guidance in dealing with the death of a child

Wilson

Peace Indelwyn,

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Condolences and my deepest sympathy to you and your family.

2.45-46. And seek help through patience and through as-salaat. It is a difficult thing, except for the humble. The ones who conceive that they will meet their lord and that to him they will return.

O you who believe, seek help through patience and through as-salaat, the god is with the patient ones.

2155-156. ?And give good news to those who are patient. The ones who, when afflicted with adversity, they say "We are to the god and to him we will return."

Every soul will taste death, and you will be recompensed your dues on the day of resurrection. Whoever is swayed from the fire and entered into the paradise, he has indeed won. This worldly life is nothing more than the enjoyment of vanity.
And the worldly life is nothing more than play and distraction, and the abode of the hereafter is far better for those who are righteous. Do you not comprehend?
Those whom their lives are terminated by the malaa'ika, while they had been good, they will say "Peace be upon you, enter the paradise because of that which you have done."

21.35. Every soul will taste death. And we burden you with evil and good as a test, and it is to us that you will return.

Abdelilah

AliHuzaifa

can u please tell me what exactly happened? how a three year old got into pack of wild dogs?

mirjamnur

Shalom Aleikhem,

I am sorry for your loss. I tried to use google and came up with a news of a pack of 11 dogs killing a child in a zoo. It is way to sad, and since I am not feeling alright myself, I can comprehend that it must be difficult for the family/relatives/friends.

My idea of the world around us is not "pre-determined" to the level that I would seek for a reason/purpose for that sad event. Both good and bad things happen randomly. It has a lot to do with nature, not theology. Nature has principles, that pack of dogs were acting natural, the way they were meant to and expected to behave. Given that, the only unnatural thing, or rather mistake/accident was the primary cause due to which the baby ended up falling prey. The adults accompanying the child, the emergency security systems of the zoo... they should be held accountable, not God.

Don't get me wrong, I see this as an accident. I can not end this without pointing out a false premise you used in your reasoning. You "assumed" that this happened because A/The God was testing your cousin. That is an unproven premise for your argument that "trust me this is way more than she can bear". It was ultimately the responsibility of the adult to take sufficient prevention measures in protecting children. Accidents do happen. I am sorry for your loss.

Peace
--------------- Student of Allah

Salam Indelwyn

I'm so sorry for you and for your family. I'm feel so sorry for his life.

A loss is always bad - especially if it is done in a cruel manner. And it's hard to found words. it is like to speak about anything for what there aren't words, but i will try.
I join the opinion of the Student of Allah, when she says it was an accident.
We live on Earth in a cycle of laws. The dogs reacted normally, we can give them no blame. We can even not blame the guards who came too late. However, we are allowed to not shift the blame on God.
On the other hand, nothing happens without the final permit. This fact is hard to accept when we are confronted with cruel murders, war crimes, child abuse, torture or accidents of this kind and you will argue that a murder or abuse can not be equated with an accident, especially if it is to be so cruel.
That's true of course, because in the former case we see clearly a culprit who is responsible and so our feelings of grief and sorrow we probably transform into anger and aggression, which we can pass on the culprit. In Your case there is no way to make our emotions through projection more bearable - the full of grief and loss and the horror falls on us. And because we do not understand and can not, the danger here is that we will turn away from the faith, lose our faith in God.
We have an example in Sura 18, which can serve as an example. The story of Moses and the Wise, where he was allowed to follow until he had no more patience. We see the horror that Moses - and he was a prophet, fell over when he saw that this friend of Allah killed a innocent boy. We also know the answer at the end of the story of the wise.
It may seem unfair and horrible because we do not possess all the knowledge that would be required to set understand such events. We know of one dimension- the dimension our mind. However, no one can deny that this dimension in terms of the nature of the universe or God is a nullity. We are a small spot of dust or even less in front of the creation - trapped in our time and our space and our bodies. How should we can understand anything? How should we understand certain correlations and reasons, why things have to happen so as they do -and not different?We can not, ever, and this is the unbearable.

However
Perhaps the little boy would become sick later, would he had suffered even more? perhaps something will happen in the future, that may cause us to wish to be in his place? Perhaps he will face any other catastrophe? Or his childrens?
We do not know, but we have a guarantee that God never would allow a bad thing for people who believe in him.This is a part of faith. Without this trust, we can not tolerate certain things in life.

However, we still have a help, a fact that we read in the Quran repeatedly and also in earlier revelations that this life is cumulative suffering but/and that this whole world this day compared with the coming world is unimportant in the eyes of God -only a drop against the eternal bliss of paradise. The small earth citizen was briefly -he found no harm, except his violent death. He now returns back to hes origin and at the end he will be forever in the most beautiful paradise gardens - my personal beliefs is that children awaiting us there pleased and happy to see us again. He's test is finish, yes , before it's start - but his soul is not die- the soul is happy and feel no sorrow.
Salam and i'm sorry to speak to much.

youssef4342

Peace peace
I know it might seem such a tragedy and a loss. but, people need to get the wisdom that death is not as bad as it may seem. To me it's like, Thank God! the boy was spared in growing in this cruel world!

Plus, people can't just blame God for everything. We are responsible for some of the things we do. There is a risk in going to the zoo with wild animals, and swimming in shark infested waters etc.... You are taking an evident risk.
Anything bad that happens to you is a consequence of your own deeds, and He overlooks many (of your sins).

and yes God also tests us,
We will surely test you through some fear, hunger, and loss of money, lives, and crops. Give good news to the steadfast.

Do you expect to enter Paradise without God distinguishing those among you who strive, and without distinguishing those who are steadfast?
We will certainly put you to the test, in order to distinguish those among you who strive, and steadfastly persevere. We must expose your true qualities.
http//submission.org/#/d/friday_testing_temptations.html

Have you heard about this?
Mother murdered son for 'failing to learn the Koran'
http//www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/law-and-order/9648856/Mother-murdered-son-for-failing-to-learn-the-Koran.html

Scribbler

Salam Alaykum, Indelwyn.

It really is a sad news, and I can understand the pain which is not at all easy to deal with. But I believe it is part of a test from Allah for his family.
May Allah grant your cousin paradise in the hereafter, insha'Allah.

Have you heard about this?
Mother murdered son for 'failing to learn the Koran'
http//www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/law-and-order/9648856/Mother-murdered-son-for-failing-to-learn-the-Koran.html

Ahh...I came in tears after reading the news in this link. '(

Zulf

Though I cannot image your and your family's feelings... I'll share an idea

Even though we believe in Allah as the Unfathomable Creative, and even though we can think about things like life and death in a bigger perspective... I think it is important that we allow ourselves to feel exactly what we feel. I'm not talking about exercises in finding causes and reasons, or to point fingers. I'm talking about being ok about not feeling ok. It's ok to feel miserable, and whatever we can describe it as. We should never try to hide away from our own feelings through suppression, denial, escapism or whatever. Of course I'm not saying that you are doing that... I'm just talking about the general case. We all go through painful things all the time, some worse than the other... but the painful feeling is not the same thing as that which triggered it. They are different. The event, or cause, is often (but not always) gone once it has happened, but the feelings remain in us after the event is passed. If we can consciously, as an aware and deliberate choice, allow these feelings in us, no matter how bad they feel, they will not destroy us, and they will dissolve or transform much faster. In this life, we have no choice but to accept life as it happens. Life will develop and happen to us no matter what. If we accept it and try to avoid resisting life, then it will be so much easier. It's easy to say, but not so easy to do, but by surrendering to life and the system of Allah, we will benefit greatly from this. The opposite is to resist the system (our life as it happens) of Allah, and that will only bring more misery.

I'm sharing this as I have applied this approach in my own life... and it is wonderful and liberating.

So, it's ok to be angry, crushed, lost, depressed, miserable. Allah is still there. These feelings will no last forever, if we just first allow them fully. We have to go through the emotional wave will full acceptance, and not resist it. This will actually bring us closer to Allah (though it might sound odd). This is part of the Surrender that will life us up.

Then of course there is the question about how to act in front of others, while giving support. How string is one supposed to act or pretend. Well I don't know, but the the concept of acceptance and allowing one's emotions still holds true. But life is not easy. We have to learn all the time. May Allah help us all.

Peace

Indelwyn

Thank you guys for the wonderful insight. I am just not sure what to say to them. I don't blame the dogs, I don't blame Elizabeth. God knows I have lifted my kids to see better. I know that area of the zoo and commented last time we went how dangerous that area is. It was a freak accident. Perhaps I was viewing it from God controls all so therefore, why allow this. But God knows better than I do.

I am looking for peace to try and help them. The responses have really giving me food for thought.

My firm belief is that Maddox is with God.

Thank you all again so much!!

youssef4342

yeah,
people can't just blame God for everything. We have some freedom of choices.
if you drink poison, it doesn't matter who you are, a priest or an athiest, you will die, unless divine intervention of course.

Kids make mistakes, sometimes even knowingly, i know that for a fact.... i used to touch the fridge missing the light bulb just to get electrocuted....

good_logic

Peace Indelwyn.

I am sorry for the loss of your cousin . It was a tragic and unfortunate accident.

May the Lord help you and his family to cope .

Peace.

Released

Peace Indelwyn,

This does hit home.

I can't understand it either. I felt so helpless when I read that. I know this is of no help, but I just wanted to share, that you are not alone in your thinking. I feel the same as you. Why? A three year old..he was a baby.

Edit

I just want to add that I am happy that you beginning to recover from this. You are very strong. May God make things easier for you and your family.

Indelwyn

Thank you Released. I am only strong by the Grace of God.

Life is precious.

You guys are wonderful, even at times when we may disagree. Please know in my heart I appreciate you all and happy I have had the opportunity to grow and learn, from such blessed people.