The Parents
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Salam evryone.....
I have a question regarding the parents, and taking into account, that we as Muslims, Submitter....are commanded to honour and respect our parents. We cannot even suggest annoyance to them. This is of course will be easily applied to an ideal situation, in normal circumstances. As I normally term it, the black and white situations as laid out in the QURAN.
Now, I say this, as a Police Officer, I have encountered Fathers who rape their daughters, Fathers physically torturing their children and so forth. To another subtle example, I was reading a story on hit internet whereby, a child was psychologically scarred as he/she was called a worm because he/she was skinny and was told he/she was not the parents child as they collected him/her from trash. (see www.ihs-ihs.com, under cruel parents topic).
Now wouldn't respecting and honouring your parents in this regard and in any and all circumstances without intelligent discretion, would further exacerbate psychological wounds which, could prove detrimental to one's own mental and spiritual wellbeing.
Now, this is by no means an affront to Quranic teachings, not at all, but in these Grey Area situations are clearly not the same as the ideal circumstances that was laid out in the Quran, so as to shed more light and hopefully discussion on this topic.
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Never expected to respect/honor your parents in everything. If they are in the wrong, then those actions deserve no respect.
See Abraham and his father (2151 onward) as well as the many verses that warn us not to follow our parents who are misguided.
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Abusive or incompetent parents often hide behind this commandment. However elsewhere the Quran clarifies that this verse is for adults who might be caring for their elderly parents, ie where parents are not in a position of power.
We are constantly asked to deal kindly & justly with orphans, naturally this extends to all children.
The perfect example of this is Abrahims conversation with his son, in which two things stick out.
- Addresses his son with love & respect.
- Mutual consultation on important decisions.
Peace.
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Never expected to respect/honor your parents in everything. If they are in the wrong, then those actions deserve no respect.
See Abraham and his father (2151 onward) as well as the many verses that warn us not to follow our parents who are misguided.
Agreed. After all, parents are human too.
Besides respecting doesn't mean allow someone to treat you like trash.
the common verses used for parental respect are
1723 (Asad) for thy Sustainer has ordained that you shall worship none but Him. And do good unto parents. Should one of them, or both, attain to old age in thy care, never say "Ugh" to them or scold them, but speak unto them with reverent speech, -
298 (Asad) Now We have enjoined upon man goodness towards his parents; yet should they endeavour to make thee ascribe divinity, side by side with Me, to something which thy mind cannot accept , obey then, not it is unto Me that you all must return, whereupon I shall make you understand all that you were doing .
some parents tend to take advantage and demand respect for simply being a parent. no-one will respect ill actions.. nor does the Quran promote respect to such actions.
having a good, respectful, nice character to anyone (parent or not) is an honourable trait. and speaking/acting against injustice is another
peace
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Salam evryone.....
I have a question regarding the parents, and taking into account, that we as Muslims, Submitter....are commanded to honour and respect our parents. We cannot even suggest annoyance to them. This is of course will be easily applied to an ideal situation, in normal circumstances. As I normally term it, the black and white situations as laid out in the QURAN.
Now, I say this, as a Police Officer, I have encountered Fathers who rape their daughters, Fathers physically torturing their children and so forth. To another subtle example, I was reading a story on hit internet whereby, a child was psychologically scarred as he/she was called a worm because he/she was skinny and was told he/she was not the parents child as they collected him/her from trash. (see www.ihs-ihs.com, under cruel parents topic).
Now wouldn't respecting and honouring your parents in this regard and in any and all circumstances without intelligent discretion, would further exacerbate psychological wounds which, could prove detrimental to one's own mental and spiritual wellbeing. Now, this is by no means an affront to Quranic teachings, not at all, but in these Grey Area situations are clearly not the same as the ideal circumstances that was laid out in the Quran, so as to shed more light and hopefully discussion on this topic.
4135 O you who acknowledge, stand with justice as witnesses to God, even if against yourselves, or the parents or the relatives. Even if he were rich or poor, God is more worthy of them, so do not follow your desires from being just. If you twist or turn away, then God is Ever-aware of what you do.
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Salam again,
thank you very much for the input, also translation that was brought up
1723 (Asad) for thy Sustainer has ordained that you shall worship none but Him. And do good unto parents. Should one of them, or both, attain to old age in thy care, never say "Ugh"
Much of my understanding have perhaps been skewed by this translation
Your Lord has decreed that you shall not worship except Him, and your parents shall be honored. As long as one or both of them live, you shall never say to them, "Uff"
In one translation, its depicts parents when they attain old age, in my old understanding, the verses says as long as they live, which is TOTALLY different. I wish I could understand Arabic.
However, what about this, verse does it indicate the necessity of forgiveness for the Parents' wrongdoing to their children? That despite everything we are encouraged to reconcile with our parents? What are the implications of this verse?
And We enjoined man to do good to his parents. His mother bore him with hardship, gave birth to him in hardship, and his bearing and weaning lasts thirty months. So that, when he has reached his independence, and he has reached forty years, he says My Lord, direct me to appreciate the blessings You have bestowed upon me and upon my parents, and to do good work that pleases You. And let my progeny be righteous. I have repented to You; I am of those who have submitted.
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However, what about this, verse does it indicate the necessity of forgiveness for the Parents' wrongdoing to their children? That despite everything we are encouraged to reconcile with our parents? What are the implications of this verse?
And We enjoined man to do good to his parents. His mother bore him with hardship, gave birth to him in hardship, and his bearing and weaning lasts thirty months. So that, when he has reached his independence, and he has reached forty years, he says My Lord, direct me to appreciate the blessings You have bestowed upon me and upon my parents, and to do good work that pleases You. And let my progeny be righteous. I have repented to You; I am of those who have submitted.
I don't think that their is anything that i've read in the above verse which i've highlighted, that says anything about "the necessity of forgiveness for the Parents' wrongdoing to their children" (although the children can choose to forgive if they want/can) and more about how GOD wants us to treat our parents in your own words "an ideal sitiuation" with ideal parents, but unfortunately not all parents are ideal and that's why GOD in his wisdom gave us verses like 4135 about standing up to injustices to all, aswell as our parents and I think we can all agree that any parent that causes chilhood verbal/physical/ sexuall abuse (apart from killing them) is the WORST of injustices, not only to the children, but to GOD himself, who gave the parents their children.
Also even if our parents reach old age and we choose to forgive them for their past abuse of us and we decide to look after them, we are still told by GOD in some verses that we are NOT to obey them if they try and make us commit shirk/idolitary or anything which goes against GOD'S Quran.
This is just my understanding.