im very depressed:( read please
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Regarding the past... just accept it to yourself. If you feel you've done wrong, accept it to yourself and to The Creator. If you regret doing it, then just admit it. Don't go around feeling guilty. We all make mistakes. If you feel you've made a mistake, ask forgiveness from The Creator in a relaxed, open and sincere way. Asking forgiveness can do miracles.
For the future, you must decide what to do. You are 22. You are old enough to take full responsibility for your life and to decide a direction into the future. Is she of similar age? Basically, either you should be totally serious about her (and she about you) or else you should probably call things off. You cannot go half-half at this age.
So what I'm saying is, forget what has happened, and don't keep worrying about it. Also you need to decide how to go on from here. Basically, get over the bad feelings, make up your mind and move on.
But don't feel bad about feeling bad. Don't worry.
Peace
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I could only give you a liberal opinion. What is wrong with kissing and hugging? Who cares what religion says.
I'm a Muslim I drink sometimes with friends(although I never got drunk) I certainly don't care about religion. I'm pretty sure that a God would understand. In reality there is nothing wrong with liking a girl or guy with different religion or ethnicity. The guy/girl could be an atheist, jew or a satanist. Again who cares? My intrepretation on religion is that religion is not about controlling you but to make you happy as a believer on earth. Doing things that makes you happy as long as it does not harm you or others is allowed. This sounds logical from a God.
Btw i know whats lawful and not according to the quran and i compared to those around me am very religious but i dont know what happened.....i regret it because it was haram,but to what extent is it haram to kiss and hug and grind on a guy/ girl?
It depends on how conservative you are. I think the 'Mutah' thing is a pretty bad id?a. Any religious contract is. I could never bring a 'religious contract' on my girlfriend to accept. If I were to marry my girlfriend it would probaly be in a traditional church(or even a secular church) or the Arab way.
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If you are a believer in Allah then you are a believer in all of His Attributes; He is Rahman and Rahim; He is Abundantly Forgiving and Most Merciful; and He has prescribed for Himself Mercy upon us; He is Most Truthful to His Promise; and do not doubt such of His Attributes, to say the least; you have done no wrong at all - because you have been forgiven by the Most Generous a long long time ago, the very moment you felt the guilt and that is it; if you still have the guilt feeling, then Allah is Salam; He has given you Peace already; it is shaitan then who speaks to you against Allah's Attributes, to trouble your mind in the nicest possible way. 22.52. Do not keep consulting with him; turn to the Ever Generous Rahman, Rahim.
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If I were to marry my girlfriend it would probaly be in a traditional church(or even a secular church) or the Arab way.
Yay to the Arab way!
My advice to the original poster would be
-Don't feel bad
-Think clearly about how you feel and what you would like to do in regards to future course of action (no pun intended)
-Make maghfirath if that is genuine
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Peace agphys,
We all fall into sin. Such is the human condition.
What marks out a "good" sinner from a bad sinner is how quickly and how sincerely they ask for forgiveness after committing the sin.
I wasn't concerned with what you did and I don't judge you (God knows I've committed many sins), what concerned me, however, is your belief about the sin.
There is no such concept as mut'ah according to the Quran. You either marry someone with a view to stay with them, or you don't.
Forgive me, perhaps I misunderstood your meaning, but are you saying that you entered into a mut'ah contract with this girl in the belief that it is permissible ?
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SLM @agphys,
Its an agreement between the both both persons
I understand that you've persuaded your Christian lover into temporary marriage, aka. gratification marriage ! ... matter of fact is mutual agreement is no justification of anything here !
How do you do a marriage according to quran then?
Always consult G-D first and foremost !
His is the first and final, definitive word on all legal and illegal matters.The rules, process and/or preconditions of marriage (and divorce) can be found in the Qurn
~ sc. 2229-230, 2235, 422-25, 55, 2432-33, 26165-166, 2827Ponder!
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thank you for all of your replies, may god bless all of you.
I made a terrible mistake once again,i decided to meet up again and we decided to chill,one kiss let to another and there we were, at her home in the bed.
i have made a terrible mistake, i have done zina and i cant forgive myself for it, i dont know how i got there but it just happened...i wish i can go back and change some stuff. im very depressed, you must say that im really stupid, not gaining a lesson from the first mistake, but i didnt it seems and we went even further this time,way further...i feel like nothing is fun anymore and its like my whole world is collapsing. i did this anf its my fault,please keep me in your prayers,and only god alone can forgive.
i have done a terrible mistake, i know my mistake goes in under zina, i know this text wont change anything, i pray to god for forgivness.
my message to you is, quran is a way of life and it is perfected for success, dont disobey God.
"And let those who cannot find a match keep chaste till Allah give them independence by His grace. And such of your slaves as seek a writing (of emancipation), write it for them if ye are aware of aught of good in them, and bestow upon them of the wealth of Allah which He hath bestowed upon you. Force not your slave-girls to whoredom that ye may seek enjoyment of the life of the world, if they would preserve their chastity. And if one force them, then (unto them), after their compulsion, lo! Allah will be Forgiving, Merciful."
chapter 24 from Al Quran.
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i read from al quran that god says that the punishment is 100 lashes for zina/fornication.
Did you cheat on your "wife" also!?
how can i do this? can i go to a masjid and tell them so they can lash me? please only serious answers..
Try asking brother Jafar!
*I think he's got a whip somewhere (giggle) -
Did you cheat on your "wife" also!?
Try asking brother Jafar (giggle)!
He asked for serious answers and you do this? Shame on you brother...
I understand zina differently than you seem to do. To me zina means harlotry. You can find my interpretation and arguments for it here
http//free-minds.org/forum/index.php?topic=9606816.msg356341#msg356341
So, in my opinion there is no need to lash yourself brother.
Peace
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no i dont have a wife, did it with my "girlfriend", and im very depressed, cannot explain really.
but dear friend, in quran it says if u did zina it is 100 lashes..
So you want to get 100 lashes and then do it again? then you better go to catholic church... (if you are serious about the lashes, you should go to Saudi Arabia to get them; they know how to beat...)
I also wonder why you don't just marry. That would mean taking responsibility and this is what God asks us through the Quran, not just taking some lashes and thinking it is done with it. Or is there anything that stands in the way? Marriage means taking responsibility for each other, especially for any child that may come out of the relationship, but also helping each other in any aspect (financially, emotionally...)
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what do u mean by marriage?
contract between me and her??
how do i do this?You'll know 'how to' once you do this
Always consult G-D first and foremost !
His is the first and final, definitive word on all legal and illegal matters.The rules, process and/or preconditions of marriage (and divorce) can be found in the Qurn
~ sc. 2229-230, 2235, 422-25, 55, 2432-33, 26165-166, 2827PONDER!
if you're serious (of course).
SLM
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Salm agphys,
I would reiterate the recommendations of my fellow members.
Marriage is the best way forward. All the necessary conduct involving marriage are found in the Quran. So you can simply read the parts revenant to you.
In terms of the lashes, there needs to have been four witnesses present at the time you made love with your partner. If not, then you shouldn't be telling people about the bad things that you've done. Keep them to yourself, remember "God is enough as an expert in the sins of his servants."
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Agphys, I can understand your guilt and feeling upset about this whole situation. And wanting to correct the situation and not feel like a jerk in this. I am glad at least you are trying not to be, say, like a player, or awaken emotions and a sense of bonding in a woman and fellow human being, sleep with her, possibly impregnate her, and later leave her, perhaps without much explanation, or with coldness. Or continue leading her on. So I applaud and appreciate you for this, for trying to be a decent human being.
Recite a dua of self-forgiveness. And any ritual which helps to self-forgive. Spend some time over it if required. After that I would ask you to ponder over one thing. First try to clear your mind, sense of attachment, and guilt from your mind. And then think do I want to spend the rest of my life with her? Build a life with her? Raise kids with her? Use both your mind and feelings in this. If possible, try to first analyse with your mind before using feelings. But do pay attention to both.
You are young, at this point. It might be major for you to have a sense of connection physically and emotionally with a woman. And might seem like the only real chance to be with a beautiful and nice woman with whom you connect. But I assure you, this won't be the only time. It might seem so, but not the only one. And please don't marry her as a charity service towards her (because she wants it, but you don't). Neither of you would be happy if either of you married the other out of charity service.
Later on, if you do think she would make a good marriage partner, I suggest you two get together in a public place (not private, where your hormones can take over again), and discuss matters besides mushy topics. Discuss matters that you deem important to know and exchange regarding making a more serious commitment towards each other, and investing more of each other's time and energy on each other. Then see where it goes.
I partly blame our more conservative Muslim upbringing for this confusion regarding gender and sexuality matters. Where such topics are considered taboo, guilt is incited in, and hence young people are left in confusion regarding some of their biggest areas of our lives. But we can't keep blaming that forever (even if it seems it deserves to). We need to try to do something about it ourselves, while trying not to fall into either of the two extremes in these areas, and promise ourselves not to do the same with our own future children (as in make such topics taboo or tell the kids these issues would somehow fix themselves with time).
Peace.