recompense in kindness, a responsibility for the good doers.
2237 And if you divorce them before having sexual intercourse with them, but you have already set the dowry for them; then you must give half of what you have agreed, unless they forgive or the guardian over the marriage contract forgives. And if you forgive, it is closer to righteousness. And do not forget the favor between you; God is Seer of what you do.I see this as a means of preventing people from taking marriage as something casual. I see the starting of a relationship with an MMA as something casual as that is the search for a bride. These conditions are in the case of people who get married hastily or wrongly and then decide no this was not for me. The person they married need some kind of recompense. If sex had occured then that implies that the relationship was either serious or not serious and one side was just rushing things. Thus the need for such conditions considering the serious nature of a marriage.
Ultimately I think the lack of the guideline for MMA set in 2228 is confusing. Although it does depend on how one understands it. The other guidelines i think do makes sense in being exclusive to marriage though.
So that's how i see it and I am unsure about 2228
If theres any other questions let me know.
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yeh progressive you can do that based on that one verse, then when you realise there are other verses in relation to azwaj, you'll see that's the lawful means of sex.. you'll know sex is ok with azwaj which fits with the nikkah bond.
I give up, if you guys wanna have sex without nikkah and justify it by your own way go ahead do whatever you want by your own means but I don't agree with you, and i won't say it is quranically ok until you prove it.
All I said is that according to 236 sex is allowed with one's spouse and MMA. Also, your argument about no sex with MMA was weak. Anyways, I'd still need to check the other occurences of "MMA". What does "azwaj" mean - spouse?
peace
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Oh so true. Just because one can "unguard" one's private parts around one's spouse it doesn't mean that one can have sex with him/her anyway he/she likes. At least it isn't conclusive in that verse anyway.
Peace San
I know you said you want to stop discussing this but i think you should consider this
You have to take all things as halal in the Quran unless made haram. So you have to assume that sex with one's mother is halal unless stated otherwise (I know it's extreme but there is a purpose) Now obviously as the Quran is a complete book, you'd expect something that's so strongly against all faculties to be forbidden in the scripture. and so it is.
From the first restriction that is placed, it means that the parts can only be unguarded to spouse and MMA. Thus all outside of this circle can't have sex as the parts must be guarded with respect to them which amongst many meanings, also entails that sex cannot be done.
Now i'm not saying that to unguard = to have sex but i'm saying that to unguard permits sex as well as other things provided that it does not clash with other guidelines and restrictions.
It kind of looks like your approaching this from the angle of
It's haram unless proven otherwise and 235-6 only convey that parts can be ungaurded.
But this is like an automatic assumption of haram to need quran proof of halal where as it should be like halal-----to what proof is there of haram
We can't approach something as haram and then look for proof of it being halal. It has to be the other way round. and so I've asked for proof of some other verse that limits the ungaurding of the private parts to MMA in some way that it does not do so with the spouse but there is none. Unless you take sex with MMA as a fahasha. But it would be questionable how sex in a strong relationship is a type of fahasha or lack of patience or anything else that implies the lack of vritue or morality.
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If theres any other questions let me know.
Peace
Thanks for the reply.One proposes marriage only when one is sure that they want to spend the rest of their lives with a certain person as that is what marriage is.
Why can't an MMA couple spend the rest of their lives together?
I see the starting of a relationship with an MMA as something casual as that is the search for a bride.
?O you who believe, if you marry the believing women, then divorced them before having intercourse with them, then there is no interim required of them. You shall compensate them, and let them go in an amicable manner.? (Quran 3349)
Who in their right mind would get married "before having intercourse with them", if an MMA relationships is more casual and allows it? That's like getting married even before "getting to know" them.
?The divorce is allowed twice. So, either they reconcile equitably, or they part-ways with kindness. And it is not lawful for you to take back anything you have given the women unless you fear that they will not uphold God?s limits. So if you fear that they will not uphold God?s limits, then there is no sin upon them for what is given back. These are God?s limits so do not transgress them. And whoever shall transgress God?s limits, then these are the wicked.? (Quran 2229)
So that's already two constraints on married couples that do not apply to MMA couples.
I see this as a means of preventing people from taking marriage as something casual. I see the starting of a relationship with an MMA as something casual as that is the search for a bride. These conditions are in the case of people who get married hastily or wrongly and then decide no this was not for me. The person they married need some kind of recompense. If sex had occured then that implies that the relationship was either serious or not serious and one side was just rushing things. Thus the need for such conditions considering the serious nature of a marriage.
Why were these people "rushing things"?
What benefit does marriage give over an MMA relationship?
It seems you would only get more constraints from marrying the person such as the, Dowry, Interim periods for divorce. limits to the number of times divorce is allowed etc.
One necessarily does not need to do it in this way. They could just see a girl and then go and propose. But I would think that the other option is a more reasonable approach and gives two people a better knowing of each other before choosing to get married and spending the rest of their live together.
I agree, it would make a lot more sense. The ultimate conclusion I can come up with is. If an MMA couple can do everything a married couple can, minus the constraints... it would make the most sense to not get married at all.
So I repeat, why can't an MMA couple spend the rest of their lives together?
Ok this is where I would have thought the verse should also have applied to a relationship with an MMA.
Ultimately I think the lack of the guideline for MMA set in 2228 is confusing.That is unfortunate.
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Thanks for the reply.
No problem. I appreciate discussing this.
Why can't an MMA couple spend the rest of their lives together?
They can if they choose to. I would think it's their choice.
?O you who believe, if you marry the believing women, then divorced them before having intercourse with them, then there is no interim required of them. You shall compensate them, and let them go in an amicable manner.? (Quran 3349)
Who in their right mind would get married "before having intercourse with them", if an MMA relationships is more casual and allows it? That's like getting married even before "getting to know" them.
?The divorce is allowed twice. So, either they reconcile equitably, or they part-ways with kindness. And it is not lawful for you to take back anything you have given the women unless you fear that they will not uphold God?s limits. So if you fear that they will not uphold God?s limits, then there is no sin upon them for what is given back. These are God?s limits so do not transgress them. And whoever shall transgress God?s limits, then these are the wicked.? (Quran 2229)
So that's already two constraints on married couples that do not apply to MMA couples.
I would think who in their right mind would marry someone just so the abillity to have sex could be unlocked or who in their right mind would marry someone without making sure that that the person they plan on marrying is the right one. A relationship at first is casual. It could end soon or develop and strengthen. It could reach such a strength that the two choose to live together for the rest of their lives and this is where the marriage card is either brought in or not. My point in saying this is that If marriage is brought in to the relationship, then the status is enhanced and it is more official and contractually more binding. It shows the desire to live together forever and to start a family.
So people need to take the issue of marriage very seriously before proposing IMO and the two restraints you mention make sure of this. So if you do/don't have sex when married and then you break up (suggesting your judgement was wrong when proposing or in the case of having had sex this may be suggesting you just married for sex (as some people do)) then you can't just divorce and then leave them after making such a strong pledge An oath of similar strength is not present in a relationship with an MMA. Thus I think the two restraints you have mentioned need not apply to them IMO.An MMA is the search for a lifelong mate. In this search why should sex be prohibited and holding hands not?
Why were these people "rushing things"?
Not necessarily rush. What I meant was that after a relationship reaches the status of marriage, then saving it is important. So in the case of divorce, before this happens the guidelines act as a means of spotting whether such a once strong relationship can be save or not. This also prevents people making hasty decisions about divorce. For exmaple a couple choose to divorce after just one argument (unlikely i know) but whilst this may happen in a weak relationship with an MMA, this should not happen in a marriage due to the importance of taking the marriage pledge seriously and not casually.
What benefit does marriage give over an MMA relationship?
The definate presence of an enhanced and very strong oath (if marriage is done right and patiently) A contract for legal purposes which could further bind the relationship. The officialness of it. To say that one is getting married one is sure that they are making a pledge for life and have been made the pledge to live with each other forever.
Although one could just say something like "i want to live with you forever without all the marriage fuss of signing things and so on" but that is basically the stage at which one proposes marriage to make it offical IMO but if someone does not want to for whatever reasonable reason then it's their choice. But there is no longer legal protection for the two after making such a relationship strong in contrast to marriage. Which verfies the strength of the relationship and legally protects it.
In addition to this IF it was such that the Quran prohibited sex with one's own MMA then sex would also be another advantage to marriage. But I think sex (if done right) is a useful but not a necessary tool in reaching a strong relationship based on things i have seen and heard about the effects of it.
It seems you would only get more constraints from marrying the person such as the, Dowry, Interim periods for divorce. limits to the number of times divorce is allowed etc.
The dowry is a subjective issue. How much you gave is dependent on culture, society and time. But that aside, these responsibilities are need for such an important pledge where as the oath with an MMA is not of the same strength. It ranges and once it reaches this strength then marriage is sought. Not so that sex can be unlocked IMO but so the things i said above can be brough in.
That is how i understand the purpose of these restraints mentioned.I agree, it would make a lot more sense. The ultimate conclusion I can come up with is. If an MMA couple can do everything a married couple can, minus the constraints... it would make the most sense to not get married at all.
I don't think that sex should be a restraint exclusively for marriage (just my understanding) What then is the purpose of this restraint? Marriage is like a verification which provides benefits for the couple in society such as legal aspects.
That is unfortunate.
This to me makes clear that something is missing. I think it will be found if looked at more in the Quran which i hope to do. Now whether the thing that is found implies evidence for sex with a girlfriend/fiance or against it is to be determined. But as things currently stand, i think it to be too clear that sex with MMA is permissable. Things that i believe are incomplete are what the MMA is exactly and what guidelines they have. I think that there are other guidelines for the MMA that solve this issue or that there is something about the MMA that makes it different to like a girlfriend. But i think it clear in the Quran that sex with MMA is halal.