Beating of kids or threating them with light violence
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Peace
Ohh, I didn't say that I'm depressed and unhappy and close to comitting suicide because of my daughter. It just came to my head while reading about the "Super Nanny" and in her bedroom my little one was screaming...
sorry ops , it seems that i have projected my own frustration on you... i also have a four year kid... maybe they could marry in future cause they, as it seems, have very similar tempers
Nevertheless, try making your dother as bussy as much you can thrughout the day(for example -long walks), so she will be more prone to fall asleep in the night...
One of the tricks that also sometimes work is that you turn all the lights in the house off and pretend that you gonna go to sleep as well... lol
best wishes
Zlatan
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Greetings Warda,
You might find this article interesting http//my.webmd.com/content/article/42/1739_50197.htm and this one
http//my.webmd.com/content/chat_transcripts/1/100804.htmI haven't been around little kids since like 10 years or something and they sound like so much fun (I mean, jumping on the mattress, how much fun is that?)...makes me wanna adopt a cute kid D
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Salam Kyle, GL, and Zlatan
maybe try to meditate with her at night. It involved DEEP LONG BREATHING which eliminates those inner drives which are keeping her "excited"!
It worked. At least yesterday I don't know whether she was too tired anyway, but she liked it, turned around after a little while and slept !!!!! This happens once in six months
Saalam Green Leaves,
thanks for the links! They're quite interesting.Salam Zlatan
sorry Embarassed , it seems that i have projected my own frustration on you... Smile i also have a four year kid... maybe they could marry in future cause they, as it seems, have very similar tempers
No problem! So do you have a boy? I will ask my princess what she thinks about our arranged wedding at the age of four lol
Zlatan, if I may ask isn't your name slavish?Salam Aleikum
warda -
Salaam warda,
Yes we have also got that TV show at last I will say because we seems to always be the last one!
I think it's a good program so I will go on and watch it more times.
Take Care!
Sis Majidah -
Peace people,
Well I'm sorry to have to say that I had to spank my sons bottom earlier today because he absolutely refuses to be potty trained. When I say he refuses, that's what I mean.....he absolutely refuses to be potty trained.
My wife and I have been trying to potty train him for the past three-four weeks now to no avail whatsoever. We will sit him on his potty at certain times and try to get him to handle his business. Each and Every time, he did not go to the potty, but as soon as we take him off of it and put a pull up on him, he will sneak off somewhere by himself and unload in his pull-up. Do you guys have any idea how fustrating this is??
Well, as always, I have been at it all day around the clock with him. I put him on the potty three times today and all three times he did not go. After the third time, I put a some underwear on him and about 5-10 minutes later, he once again went somewhere by himself and unloaded. Because I am pretty much at my wits end I had to go to his bottom for doing this and I had to for two reasons.........
One, he made a very bad mess with this deed. Remember, this round I did not put a pull up on him (because it wasn't bed time yet) I put a pair of underwear on him. Well making a mess in a pair of underwear is a whole different breed of chaos than making one in a pull up.
Two....anothe reason that I had to tap his little behind is because something tells me that he knows what he is doing. He always sneaks off somewhere alone to do this. There have been times where we caught him just in time and we'll hurry and snatch him up and put him on the potty. Most times though, he'll just hold it until we take him off of it. The fact that he always goes somewhere alone away from me and his mother suggests to me that he has a master plan that he's working on when he does this.
Now his older brother, my 7 year old, is really, really asking for it. My wife and I use spankings very sparingly...only to draw a line somewhere. But my seven year old son has really been pushing his luck and trying my patience lately.
Kyle made the statement that his cultural upbringing has made him used to butt whoopins. I'm also an African American and my mother used to beat me and yet I am very close to her because I understand the role whoopins have in an upbringing.
I do believe that there is a difference between spankings and child abuse. And I also believe that the key is to make sure we as parents balance everything out. Yes, discipline your children, but make sure you show them just as much love and compassion as you do disciplinary action. Try not to overdue one or the other. Too much of one (spanking) can result in an emotionally dysfunctional member of society and too much of the other (no spanking, but spoiling the child) can result in someone growing up not understanding that the world does not revolve around him/her and that there are consequences and repercussions for things that we shouldn't do but do anyway because we think we are unpunishable.
As I write this e-mail, I am trying my utmost to hold on to my patience concerning my seven year old son, but between his behaviour in school and the disrespect he's starting to display at home, I may have to remind him that there are certain things that I simply will not tolerate.
Salaam,
Damon. -
Salaam Damon,
There are ways to get your child to use the potty correctly. Keep in mind that the control of elimination for children is a way for them to express independence. You should try putting your child on the toilet when you see that he/she needs to do so. Learning through observation is a good thing too. The questions will come and you just need to knock them down. Remember, don't make it a bad experience for the child. Encourage and reinforce.
Joe
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Peace Joe,
Salaam Damon,
There are ways to get your child to use the potty correctly. Keep in mind that the control of elimination for children is a way for them to express independence. You should try putting your child on the toilet when you see that he/she needs to do so. Learning through observation is a good thing too. The questions will come and you just need to knock them down. Remember, don't make it a bad experience for the child. Encourage and reinforce.
Joe
Thanx for the advise Joe, I'll give it a try, GOD Willing.
By the way, I guess I should tell you guys that my wife and I have just found out that we have a third one on the way (GOD Willing) D
We already have two boys (ages 3 and 7), maybe GOD will give us a girl this time.
Peace all,
Damon. -
Peace,
My son is now about 3 and a half year old and he is very good to pee on the toilet but when he was only 3 years old he also refuses to sit on his potty even if he did it at kindergarden.
I asked him if he wanted to try the big toilet were mummy used to pee and then he got exited and give it a try and he liked it and today he always use the toilet.
I think you have to encourage him to use the toilet and describe in a fun way that it is actually only babies who use diapers.
Why can't you find a nice children book with pictures of kids doing things in the bathroom like peeing on the potty or the toilet and brush their teeth and so on then maybe he will be willing to learn.
Forcing a kid is never good and the reult will come much later than if you make it on a fun way.
Hope it helps!
Peace
Sis Majidah -
Salaam Damon n all,
Glad I took the time to check this thread out today... I couldn't stop myself from smiling when I was reading Damon's ordeal with Potty training. Damon... I take it your 3 year old son is the problem child? Here's my advice... let him go on that issue. I know exactly where you're at, because I had it worse than you did! My son only caved in at 4 years old! What's worse with my son was, that he didn't want to take a dump at all, even in his pull up when we fought with him vigorously! I kept fighting with him coz my wife kept telling me how worried she was about the whole ordeal. I wasn't too worried about it, but she got me worked up. So anyway, finally this doctor gave us this prescription kinda laxative to give him with his milk. For some reason, right after, he asked us all by himself to go to the toilet! D
Moral of the story, let your son take his time. He knows it's not a good thing to poopoo in the pull up, but as Joe said... it's the only independence he's got right now. That's his thing and you cannot take it away from him, until he decides to give it up. The fighting will only make it worse. Your expectations have nothing to do with it. lol
Peace be with you brother and your family. And congratulations on your number 3. I have 2 boys also, but those will have to do for now. wink
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Salam Damon
By the way, I guess I should tell you guys that my wife and I have just found out that we have a third one on the way (GOD Willing) Very Happy
CONGRATULATION !! D D
Regarding your three year old son don't beat him or spank his bottom, cause it really will make it worse and maybe he understands at all why you are beating him. I used to have the same problem with my little one. She used to pee wherever she stood, of course I was angry, but at the same I felt sorry for her, couse she doesn't know and understand. If I would have slapt her, it doesn't make it better but worse. My advice talk to him very seriously, loud but without screaming. Or tell him if he does the same, he will not get... (something he loves) or other way round, as soon as he succeeded and does well give him something he loves and tell him how much you love him, well, but I'm sure you do so.
GOOD LUCK!
Salam
warda -
Peace be upon you all!
We have our first one on the way (30 days), God Willing
I will never hit my child.Salaam,
I have seen some programs on TV "Super Nanny" and that program give me some idea how to treat a wild child without violence.
I saw that program today )
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Salaam Tux,
Hey who are you?
Peace
Sis Majidah -
Peace all,have you read this? I really enjoyed reading it
When Amanda Craig lost her voice after an operation for thyroid cancer, she found she really started to hear what her children had to say
Listen with mother
http//www.guardian.co.uk/parents/story/0,3605,1234343,00.html
Wednesday June 9, 2004
The GuardianAny modern parent knows that, if you are to avoid smacking, argument is the only way to maintain discipline. Quiet words and sweet reason are supposed to do the trick when confronted with a tantruming toddler or angry adolescent. But of course, it doesn't always work out like that. You can find yourself screeching like one of Roald Dahl's witches, or just abjectly begging for mercy. Yet your voice is there as your prime means of keeping your children obedient, entertained, consoled and safe. Whether you use it like a whip-lash, or roar as gently as any sucking dove, it is the tool of first choice.
But what do you do if you suddenly have no voice at all?Earlier this year, I discovered I had thyroid cancer. I had suspected I was ill for some time because I felt tired all the time, and have (despite many attempts to reverse this) gone up four dress sizes, but my GP kept telling me I was just a stressed-out working mother. Eventually, I paid for a private blood test, which revealed that I needed a scan, which revealed that I needed a biopsy, which revealed a carcinoma right over my voice-box ... and then, last month, I had to have my thyroid taken out.
The cancer was "huge", according to the surgeon, but hadn't spread. (Thyroid cancer, though excruciating to have out, is the one cancer for which a "magic bullet" exists, in the form of radioactive iodine catch it in time, and you have a normal life-span.) That was the good part. The bad part is that, despite being operated on by the best surgeon in Britain for this problem, I have lost my voice indefinitely.
Not only do I now look like Frankenstein's monster, with stitches right across my neck, I am also the Little Mermaid - my least favourite character. Being struck dumb is a curse second only to blindness in most fairy tales; although mine is apparently temporary, and far less dreadful than being blind or deaf, I have begun to see why. The equation of a voice with power is fundamental to most human interaction, and having none affects every possible aspect of my life. Everything, from judging this year's Whitbread prize, to making sure my kids do their homework, has just become very difficult. Do you try to convey your thoughts by writing them on huge placards that other members of a panel can read, as in Edwardian theatre? Do you enact a violent pantomime, beaming like a lunatic or miming death by strangulation when Deborah Moggach, Alan Hollinghurst or David Mitchell are mentioned? At least, in my professional life as a novelist, I can communicate via email. Domestically, however, it is a nightmare.
I always wondered, when watching The Piano, how Holly Hunter's character brought up her child when unable to speak. My daughter and son are lively, imaginative, naughty and noisy, and at times it has felt as if all that stands between domestic order and chaos is the strength of my vocal cords. For me, the experience of love in my life has always been one of conversation, and my children reflect that, at full volume. Both have been used to a continual exchange of chat, questions, jokes, gossip, songs and information from the moment they were able to put two words together. Suddenly, that has been cut off. My voice lies in my throat like a ball at the bottom of a deep well, and nothing but time can get it up again.
I speak, effortfully, in a faint, breathless whisper that even someone sitting next to me finds hard to understand. It's bad enough for my husband, but to my children it seems as if I have become a ghost. Not only can I not ask them basic stuff like what their day at school was like, I can't read them stories at bedtime or comfort them with anything more than cuddles. Some friends have suggested I use a policeman's whistle, and it's true, I can whistle - or clap - as if to dogs. Otherwise, I have to whisper.
And yet - and yet - something else has happened, too. Not being able to speak forces you to listen. If words can seem like a ball kept bouncing between two players, or a shower of javelins between two armies, they can also mask feelings, and create misunderstandings. What to me is a supple, subtle knife, capable of splitting hairs, is to them a blunt instrument for conveying feeling. Children, like dogs, are acutely sensitive to the way words are said, rather than the language chosen. For them, the emotion is all in all, not what it is wrapped up in. They hate being shouted at as much as they hate being hit - if not more. Even if what you are saying is perfectly sensible and reasonable, they will only hear the volume. Though fewer and fewer parents strike their children, I suspect that more and more of us shout at them instead. How else to express impatience, frustration or even anger? You can believe yourself to be compassionate and non-violent, but raising your voice to a child can be just as terrifying as raising your hand. Each generation of my father's family has made efforts to shed an aspect of anger, from my grandfather, brought up in a notoriously cruel Edinburgh orphanage, to my father, who refused to beat his daughters with a leather belt as he had been beaten, to myself, possessor of the kind of temper traditionally associated with red hair and a voice that, when roused, has not needed a microphone when addressing a public meeting. I have tried not to use this weapon when exasperated, and all too often have failed. I never, however, expected to be forced into becoming a child whisperer.
If you just listen to a child, instead of talking to (and occasionally, it must be admitted, at) them, making the odd grunt or sigh to show you are there, no end of stuff comes out. Since losing my voice, I have learned more about what my son thinks and feels than I ever knew before. From this, I have learned that children want a silent, sympathetic audience far more than they want advice, stories or even prompting. Being able only to whisper gives them a sense of intimacy which they rather enjoy. My inability to call, bellow, shriek or yell at them means they have to come close and listen when I ask them to do something, which makes them concentrate harder on what I'm actually saying. To my great surprise my noisy, exuberant pair have become much quieter, more considerate and more obedient. I don't think it's just that I have been ill. We have been forced to listen to each other.
Children are assailed by noise, from over-loud music, films and personal stereos to the demands and instructions of adults in their lives. No wonder their concentration, in this generation, tends to be poor. They need to learn how to speak up, but they also need to be heard, much more than I ever realised, and they need peace and quiet in which to learn to hear their own thoughts. When my voice comes back, and the normal cacophony of family life returns, I hope the gift of the gab does not swamp the sounds of silence. Keeping mum as a mum isn't the end of the world. In fact, it feels like a new beginning.
? Amanda Craig's novel, Love in Idleness, has just been published in Abacus paperback, price ?6.99.
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I will never hit my child.
Yes, I remember telling myself that before I got married... and did quiet well too, the first 2 years! P I'm with Damon though, there's a fine line between abuse and discipline, and balance is key. I was beaten as a child in school, by my parents and at the madrassa. I couldve done without it, but I still respect and love my parents. As for the teachers... well, maybe I would've liked school a little more... but no regrets or blames for my life's 'problems'. I come from a 3rd world country, and when I see people here talking of spanking as abuse... they have no idea what goes on in the rest of the world. I'm not advocating beating, most of the times it doesn't serve much purpose, but at the same time, depending on the child, some spanking may be necessary. In terms of political correctness, I know this gets frowned upon... but, hey, welcome to the real world. twisted
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Salaam all,
Well put Zenje. And quite an eye opener at that.
BUUUUT........he just did it again about five minutes ago. My three year old son just ruined another pair of underwear by, once again, sneaking off somewhere and proceeded to unload in his underwear even though he didn't go on the potty when we put him on it.
I'm sorry guys, I know Joe said that it's independence on his part, but I can't help but to feel as though it's more like stubborness instead. Needless to say, I gave him a whack on his boody. The thing is it wasn't a harsh wack and that's probably one of the reasons why he isn't taking this, as well as other things, seriously at all.
My wife and I use spankings sparingly and we're content to just talk to them and yell at them when we feel it neccessary. Man, this is beyond frustrating.
By the way, thanx guys for giving me the congrats on the little bun my wife and I have in the oven.
Salaam,
Damon. -
Peace be upon you zenje, all
My father hit me too as a child, not hard though.
I have forgotten all about that, but what I can?t forget is one time when my father hit my little brother and he went to school crying. It was 13 years ago and even today when I think about it I feel sad and angry. I?m maybe a little bit weak but that?s how I feel.Let me put it this way; I hope I never hit my child.