Too many differences? Or what do you think?
-
I think you should make very clear to him what you are not going to do to please him and what you will not take from him, and put that in a marriage contract. If he accepts well and good, if not then do not marry. Wverything that you leave in the dark will haunt you with certainty or you will be asieged all the time and led to the making you feel guilty tactic so good and popular amongst many manipulative men, who love you very much, very much, provided they always have their way.
You make excellent points here, and if we do end up marrying, I'll make sure to make a sound marriage contract, and I hope he is not among the manipulating men (
May be he is not manipulative and is just himself manipulated, but that you should make it very clear, that if he is manipulated, YOU WILL NOT BE AND LEAST OF ALL BY HIM. Be clear and firm and stick to it EVER and do not fear to be blunt and to stand without any shadow of doubt by you principles and you likes, he is taking a wife not a follower or a conquered convert or something of the kind. And enver give him any possibility to believe that that will change.
Salaam
We have our debates and arguments from time to time, he calls me arrogant, and I call him stubborn. But even with all of this, we still manage to try to understand and respect each other, and I want him to know that I believe what I believe, and I don't want him to ever try to force me into his own set of beliefs, as you said he is taking a wife, not a conquered convert, he is well aware I am a critical thinker
Thank you for your input, and God Bless peace
-
Miss Dee, my advice is... If he is a hardcore Sunni... and you're unwilling to spend your life wearing a veil and listening to Hadith to justify your oppression... You should turn the other way and RUN. I understand human psychology and Sunni culture. He definitely wants you as his wife but he's thinking he will change you over time. If you are not wanting to change. Get out regardless of the chemistry you may have with him. Big problems lay ahead sister. I grew up traditional Muslim.. Kinda. God gave me the courage to leave my families religion and follow Quran alone. My girlfriend (who I intend to marry Insha Allah) as luck would have it is also a 24 year old Mexican girl. Raised Catholic but never bought into it. She genuinely had a desire for the truth and it was a progression but after reading Quran and seeing the proof behind it, she whole heartedly accepted Quranist Islam. If she had not (and I didn't want to influence her decision), I would not have stayed with her. I don't want our kids going to church, celebrating pagan rituals, etc in the future. I had already made my decision but wanted to see if she would see the truth and accept it because we have great chemistry and she's my best Friend. But Practically, to raise a family and commit for life, that's not enough. It seems like you're in a similar dilemma. Perhaps your boyfriend does have the strength to accept the truth. But you won't find out until you test him. Make it clear what your standards are and what you expect from a husband. Make every logical argument as to why you believe what you believe. If he is sincere and sees the truth... Alhamdulillah. If he's attached to his childhood beliefs and can't see logic... You will be living life as a Sunni woman. Either be willing to accept it or RUN! May God bless you with the best decision for your future and hereafter. Peace!
-
Miss Dee, my advice is... If he is a hardcore Sunni... and you're unwilling to spend your life wearing a veil and listening to Hadith to justify your oppression... You should turn the other way and RUN. I understand human psychology and Sunni culture. He definitely wants you as his wife but he's thinking he will change you over time. If you are not wanting to change. Get out regardless of the chemistry you may have with him. Big problems lay ahead sister. I grew up traditional Muslim.. Kinda. God gave me the courage to leave my families religion and follow Quran alone. My girlfriend (who I intend to marry Insha Allah) as luck would have it is also a 24 year old Mexican girl. Raised Catholic but never bought into it. She genuinely had a desire for the truth and it was a progression but after reading Quran and seeing the proof behind it, she whole heartedly accepted Quranist Islam. If she had not (and I didn't want to influence her decision), I would not have stayed with her. I don't want our kids going to church, celebrating pagan rituals, etc in the future. I had already made my decision but wanted to see if she would see the truth and accept it because we have great chemistry and she's my best Friend. But Practically, to raise a family and commit for life, that's not enough. It seems like you're in a similar dilemma. Perhaps your boyfriend does have the strength to accept the truth. But you won't find out until you test him. Make it clear what your standards are and what you expect from a husband. Make every logical argument as to why you believe what you believe. If he is sincere and sees the truth... Alhamdulillah. If he's attached to his childhood beliefs and can't see logic... You will be living life as a Sunni woman. Either be willing to accept it or RUN! May God bless you with the best decision for your future and hereafter. Peace!
We actually discussed it today, and he said, "I love you and I want to help you change for the better", and I couldn't help but cry after he said this. He felt bad after, and told me he intends to better himself also. He's also asked me if I'd ever wear the veil, and I'm actually open to it, but I'm not ready at the moment. If I do choose to wear it, it has to be for God, not for him, and he agreed. Then he said he loves me for who I am now, and would only try to help me be a better person, not a completely new one. I told him, why did he choose me, when he could have just courted a "normal" Sunni girl, and he just said because you're crazy, you have your own mind, and a pure heart. I need to set a few guidelines before we finally meet, so there won't be any surprises. He already knows I am highly critical of the Hadiths, but at the same time, I am open to accept a few of them since not all of them contradict the Qu'ran. These I can take only as commentary, and not absolute truth. I told him I could also read the Bible and Torah, for further research, and only accept what agrees with the Qu'ran, and dismiss anything that contradicts it. So he has an idea how my mind works. Not to mention, the numerous debates we've had over certain Hadiths, like the ones that permit killing for apostasy, stoning for adultery, and the famous 9 year old Aisha. He is open to debate these, but admits, he is not certain about every single Hadith, so I'm hoping he is at least flexible, Insh'Allah.
I am happy to hear about your girlfriend opening her mind to the truth, and not wholeheartedly accepting Hadiths as divine revelation, as we only have our Holy Qu'ran for this. I wish you 2 blessings and happiness, God willing, you can marry soon, and live a long and strong life )
Peace peace
-
I am sorry but this veil thing, pounding on it and the being ready for it or not being ready for it. Do you mean you, out of yourself would think wearing a veil would be for God's sake? Do you really believe it? That God thinks women are better or closer to him with veil while men are ok no matter how? If so, I am afraid he is already tamed you.
No veil is going to get you closer to God. I am all for freedom of dress for everybody, but this insistence on women's veil as if it was part of faith more so than the males covering of the head is something that is destroying societies as surely as any other superstition and extra exigence on women. Because it is an extra duty on women. That is not the Qur'an that is pure cheek. When will you be ready to put on a veil if you do not believe in it? If you believe in it, that is your business, although I do not see any reason tob elieve that, but that is your business. But if you do not believe in it, you are giving him falso hopes, you are giving in to him. Do not loose an inch. Don't you ever let him entertain any hope that you are going to do what he thinks is right that you do. He should be fully contented with what he thinks is right that he does provided that does not consist of pestering you with his little narrow pecking whims.
Otherwise I will have to give you the same advice as Amer.
Salaam
-
I am sorry but this veil thing, pounding on it and the being ready for it or not being ready for it. Do you mean you, out of yourself would think wearing a veil would be for God's sake? Do you really believe it? That God thinks women are better or closer to him with veil while men are ok no matter how? If so, I am afraid he is already tamed you.
No veil is going to get you closer to God. I am all for freedom of dress for everybody, but this insistence on women's veil as if it was part of faith more so than the males covering of the head is something that is destroying societies as surely as any other superstition and extra exigence on women. Because it is an extra duty on women. That is not the Qur'an that is pure cheek. When will you be ready to put on a veil if you do not believe in it? If you believe in it, that is your business, although I do not see any reason tob elieve that, but that is your business. But if you do not believe in it, you are giving him falso hopes, you are giving in to him. Do not loose an inch. Don't you ever let him entertain any hope that you are going to do what he thinks is right that you do. He should be fully contented with what he thinks is right that he does provided that does not consist of pestering you with his little narrow pecking whims.
Otherwise I will have to give you the same advice as Amer.
Salaam
Salam,
I've actually thought about wearing the veil before I met him, I just don't really feel its required in Islam, it's just an extra form of modesty in my opinion, and believe it or not in some parts of the world men wear it too. I'm not thinking I will suddenly be on the top of God's list if I wear it, it's just a piece of cloth, and we all know the best thing a believer can wear is righteousness. If I choose to wear it in the future it's my decision, not his. I told him, if you like me, you'll accept me with or without it. Trust me, I know first hand how manipulating and damaging men can be. I grew up with a violent, alcoholic father, through the grace of God alone I have managed to make peace with him. Recently, he's asked me about the Qur'an (Alhamdulillah), and God willing he will see the errors he has made.
Most of my life, I grew up opposing my dad, debating him in every little thing. This has made me have a strong passion for what I believe, and even if I'm not sure about the veil, one thing I am sure of, is that I'm not going to allow anybody to tell me what to do. This man has called me difficult, stubborn, and he's perfectly aware of how I am. The more he tries to break my will, the stronger it actually gets. I believe all women should make their own choices, even if some people believe the veil is oppressive, many times women wear it out of their own accord. When they placed a ban on veils, women protested angrily in the streets, and not all of these women come from a Muslim upbringing. Anyways, this is just how I think, everybody is entitled to their own beliefs, and I honestly respect everyone. Thank you for your input.
Peace and Blessings peace
-
First imposition wearing the veil.
Whether you want to wear it or not, the fact remains that he has asked something of you which you currently do not do. Why has this question, which is so closely linked to a certain type of mentality, been asked of you. The psychology behind this is of crucial consideration to you whether you consider it to be or not. If you really want an answer to your initial queries, I suggest you deconstruct and analyse these telling nuggets which, I believe, will reveal the truth to you more than what you directly ask him in regards to life after marriage. This veiling business is given high importance by Sunni men. As time passes, you will probably find more expectations to conform on your shoulders. It just so happens that your fella is a Sunni, but I would advise you the same of anyone always look beyond to the subtext!
By the way, did you say that you hadn't actually met this fella? If that's the case then all this could be a case of much ado over nothing.
Salaam.
Sajda.
-
First imposition wearing the veil.
Whether you want to wear it or not, the fact remains that he has asked something of you which you currently do not do. Why has this question, which is so closely linked to a certain type of mentality, been asked of you. The psychology behind this is of crucial consideration to you whether you consider it to be or not. If you really want an answer to your initial queries, I suggest you deconstruct and analyse these telling nuggets which, I believe, will reveal the truth to you more than what you directly ask him in regards to life after marriage. This veiling business is given high importance by Sunni men. As time passes, you will probably find more expectations to conform on your shoulders. It just so happens that your fella is a Sunni, but I would advise you the same of anyone always look beyond to the subtext!
By the way, did you say that you hadn't actually met this fella? If that's the case then all this could be a case of much ado over nothing.
Salaam.
Sajda.
I have been thinking about his questions. Putting my feelings aside, this situation can either get progressively better or wost, at this moment I do not know. Worst case scenario in my mind, is if we find some type of middle ground then great for us you know, and if we don't then we can just stop speaking to each other and move on with our lives. Even if he puts up a face of acceptance, then later on tries to impose his beliefs upon me or if I find myself unhappy, I can always divorce him.
I haven't met him, but as I stated before, we are meeting very soon, I'm thinking by the end of this month. When we do meet up, it's not going to lead to a casual boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, were going to discuss our potential marriage, and try to weigh out the pros and cons. I need to analyze everything before I meet him this day (Insh'Allah), so I can have a clear mind and set my standards. Thank you for your input.
Peace and Blessings peace
-
and believe it or not in some parts of the world men wear it too.
Yes, sure, saudis wear it usually while in Saudia, and all throughout Muslims history men have covered their heads, but that precisely is the tricky part, that all of a sudden for men to cover or not cover is indifferent, but not for women, for women out of the blue to cover the head, something which was the usual thing for most men and women, suddenly for women becomes a religious duty, and the head becomes another sexual organ that should be covered. Just the use it is being made of it, is disgusting and repulsive.
Yes indeed women should dress as they choose, but the pressure and the signification being given to wearing something on the head is outright brainwshing and a travesty of religion and faith. For me a good reason to keep off it as if it was the devil just as I keep away from booze and gaming. Unless, of course I had a natural liking for it or if wearing it were for me an enjoyment, but then I think I would cringe that it could be confused with anything religious and on top of it that I would be supporting feminine subjugation without wanting to do so. Just as it happened in the past and happens in the present with the use of clothes and shoes that are not comfortable or can be even harmful and which women are led to dress or use because that is what is required for them receive approval in whatever environment or in whatever sense not to speak also of the need to undergo surgery because their first duty is always to be beautiful and to be young.
At any rate, something which always turns out be true is that it may be easy to start hijabing, but if you want to stop and you have people around who deem it your duty, you are in for a nasty ride.
Salaam
-
Yes, sure, saudis wear it usually while in Saudia, and all throughout Muslims history men have covered their heads, but that precisely is the tricky part, that all of a sudden for men to cover or not cover is indifferent, but not for women, for women out of the blue to cover the head, something which was the usual thing for most men and women, suddenly for women becomes a religious duty, and the head becomes another sexual organ that should be covered. Just the use it is being made of it, is disgusting and repulsive.
I agree 100% with you on this, it's like modesty is only prescribed for women. I've presented him with different scenarios. Like recently he did his Umrah and in his pictures there were other men walking around topless, while the women were completely veiled. I told him how is this permissible? He said it's tradition, and I said some of these men have attractive bodies, if you are in a place of worship you want to avoid attraction. He said I don't know, and I said exactly because this behavior is hypocritical and has no religious basis. You wouldn't go around walking topless in the street or at work, so why would you do it there?
Yes indeed women should dress as they choose, but the pressure and the signification being given to wearing something on the head is outright brainwshing and a travesty of religion and faith. For me a good reason to keep off it as if it was the devil just as I keep away from booze and gaming. Unless, of course I had a natural liking for it or if wearing it were for me an enjoyment, but then I think I would cringe that it could be confused with anything religious and on top of it that I would be supporting feminine subjugation without wanting to do so. Just as it happened in the past and happens in the present with the use of clothes and shoes that are not comfortable or can be even harmful and which women are led to dress or use because that is what is required for them receive approval in whatever environment or in whatever sense not to speak also of the need to undergo surgery because their first duty is always to be beautiful and to be young.
Exactly, I'm thankful I'm not a slave to high heels and skimpy outfits just to fit in. I'd wear the veil for personal reasons, because I've never really cared what people have thought about me anyways. For many years I had this "heavy metal look", I was really into this music, loved playing guitar, and didn't mind the snobby stares I'd get from time to time. I guess it's all a matter of choice, as long as the choice was solely yours, and not propagated by mainstream media or social pressure.
At any rate, something which always turns out be true is that it may be easy to start hijabing, but if you want to stop and you have people around who deem it your duty, you are in for a nasty ride.
Salaam
I feel if it ever gets this bad, I don't think I could go through with it. I need someone who will respect and understand me, I would hate to always have to live justifying and defending my stances, it's not a comfortable life. I'm hoping we get these issues out of the way by the time we meet (Insh'Allah). Thank you for your response.
Peace and Blessings peace
-
Your are welcome, and I wish the best.
At the very least this hijab drum is straining on mental resources and psyhologically. It deviates a lot of the Muslim's energies from useful things to pickering and watching whether this one does this or that one does that with no elevated goals in mind.
After plenty of years of living through this question I am more and more convincing that it has been a torpedo shot very effectively to sink muslim societies. I can certify that it is a real destroyers. Disctract the minds from real issues and paralizes women by beeing scrunized, and paralizes males by making them into scrutinizers of women.
IT IS INDEED ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING
Salaam
-
Can I be real for a minute? I don't think you believe in the veil nor do you want to do it. But you're so hooked on this guy that you're willing to sacrifice and be a Ninja Girl (that's what we call Hijabis in Arizona) and walk around wearing a tent over your body for him. I'm being judgmental here but I'd bet my flat screen HD TV (which I'm very attached to) that you're only doing it for him. Not because it will bring you closer to God or because you actually believe in it. People will do ridiculous things (which they often regret) for the opposite sex when there is an emotional connection. If you were my daughter, I'd lock you in the closet till you came to your senses. But since I can not do that, I can only give you this advice... Forget about today, tomorrow, next week, next month... Think ten, twenty, thirty years down the road. Will you be happy? If the answer is yes... You go ninja girl! If the answer is no, put an end to it now. Entertain no optimism for him in the future and don't budge an inch. Also with Sunni/Shia Muslims, nothin means shizzle till you meet their family. A lot of them will do whatever their family tells them to do. To me this is a sign of weakness. It ain't yo momma dat gotsta live your life. It's you. Have some balls and stand up to yo Momma. A lot of Arab and Desi men wear skirts well into adulthood. Take off the skirt Sally. Test him on this. Make sure he's man enough. This may sound evil but pit him against his mother once and you'll find out a LOT about your future. Just wait for the opportunity when his mother is in the wrong. With Arab our Desi mothers, this won't take very long! Words mean nothing. Test him only on actions. Good luck sis
-
Can I be real for a minute? I don't think you believe in the veil nor do you want to do it. But you're so hooked on this guy that you're willing to sacrifice and be a Ninja Girl (that's what we call Hijabis in Arizona) and walk around wearing a tent over your body for him. I'm being judgmental here but I'd bet my flat screen HD TV (which I'm very attached to) that you're only doing it for him. Not because it will bring you closer to God or because you actually believe in it. People will do ridiculous things (which they often regret) for the opposite sex when there is an emotional connection. If you were my daughter, I'd lock you in the closet till you came to your senses. But since I can not do that, I can only give you this advice... Forget about today, tomorrow, next week, next month... Think ten, twenty, thirty years down the road. Will you be happy? If the answer is yes... You go ninja girl! If the answer is no, put an end to it now. Entertain no optimism for him in the future and don't budge an inch. Also with Sunni/Shia Muslims, nothin means shizzle till you meet their family. A lot of them will do whatever their family tells them to do. To me this is a sign of weakness. It ain't yo momma dat gotsta live your life. It's you. Have some balls and stand up to yo Momma. A lot of Arab and Desi men wear skirts well into adulthood. Take off the skirt Sally. Test him on this. Make sure he's man enough. This may sound evil but pit him against his mother once and you'll find out a LOT about your future. Just wait for the opportunity when his mother is in the wrong. With Arab our Desi mothers, this won't take very long! Words mean nothing. Test him only on actions. Good luck sis
Salam,
As I've stated before, I was thinking of wearing the veil before I even spoke to him. The only reason I haven't gathered the courage to do it is due to my family, I feel no support. I just recently converted to Islam, and I need them to understand me. This is my family, and it saddens me to hear them tell me not to wear it as they'd be embarrassed of me. Aside from that, I don't necessarily deem it a major sin, I don't know if I feel this way because of my family or my knowledge on the subject. But God willing, I will have a clearer mind soon.
Right now I'm analyzing everything, and observing the words he says. I know what it's like to cave in, and honestly it brings nothing positive. This happened with my last relationship of 3 years, my ex got progressively violent and dominating. Until one day he just hit me so I left him. If I had paid more attention to his family I would have seen it coming. I want to avoid everything I did before. I don't want to come off as weak or tame. I thank you for your concern, but honestly if I want to do anything it's for myself. Men come and go, but whose going to return my self worth?
He's talked about his family before, he said his mother isn't very pushy, one of his brothers even married a Christian woman. Once I meet him, and his family, I can get a pretty good idea of where my life is headed (Insh'Allah). Thank you for your advice brother.
Peace and Blessings peace
-
Your are welcome, and I wish the best.
Thank you, wish you the best also and blessings of Allah
At the very least this hijab drum is straining on mental resources and psyhologically. It deviates a lot of the Muslim's energies from useful things to pickering and watching whether this one does this or that one does that with no elevated goals in mind.
After plenty of years of living through this question I am more and more convincing that it has been a torpedo shot very effectively to sink muslim societies. I can certify that it is a real destroyers. Disctract the minds from real issues and paralizes women by beeing scrunized, and paralizes males by making them into scrutinizers of women.
IT IS INDEED ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING
Salaam
I understand exactly what you mean here, one of the hot topics on Islamic speeches is the veil. It really does distract people from bigger things, like all the atrocities of war, famen, terrorism, hate crimes, pedophilia, oppression, punishing rape victims, stoning to death, and the list goes on and on. People need to wake up, and see there are greater things to be dealt with in this world, then a simple head scarf. If these Imams or scholars have so much influence, they should use it for good to try to create a better youth, and not just cling on tightly to these small issues. It really does just make things worst, I'm not surprised there are so many men taking these issues to heart, and sometimes trying to take matters into their own hands. It's truly depressing.
Peace and Blessings peace
-
Salam Brothers and Sisters,
I've been speaking to this man I met online for a few months. A few weeks ago, he told me he's interested in marrying me, so we agreed to meet by the end of this month. Our backgrounds are a bit mismatched. He grew up in a strict Sunni household, and I grew up with a Catholic upbringing. He's Palestinian, and I'm Mexican. He's 27, and I'm 24 (age gap isn't great, just thought I'd add it). He's never had a girlfriend before, and I've had 4 boyfriends (before Islam).
When it comes to Islam we tend to agree on most things, except he always seems to have a Hadith for everything. Like today, we were video chatting, and my dog came to me so I petted her on the head, and he freaked out. Several times, he's tried to convince me to wear the veil, just to make me a "better Muslim". Sometimes I feel like my past relationships might bother him in the future. Even though he tells me, "it's your past, I love you for who you are now".
When we disagree, things get pretty intense, but we always end up happy again. I genuinely have feelings for him, and I care about him, but sometimes I think we're like complete opposites. I think that comes with everything, but I'm just thinking about the future.
Like what are we going to teach our kids? Would we have to pray separately? Would we live in Palestine, U.S., or Mexico? Would our differences eventually cause us to separate? These are the things I think about sometimes. What do you think? How would you approach this?
Thanks for taking the time to read this
May Peace and Blessings of Allah be upon You )Salaam,
That age gap seems fine to me, most people marry people younger or older than them. Although I'm not sure what you mean.
I would say, as others have said, Allah swt is your best guide in this. It's a very personal issue and we are probably missing details. It also depends on your personalities. Could you both agree to disagree? Is he willing to understand that you will be practicing without hadiths? It's possible then that if you continue to talk he may better understand your position and may even consider Quran only for himself.
On a personal note, I think I would rather marry someone following Quran only because we'd see eye to eye on the most important issues and also because I tend to talk a lot about Allah and the Quran. P
I wonder what image he has of you in his mind. Who is he imagining to live with? He won't be living with the image of you... he will be living with the real you. Images often tend to be more rosy cosy than reality. Is he expecting you, consciously or unconsciously, to change?
Anyhow, not sure whether this was of any help. I pray for your happy marriage and that you'll get someone who really suits you!
This is great advice. He should marry you for who you are, not who he thinks you might be or what he'd like you be.
-
Salam Brothers and Sisters,
I've been speaking to this man I met online for a few months. A few weeks ago, he told me he's interested in marrying me, so we agreed to meet by the end of this month. Our backgrounds are a bit mismatched. He grew up in a strict Sunni household, and I grew up with a Catholic upbringing. He's Palestinian, and I'm Mexican. He's 27, and I'm 24 (age gap isn't great, just thought I'd add it). He's never had a girlfriend before, and I've had 4 boyfriends (before Islam).
When it comes to Islam we tend to agree on most things, except he always seems to have a Hadith for everything. Like today, we were video chatting, and my dog came to me so I petted her on the head, and he freaked out. Several times, he's tried to convince me to wear the veil, just to make me a "better Muslim". Sometimes I feel like my past relationships might bother him in the future. Even though he tells me, "it's your past, I love you for who you are now".
When we disagree, things get pretty intense, but we always end up happy again. I genuinely have feelings for him, and I care about him, but sometimes I think we're like complete opposites. I think that comes with everything, but I'm just thinking about the future.
Like what are we going to teach our kids? Would we have to pray separately? Would we live in Palestine, U.S., or Mexico? Would our differences eventually cause us to separate? These are the things I think about sometimes. What do you think? How would you approach this?
Thanks for taking the time to read this
May Peace and Blessings of Allah be upon You )Hola,
The dog story really 'cracked me out'...
I guess you need to resolve the 'differences' between the two of you..
I had a 'catholic girlfriend' before, but I guess it's incomparable as the context is different.I told her I have no problems of attending (Catholic) church service with her, and as matter of fact I did quite few times.
Even getting married in a church I absolutely have no problem.
But honestly, I used to make 'remarks' about her (illogical) belief when the topics came out.
And because I'm also quite proficient in the Bible, I can provide evidence that some of the catholic dogma has no biblical ground at all.We did talk about 'raising kids' and the same question popped out, in short I make a remarks go ahead teach them about Catholicism, and when time is right I will also teach them about Orthodoxism, JUdaism, Sunniism, Shiaism, Buddhism, Taoism etc.. Thus they will have a complete view and better understanding of things.
We broke up eventually, but it's not due to 'religion'.
Salam/Peace
-
I would say, as others have said, Allah swt is your best guide in this. It's a very personal issue and we are probably missing details. It also depends on your personalities. Could you both agree to disagree? Is he willing to understand that you will be practicing without hadiths? It's possible then that if you continue to talk he may better understand your position and may even consider Quran only for himself.
We finally talked about it, I told him I'm sorry I cannot uphold the Hadiths to the same level as our Holy Quran, and we got into a debate. We ended up agreeing that the Hadiths are not perfect, and are open to questioning. Insh'Allah one day he accepts only Qu'ran as complete truth.
This is great advice. He should marry you for who you are, not who he thinks you might be or what he'd like you be.
All he told me is, I can only advise you but not force you to do anything, you're free to make your own choices, but how can you have Islam without Hadith? What are you creating a new Islam just for you? Where you can interrupt the versus as you wish? I said no, the versus are clear and truthful for all, if you feel insecurity, it is only from you or Satan, but not from Allah. Allah clearly tells us in the Qu'ran, he has made it easy to understand.
Thank you for your time )
Peace and Blessings peace -
I had a 'catholic girlfriend' before, but I guess it's incomparable as the context is different.
I told her I have no problems of attending (Catholic) church service with her, and as matter of fact I did quite few times.
Even getting married in a church I absolutely have no problem.
But honestly, I used to make 'remarks' about her (illogical) belief when the topics came out.
And because I'm also quite proficient in the Bible, I can provide evidence that some of the catholic dogma has no biblical ground at all.Same thing is happening between me and him right now. Like recently, I found one Hadith that states Prophet Mohammad (PBUH) can intercede for us on the day of Judgement, when the Qu'ran clearly states there will be no intercessors on our final day. He really had no way to back this Hadith up, other than saying he's just a "normal Muslim", if I want a better understanding I should ask an Imam.
We did talk about 'raising kids' and the same question popped out, in short I make a remarks go ahead teach them about Catholicism, and when time is right I will also teach them about Orthodoxism, JUdaism, Sunniism, Shiaism, Buddhism, Taoism etc.. Thus they will have a complete view and better understanding of things.
We broke up eventually, but it's not due to 'religion'.
This seems like a good idea, just to get a broader perspective, and I'm sorry it didn't work out between you two (
Peace and Blessings peace
-
I see red flags in what you have shared. When you are emotionally involved, it is traumatic when the relationship comes to an end or things are not going well which causes distress and of course, you will feel happy when not experiencing the distress but over time if he is constantly telling you what you should believe and how you should behave or dress, your feelings will turn into loneliness, resentment and anger. What is his reaction when you criticize his beliefs? A comment here, a certain look there, and crticism can slowly chisel away at the relationship over time. Seems he is not accepting of your beliefs and you are not accepting of his - each trying to change the other. Hoping that a partner will change is a big mistake. What you are doing is imposing your views on him and he is trying to impose his views on you.
Glad you are thinking about your future children. How will you raise them? Will you raise them traditional Sunni? whatever you have said on this forum is what your children will hear at home. Is it fair to the children to hear their parents debating over religion watching their mom feeling unhappy? If he wants the children to go to Islamic school raised the way he was - would that be ok with you. Would it be fair to marry a Sunni and tell the children that their father believes in lies told about God?
Please don't let your feelings decide your future as your feelings can betray you. I have been there and done that. May God guide you both.
-
I think there are two sorts of things. Difference of opinion on religion or on anything else should not be a source of distress if we are sure of ourselves. He thinks this and that, good for him, you think this or that other good for you. BUT when the question is not about different opinions where you can disagree in peace, it is when it goes beyond and he expects you to conform to his norms or the opposite nd he does not accept in deed and word that you are not going to do what he wants. They are two different things. Very different. One is feasible, the other is not if you want to be yourself and not a pale shadow and a property of his.
Therefore that hadith about intercession for me is a difference of opinion, but his expectations that you should conform to his idea of Muslimness for a woman is outright tyrany, so completely different.
Difference of opinion with close relationships is always present. There are not two people in the world who think the same thing about everything. nd all of us have to accpet that with good grace. Tyrany is nothing to keep quiet about for the sake of peace. It is the burying of the other in live just as they did with girl children in the old times in Arabia an which the Qur'an talks about. Nobody has to put up with that nor whould anybody put up with that, it is an invitation to the tyran to feel like a god, to shirk.
Salaam