What to do?

phoenix1

I know im posting a lot of topics.

anyway, i was born a sunni, i gave up on hadith a while ago, and then i finally found this site which has made me certain that the hadith are wrong. My family, though, has strong beliefs in the hadith. I dont want them to be on the wrong path. I want some advice on how to reveal this to them. I think its gonna be really hard to tell my family that what they've believed all this life is completely wrong. So i need you help. Thanks a lot.

Jaxal

SaLaM

I told my mom about my belief and she just smiled at me and told me she loved me. IF my father was alive, he would have beaten me to death LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL. So start with your mom. Then to your dad. Just tell her what you belive in. Thats waht i did.

Tay

Peace and welcome, Pheonix,

One word (or is it 2?)...
babysteps

There's no hurry bro/sis. Take your time, grasp what you're learning, digest it, and then talk about it. I've found the best way to talk about things with people who are solidified in their beliefs is to ask them the questions, rather than trying to proselytize your own understanding.

For instance..."what do you think about stoning people to death? It's not mentioned in the Qur'an...and the Qur'an mentions that we should forgive people who repent...how can we forgive someone who's been bludgeoned to death?"

You see, once you fully comprehend the logical constructs, re-wording it in different terms is simple. And pointing out logical fallacies gets the ball rolling.

let peace be upon you,
Tay

unknownuser

Hi phoenix,
Where do u come from?
Yeah, babysteps is good as Tay said. Coz it will be difficult for them to accept something different after all these years.
So, u have to work very gradually. discuss various issues and back it up with whats said in Quran.
I think its one of these reasons that holds people to crude beliefs of hadith

They fear to think or question it coz the fear is irrational. propably they think God will put them in hell if they question anything considered even remotely holy.(i have met these kinds)
They are ignorant and honestly believe this is right
They fear getting isolated from the society/majority.

Its easy to talk sense to the 2nd group of people, but the 1st and 3rd can be a bit resistant.

Well, as for who to work on first, I think u would know this better. As for me, my dad was never fond of crude beliefs of hadith. Propably thats becoz he always read Quran and understood it. We discussed Quran with each other. so, it was cool. While my mom easily fits into all the 3 reasons. She recites Quran umpteen times a year but never once has she understood the meaning of the entire Quran. I am still working on her. I am trying to tell her its important that she understands what she reads. If I try to tell her, 'u should stop reciting blindly', then I bet she wont even hear out my next sentence expaining 'why'.

So, ur approach should be according to why they believe what they do and work on them in a way that they wont get offended but yet will see the truth.
And once a person understands Quran with his heart, He wont be able to see any sense in hadith.(most of it), coz most of the hadith contradicts Quran.

Layth

Peace Phoenix,

I believe the advice already given is quite good...Work this issue slowly and over time by asking questions that make the other party think about the issues...

But more importantly, know that God is the only One who guides and teach yourself to accept and respect the fact that there will be many who will never share your view (even amongst those you love most).

"You cannot guide whom you love. But it is God who guides whom He wills; and He is fully aware of those who receive the guidance." (The Message 2857)

SwedenMajidah

Salaam phoenix,

You have already get alot of good advices from other members

I don't know how old you are or where you from, because that can also effect your life indeed.

I did told my husband about my beliefs and then he didn't wanted to respect me so now we are going to get divorced as soon i found an own apartment.

That's something that can happen, your wife or your husband can start to dislike you.

But if you believe in this you shall go further and don't let other people holding you down.

My biggest dream now is to find a new husband who have same or similar faith as I have. If I can't find him then i rather stay single because my faith is so important to me so i haven't afford to waste it on baseless fights in my own home. In my home peace must be the main state.

Peace and good luck!
Sis Majidah

unknownuser

Assalamu alaikum phoenix1

U wrote

I think its gonna be really hard to tell my family that what they've believed all this life is completely wrong.

I just told my family about my beliefe (they are also sunni) some weeks ago and i was really scared to do it. But i learnt that the only One u should fear is God, and no one else! Surprisingly no one in my family cut my head off, which i really thought they would do o And surprisingly my dad didnt even make a big deal of it o Just pray to God and seek Gods protection before talking to ur family. Be cool and not upset when talking, cuz u know ur right so theres no need to get upset. I can tell u its a greaaat feeling when u have talked about it, and u dont have to hide ur belief or actions. Alhamdulillah.

Dont tell ur family right away that they are on the wrong path, if God wants they will discovere it on theyre own! Just tell them "I believe it is like this ... because God tells us this in quran". Maybe they will get surprised by their little knowledge about quran and say "theres nothing about this subject in quran , so how can we know how to act in a situation as this?" And u can show them in sha Allah.

I hope this will help u, may God increase ur eeman and knowledge. Dont forget to always pray to God for guidance. Good luck!

Ur sis

phoenix1

Thanks for the advice guys. For those of you who wanted to know, i'm 16 years old, born in Pakistan, lived in Saudi Arabia, currently living in the US. I'm more worried about my Mom than Dad. She keeps going on and on about how smart i am and i should get A+s in everyone of my classes, but when I give her my logic on Islam, its always like "what is wrong with you!?" And everyone of the questions you listed, i think i know what answer every sunni will give, "its in the hadith," "dont question Islam," " are you going against the Prophet?" But i think that logic will prevail some day or another.
again, thanks for the advice.

TAJ

Peace Phoenix1,

Just think what could be the worst thing that could happen if you open up about your beliefs with your parents? The answer to this question should determine/decide your plan!

truth

Yes, the advice TAJ has given is a good one in general.

Think what is the downside - what's the worst that could happen.

If your dad is the type of backward individual who'd do an honour killing of a child - and some would then it's probably not a great idea.

You get the idea.

phoenix1

my parents arent really backward. and they wont kill me. so it cant be that bad. it does help if you think about it.

idontknow

i recently explained my beliefs to my moms She was shocked, but she respects that i'm one of the few in my family that take our way of life seriously .
Tay is totally right, take baby steps..

... phoenix1 you sound like me 2 years ago, (i was 16 2 years ago) i had similar questions/concerns as you, and since then i've become a lot stronger mentally (i'm still overwhelmed with knowledge when i read posts on here). And being the average western teen...i think i have passed in most tests from God, although, i admit, i have failed a lot,
anyway, i think i can relate to a lot of things you coudl be going through,
my msn is ''[email protected]'' if you (or anyone) wants to talk