How do you distinguish between your own logic and Satanic inspirations?
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Throughout my journey, I've always tended to relate what I believe to be my own personal doubts to Satanic 'whispers' or however you wish to refer to it. Leaving Sunnism was the most difficult and I had a lot of doubts and a lot of fear of going to hell for leaving that part of my life behind. I'm perhaps even more confused even though I'm not a Sunni. I felt safe when I was part of that way of thinking and now I feel as if a billion ideas are plaguing me at once and trying to discern between what I believe to be right and wrong is getting more and more difficult.
I sympathize with your struggles and the best way to dispel these doubts is to learn the faith. Once you are firmly grounded in, and submit your will to, the infallible truths which our Lord has revealed, you will find, God willing, that your doubts have turned into assurances. In my opinion, the best way to go about learning the faith is to actively and consistently read sacred scripture, make it a habit in your life. In addition, a strong prayer life is very important; you should be conscious of, and in communion with, God as much as possible, since it is He alone who can guide you. Sincere worship will strengthen your bond with God and firmly establish in your heart those truths which are necessary for salvation. Remember we were created for only one reason To worship our Lord. Try to keep in mind that it is not important what you or anyone else believes, what matters is what our Lord says we must believe . The scripture is not a vague and ambiguous work, it is clear, consistent and to the point, on those issues which are necessary for salvation. Do not worry about these other "ideas", concern yourself with the core truths, as God alone is the One who decides what is right or wrong.
I guess I expected that once I left the confinement of organised religion that I'd experience a new lease of life, find peace of mind and feel a bit more... free. That hasn't happened and I feel that the next stop is either total rebellion or the nut house.
Our Lord repeatedly tells us on how few are saved, use this as a motivator to strive hard to please God, and forget about finding what you desire in this life. Afterall, this life was not given for our amusement and comfort, but for our labour that we may earn salvation, as undeserving as we are.
Sometimes I consider just leaving religion altogether, the amount of pain it's caused and is continuing to cause but then I wonder if that's my thought or it's a thought from Satan. I feel like this idea has been indoctrinated into me that God will punish me for going with my heart, and anything I think that isn't in strict accordance with Sunnism, It's Satan.
This is why a strong prayer life is so important; do not entrust the future of your soul to what your heart may desire right now. Trust in God, He has, in His infinite mercy, revealed to us His scripture so that we may find true happiness in serving Him, day and night.
I give up, I really do. (Or I would if I didn't think it was Satan telling me to.)
Please consider these two beautiful passages
2186 When My servants ask thee concerning Me, I am indeed close (to them) I listen to the prayer of every suppliant when he calleth on Me Let them also, with a will, Listen to My call, and believe in Me That they may walk in the right way.
3953 Say "O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah for Allah forgives all sins for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.
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Dear HNF,
Try to delete everything from memory about "religion". Consider yourself as "Ummi" a person who had not earlier read or received the Revealed Book. And start reading the Book which was sent to/for you from its first line slowly and coolly. Don't move forward unless you understand and grasp the first line. InshaAllah everything will seem crystal clear.
My islam teacher at school says that "Ummi" means "Illiterate" ???
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I think I just need to keep busy and not think about any of this stuff. It's depressing and seriously mentally debilitating.
sun Have fun. And try to think after you recover from depression.
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Advice is usually great until it comes to implementation.
Your signature has the answer.