How to Beat Your Wife

MesMorial

For people who believe that the word in 434 is "strike".

"Striking" one's wife must not cause injury.

It must be performed in a way which has purpose. ?Beating them? makes no sense when it comes to preventing divorce, so let us use that point to conclude it must be symbolic (i.e. a last statement).

The wife cannot be hospitalised, for she could not obey him afterwards (434). At least, she would not want to because women are not cattle who change their tune with violence. Rather, it should be an expression of contempt for her viewpoint. Divorce is not preferred (2226, 435), so all steps should be consistent with preventing it (not accelerating it). Thus, the head and sensitive/vulnerable parts should be avoided. This is consistent with the ahadith. The man would maybe lightly strike her once on the shoulder and push her (set forth) away a little, or once lightly on the chest. This would indicate he has had enough and that the "divorce wheel" is rolling. It may also be a sign of his desperation, in which case he would not express his desire by harming her. As soon as she obeys, the matter should be taken no further. If the man has struck her in this way once, and she is still resilient, separation should be sought (435). Striking more than once is adding to what the verse actually says (see 260 and 273).

In short, a man who fears ill-conduct will talk to her to solve the problem. If she still places him in a state of disturbance, he should admonish her. The next step is to separate in bed. By now the man will be desperate for her to ?come around?, or he will have contempt. In the first case, the man will try to prevent marital collapse by striking her. Obviously injuring her will not give her a sudden epiphany, make her like him or express his love, thus the marriage will not be strengthened. In the latter case, the man?s contempt means he finds her ?divorce-worthy?, and will want and plan divorce. Of course Allah knows this (2227), thus the ensuing symbolic strike will only serve to give the wife a final chance. Before divorce is completed, counselling may be sought (435).

Let us consider some clinching factors

2231 says men who have resolved on divorce should not keep their wives for harm. This is general, because even at the end of the four months waiting-period, they are still able to reunite. This is the same as before the waiting-period starts. To say it applies only AFTER the waiting-period is illogical, since he is still ?retaining her for injury?. 2227 says that Allah knows when the man has decided on divorce (before the waiting-period), meaning he should not delay the process in order to cause harm.

During the waiting-period, the wife must not be harmed (656).

419 says that a man should not harm his wife in order to accelerate divorce.* It also says he should be patient even if he does not like her (i.e. divorce not preferred). 420 says that he may divorce and marry somebody.

Two points from that

Divorce is not preferred.
Even if he wants divorce, he cannot harm her.

In the case of 434, the man does not want divorce; he is trying to get his wife to come ?round. He would not take extra steps if he did not want to be patient. 434 is the case of marriage gone wrong for reasons OTHER than dislike. Divorce is not preferred in that context, neither is it in 419. In all contexts, there is a four-month period to discourage divorce for divorce?s sake.

2231 provides the principle that marriage should involve good fellowship. This echoes 3021. Thus, a marriage wherein good-fellowship has ceased must end.

Considering this evidence, there is no room for a Muslim man to injure his wife.

*Study 2229 and 2237. There are at least two possibilities by which a man may get his dowry back. CASE 1 By divorcing before he goes to bed with her. CASE 2 If the husband mistreats her, she will want divorce and thus the man will gain the dowry (or part of). This is especially important if the man feels short of cash (thus has basis for requesting it). 2228 gives higher divorce power to men, primarily due to the dowry. It is assumed that wives cannot divorce on whim without returning the dowry. If husbands mistreat them, it may not always be provable.

aqua

I have written an article on verse 434 of the Qur'an, a verse which has commonly been misinterpreted to justify violence against women. I have created a website to publish this article www.quranverse434.com