How can I ask my date about her beliefs?
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Salam!
These days I am dating a kind and attractive woman. We have been talking about different topics and I think we fit together well... but before making the next step, I would like to find out what she thinks about God. It is important for me that she does not reject God, otherwise a relationship would be impossible according to my understanding of the Quran. So how can I lead the conversation into a direction that she reveals her beliefs? You probably know that belief/ religion is not the usual topic on dates... So do you have any tips how I can do it? I'd be grateful for any answer.
Peace be upon you!
HowardSalam Howard
Excuse me for asking but where in the Quran does it say you are not allowed to marry someone who rejects God? You are not allowed to marry someone who believes in polytheism or someone who does not believe in your right to believe in God (kaffir). If you cross reference in the Quran you will find that a kaffir is not someone who simply rejects God, it is someone who imposes this rejection on others. If she rejects God it is God who will be the judge, you as a believer has nothing to do with that as long as she is not trying to make you reject God.
I am not saying right or wrong here, not trying to promote that you should marry an unbeliever. I would only take another look at what the Quran says before you turn away from your potential love of your life.
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Salam Howard
Excuse me for asking but where in the Quran does it say you are not allowed to marry someone who rejects God? You are not allowed to marry someone who believes in polytheism or someone who does not believe in your right to believe in God (kaffir). If you cross reference in the Quran you will find that a kaffir is not someone who simply rejects God, it is someone who imposes this rejection on others. If she rejects God it is God who will be the judge, you as a believer has nothing to do with that as long as she is not trying to make you reject God.
I am not saying right or wrong here, not trying to promote that you should marry an unbeliever. I would only take another look at what the Quran says before you turn away from your potential love of your life.
Someone told me that the kaffir was the person who used to follow the farmer as he planted the seeds and then cover the seeds up with dirt. It could mean those who deny and supress the truth.
Not all the kaffirs in the Koran went against the prophets as you said. Some mocked and some walked away as if they heard nothing. The ones who turned violent are the ones the Koran says we can fight to defend ourselves.
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Salam!
These days I am dating a kind and attractive woman. We have been talking about different topics and I think we fit together well... but before making the next step, I would like to find out what she thinks about God. It is important for me that she does not reject God, otherwise a relationship would be impossible according to my understanding of the Quran. So how can I lead the conversation into a direction that she reveals her beliefs? You probably know that belief/ religion is not the usual topic on dates... So do you have any tips how I can do it? I'd be grateful for any answer.
Peace be upon you!
Howardsalam
i think with you that this is a very important question.
I can only say that it anyway is the way it should ... As an explanation, perhaps my story I was a 'Kaferin "in the eyes of most I did not even know if God really exists, when I met my husband, he spoke on the first date about God and his faith to him, I was first... totally perplexed and did not know how to react. But it was also fascinating and absolutely impressive to see that someone looked at God as a priority and not what music or film, etc.
I was so fascinated that I did't run away, even if he represented completely the opposite of my ideal .... In the end it was written that I married him .... So my advice to be is simply yourself -
salam
i think with you that this is a very important question.
I can only say that it anyway is the way it should ... As an explanation, perhaps my story I was a 'Kaferin "in the eyes of most I did not even know if God really exists, when I met my husband, he spoke on the first date about God and his faith to him, I was first... totally perplexed and did not know how to react. But it was also fascinating and absolutely impressive to see that someone looked at God as a priority and not what music or film, etc.
I was so fascinated that I did't run away, even if he represented completely the opposite of my ideal .... In the end it was written that I married him .... So my advice to be is simply yourselfI like this story )
I have a similar one. My brothers wife was a nonbeliever as well, and she even come from a culture and society that really hates muslims, in fact even was at war with muslims. But he insisted to talk about God and show her that this is the most important thing for him untill she read the Quran and asked all the questions she could. At the end she became muslim (Quran alone) a dedicated one )I dont think love is the most important thing here. We have a purpose in life. Remembering that love will seem so short, passing and temporary that spending your life with a rejector, a nonbeliever, an idolworshipper or a hypocrite is just not worth it. In those ayas God sais dont take them as close friends, 328, 4139, 4144. I dont know if God has to say specificly "dont marry" them. I think dont make close friends of them includes even marriage which is more than being close friends.
Dont be afraid of showing your faith. Be honest and open with it, be yourself. God will provide you with the best woman for you if you give God victory.
Salam peace
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Someone told me that the kaffir was the person who used to follow the farmer as he planted the seeds and then cover the seeds up with dirt. It could mean those who deny and supress the truth.
Not all the kaffirs in the Koran went against the prophets as you said. Some mocked and some walked away as if they heard nothing. The ones who turned violent are the ones the Koran says we can fight to defend ourselves.
Salam Bigmo
Exactly! A kaffir is someone who denies and suppresses the truth. A kaffir cannot deny the truth unless he believes it to be true, he must believe in God in order to reject Him............ As for Howards case I suspect he was not referring to a kaffir but to someone who simply does not believe in God. This part I cannot find in the Quran where we are not to interact with atheists....There is no Quranic ruling that you must marry someone who believes in God. It does state however idolaters and unbelievers (kaffirs) are off limits.
Please amend what you wrote that I wrote, where did I say you must turn against the prophet to be labeled as a kaffir? -
Salam all of you and thank you for your replies!
Ofcoarse, you can just ask her directly too... but that may make thinks weird if she is not very spiritual.
Maaaaan! Be more subtle. This is a date. Not an interview. Just ask her what are the important things in her life and she what she says. Asking her about her religious beliefs staright up ain't cool.
Yes, I guess you are right. I couldn't find a way to ask her at our last date, since I felt it might be a little inappropriate.
Or talk about some trial and tribulation you or somebody you know of or read about went through and see what she says.
I don't know if talking about negativ stuff like that might help me... do you really think I should do that?
You are not allowed to marry someone who believes in polytheism or someone who does not believe in your right to believe in God (kaffir). If you cross reference in the Quran you will find that a kaffir is not someone who simply rejects God, it is someone who imposes this rejection on others. If she rejects God it is God who will be the judge, you as a believer has nothing to do with that as long as she is not trying to make you reject God.
I am not saying right or wrong here, not trying to promote that you should marry an unbeliever. I would only take another look at what the Quran says before you turn away from your potential love of your life.
Very interesting point of view, my friend. But I am not sure that a person must encompass all characteristics attributed to the rejecters to be one of them. Isn't it enough if a person shares one of the characteristics such as "544 And whoever does not judge with what God has sent down, then these are the rejecters."? Maybe you can clarify your point, so that perhaps I become convinced.
As for Howards case I suspect he was not referring to a kaffir but to someone who simply does not believe in God.
Yes, I refer to someone who does not believe in God's existence or believes in something that goes against the Quranic view of God, e.g. "Jesus is God", "I believe in some superior power, but this needn't to be God" etc.
I liked Alas and mirjamnurs stories. This would be the ideal way my dates proceed.
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Very interesting point of view, my friend. But I am not sure that a person must encompass all characteristics attributed to the rejecters to be one of them. Isn't it enough if a person shares one of the characteristics such as "544 And whoever does not judge with what God has sent down, then these are the rejecters."? Maybe you can clarify your point, so that perhaps I become convinced.
Salam Howard
Nobody knows how long time we have here on earth, nobody knows if a non-believer will find Allah later in life. To turn away from a person simply because they have not reached out or found God not yet just builds the wall between believers and atheists with one more brick. As far as I understand we are not to build that wall but to help tear it down and instead build walls between us and the ones who misuse what God has sent down, just like 544 states. There is a big difference between somebody who doesnt believe in something because they know nothing about it and someone who rejects something they believe in.
When I met my wife I did not believe in God, at best I was an agnostic. If she would have rejected me because of that I would not have been a muslim today and she wouldn't have been my wife. She was the one who gave me my first Quran, I was the one who made her focus on the Quran instead of hadith. Maybe she was sent to me to save me, maybe I was sent to save her, nobody knows the work of Allah. Maybe you are supposed to marry this girl eventhough she is an atheist, maybe you are supposed to influence her, maybe Allah wants you to be a role model for her so she may see Islam........You don't know.........And eventhough she might stay atheist her whole life you have at least shown her and her family what a muslim is all about and you have contributed in making the people of this world a little bit more understanding of eachother. Perhaps this girl is more muslim than us, have you thought about that? Ask her about her moral values and cross check them against the Quran. An imam did that to me a long time ago, afterwards he told me the only difference between me and a muslim was that I didnt know I was a muslim.This is what I mean, islam is about defending yourself against those who wish you harm, it is about defending Allah against those who misuse His name. We should not marry those who think believing in Allah is wrong, we should not marry those who believe in Gods.
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Salam Howard
There is a big difference between somebody who doesnt believe in something because they know nothing about it and someone who rejects something they believe in.I think this is an important point. In a discussion becomes quickly clear if someone, for example, rejects Islam, because he does not know much about it and is misinformed, or whether he hates Islam because he thinks he has found something better.
However, I think you forget one important point in this matter The power of God.
My story has many surprises After my husband had lied to me grossly, I threw him out / after we had already filed the marriage papers. My family also intervened by one; warning letter sent to the registrar's office to make sure that this terrorist would not get a chance again to marry me.
My husband, however, deeply regretted what he had done and turned to Allah repentant (he told me this until much later. He was in prison and had time ...)
Allah has apparently heard his prayers- or/and it was written from the beginning-, and at least I forgave him and we were married in the same registry office by the same person who had received the warning letter, and as a crowning glory we got married without that he had a valid passport, not even a valid visa and just came out from the prison... (and who knows, Switzerland, knows that this is a big miracle ...)
So, again, be yourself and always ask God for help and advice pr. Allah listen to the one who ask ..(and help)... -
Salam all of you and thank you for your replies!
Yes, I guess you are right. I couldn't find a way to ask her at our last date, since I felt it might be a little inappropriate.
I don't know if talking about negativ stuff like that might help me... do you really think I should do that?
Very interesting point of view, my friend. But I am not sure that a person must encompass all characteristics attributed to the rejecters to be one of them. Isn't it enough if a person shares one of the characteristics such as "544 And whoever does not judge with what God has sent down, then these are the rejecters."? Maybe you can clarify your point, so that perhaps I become convinced.
Yes, I refer to someone who does not believe in God's existence or believes in something that goes against the Quranic view of God, e.g. "Jesus is God", "I believe in some superior power, but this needn't to be God" etc.
I liked Alas and mirjamnurs stories. This would be the ideal way my dates proceed.
Yes talking about the challenges of life and trials of life tells you a whole lot about a person. It tells us how they see their purpose in life and why things happen in life. Whether they things happening for a reason or not.
If you just start a conversation about why life can be challenging and stuff. Ask her about her experiences in life and whether she believes in fate. These are very subtle ways to understand a person's religious thinking.
Just see what she says and go from there. But do it in a subtle way or else she can lie if she thinks you are trying to find some answer.
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If Allah is with her, then marry her. For Allah is with those who are hunble and patient and shows endurance at times of testing periods; darkness will not shroud their faces; they are always peaceful, smiling and pleasant looking; and they are free from pride and prejudice; they shall not engage in arguments over what is truth; and they would fulfil their obligations whenever they make a promise. But for Allah's help and nearness such guided pleasantness is impossible.
You do not have to ask your date on her beliefs. Well you know well by now, whether she is with Allah or Allah is with her or not. Go ahead and marry then.