For those who think polygany is right...
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Many Muslim nations which now consider polygamy unconstitutional have justified such changes in legislation on the basis of the overall Qur'anic perspective on marriage, as well as on modern Islamic perspectives of marriage. The marriage of subjugation at the time of revelation was premised on the need for females to be materially provided for by some male. The ideal male for a female child was the father, and for the adult female, the husband. This economic perspective of marriage - as indicated by several verses discussed above - will also be reviewed here with regard to polygamy.
If you fear that you will not deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice, two, three or four. But if you fear that you will not be able do do justly (with them), then only one, ... to prevent you from doing justice. (4.3)
First, this verse is about treatment of orphans. Some male guardians, responsible for managing the wealth of orphaned female children, were unable to refrain from unjust management of that wealth. (42). One solution suggested to prevent mismanagement was marriage to the female orphans. On the one hand, the Qur'an limited this number to four, and on the other hand, the economic responsibility of maintaining the wife would counterbalance the access to the wealth of the orphaned female through the responsibility of management. However, most proponents of polygamy seldom discuss it within the context of just treatment of orphans.
In fact, as far as they are concerned, the only measurement of justice between wives is material - can a man equally support more than one wife? This is an extension of the archaic idea of marriages of subjugation, because fairness is not based on quality of time, equality in terms of affection, or on spiritual, moral, and intellectual support. These general terms of social justice are not considered with regard to just treatment with wives.
It is especially clear that this verse is concerned with justice dealing justly, managing funds justly, justice to the orphans, and justice to the wives, etc. Justice is the focus of most modern commentaries concerned with polygamy. In the light of the verse 4129 - "You are never able to be just and fair as between women ..." - many commentators assert that monogamy is the preferred marital arrangement of the Qur'an. Surely, it is impossible to attain the Qur'anic ideal with regard to mutuality ("They (feminine plural) are raiment for you (masculine plural) and you are raiment for them" (2187)), and with regard to building between them "love and mercy" (3021), when the husband-father is split between more than one family.
Finally, with regard to three common justifications given for polygamy, there is no direct sanction in the Qur'an. One is financial in the context of economic problems such as unemployment, a financially capable man should care for more than one wife. Again, this assumes that all women are financial burdens reproducers, but not porducers. In today's world a lot of women neither have nor need male supporters. For one thing, it is no longer accepted that only men can work, do work, or are the most productive workers, in all circumstances. With regard to work outside the home, i.e. paid employment, the market is based on productivitiy. Productivity in turn is based on a numer of factors, and gender is only one of them. Surely, polygamy is no simple solution to complex eoconomic problems.
Another rationale given for a man having more than one wife centres on the woman who is unable to have children. Again, there is no mention of this as a rationale for polygamy in the Qur'an. However, the desire for children is natural. Thus, consideration for the barren man and the barren woman should not exclude either from the chance of marriage, nor from the care and upbringing of children. What possible solution is mutually available when the wife or husband is sterile and the couple cannot have their own children?
In a world of war and devastation, there are still orphaned Muslim (and other) children who would benefit from the love and care of childless couples. Perhaps caring for all of the earth's children might be practised by Muslims in the light of global catastrophes still unresolved. One's own blood relations are important, but perhaps not in terms of the final judgement of one's ability to care and nurture.
Finally, the third rationale given for polygamy not only has no sanction in the Qur'an but is clearly un-Qur'anic as it attempts to sanction men's unbridled lust that if a man's sexual needs cannot be satisfied by one wife, he should have two. Presumably, if his lust is greater than that, he should have three, and on until he has four. Only after this fourth are the Qur'anic principles of self-constraint, modesty, and fidelity finally to be exercised.
As self-constraint and fidelity are required at the onset for the wife, these moral virtues are equally significant for the husband. It is clear that the Qur'an does not stress a high, civilized level for women while leaving men to interact with others at the basest level. Otherwise, the mutual responsibility of khilafah (trusteeship) would be left to one half of humanity while the other half remains near the animal state.
Amina Wadud Qur'an and Woman. Rereading the Sacred Text from a Woman's perspective
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Peace Leyna
Interesting text.
I think polygany is not accepted in islam except in rare occasions. And i think marrying more than one woman is not like ordinary marriage. I think it is a contract between two persons, so that the man can provide the woman (non-lust), not have sex with the second, third and fourth wife. From what i have read in the Quran, until now, i have not found a verse that says that a man can have sex with more than one wife (other wifes than his own). So marriage with more than one woman is most likely different from ordinary marriage (where the couple have sex). It is most likely a non-sexual marriage, a contract, to help the women. I have to study this in detail, so i don't have any evidence for my claims yet (keep this in mind).
My current view on polygany is the same as Wakas
http//free-minds.org/forum/index.php?topic=9599777.msg253198#msg253198
http//free-minds.org/forum/index.php?topic=9599777.msg253204#msg253204 -
salaam,
For those of you who believe polygany is right to do... what are your views on the rules of that?
Can the husband take any wife he wants regardless of whether or not the current wife/wives agree? What about hiding it from the current wife completely? Do you think it's humanly possible to treat them equally? It is next to impossible to treat ones children equally... since kids need different things according to their growth and development... i.e. parents can believe child # 1 at age 14 should have a cell phone because they are responsible and really need one, then when child # 2 turns 14 the same parents don't think they are ready for such a responsibility, but child # 2 feels he/she is not being treated fairly.
Women have different personalities, needs, feelings, ideas, etc. Unless 2 women are exactly alike... how can they be treated equally? How would any man know what was equal in the eyes of the women? This seems irrational and that is why I believe God enforced the law about equality.
This is a curiosity to me because I have read posts on here of people supporting the polygany idea, but I have not read (unless I mistakenly missed it) what rules you feel should be followed while practicing it.
And, incase any of you are wondering about me... I am my husband's only wife.
peace,
dottyPeace,
Respect.Sister, I personally believe that the verse in question - the first few verses in the chapter four which discuss this matter, talks about the time after some world war has already happened. A man cannot simply mary foru blondes and just have fun all day, every day.
I would say a man is allowed to marry up to four widows, emphasis on the widows, in order to take care of the orphans.God knows best.
Peace. -
Saudi men push for more wives
"Take four wives to rid country of spinsters."
A group of young Saudi men have launched a campaign to convince Saudi men of the unappreciated virtues of polygamy.
It is a response to young Saudi women uninterested in joining a polygamous marriage, older Saudi women divorcees and Saudi men unable or unwilling to support more than one woman. The campaign seeks to counter what Saudi traditionalists see as an increasingly negative stigma attached to polygamy.
Campaigning under the slogan ?Prophet of Four?, a reference to the Islamic edict allowing men to marry up to four wives, the group calls for every Saudi man to take four wives so as to rid the country of so-called ?spinsters?, a term referring to unmarried Saudi women over the age of 30. Launched at the start of Saudi Arabia?s ?marriage season?, the campaign?s Facebook page has already garnered a few hundred supporters.
Saudi Arabia?s strict patriarchal guardianship system requires all women to be represented by men, either their husband, father or son, in all public and official spheres of life. Women are not allowed to drive, inherit, divorce or gain custody of children, and cannot socialize with unrelated men.
But Saudi Arabia?s firm gender roles and norms have loosened a bit over the past few years, and more and more young Saudi women are well educated, financially independent and exposed to different ways of thinking about themselves, relationships and their roles in society. Saudi social analysts say this leads many young Saudi women to refuse the advances of men seeking to take a second, third or fourth wife. Some women seek out foreign men, in the hopes that they will not end up in a polygamous marriage.
?Women are more educated and have jobs, so they are not always in a rush to get married for financial support like they were before, especially if their parents give them the freedom to travel and lead their lives as they wish,? Wajiha Al-Huwaidar, a Saudi women?s rights activist told The Media Line. ?Many women don?t want to be second wives, so the campaigners want to promote the idea among women so that they will be more accepting of the idea.?
Statistics on the number of unmarried Saudi women are unreliable, but the figure is believed to be high.
Saudi men, meanwhile, are uninterested in marrying divorcees or older unmarried women, leaving a large demographic unmarried and financially unstable.
Eman Al Nafjan, a Saudi blogger who often writes about women?s issues, said the campaign?s focus is more geared towards men.
?It?s not that they want to convince the women ? there are plenty of women who will accept marriage proposals ? it?s that they want to convince the men to marry older women,? she told The Media Line. ?The men want virgins, not older women or divorcees. The problem is that we have a lot of women in their late 20s or 30s who are not married and which men are not interested in, while the young ladies don?t want to be the second wife as their first marriage.?
Al Nafjan said that while young Saudi men tend to avoid taking on older women as new wives, men are interested in casual relationships.
?Getting married is expensive, and men don?t want to commit to an older woman, to set up a house for her,? she said. ?He just wants a kind of a fling, so he marries the woman for a few months and then divorce(s) her without anyone, including the first wife, knowing about it... Sometimes the woman gets pregnant or they fall in love, but that?s rare.?
http//www.jpost.com/MiddleEast/Article.aspx?id=181305
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Two in five of first wives in polygamous marriages forced to find extra income
BANGI, July 15 ? A study on polygamy, which is allowed only for Muslims here, showed that 44 per cent of first wives are forced to find extra work after their husbands take on a second wife.
The study by non-governmental organisation Sisters in Islam (SIS) and the Institute of Malaysian and International Studies (Ikmas) of the National University of Malaysia (UKM) surveyed some 1,200 participants from polygamous families throughout peninsular Malaysia since 2008.
?The husband?s contribution to his first wife?s family decreased after his second marriage,? said SIS senior research officer Adibah Mohd. Jodi.
?About 44 per cent of first wives have to take on extra work after their husbands take on a second wife,? she added.
Centre of Research on Women?s Development (Kanita), University of Science Malaysia (USM) director Rashidah Shuib said that many first wives are unable to get financial aid from the government as they are told to rely on their husbands.
The debut study also revealed that only 28 per cent of first wives and 47 per cent of second wives were satisfied with their husbands? method of alternating nights between them.
?The system of the husband taking turns (between his wives) is not discussed and it is as if the husband has unilateral power (in this matter),? said Rashidah, who is one of the lead researchers.
?How does the court then evaluate the husband?s ability to be fair?? she asked.
According to Syariah law, husbands need to fulfil either criterion of ?fair? or ?necessary? before he is allowed to marry another woman.
?Husbands find that spending time equally with his family members is very difficult compared to other factors like spreading finances, communication or affection equally,? added Rashidah.
The study also showed that 70 per cent of first wives cited a need for more counselling after their husbands? second marriage, while about 53 per cent of them cited an increase in domestic violence.
?Most first wives isolate themselves and turn to their children for support instead. Where do these children then turn to?? asked Rashidah.
Rashidah also criticised the syariah court?s removal of the fifth condition for polygamy which states that there is to be no decrease in quality of life, saying ?this condition can never be fulfilled.?
?First wives are the most dissatisfied (parties) in almost all aspects, such as time, emotion, resources and communication (with their husbands),? she said.
When asked why majority of children of either the first or second wife remarked that they ?did not care? about being in a polygamous family, head researcher Norani Othman said that their lax attitude could be a psychological defence mechanism.
Majority of the research participants were from Kelantan, Terengganu and Pahang as they were more open to answering surveys than their urban counterparts in Selangor and Wilayah Persekutuan, added Norani.
About 47 per cent of husbands and 35 per cent of second wives surveyed were either self-employed or blue collar workers, while about 52 per cent of first wives were homemakers.
?Academics tried to apply for funds (for this project), but they were all rejected by the Ministry of Higher Education,? said Norani.
?This study (on polygamy) is the first in this country or even outside. (Before this), there were only two small studies on polygamy done in Saudi Arabia in 2001 and Indonesia in 2009,? she added.
Source
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?Husbands find that spending time equally with his family members is very difficult compared to other factors like spreading finances, communication or affection equally,? added Rashidah.
Rashidah also criticised the syariah court?s removal of the fifth condition for polygamy which states that there is to be no decrease in quality of life, saying ?this condition can never be fulfilled.?
004.003
YUSUFALI If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, Marry women of your choice, Two or three or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one, or (a captive) that your right hands possess, that will be more suitable, to prevent you from doing injustice.004.129
YUSUFALI Ye are never able to be fair and just as between women, even if it is your ardent desire But turn not away (from a woman) altogether, so as to leave her (as it were) hanging (in the air). If ye come to a friendly understanding, and practise self-restraint, Allah is Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful. -
?Husbands find that spending time equally with his family members is very difficult compared to other factors like spreading finances, communication or affection equally,? added Rashidah.
Rashidah also criticised the syariah court?s removal of the fifth condition for polygamy which states that there is to be no decrease in quality of life, saying ?this condition can never be fulfilled.?
004.003
YUSUFALI If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, Marry women of your choice, Two or three or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one, or (a captive) that your right hands possess, that will be more suitable, to prevent you from doing injustice.004.129
YUSUFALI Ye are never able to be fair and just as between women, even if it is your ardent desire But turn not away (from a woman) altogether, so as to leave her (as it were) hanging (in the air). If ye come to a friendly understanding, and practise self-restraint, Allah is Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful.I know you are jealous ignore
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I know you are jealous ignore
Jealous im not one of four wives or jealous I cant have 4 husbands?
I would never ever consider sharing a man and I certainly dont want more than one husband, in fact the one I have is doing my head in at the moment! brickwall
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Jealous im not one of four wives or jealous I cant have 4 husbands?
I would never ever consider sharing a man and I certainly dont want more than one husband, in fact the one I have is doing my head in at the moment! brickwall
He is a nice person bravo laugh
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Women Don?t Need to Accept Polygamy - Activists
By Suad Hamada
MANAMA, Jul 22, 2010 (IPS) - In her 30s, Muza has been married for years but has managed to remain financially independent. In fact, she was even able to help build the home she has with her husband, using the money she earned as a teacher.
But Muza failed to realise early enough that because the house was in her husband?s name, she would not have legal claim to their conjugal home if their marriage did not work out ? or if he took another wife.
Because she had nowhere else to go and refuses to give up what is also hers, Muza ended up sharing the house she had paid for and took pains to decorate with, with her husband?s second wife.
As in other Gulf states, Muslim men in Bahrain are allowed to practise polygamy. Shariah law allows men to have a maximum of four wives, although Shiites are allowed more than that, through temporary marriages or ?mutta?.
But polygamy is not really popular or fully accepted among women here. According to a 2006 study done by Somaya Al Jowder of the National Sexually Transmitted Diseases Programme, only four percent of the country?s estimated 500,000 men have more than one wife.
Still, women?s rights advocates say far too many men in Bahrain abuse the law, to the detriment of women, whether it is in matters of law, rights or equality.
For instance, rights activist Afaf Al Jamri says, "(Women) are being harassed by their husbands (with polygamy), as many men force and threaten their women to be obedient to them or (they will) remarry."
"Such fearful lives are unbearable," continues Al Jamri, who happens to be the daughter of a very conservative Shiite scholar. She says that many men seem to have a "wrong interpretation (of) Islamic regulations" on marriages.
Polygamy, she says, "isn?t unconditional", although it "could be practised in certain cases", such as when the wife has a serious ailment. Al Jamri says those who can take more than one wife are men who are well off and "who will treat wives equally".
Unfortunately, say rights advocates, that seems to be more an exception than the rule. Twenty-nine-year-old Hanan, for example, is now stuck in a marriage in which her husband is absent and where their daughter is being supported by Hanan?s own brother.
"I didn?t think he would (take another wife) after we spent years dating," says Hanan, who like Muza declines to give her full name. "Although I was in total shock, I accepted. But the worse thing happened when he stopped supporting our daughter and left the task to my brother."
She says she endured the situation for a year before filing for divorce, but has since had to withdraw the case.
According to the distraught Hanan, who remains married to her husband even though she now lives separately from him, the judge warned her that her husband would gain full custody of their daughter and would challenge her allegations of maltreatment by "highlighting (the fact) that having four wives is an Islamic rights for men."
In this male-dominated society, Hanan gets little sympathy even from Islamic lecturer Fatima Bosandel, who says the judge is right. Bosandel says that while any woman may find it hard to share her husband with someone else, men here have an "unquestionable" right to have more than one wife.
"Women should be aware that no judge will grant them divorce only because their husbands got other wives," she says. If they want to end their marriage, she adds, "they should give evidence of maltreatment."
Bosandel blames the negative connotation of polygamy on Arabic-language television dramas. "I?m aware of many cases in which wives of one man are sharing good relations," she says. "One of many examples I came across is of a man who married a widow with children, as he cannot have children of his own."
Now, she says, the man is "living happily with his two wives in one flat and both wives are raising the children".
Huffs Bosandel "Single women in their mid or late thirties should accept married men instead of leading lonely and empty lives."
But lawmaker Jassim Al Saidi, who has three wives himself, is among those who are against promoting polygamy. Like Al Jamri, he says the practice should be limited to those who are financially and physically fit to have more than one wife.
"I married my first wife when I was 19, the second one when I was 29, and the last in my late thirties," recounts the 50-something legislator. " (I)?managed because of my financial capabilities to keep them in separate homes. Such a lavish life is hard for majority of ordinary Bahrainis."
Some women activists, however, say they there is a way to prevent women from having to put up with marriages that have gone ?multiple? without their consent.
Shahzlan Khamees of the Bahrain Women?s Union says she has drafted a new kind of prenuptial agreement that "could include proper conditions that would not only ban men from remarrying, but also all demands by women and men to avoid marital problems."
"Many husbands forced women to leave their jobs, have many children, or don?t help their families financially," she adds. "So conditions that could protect the rights of women after marriage could be included. Sometimes, women can state a condition that enables them to get divorce whenever they wish or have custody of their children."
The international rights group Freedom House says that while Bahrain ratified the U.N. Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination Against Women (CEDAW) in 2002, it had "reservations on articles concerning family law, equality, freedom of movement, and residence." (END)
http//ipsnews.net/news.asp?idnews=52234
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Can sharing a husband be a feminist act?
? I truly believe that women thrive when they don?t get so caught up in a man that the idea of sharing him with another woman is tantamount to feminist blasphemy. In fact, I submit that if anyone wants to see real feminism in action they should find a loving, cooperative polygynous household! I?ll go even further given the potential benefits of families with more than one wife, polygyny should be included in the Women?s Bill of Rights.
?Having said that, I cannot deny that after eons of culturally accepted ?jealousy? being part of the matrix of human society, a woman will struggle with feelings of jealousy if she suspects that another female is in love with and enjoying conjugal relations with her man. Society should neither justify her jealousy as a natural response, nor make her feel guilty for reacting to the ?other? woman with envy. Instead, society should counsel and support such a woman in order to help her overcome this spiritually debilitating disease.
?Women are incredibly compassionate. If the wife wills (and is married to a just man), she can be perfectly comfortable sharing her husband. What modern woman doesn?t appreciate regular days off, with a little time to miss her man and anticipate his return? She knows where he is and whom he?s with. She can have the best of both single and married worlds. If the wives learn to respect, like and even love each other, an incredibly strong sisterhood develops.
?) ) )
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Haven't seen where that's from since I'm on vacation (sporadic reading before the net goes) but that is truly a piece of work. If a man says he doesn't want another wife, he's "emasculated" and if a woman says she doesn't want to be a second wife, she's jealous is all and this must be crushed for her to "thrive"...I suppose "legal" pimping has to be the epitome of compassion reading whoever wrote that fine flight of fantasy.
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Haven't seen where that's from since I'm on vacation (sporadic reading before the net goes) but that is truly a piece of work.
It's from altmuslimah ? surprisingly so, since they usually tend to publish texts with a more progressive approach.
The comments are almost more interesting than the text itself. The author herself has not responded to any of the questions or comments (most of which are quite critical of the text and its logical flaws), but her husband has been quite busy defending polygamy as a great thing and labelling anyone who doesn't subscribe to his version of hardcore sunni Islam misguided.
hmm