The God Alone Marriage Contract

unknownuser

Peace all peace

So, I've seen quite a few marriage contract templates, and of course the majority are not even written in a language that the bride and bridegroom can fully understand! Or, they are created by the sectarian organizations, without any care for individual needs and preferences.

I'm interested if Quran only Muslims

Believe in the validity of marriage contracts and why or why not?
Would you create your own template with your spouse to be, and perhaps have a lawyer oversee it?
What are some of the things that you would stipulate or include?
Do you still think it's important to register your marriage formally with the civil courts, and submit a copy of your contract?

Please add anything if you'd like to. If you're already married, then I would love to learn about your contract and how it was structured.

Peace,

I was unaware this thread had even been started.

I do believe in the validity of a marriage contract. In my eyes, when one enters into an agreement with someone (on paper or by handshake) it is indeed a contract in which parties are expected to uphold whatever was said or intended. It holds people accountable in a way.
I don't see why not...to me it is no different than writing ones own vows, right? As to a lawyer overseeing it...no way. An imam or family member is enough in my eyes.
What would you stipulate? Everything is really covered in the Qur'an, to be honest. Stipulations remind me too much of a pre-nuptial agreement.
I didn't register my marriage with the courts, and it made the divorce that much easier, but we didn't own property together either. I think when it comes down to it, one should register with the court, simply for situations like that (property, children, etc.).

Sorry if I didn't help.

Released

Peace Amina, )

Thank you for responding! sun

I guess there are differences in the way in which people view their contract. Personally, I'm not a big fan of templates generated by others. I think each and every individual couple should either create their own contract, or personalize a template to their needs and preferences.

My husband and I were married by a Sunni "imam" before we decided break away from the local mosque scene. The whole thing was really rushed, and the imam quickly created a very simple contract with male witnesses in tow, and we both signed. Now, I knew that even if we had created our own contract, then this "imam" may not have approved of it.

So, I'm going to answer my own questions hypothetically

Yes, definitely. It sets the precedent for the marriage. I want my future spouse to know what my goals, expectations, and what I am not willing to tolerate within the marriage.
I would like a lawyer (and one other witness) to over see the contract, and then notarize it. If there was a way in which I could submit it to the governning body, then I would do this as well.
Depending on where I am living, and the type of government that exists; I would probably stipulate monogamy. I know that some sectarian women also stipulate the right to continue their education, the right to work, the right to invoke divorce, and etc. Personally, I think the Quran covers most of these aspects clearly, apart from monogamy vs. polygamy, and so I think this stipulation is essential, just for the sake of clarity and to protect the interests of both parties

Given that I'll probably have assets of some sort; I would probably have a will created (again, notarized by either the local bank or lawyer) prior to signing the contract. The will can of course be modified accordingly. The will would also be designed in accordance to the inheritance laws given in the Quran. This would probably eliminate the need for a pre-nup, though I do not have an issue with pre-nups either. Divorce is sometimes inevitable, and I think people need to protect their interests.

Yes, I think it is very important to register the marriage. Depending on the governing body, I would definitely want to submit the contract as well.

uq

Peace all,

There is no provision in the Quran for a set-wording of a marriage contract. Thus, there is no instruction to use a set-worded marriage contract, nor is there a prohibition to that effect.

There are, however, as Wakas points out, certain prerequisites for the validity of marriage in the first place.

Although, I feel that I should point out that the Quran in one instance refers to "3uqdatu 'n-nikaa7" which translates as "the contract of marriage".

Now, as with any contract, either party can stipulate any given condition(s) in the contract prior to sealing it. This is, of course, an optional supplement to the Quranic obligation of agreeing to, and the paying of, a dowry.

As to the overseer/scribe of the marriage contract (imam, priest, lawyer, council house, etc.), the Quran makes no mention. Compare this with 2282 where we are specifically instructed to use a scribe for the recording of loans.

Formal recognition of the marriage with a public authority is governed by local laws, such recognition is purely administrative, but can also be advantageous in the event of any disputes.

......

I pray that God will grant us happiness with believing partners, and increase our numbers through lawful marriage.

inquisitivetrini

Peace Released,

I'll go ahead and answer this hypothetically. I consider myself already married and I did not consider many of the questions you've asked. I wish I did.

Believe in the validity of marriage contracts and why or why not?

Yes, I think marriage contracts are valid because they're a protection. If the terms of the marriage aren't listed and agreed upon, then one party can easily take advantage of this fact in order to abuse, threaten, steal, or divorce the other.

Would you create your own template with your spouse to be, and perhaps have a lawyer oversee it?
I think creating it with my spouse definitely makes sense so that both parties get to express what is desired or expected out of the marriage. As for a lawyer overseeing it, I see this only relevant in terms of pre-nupts or taxes and such. Yes? I don't really see the need imho.
What are some of the things that you would stipulate or include?
First of all the dowry of course. I personally would not ask for money; I'd ask for arabic lessons (either from him or set-up class to go to), study Quran with me, make sure we go on big trip once a year to see family and relax, live a sustainable/unwasteful lifestyle and if he's gonna get me an engagement ring, get an inexpensive and original one. I don't like a diamond that just looks expensive and it's only there to show off. I want it to have some meaning.

I think it would be really important to talk about children and what may happen if/when we have them. How will we finance things and what kind of schooling? Homeschool/Public/Private?

I think the rest is already covered in the Quran. What happens to our assets in case of death, etc. Pretty straightforward.

Do you still think it's important to register your marriage formally with the civil courts, and submit a copy of your contract?

In this case, I could see civil court in terms of hospital visitation and taxes. But then people who are domestic partners have the right to hospital visitation and don't have to worry about registering spousal taxes. Wouldn't that be better? I think I'd just have our own written contract, perhaps notarized or something with some family members and close friends as witnesses for further protection between us. Then we'd get our super cheap Domestic Partner certificate so we can visit each other in the hospital when we're sick.

Please add anything if you'd like to. If you're already married, then I would love to learn about your contract and how it was structured.

Um...My marriage I think was rushed. -\

All I did was tell him what I wanted for my dowry (same as above) and he said "cool" and our close friends were the only ones who knew about it. And that was kind of it. So now we're coming up with all kinds of complications and disagreements which could have easily been avoided if I just refused his proposal and taken more time to think it through (just like what my intuition was telling me. Why didn't I listen? '(). So yes, establishing the terms of the marriage in the contract at the beginning is suuuuuper important and definitely get it in writing because one party may be forgetful! Lessons learned.

I have no idea if I helped or properly contributed to this conversation so....hopefully I did. This is my first marriage so I don't know too much about the topic. (

So sorry!

Peace.

justamuslim

To answer the questions first...

yes, a marriage contract may it be oral or written is valid. Why would it not be valid?
absolutely
will answer this later
yes I think it is important to register in the civil courts

Although the Koran does not specifically mention that the marriage contract to be recorded or having witnesses as in divorce, the reason why I would write a marriage contract and go through an attorney first before registering the marriage in the court is, lets face it there are all kinds as God says in the koran. No one enters a marriage thinking it will end in divorce but the reality is that nearly half the marriages are ending in divorce. Each state in the United States has its own divorce laws which are not necessarily just or protective. The legal system when it comes to divorce can be painful, costly lengthy ordeal. I have experienced that personally to know.

There are those who will manipulate or abuse the system to serve themselves. If a spouse didn't care about you in the marriage, what makes you think that s/he will at the time of divorce? People have a tendency to be selfish. As God said so, there are those who are arrogant, egotistical, selfish and those who will never change even if they see hellfire with eye of certainty. Good things don't come to a bad end. A marriage comes to an end for reasons. Along with it, come a lot of negative emotions - anger, bitterness, resentment, depression, feeling betrayed, etc. often times, people act on these negative emotions. How many people actually follow God's commands parting ways in a civil decent manner and acting justly?

It is important to register in the court as the state doesn't recognize these marriage contracts. Legally, it is important to register for tax purposes, benefits, and such. However, should I get married again absolutely will have a marriage contract and go through the lawyers first before registering in the court as I lived and learned the hard and painful way.

Let me tell you of my story sparing the details. I was 35 years old when I got married. My ex used the legal system to get his green card. To make a long story short, it took me four years to learn that he has narcissistic personality disorder. He got away with a lot forgetting though that there is a God. believe God when he describes all kinds of people as hard as it may be. December 2009, we separated. Basically, I put my foot down saying enough is enough. Things have to change. Had I known then what i came to learn later, would not have wasted my time or essentially my life expecting or wanting to have an Islamic life. To a narcissist, money , status, image is all that a narcissist cares. if you are merely a stepping stone for green card or money or other serving his/her needs and when those needs are met, why would such a person care to stay or work on the marriage and taking the steps as said by God?

In April or May 2010, the marriage was over and my ex moved out. I filed for divorce that summer citing the grounds for divorce to be "cruel and inhuman treatment". Of course, he could not admit to that being a narcissist. The law in the state was such that I had to cite a reason or show legal separation of 1 year. He wanted me to lie to the court but why should i? he made it clear that he will get multiple lawyers if he had to warning me that things will be said about me and that he will tie things in court for years, basically manipulating and harassing me into doing things on his terms and how he wanted just as the marriage had been. I stood up to him and to my grounds that even my lawyer stopped charging me for a lot of things as this dragged on. finally after almost two years, I got my divorce in September, 2011.

Although we did not live as a couple and living in different states not having any contact with each other, according to the law we were married for almost 2 years. So does a piece of paper mean anything? If I had a marriage contract drawn out, this could have been prevented. Actually, the marriage would never have taken place.

Having lived and learned, I will not enter any legal marriage without going through the lawyers first. All the stipulations will be put in writing and made clear that Islamic law per Koran (not hadiths) that we both agree before marriage will take precedence over any state laws should the marriage fail.
In the marriage contract, clearly will stipulate that the laws of God will be upheld and followed in the event that the marriage starts breaking down. Money, assets, properties will be divided in just manner and this will be agreed upon before marriage so neither party will be injured unjustly and tie things up in the court fighting over settlement.

I wouldn't just have a marriage contract especially a verbal one as there is a greater potential of abuse. Ok you can have all your witnesses but what good would it do? there is nothing you can do legally when things go sour. If you are a woman intending to marry a hadith follower, you might want to know the shariah laws when it comes to divorce. A guy doesn't have to give reasons but according to hadiths, a woman has to give valid reasons for divorce. If you are a woman and file for divorce regardless of the reasons, you will have no rights to any property or money per shariah law. This is what I was told by the board member of the mosque. So the guy can violate every law of God but if you divorce him, you walk away with nothing.

Those of you entering only a marriage contract with hadith follower, be sure you know what you are getting yourself into in the event the marriage breaks down. you can basically end up getting screwed big time. So it is important in this regard to register your marriage in court as at least you will get treated with some justice. Keep in mind that if you are not married to good person, don't expect to be treated with respect, in just and civil manner. Marriage contract will mean nothing and there is nothing you can do legally if you did not register in the court.

I would not go for marriage contract solely as you may think that you came upon a saint but remember evil does best under the cloak of disguise. When you open your heart and soul to someone, you are vulnerable and of course trust the person you are with and believe in the person you are marrying but you have to also be smart and take precautions. If you are being rushed to marriage, listen to your gut feeling/intuition. Don't live and learn things the hard way.

Bad things do happen to good people. Remember not all the prophets had great wives. If you end up with someone who is not the right person for you, things can get worse and painful. Keep in mind that there are those who have no conscious feeling no remorse taking responsibility or accountability for their actions. There are those who play games lying, deceiving, controlling, etc. look at the world we live to know that there are those who simply do not value peace. If you enter a marriage contract with such a person, you really think that s/she would then treat you right or divorce you properly as per the Koran?

my strong advice to anyone considering marriage is to have a marriage contract, go through the lawyers first and then register at the court.

justamuslim

The stipulations will be

Both parties have not lied, deceived or withheld information in choosing and deciding to live together as husband and wife taking God as a witness to base the marriage on mutual respect taking a vow to treat each other with kindness, consideration, compassion, taking care of each other at all times.....
Both parties will make a conscientious effort to make the marriage work and mostly a happy union and will not let the marriage suffer or get sick.
Both parties will vow to address/mend/remedy/resolve/repair should problems or conflicts arise. If both parties cannot come to peaceful terms of resolution then will seek marriage counseling or unbiased third parties that both will agree upon with the intentions of working on the marriage. Trial of separation before deciding on divorce should be considered.
Grounds for divorce will be if either party betrayed the other and broke the vow - adultery, physical, sexual and emotional abuse.
Neither party will falsely accuse the other of wrong doing in order to take advantage, to gain or to avenge.
Whoever is primarily responsible for the breakdown of the marriage and based on the infarctions, will forgo equitable distribution of property and assets. (This is the part that will be worked out with the lawyer).
the party seeking divorce should communicate the intention and statement to divorce or mutually do so and proceed to file for papers through the court system. from the time of declaration, a three month waiting will be honored by both parties. If at the end, reconciliation is not a possibility then both parties will give testimony to the divorce with God as a witness and two just witnesses. Within this 3 month period of time, every effort shall be made to settle all matters of division of property and child custody.
Neither party will prolong or cause undue delay once the divorce is decided upon.
Neither party will act willfully with ill intent towards other nor deny giving the other party divorce out of malice and control.
If either party harasses, mistreats the other party being verbally abusive, disrespectful or damages the property or belongings of the other, the said party will forgo certain rights and will be subject to pay. (Lawyers can help with this part).

Basically the verses in the Koran pertaining to marriage and divorce will be the stipulations which will be binding in this life and the next. What if you cannot afford a lawyer? Still write up a contract and get it notarized which should not cost much. This is what I would do and if the guy is not willing to basically follow the Koran then why would I want to be with such a person?

So having lived and learned the hard painful way, this is what I would do. Have the above contract basically stipulating that limits set forth by God and laws of God will be upheld, taking precedence over civil laws, go through lawyer and then have a civil ceremony. This is my way of safeguarding myself from guys who don't live right by God following the Koran.

Karimah

I have a contract that I got from a blogger by the name hijab man. He in turn got it from a friend. I found it to be very fair and only added things relevant to my situation. I'm still unmarried as of yet. If anyone wants to check it out let me know.

Released

Peace all,

There is no provision in the Quran for a set-wording of a marriage contract. Thus, there is no instruction to use a set-worded marriage contract, nor is there a prohibition to that effect.

There are, however, as Wakas points out, certain prerequisites for the validity of marriage in the first place.

Although, I feel that I should point out that the Quran in one instance refers to "3uqdatu 'n-nikaa7" which translates as "the contract of marriage".

Now, as with any contract, either party can stipulate any given condition(s) in the contract prior to sealing it. This is, of course, an optional supplement to the Quranic obligation of agreeing to, and the paying of, a dowry.

I agree with this.

As to the overseer/scribe of the marriage contract (imam, priest, lawyer, council house, etc.), the Quran makes no mention. Compare this with 2282 where we are specifically instructed to use a scribe for the recording of loans.

True. I would just feel more secure having a lawyer in particular oversee it. I guess it is up to the individual.

Formal recognition of the marriage with a public authority is governed by local laws, such recognition is purely administrative, but can also be advantageous in the event of any disputes.

Yes, I feel that it is advantageous in the case of disputes, especially.

......

I pray that God will grant us happiness with believing partners, and increase our numbers through lawful marriage.

God willing!

Released

Peace Released,

I'll go ahead and answer this hypothetically. I consider myself already married and I did not consider many of the questions you've asked. I wish I did.

Believe in the validity of marriage contracts and why or why not?

Yes, I think marriage contracts are valid because they're a protection. If the terms of the marriage aren't listed and agreed upon, then one party can easily take advantage of this fact in order to abuse, threaten, steal, or divorce the other.

I totally agree.

Would you create your own template with your spouse to be, and perhaps have a lawyer oversee it?
I think creating it with my spouse definitely makes sense so that both parties get to express what is desired or expected out of the marriage. As for a lawyer overseeing it, I see this only relevant in terms of pre-nupts or taxes and such. Yes? I don't really see the need imho.

Sounds good.

What are some of the things that you would stipulate or include?
First of all the dowry of course. I personally would not ask for money; I'd ask for arabic lessons (either from him or set-up class to go to), study Quran with me, make sure we go on big trip once a year to see family and relax, live a sustainable/unwasteful lifestyle and if he's gonna get me an engagement ring, get an inexpensive and original one. I don't like a diamond that just looks expensive and it's only there to show off. I want it to have some meaning.

Cool. I was really budget conscious over my engagement ring as well, and now I'm at the point of where I just want to sell it and donate the money to charity. However, it was my mother in law who bought it, so I'm unsure about doing that haha.

I think it would be really important to talk about children and what may happen if/when we have them. How will we finance things and what kind of schooling? Homeschool/Public/Private?

Awesome, good stuff to talk about.

I think the rest is already covered in the Quran. What happens to our assets in case of death, etc. Pretty straightforward.

Do you still think it's important to register your marriage formally with the civil courts, and submit a copy of your contract?

In this case, I could see civil court in terms of hospital visitation and taxes. But then people who are domestic partners have the right to hospital visitation and don't have to worry about registering spousal taxes. Wouldn't that be better? I think I'd just have our own written contract, perhaps notarized or something with some family members and close friends as witnesses for further protection between us. Then we'd get our super cheap Domestic Partner certificate so we can visit each other in the hospital when we're sick.

Yes, these are some great ideas for those who do not want to register their marriage with the civil courts. Personally, we registered our marriage because I feel safer that way in regard to the splitting of larger assets bought under a joint income, in case such a situation arises. Plus, I also like being recognized by the state and governing body, as being married.

Please add anything if you'd like to. If you're already married, then I would love to learn about your contract and how it was structured.

Um...My marriage I think was rushed. -\

Mine too

All I did was tell him what I wanted for my dowry (same as above) and he said "cool" and our close friends were the only ones who knew about it. And that was kind of it. So now we're coming up with all kinds of complications and disagreements which could have easily been avoided if I just refused his proposal and taken more time to think it through (just like what my intuition was telling me. Why didn't I listen? '(). So yes, establishing the terms of the marriage in the contract at the beginning is suuuuuper important and definitely get it in writing because one party may be forgetful! Lessons learned.

Yes, this is very true.

I have no idea if I helped or properly contributed to this conversation so....hopefully I did. This is my first marriage so I don't know too much about the topic.

So sorry!

You totally helped! I loved reading your insight. Thank you for contributing sun

Peace.

Released

Sorry, I forgot to answer one by one.

Peace,

I was unaware this thread had even been started.

I do believe in the validity of a marriage contract. In my eyes, when one enters into an agreement with someone (on paper or by handshake) it is indeed a contract in which parties are expected to uphold whatever was said or intended. It holds people accountable in a way.

Yes, I agree.

I don't see why not...to me it is no different than writing ones own vows, right? As to a lawyer overseeing it...no way. An imam or family member is enough in my eyes.

Cool ) I would like family members present as well. I'm not a big fan of any clergy though.

What would you stipulate? Everything is really covered in the Qur'an, to be honest. Stipulations remind me too much of a pre-nuptial agreement.

Yes, I think stipulations and a pre-nuptial agreement are similar in some ways, and different in others. I don't mind the idea of a pre-nuptial agreement, I just think that both parties should have a say in how that pre-nuptial agreement is designed.

I didn't register my marriage with the courts, and it made the divorce that much easier, but we didn't own property together either. I think when it comes down to it, one should register with the court, simply for situations like that (property, children, etc.).

Yes, that makes sense.

Sorry if I didn't help.

You did help. )

Released

Peace Justamuslim,

I apologize for the late reply. I needed some time to take in your response. Thanks for taking your time and I really enjoyed reading it.

First off, I want to say that I'm sorry that you got burned so badly from your marriage. I really pray that you find your spouse and lots of happiness this time around, God willing.

To answer the questions first...

yes, a marriage contract may it be oral or written is valid. Why would it not be valid?
absolutely
will answer this later
yes I think it is important to register in the civil courts

Although the Koran does not specifically mention that the marriage contract to be recorded or having witnesses as in divorce, the reason why I would write a marriage contract and go through an attorney first before registering the marriage in the court is, lets face it there are all kinds as God says in the koran. No one enters a marriage thinking it will end in divorce but the reality is that nearly half the marriages are ending in divorce. Each state in the United States has its own divorce laws which are not necessarily just or protective. The legal system when it comes to divorce can be painful, costly lengthy ordeal. I have experienced that personally to know.

I agree with you. With the failure of marriages being at an all time high and the uncertainty of it all, I definitely agree with you on this aspect. I believe verse 2237 does mention the marriage contract. Though, it does not appear to be mandated, I believe the verse hints towards encouraging it.

There are those who will manipulate or abuse the system to serve themselves. If a spouse didn't care about you in the marriage, what makes you think that s/he will at the time of divorce? People have a tendency to be selfish. As God said so, there are those who are arrogant, egotistical, selfish and those who will never change even if they see hellfire with eye of certainty. Good things don't come to a bad end. A marriage comes to an end for reasons. Along with it, come a lot of negative emotions - anger, bitterness, resentment, depression, feeling betrayed, etc. often times, people act on these negative emotions. How many people actually follow God's commands parting ways in a civil decent manner and acting justly?

Yes, I've seen this happen a lot. We've had a few divorces in my family, and while things appear hunky dory in the beginning, they tend to end quite badly. Usually, the marriage crashes and burns, unfortunately. There is often so much resentment in the air.

It is important to register in the court as the state doesn't recognize these marriage contracts. Legally, it is important to register for tax purposes, benefits, and such. However, should I get married again absolutely will have a marriage contract and go through the lawyers first before registering in the court as I lived and learned the hard and painful way.

Yes, this sounds like a good idea.

Let me tell you of my story sparing the details. I was 35 years old when I got married. My ex used the legal system to get his green card. To make a long story short, it took me four years to learn that he has narcissistic personality disorder. He got away with a lot forgetting though that there is a God. believe God when he describes all kinds of people as hard as it may be. December 2009, we separated. Basically, I put my foot down saying enough is enough. Things have to change. Had I known then what i came to learn later, would not have wasted my time or essentially my life expecting or wanting to have an Islamic life. To a narcissist, money , status, image is all that a narcissist cares. if you are merely a stepping stone for green card or money or other serving his/her needs and when those needs are met, why would such a person care to stay or work on the marriage and taking the steps as said by God?

Wow, the green card thing. How many times have I seen that happen in my community? These days, parents are sooo weary of marrying their children off to foreign nationals. Especially, when the potential spouse is from a third world country hoping to immigrate to a developed nation. I'm not saying that it happens every single time, but I've seen so many people get burned by this. I'm so sorry this happened to you. However, do tell your story to others, so that we can all be more cautious.

In April or May 2010, the marriage was over and my ex moved out. I filed for divorce that summer citing the grounds for divorce to be "cruel and inhuman treatment". Of course, he could not admit to that being a narcissist. The law in the state was such that I had to cite a reason or show legal separation of 1 year. He wanted me to lie to the court but why should i? he made it clear that he will get multiple lawyers if he had to warning me that things will be said about me and that he will tie things in court for years, basically manipulating and harassing me into doing things on his terms and how he wanted just as the marriage had been. I stood up to him and to my grounds that even my lawyer stopped charging me for a lot of things as this dragged on. finally after almost two years, I got my divorce in September, 2011.

Finally, you must have been relieved. It's so terrible that you had to go through all of that. God is just though, he'll get his.

Although we did not live as a couple and living in different states not having any contact with each other, according to the law we were married for almost 2 years. So does a piece of paper mean anything? If I had a marriage contract drawn out, this could have been prevented. Actually, the marriage would never have taken place.

True.

Having lived and learned, I will not enter any legal marriage without going through the lawyers first. All the stipulations will be put in writing and made clear that Islamic law per Koran (not hadiths) that we both agree before marriage will take precedence over any state laws should the marriage fail.
In the marriage contract, clearly will stipulate that the laws of God will be upheld and followed in the event that the marriage starts breaking down. Money, assets, properties will be divided in just manner and this will be agreed upon before marriage so neither party will be injured unjustly and tie things up in the court fighting over settlement.

I wouldn't just have a marriage contract especially a verbal one as there is a greater potential of abuse. Ok you can have all your witnesses but what good would it do? there is nothing you can do legally when things go sour. If you are a woman intending to marry a hadith follower, you might want to know the shariah laws when it comes to divorce. A guy doesn't have to give reasons but according to hadiths, a woman has to give valid reasons for divorce. If you are a woman and file for divorce regardless of the reasons, you will have no rights to any property or money per shariah law. This is what I was told by the board member of the mosque. So the guy can violate every law of God but if you divorce him, you walk away with nothing.

I totally agree. A exclusively verbal marriage is just a recipe for disaster. We can live in a fantasy world, but the reality of the world is cold and harsh, and often inevitable. I believe a contract with clear stipulations and legal overseer is quite necessary.

Those of you entering only a marriage contract with hadith follower, be sure you know what you are getting yourself into in the event the marriage breaks down. you can basically end up getting screwed big time. So it is important in this regard to register your marriage in court as at least you will get treated with some justice. Keep in mind that if you are not married to good person, don't expect to be treated with respect, in just and civil manner. Marriage contract will mean nothing and there is nothing you can do legally if you did not register in the court.

I would not go for marriage contract solely as you may think that you came upon a saint but remember evil does best under the cloak of disguise. When you open your heart and soul to someone, you are vulnerable and of course trust the person you are with and believe in the person you are marrying but you have to also be smart and take precautions. If you are being rushed to marriage, listen to your gut feeling/intuition. Don't live and learn things the hard way.

THANK YOU!!!! for stressing this point! Pleaseeeee be careful if you're a woman entering into a marriage with a sectarian. I wouldn't even recommend it, in the first place. Don't just trust your intuition or feelings, please be smart about it. Ask ALL of the questions, and DON"T SETTLE.

Bad things do happen to good people. Remember not all the prophets had great wives. If you end up with someone who is not the right person for you, things can get worse and painful. Keep in mind that there are those who have no conscious feeling no remorse taking responsibility or accountability for their actions. There are those who play games lying, deceiving, controlling, etc. look at the world we live to know that there are those who simply do not value peace. If you enter a marriage contract with such a person, you really think that s/she would then treat you right or divorce you properly as per the Koran?

Agreed. Bad things happen to good people all the time. Good things happen to bad people as well. This is life. It's full of tests and tribulations, and blessings as well. Brothers and sisters, please make an effort on your part, and be careful. Trust in God, but remember, that He expects us to use our intellect and be cautious.

my strong advice to anyone considering marriage is to have a marriage contract, go through the lawyers first and then register at the court.

Agreed.

Thank you soooo much, sister for sharing this!!

Released

Peace justamuslim,

The stipulations will be

Both parties have not lied, deceived or withheld information in choosing and deciding to live together as husband and wife taking God as a witness to base the marriage on mutual respect taking a vow to treat each other with kindness, consideration, compassion, taking care of each other at all times.....
Both parties will make a conscientious effort to make the marriage work and mostly a happy union and will not let the marriage suffer or get sick.
Both parties will vow to address/mend/remedy/resolve/repair should problems or conflicts arise. If both parties cannot come to peaceful terms of resolution then will seek marriage counseling or unbiased third parties that both will agree upon with the intentions of working on the marriage. Trial of separation before deciding on divorce should be considered.
Grounds for divorce will be if either party betrayed the other and broke the vow - adultery, physical, sexual and emotional abuse.
Neither party will falsely accuse the other of wrong doing in order to take advantage, to gain or to avenge.
Whoever is primarily responsible for the breakdown of the marriage and based on the infarctions, will forgo equitable distribution of property and assets. (This is the part that will be worked out with the lawyer).
the party seeking divorce should communicate the intention and statement to divorce or mutually do so and proceed to file for papers through the court system. from the time of declaration, a three month waiting will be honored by both parties. If at the end, reconciliation is not a possibility then both parties will give testimony to the divorce with God as a witness and two just witnesses. Within this 3 month period of time, every effort shall be made to settle all matters of division of property and child custody.
Neither party will prolong or cause undue delay once the divorce is decided upon.
Neither party will act willfully with ill intent towards other nor deny giving the other party divorce out of malice and control.
If either party harasses, mistreats the other party being verbally abusive, disrespectful or damages the property or belongings of the other, the said party will forgo certain rights and will be subject to pay. (Lawyers can help with this part).

Excellent points! Points 4, 7, 8, and 9 are the ones that really stuck out for me.

Basically the verses in the Koran pertaining to marriage and divorce will be the stipulations which will be binding in this life and the next. What if you cannot afford a lawyer? Still write up a contract and get it notarized which should not cost much. This is what I would do and if the guy is not willing to basically follow the Koran then why would I want to be with such a person?

Very true. Yes, not all of us can afford a lawyer, but hopefully we can get the money together to at least get this notarized. I hear the paralegals can also sign, those who work under a lawyer's license.

So having lived and learned the hard painful way, this is what I would do. Have the above contract basically stipulating that limits set forth by God and laws of God will be upheld, taking precedence over civil laws, go through lawyer and then have a civil ceremony. This is my way of safeguarding myself from guys who don't live right by God following the Koran.
Agreed, you have really given us a wealth of information. Thank you.

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Peace Karimah

I have a contract that I got from a blogger by the name hijab man. He in turn got it from a friend. I found it to be very fair and only added things relevant to my situation. I'm still unmarried as of yet. If anyone wants to check it out let me know.

YES! I have read his template! For a Sunni, I think it was done quite well. However, there are some obvious things that I don't agree with. I'll try to get it up, so that we can look at it together. God willing. Thanks for pointing that out.

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Peace all,

It would also be interesting to get the male perspective on the marriage contract. I am aware that Wakas responded. The males on this forum are also welcome to reply to the questions I posed. I'm assuming that only sisters have answered thus far. Please correct me if I am wrong.

Released

Peace again,

Alright, so here is the contract provided by Hijabman

http//www.hijabman.com/journal/free-islamic-marriage-contract-for-download-that-doesnt-suck/

Well, if you scroll down, you'll find it below.

Here is a direct link to the pdf http//www.hijabman.com/files/islamic-marriage-contract/IslamicMarriageContractHijabManDotCom.pdf

The article isn't bad here. Well, not bad for a Sunni, as I've said before. I suppose there are some thinkers among them.

Anyway, I'd love to hear some commentary from you.

Karimah

I agree with you he seems to be pretty progressive and that is why I like reading his blog. I almost got married last year and was tasked with writing the contract. I made my own adjustments and added somethings/removed others. He also has blog entries on other things you might be of interest in. I can share the contract I ended up with if anyone is interested...

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Peace Karimah,

Please do!

Karimah

Ok it is on my computer...somewhere... will find soon...

Released

Okay sun

Karimah

As promised previously, this is a copy of the current contract I have, based off one found on hijabman's website. I added things to suit my needs at the time, but alas things didn't work out but I am still happy with the contract I have for the next time inshallah. Am open to suggestions on improvement. I was originally going to marry a nice Sunni man from Cairo but he HATED this contract. Not sure why....

Preamble
?And among His wonders is this He creates for you mates out of your own kind. so that you might in- cline towards them, and He engenders love and tenderness between you in this, behold, there are messages indeed for people who think!? - Qur?an 3021, Muhammad Asad?s Translation

We, ___________________ and _______________, agree to take each other as marriage partners on the understanding that this contract shall regulate our relationship.
Having both descended from the first single human created by God, we acknowledge the basic equality of all people, and especially of each other insofar as our respective rights and responsibilities in our marriage are concerned.

Marriage, we believe, involves the joining of two individuals with the purpose of forming a partnership that will combine their individual strengths, abilities, talents and skills in such a way that the result is greater than the sum of their individual characteristics.

This partnership should be based on the notion of interdependence ? a mutually beneficial state where each person retains her/his own individuality and personhood, yet where the partnership and relation- ship are accorded great significance. It is this principle that underlies this marriage contract.

While, from an Islamic perspective, it is clear that marriage is a contract or agreement between two people, it is distinguished in that it is a contract based on love. We pray that our marriage will be blessed by the Love and Mercy of God, and we commit ourselves to constantly striving to ensure that love and caring are as the main pillars of our relationship.

Together with love and caring, we commit ourselves to striving for a marriage characterized by mutual respect, appreciation, support, co-operation and loyalty between the spouses. These, we believe, will be essential for the success of our marriage and we commit ourselves to upholding these values as determining factors in our dealings with each other, as advised by the Qur?an and the example of the Prophet Muhammad (s).

Furthermore, we commit ourselves to a spirit of openness, trust, strong communication and mutual consultation in our relationship. We will discuss key decisions fully, taking into consideration, among others, the personal, social and economic consequences thereof.

We agree to identify mutually agreed-upon spiritual, career and psychological goals and priorities and strive towards achieving these.

Our daily interactions with each other will be guided by the spirit of fairness, dignity and justice promoted in the Qur?an and known to us in the example of all the Messengers of God (on whom we wish peace).
We will
strive to ensure that our interactions with each other are in a spirit of Love, compassion and generosity
Mutual respect and courtesy
Openness and honesty
Communicating freely and fully at all times
With a willingness to learn from each other and from others
Generously acknowledging each other?s love, support and achievements
Having the humility and the courage to admit our mistakes and learn from them.

We understand marriage as a relationship that should be free from abuse, either of an emotional, physical, verbal, or financial nature. We therefore undertake to refrain totally from abusive behavior and speech toward each other and to create an environment within which all members of our family will feel safe.

We agree that decisions will be made following a process of mutual consultation (shura) and agreement by the parties. All key decisions will be discussed fully, taking into consideration, amongst others, the social, economic and academic consequences thereof.

We agree to identify and strive proactively and fully towards achieving mutually-agreed-upon spiritual, financial, career and psychological goals and priorities, both in our individual and joint capacities.

We commit ourselves to relationship building and developing a strong and faithful marriage.

We commit ourselves to leading a healthy lifestyle regarding diet, exercise and stress reduction, and are willing to obtain medical advice and feedback from time to time as a means of ensuring and sustaining our health.

Mahr
_______________ gives and _____________ accepts a mahr of __________ amounting to $**********

Education
We will both endeavor to educate ourselves as much as is possible ? both in terms of education related to our careers and in terms of Islamic education. Neither spouse will have the right to prevent the other from furthering her / his education; nor will either spouse place impediments in the path of the other if the latter seeks to further her / his education.

Religious Foundation
We commit ourselves to a life of ongoing learning and growing in understanding ? of ourselves, each other, all those we interact with, all of creation, our Creator, and our religion, Islam.
We commit ourselves to creating a home environment which respects and fosters the spirit and message of Islam as upheld in the Qur?an and as demonstrated by Prophet Muhammad (on whom be peace) in his living.

Marriage Rights & Responsibilities
Financial rights and obligations
Both of us have the right to seek and secure employment, to derive income from business or other in- vestments, to save and invest our savings, and to develop our respective careers.
GROOM to the best of your ability, shall bare the financial responsibilities of the household in such a manner that we are able to have a comfortable home.

In the event the BRIDE is not employed the GROOM shall provide your BRIDE with an allowance equaling __% of your income each month that she shall be able to freely spend on her own.
We commit ourselves to discussing from time to time, as required by our circumstances, a joint budget and financial plan that will be beneficial to our marriage, in the short and long terms.
We may retain individual bank accounts and have the right to manage and dispose of our individual finances and assets as we deem fit.

Domestic Responsibilities
We agree to share domestic responsibilities. It will not be the sole duty of either spouse to maintain an attractive domestic environment or to provide meals and, in general, to maintain the household.

Social relations
We shall strive to the best of our ability, at all times, to lead a full life ? one that takes cognizance of the rights of others ? interacting with and contributing to the well-being of the various communities we are part of and to society at large.

We will respect the friendships and kinships that the spouse has had prior to entering into the marriage and not force the other spouse in severing these ties.

Respect
Respect is an essential ingredient of any marriage. We will at all times endeavor to respect each other?s humanity, intelligence and our family. We will thus give due and serious consideration to the words and actions of each other and other members of our family. Neither of us will have any right to financially, physically, mentally or psychologically abuse the other, no matter what justification or rationalization could be given for such action.

We both commit ourselves to providing a home environment where each of us is able to maintain her / his privacy and personal space from time to time. We commit ourselves to building a respectful family environment where no disrespect is shown by any family member to another.

Sexual relations
Sexual relations will be consensual at all times and will, like all other relations in the marriage, be based on mutual trust and respect. We agree that we will both be tested for Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) before our wedding.
We agree to the use of birth control for health and family planning reasons.

Polygyny
We both agree that the GROOM may have ONE additional wife.

Family obligations
We understand that, as a result of our marriage, we will both have new family structures to relate to. We commit ourselves to interacting with our respective spouse?s family with respect and kindness at all times.

Any decision regarding our living with any member or members of either family or their living with us will require the explicit consent of both of us. In making such decisions, due regard shall be given to the joint and separate responsibilities that we have.

Children
We agree to have children as circumstance allows and will discuss together appropriate timing of having children.

We acknowledge that one spouse may take primary responsibility for acting as a child caregiver during the marriage, while the other spouse may assume the burden of support. Any such division of roles will be mutually-agreed to and neither partner will be treated as contributing any less to the family because of that spouse?s particular role. Both parents will play an active role in our children?s upbringing. We undertake to raise our children in a healthy family environment, with Islam being the family religion and education of the children in Islam being a joint responsibility of both of us. We also strive to share our respective cultures with our children and allow the children to participate in them.

At the same time, we commit ourselves to the principle of religious understanding and undertake personally that we will respect, and teach our children to respect, other religious views and philosophies, both within Islam and without.

Right of Travel
We both agree to let each other freely travel as long as notice is given to the other spouse, this includes leaving the country of our current residence. We also agree to allow all pertinent travel documents to remain in our own personal separate possession. Including but not limited to Passports, Licenses, IDs etc.

Divorce & Related Matters
Dispute resolution procedures and the initiation of divorce proceedings
A dispute will be deemed to have resulted during the marriage if either of us declares it to be so. In the event of such a dispute arising we will first use our ability to listen, communicate and learn to find an internal solution.

Both of us agree to allow the other to express any criticism or concern freely (provided it is done respect- fully). We undertake not to be dismissive of the other?s concerns without first being self-critical and assessing the criticism or concern from the other?s point of view.

If we realize we are at fault in any way (and we may both be partially at fault), we undertake to acknowledge our faults honestly and fully and if either of us has learnt something beneficial from the other?s concerns we undertake to express our gratitude to the other for helping us see something about ourselves we might not otherwise have done.

If we are unable to resolve a dispute after reflecting, deeply engaging with each other, praying and asking our Creator for assistance, we will appoint a mutually acceptable facilitator or facilitators to mediate and possibly arbitrate (if mediation fails) in the dispute. Relationship-building and counseling may form part of this process.

If the dispute is of a nature that could lead to the termination of the marriage and counseling has not helped to resolve the dispute, before either of us decides to initiate divorce proceedings, we will make a final effort to save our marriage by undergoing a trial separation for a period of four months.

We will follow this procedure in respect of each such dispute. If, however, after this time (in respect of any such dispute) the marriage relationship still cannot be healed, then either of us may initiate divorce proceedings through a legal forum ? which is the only forum that may validly terminate the marriage.

We pray that our marriage will not reach a stage where either of us will consider divorce as an option. Notwithstanding any contrary understanding of any law, we agree that both of us will have an equal right to initiate divorce proceedings and that these will be governed in accordance with the terms stipulated in this contract.

GROOM agrees to use the Islamic jurisprudential mechanism of talaq al-tafwid to delegate the right of ta- laq to BRIDE so that both of us will possess that right. Whichever of us initiates such proceedings, a procedure of three repudiations will require to be followed as described in the Qur?an in Surah Baqarah verses 228-232.

In addition, BRIDE will be able to exercise her right to khula? by which she will be able to initiate a divorce subject to and by the return of the mahr to GROOM.

We will both be able to exercise our right to apply for a faskh, or annulment to a judicial authority. Among other circumstances, a faskh could be used in cases which involve
? any physical (threatened or actual) abuse,
? severe or ongoing verbal or emotional abuse, or
? infidelity
Such a divorce could be granted unopposed and no trial separation will be necessary.

In all of the three processes above (talaq, khula? and faskh), a divorce will only be deemed to have been effected once presided over and allowed by a judicial authority.

Custody of minor children
The custody of minor children that might result from this marriage shall be determined according to the children?s best interests. Any children aged 12 years and older have the right for themselves to decide in whose custody they shall belong. Should the custody of children be contested, the matter shall be referred for dispute resolution as set out in this contract. If agreement is reached, this will be incorporated into an agreement which will be attached to the application for divorce.

Irrespective of who gets custody, there shall be no denial of reasonable visitation rights to the parent that is not granted custody.

If the marriage ends in divorce and a child or children have resulted from the marriage, both parents will be responsible for the financial maintenance of the child or children in proportion to their respective in- comes at the time, taking into account the effect of the dissolution of marriage on the working lives of both parents.

Conclusion
No changes or variations made to this contract shall be valid unless reduced to writing, signed by both parties and appended to this agreement.
We undertake to inspire each other to achieve the best that we are capable of.
May God grant us the wisdom, honesty, commitment and strength to make this marriage a successful one. And May He bless us with His Love and Mercy.
Signed on this, the ____ day of ____ 2012 in _________________.
__________________ BRIDE
__________________ GROOM
Witnesses