What are the important factors in a marriage relationship
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But people have the potential of sharing your faith. You just need to educate them
Yea everyone has the potential to believe the same. But the question becomes, do I want to waste my time, and potentially get hurt pursuing people who don't agree with me about the fundamentals of life?
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i agree...but u never know whether they agree with u coz they love u and just want to go along with it...or coz they actually believe in wat ur saying
Salaam,
I too have thought a lot about it. Should I insist on finding the one who already shares the same beliefs as I do, or I should exercise patience and try to educate someone who may have the potential. I don't know... as you already know, it is extremely hard to find the one with the same beliefs and values. Anyway... I think it also takes a bit more than that. Ideally, my partner will be someone who can be my 'activity-partner', someone whom I can implement the Deen together. I think it will be awesome to be able to do social/voluntary works together with my partner, instead of just the usual dining/hanging out/watching movies etc. Few weeks ago I saw a couple engaging in voluntary work together and I was ever so jealous (.
Anyway... right now, my heart is inclined to accept someone who is a believer of God, has a peaceful and contented heart and cares about others. He does not necessarily have to already share the same beliefs, but God willing, if I try to educate him, he will be guided. But even with a looser criteria, it is hard to find a person like that (.
Yea everyone has the potential to believe the same. But the question becomes, do I want to waste my time, and potentially get hurt pursuing people who don't agree with me about the fundamentals of life?
I think it's part of the journey. You cannot expect to be happy all your life, and not experience pain. Ideally, we find the person straight away, but in most cases, that's not the case. You'll get hurt along the way but it's not necessarily a bad thing. It helps you grow as a person.
I'm sure your time will not be "wasted" if you use it to educate the person about the Path. If it is for a good cause, no time will be wasted. Whether the person accepts or not, it is not up to you. But the least you can do is trying... It will be better than limiting yourself to one sphere and no change will happen if we remain, umm... quiet?
Salaam.
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Yea everyone has the potential to believe the same. But the question becomes, do I want to waste my time, and potentially get hurt pursuing people who don't agree with me about the fundamentals of life?
Peace,
But, there's no guarantee that they wouldn't change their minds about those fundamentals. A 'quranist' can be an atheist tomorrow. People change. Most of us were all sectarians at one point in time. So, I think It's important to focus on somebody who's interested in the truth, somebody who's open-minded, kind-hearted, etc...
I think the most important aspects are honesty and authenticity, as well as how your personalities play off one another. Does your sense of humor go over their heads? Can he/she challenge you mentally, spiritually and otherwise? Can you be yourself completely, without having to censor/worry? Are you able to discuss issues/problems reasonably? Is he/she able to admit his/her faults?
It is also important to be inquisitive and get THEIR definition(s) of communication, trust, happiness, love, how to handle problems/arguments, etc.Best of luck to all  
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Peace,
But, there's no guarantee that they wouldn't change their minds about those fundamentals. A 'quranist' can be an atheist tomorrow. People change. Most of us were all sectarians at one point in time. So, I think It's important to focus on somebody who's interested in the truth, somebody who's open-minded, kind-hearted, etc...
I think the most important aspects are honesty and authenticity, as well as how your personalities play off one another. Does your sense of humor go over their heads? Can he/she challenge you mentally, spiritually and otherwise? Can you be yourself completely, without having to censor/worry? Are you able to discuss issues/problems reasonably? Is he/she able to admit his/her faults?
It is also important to be inquisitive and get THEIR definition(s) of communication, trust, happiness, love, how to handle problems/arguments, etc.Best of luck to all
I agree with what you have said here, in particular the bolded part. To me, its probably the most important factor....does your partner make you comfortable enough to be yourself. Everything else can then somehow fall into place.
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Peace,
Respect.I'd say trust and communication is the most important but even more so - heralthy ground No Lies and NO Secrets.
If the couple talk about all the problems that they encounter, then I don't see how this marriage won't work.
They must trust each other and work on the marriage. Co-operation is essential, God willing.
If one is carrying the burden for the both .... hmm I don't know.God knows best.
Peace. -
But, there's no guarantee that they wouldn't change their minds about those fundamentals. A 'quranist' can be an atheist tomorrow.
Yes, so true...and a hadith following Muslim can reject the hadith tomorrow That makes for trouble.
I know this post is old but truth, communication and being realistic seem like very important factors. In particular prior to deciding to marry, but certainly after as well.
I agree it's important to have similar beliefs, though obviously no two people will ever have the exact same beliefs in everything and as Jack pointed out, people change and that continues right through life.
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Yes, so true...and a hadith following Muslim can reject the hadith tomorrow ( That makes for trouble.
I know this post is old but truth, communication and being realistic seem like very important factors. In particular prior to deciding to marry, but certainly after as well.
I agree it's important to have similar beliefs, though obviously no two people will ever have the exact same beliefs in everything and as Jack pointed out, people change and that continues right through life.
Peace,
That's why you look at personality traits. open-mindedness, willing to be logical, a genuine truth seeker, an eagerness to be objective ( what if I am wrong..) , ability to 'let go' of beliefs most of us are 'grandfathered into', etc. If following the truth meant letting go everything you ever knew/believed, could you do it? This is a question I like to ask.
Most of all, time is the best indicator of whether your mate will click with you in the long run spiritually or otherwise. -
Peace,
That's why you look at personality traits. open-mindedness, willing to be logical, a genuine truth seeker, an eagerness to be objective ( what if I am wrong..) , ability to 'let go' of beliefs most of us are 'grandfathered into', etc. If following the truth meant letting go everything you ever knew/believed, could you do it? This is a question I like to ask.
Most of all, time is the best indicator of whether your mate will click with you in the long run spiritually or otherwise.Very good points Jack. I wish I'd seen this thread a long time ago
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I think once the loneliness kicks in all that list of must haves will be dramatically cut in half, several times over.
Loneliness > List
http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=qmhVpeNh_wI DBut apart from that i must say, if there was a girl who was quran-only and lived in my vicinity, it would make even me of all people get off my lazy bum and start chasing after her. Thats probably all id need to know about her initially to catch my interest, because in its self that quality sais a lot about a person like.... generally and..... probably............... hopefully! .
Loving God more than you love another. For he was the one with you when no one else was.
Most ceartainly.
http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUNCkXcwGRA&feature=channelThe level of devotion to God is a direct measure of the value of a woman. yes
Id support her just to that end if need be.God >>>>> Loneliness
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Was about to sleep but meh, can't help paying attention to this thread.
Loving God more than you love another. For he was the one with you when no one else was.
Not sure that loving God and loving another can be separated. Personally, I feel that the true essence of loving God is loving another. God is Love. Believing and loving God is having the capacity, and constantly expanding it, to love. Some people can 'love' God and seclude themselves from the outside world out of the desires to be in servitude, and always 'near' him. But the cookie crumbles for me, if he does not show the desire to love one another, regardless if he loves God so much. That's mah personal view anyway. Feel free to crush my cookie.
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Was about to sleep but meh, can't help paying attention to this thread.
Not sure that loving God and loving another can be separated. Personally, I feel that the true essence of loving God is loving another. God is Love. Believing and loving God is having the capacity, and constantly expanding it, to love. Some people can 'love' God and seclude themselves from the outside world out of the desires to be in servitude, and always 'near' him. But the cookie crumbles for me, if he does not show the desire to love one another, regardless if he loves God so much. That's mah personal view anyway. Feel free to crush my cookie.
hear hear ...if u love God, u will love His Creation. the best way to show ur love and gratitude to God is to love others, more than your own self. show ur gratitude by being the best daughter/son/friend/husband/wife... be the person God wants you to be....its easy to love and care for someone who is good to you..takes strength to care for people just fr the sake of God and love for Him and His Creation.
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Peace BornAgain,
Was about to sleep but meh, can't help paying attention to this thread.
Not sure that loving God and loving another can be separated. Personally, I feel that the true essence of loving God is loving another. God is Love. Believing and loving God is having the capacity, and constantly expanding it, to love. Some people can 'love' God and seclude themselves from the outside world out of the desires to be in servitude, and always 'near' him. But the cookie crumbles for me, if he does not show the desire to love one another, regardless if he loves God so much. That's mah personal view anyway. Feel free to crush my cookie.
I understand what you mean and highly respect your standing point.
But what if one were to be dedicated to the help of people, not for ones love of the people but for the love of God?004.095 Not equal are those believers who sit (at home) and receive no hurt, and those who strive and fight in the cause of God with their goods and their persons. God hath granted a grade higher to those who strive and fight with their goods and persons than to those who sit (at home). Unto all (in Faith) Hath God promised good But those who strive and fight hath He distinguished above those who sit (at home) by a special reward.
004.096 Ranks specially bestowed by Him, and Forgiveness and Mercy. For God is Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful.
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I think once the loneliness kicks in all that list of must haves will be dramatically cut in half, several times over.
Loneliness > List
http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=qmhVpeNh_wI DBut apart from that i must say, if there was a girl who was quran-only and lived in my vicinity, it would make even me of all people get off my lazy bum and start chasing after her. Thats probably all id need to know about her initially to catch my interest, because in its self that quality sais a lot about a person like.... generally and..... probably............... hopefully! .
Most ceartainly.
http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUNCkXcwGRA&feature=channelThe level of devotion to God is a direct measure of the value of a woman. yes
Id support her just to that end if need be.God >>>>> Loneliness
rotfl You should have seen the funny look I got from my daughter when I clicked on your ''lonely'' link!! lol
Quran alone people must be quite tricky to find so in that respect I can see why you would be interested when you found that out...in practical terms. But as well you would hope that would form a good values base in someone, like Jack was saying to look for open-mindedness, seeking the truth, objectiveness etc. InshAllah when you find a Quran only follower (or Muslim ) you will also find many of those qualities.
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Was about to sleep but meh, can't help paying attention to this thread.
Not sure that loving God and loving another can be separated. Personally, I feel that the true essence of loving God is loving another. God is Love. Believing and loving God is having the capacity, and constantly expanding it, to love. Some people can 'love' God and seclude themselves from the outside world out of the desires to be in servitude, and always 'near' him. But the cookie crumbles for me, if he does not show the desire to love one another, regardless if he loves God so much. That's mah personal view anyway. Feel free to crush my cookie.
Just because someone doesn't show love to others in a clear way doesn't mean he doesn't care for others. He just might not be sure what the best approach is to express his love. I agree that secluding oneself from the outside world is not a good thing as the verse below shows. However, getting some time away from the outside world is a great way to realign yourself with your purpose. Seclusion, although it can be depressing, feels like facing reality to me. But you're right total indefinite seclusion is not a good thing.
5727 Then We sent in their tracks Our messengers. And We sent Jesus, son of Mary, and We gave him the Gospel, and We ordained in the hearts of his followers kindness and mercy. But they invented Monasticism which We never decreed for them. They wanted to please God, but they did not observe it the way it should have been observed. Consequently, We gave those who believed among them their recompense, while many of them were wicked.
