Seeking Allah
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Assalam alaikom everyone, I was actually very happy to find this forum and I hope to learn and contribute with all of you.
My name is Christine, I am a muslim now for 2.5 years. I have had many ups and downs since I come from a Catholic family that is pretty strict. I worked in the Catholic church under the bishop. I was recently divorced living on my own with my two children when after many studies, I reverted to Islam. Of course my family thought I had lost my mind. I did the best I could teaching myself. I fell in love with Islam through the Qu'ran. Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) was a bonus that came along. However, I started to notice especially after I got married, I have a different mind frame. One that makes me feel like an outsider. First, I place no preference on the Prophets. My husband goes on and on about our Prophet and states you need to wish blessing apon him and love him greater than yourself. However I thought the Prophet said, after Allah your mother? So which is it? Either way, I wish all the Prophets peace and blessings. To me Prophet Muhammad(pbuh) though I love him is no greater to me then Prophet Jesus (pbuh).
I started have huge issues with hadiths. For me, I feel that what you hear versus what I hear someone say is different, because it is filtered through our personal experience, belief and development. I have read some hadiths that have had me so upset to only be told it is "authentic". I started to feel myself falling from Islam, feeling as much as this is a faith I love, I just never would fit in. I don't speak Arabic, so already my Salat suffers as I feel no connection to Allah. I even asked questions about the Tashoud, did the Prophet speak about himself in the 3rd person?
Honestly, when I read the Hadith about the men getting 2 wives in heaven and the beautiful maidens, I felt so sick to my stomach. Why, because it does not make sense and it is hurtful to me. Why would Allah hurt me in Jannah? I asked an Imam and I was told "Allah will remove the jealous and you will be so beautiful and only care for your husband, so you will accept this". That is not a good answer. I said why can't it just be me and my husband and If the sin of jealousy is removed why not the sin of lust? I was told if I question, Allah can just say I am ungrateful and put me in the hellfire. So do I want jannah with my husband and the women or the hellfire? I felt so hurt... you have no idea, my husband disagreed with the Imam and told me not to think about this that no one knows jannah and he personally did not want more than to have his wife and kids.
Also if the women had two husbands she can only choose one in heaven, but if the man had two wives he is entitled to both. So what happens to the women that had 2 husbands? They both have claim to her, yet she has to pick one? It is these questions that get me in trouble at my masjid. I am not looking for trouble, I am asking a question, how can that work, logically? Also I found some contridictions in hadiths as well as, some that fail in science and make my beloved Prophet look ignorant, which really upsets me.
Anyway I apoligize for the rant, I am just looking for peace and to get back to me and Allah, because that is all that matters to me. My biggest fear is eternity without him, nothing else matters. Nothing! and it really hurts to feel myself as not ever being able to reach that closeness, that I had when I first entered Islam. I guess cause I strived in Christianity and never felt it, so once I had it and then lost it... I feel I need to get it back, just don't know how.
I am so sorry if anything I said offended anyone, PLEASE that is never my intention at all, I am just striving to reach my Lord. and If I don't say how I feel, how can I learn and grow from the advice of others.
Thanks for reading my book P
Peace,
Christine -
Welcome to the forum, christine.
Hadiths are dumb, so not wonder you react on those. Any godloving individual who knows the praises of the Lord, would react to them.
How to get back the closeness of Allah? I am not sure If this is the same but, sometimes I feel that Allah and God just become words, and I need to think about The Almighty instead. I think there is a verse in The Quran about making God the only one you deal with. So trying to remember throughout the day, that The Almighty runs everything, might be a way of gaining closeness to Allah. Prayer is the be godconscious/fearing so if that doesn`t work, (which I can understand, I have stopped praying a long time ago), I can only suggest this, which is inspired by the path of the mystics, who seek to be godconscious, and know God consciously. If you are ready, he might show you signs. As I like to say, on the highest level, there is only a monologue with self. That would be closeness I guess. Godspeed, and may God guide you to his path.
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peace Christine,
Welcome to the forum.
Most people who claim a hadith is "authentic" have no fixed criteria and most likely do not know early Islamic history in which hadiths were disputed very commonly.
In one's regular/timed salat, one should know what one is saying, see 443. I am confident an all-knowing God understands all languages.
For some of the greatest works critiquing the Traditional Hadith, see
http//ahadithstudies.wordpress.com/For a brief introduction
http//mypercept.co.uk/articles/Rethinking_Tradition_Modern_Islamic_Thought.htmTools to study the Quran www.StudyQuran.org
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Salam Christine
Welcome to free-minds )
As far as I understand the point of life, it is about a test. In the process of testing, we get married and share a commitment to maintain a harmony of life. Our feelings are evolutionary programming that benefits us. I dont see the point of getting married after our resurrection. Marriage system benefits us in this life, can't think about any benefit from it in the afterlife. Allah is supposed to be kind to his slaves, so we need not worry.
A male dominated society tries its best to interpret every thing in the light of male domination. Freedom from this curse can be achieved only by following Allah's commands alone. As far as I know, we are all supposed to have desirable companions in Heaven.
As a student of comparative religion, I cant end without quoting from a scripture, here it goes
" Jesus answered them, 'You are wrong, because you understand neither the scriptures nor the power of God.For at the resurrection men and women do not marry; no, they are like the angels in heaven..." ( Holy Bible , Matthew 2229-30 context from verse 24 )
May Allah guide us all
--------------- Student of Allah
