Why is premarital sex considered inherently wrong by the Quran?
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Holding yourself untill you find some unlucky girl to marry so you can unleash the beast ? I don't think so.
Plus if one lived his/her entire existence a slave to him/herself, then married or not shouldn't make a difference.
There is something strange about promiscuous men. They behave like women. It is completely okay if homosexual men do that. But the ones who call themselves "men" seem to be more of girlfriends than boyfriends.
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eating food is not prohibited.
stealing food is prohibited.sex is not prohibited.
stealing sex is prohibited.problematic thing is same like food everybody want to try different dishes at different times.
here the sex by stealing come across in our lives..most of the times people found themselves struggling in controlling this.. thats the only drawback in changing the taste..
this is a strange thing. that connects a honor figure in society..
example the one who sleeps with multiple partners consider as a wrong doer nd filth of society as per the view of others..on the same time others also wanted to do this.. ?
brothers killed their sisters , father kills their daughters, husbands kills their wives on honor killing.. (how strange)
on the other hand these fathers, brothers and husbands themselves sleep with multiple people in reality?we have to rethink about sex and shirk ? these two are strange sins.. in which everybody feel what they have built in their mind by society..
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Holding yourself untill you find some unlucky girl to marry so you can unleash the beast ? I don't think so.
i disagree
on the wedding day this is the only thing what both parties were thinking ...
girl is not unlucky niether boy..both got lucky day today .. yay yay
this day they waited for their whole life..(they spend their money this day on their suits,traditions and lot of other stuff)
it seems they are paying price to the society for what they are approaching..
even the cousins and sisters of bride vanish the "shoes" of groom for taking a bribe to let them in lol
relatives are waiting for delicious food on table
such a expensive day for both parties..( for getting a thing legal) yesthis day they will legalise the pleasure for themselves ..
unlucky is the one who find out his/her mate is stealing food ... rotfl & & & rotfl
even at this occasion cheater is doing like this yay
and the one who get cheat is doing like this brickwallthis world is imperfect world.. this life is imperfect life.. the laws of cause and effect .. give more harms to the one who follow the rules properly.. cheaters always in a happy state.. not only in relation but in everywhere like politics
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Marriage is not a paper but a fact.
Anciente Egyptians did not have Marriage, but they did hae divorce. Why? Because they looked at marriage as a as a condition "de facto" as a de facto ngagement or contract and not as a ceremony or burocratic thing. Anybody who conducted themselves as married, like haing sex, was considered married and bound by the rights and duties of marriage.
I think that that is also I think what the Qur'an does.
4.21 An how could you take it when you have gone in unto each other and they have taken from you a solemn covenant?
The covenant is nto any paper bu the fact of having gone in unto each other.
Look and read the Qur'an from this point of view and everything will be perfectly obvious.
The marriage burocratic or religious (like in church) thing is a contraption which has allowed a lot of cheating and inmorality to go on for ages, mostly to the disadvantage of women.
Marriage is a de facto condition, not a paper that anyone decides to have or not to have according to his or her interests, not necessarily honest.
Salaam
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Cerberus brother, I am now worried,but only slightly, reading that post of yours.
There is no harm in seeking pleasure without harming both the body and the soul.
Common now,have you ever been in love? What is wrong with romance ? A useful tool of pleasure for both the soul and the body.
You have heard of a soul mate? Well let me tell you,when you find a partner that reciprocate /mirrors your love for them,the pleasure is immense with or without sex. Sex can be the icing on the cake.Control the body? then you will have a problem of the soul with your soul mate. There is nothing wrong with seeking the lawful pleasures that our Creator has provided for us. A soul-mate couple should enjoy each other s company however they wish and agree with each other,providing they seek the guidance of their Creator and abide by His commands/system.
mhm well I don't know about that. For me the more you follow what your body forces you to follow, instinctively or not, the more you are like a tied dog to a moving cart, where it will take you I don't know. But that also makes you more reactive, the more you enjoy pleasures, the more you feel emotions, the more you will be reactive to them, and the more you will be reactive to 'negative' emotions as well, like anger. your body becomes a weight to you.
You're basically saying that everyone should follow monasticism.
I basically said that 'sex' should be used for its purpose i.e giving birth to a child, and I reasoned about it in what I think to be a logical way.
There is something strange about promiscuous men. They behave like women. It is completely okay if homosexual men do that. But the ones who call themselves "men" seem to be more of girlfriends than boyfriends.
I have no idea.
this world is imperfect world.. this life is imperfect life.. the laws of cause and effect .. give more harms to the one who follow the rules properly.. cheaters always in a happy state.. not only in relation but in everywhere like politics
There is something intriguing about you and Good Logic, both of you seem in contrast with each other.
It seems like you(imran) have tasted the bitterness of life and felt the injustice quite often, while GL there, has been tasting the sweetness of life for sometime.but it make sense, or no sense at all, when you look left and see someone 'enjoying' the pleasures that were made easily affordable to him/her, and then you look right and see someone weeping for the lack of pleasures or even the suffering that was forced on him/her. One thing for sure is that both states are temporary.
Although people know it, they ignore it. so the fortunate seeks his fortune, maybe pity the unfortunate, while the unfortunate weeps for his misfortune, envies the fortunate etc etc....
the question is Why 'pleasure' is viewed as a 'good' thing ? Happiness, or the state of being fulfilled by pleasures, viewed as a goal ? Because it is pleasuring ? It looks like an illusion.
And then there is this parable of life, from the Quran
"And set forth for them the similitude of the life of this world. It is like water which We send down from the sky, and the vegetation of the earth is mingled with it, and then it becomes dry grass broken into pieces which the winds scatter, and Allah has full power over everything."How people go about passionately seeking those affordable 'pleasures' like they were any relevant or any important baffles me. Specially when the people themselves are full of flaws and issues. and life becomes a cycle of 'sin' and 'repentance', pleasure and displeasure.
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There is something intriguing about you and Good Logic, both of you seem in contrast with each other.
It seems like you(imran) have tasted the bitterness of life and felt the injustice quite often, while GL there, has been tasting the sweetness of life for sometime.i wish Gl and all of my brothers and sisters always taste the sweetness of life..
what if i have no sweetness in life or its just (my/your/other) views otherwise life give me lot of sweetness too , i wish i could do cheat, i wish i could steal , i wish i could take revenge which satisfy my ego..
but i m failed in these things.. i feel i m not created for that purpose..
u cant do things just becoz God dnt order the wrongdoing..
coming back to topic..
i was just kidding about the "unleash the beast"actually i remembered an old story of one of my old house neighborhood rotfl
actually the next day of wedding we found out the bride run away from groom house and she told her parents she dnt want to go back ..
it was strange incident becoz the "walima function" never happened..people were asking questions what actually happen..?
and we found out the beast was on its height hahahahaha rotfl rotfland girl scared from that unleashed beast >
btw after that event untill i was there i never see him married again with anybody .. due to rumors no girl was ready to marriage with him
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Marriage is not a paper but a fact.
Anciente Egyptians did not have Marriage, but they did hae divorce. Why? Because they looked at marriage as a as a condition "de facto" as a de facto ngagement or contract and not as a ceremony or burocratic thing. Anybody who conducted themselves as married, like haing sex, was considered married and bound by the rights and duties of marriage.
I think that that is also I think what the Qur'an does.
4.21 An how could you take it when you have gone in unto each other and they have taken from you a solemn covenant?
The covenant is nto any paper bu the fact of having gone in unto each other.
Look and read the Qur'an from this point of view and everything will be perfectly obvious.
The marriage burocratic or religious (like in church) thing is a contraption which has allowed a lot of cheating and inmorality to go on for ages, mostly to the disadvantage of women.
Marriage is a de facto condition, not a paper that anyone decides to have or not to have according to his or her interests, not necessarily honest.
Salaam
I think youare making eveyrthing black and white. Everything lawful has a pleasurable side, and "suffering" Work has that. Work can be a pleasure and also entail suffering msometimes a lot of suffering. One should not run away from the suffering entailed. Why should one reject the pleasure. That is tantamount to thankfulness. On the other hand if one only takes the pleasurable parts one will never achieve anything. And achieving is part of the pleasures of work. When you manage to get something done that presented a lot of difficulties,you feel pleasure indeed, you feel happy. You can also feel happy inthe middle of suffering, because also that is part of achievement.
The same with food, why should one reject the pleasures of food? If you have otained it legitimately and hae taken the yrouble of preparing it and others have taken work to make it grow or get it to the market in good condition, why should one reject the pleasure and in a way thus acknowledge the good work done by others. Why should a woman feel guilty for pleasure when indeed she goe sthrough the suffering of dlivery and pregnancy. Is there any sadist that blame women for pleasure? Men of course do not suffer on account of that but can make up being of service to the women and the children. And of course nobody should use someody else for obtaining illegitimate pleasure through "using", abusing other person. But wehn it is done in justice and thankfulness, what is wrong with it? Many of us have the strength to oercome difficult times precisely because we accummulated happiness when we could have pleasure and enjoyed it without qualms and thankfulness. Thankfulness I think is a main consideration for pleasure, thankfulness to God who made us so and thankfulness to the animals or persons or plants that made it possible for us, company, beauty, kindness...
Long live pleasure!
Salaam
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I think youare making eveyrthing black and white. Everything lawful has a pleasurable side, and "suffering" Work has that. Work can be a pleasure and also entail suffering msometimes a lot of suffering. One should not run away from the suffering entailed. Why should one reject the pleasure. That is tantamount to thankfulness. On the other hand if one only takes the pleasurable parts one will never achieve anything. And achieving is part of the pleasures of work. When you manage to get something done that presented a lot of difficulties,you feel pleasure indeed, you feel happy. You can also feel happy inthe middle of suffering, because also that is part of achievement.
I don't disagree.
Back to my initial post, a man and a woman who consciously chose to have sex in order to give birth, will inevitably experience the pleasure of that experience, and that is a good thing. Whoever, one who chose to have sex for the pleasure or those who completely turned their reproductive organs to pleasure generating organs are in your own words "if one only takes the pleasurable parts one will never achieve anything". You somehow agreed with my initial post.I think the more you seek pleasure for the sake of pleasure, the more you are vulnerable, reactive, like a melting candle. Instable to some degree and prone to negative emotions like anger, jealousy, envy etc.
Concerning food, I think ramadan teaches a great lesson of how much irrelevant food is to our life. I believe Reel here have said before that people are usually more angry in ramadan, that is because ramadan leaves people open to their flaws, they have no pleasure to seek in order to recomfort those wounds, thus ramadan becomes a fiasco in those countries.
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Brother Cerberus, I take what the Lord gives me and share it with others if my Lord wills. I thank the Lord for the good and the bad. Hope my Lord forgives my shortcomings
Now,if a couple have gone past child bearing age and are both healthy and "young",should they give up their intimacy? Is sex for them "haram" because they are not able to bear children any more or for couples who cannot bear children due to other reasons?Controlling our body for lust and other vices is a must ,but for other than that it is a burden . Besides are you sure we can control our bodies really? I mean we need GOD s help don t we?
So many factors involved to control your body."Inna Al-nafsa laammaratun bissuue illa ma rahima rabbi".I submit to the Lord of the universe, all that I have including my body. Everything is GOD s anyway.
GOD bless you.
Peace -
I don't think people marry just for sex. There is wisdom in keeping it between married couple. This video has got many open pleasure seeking people furious https//www.youtube.com/watch?v=cO1ifNaNABY
Anyone having trouble keeping it in the marriage, please don't make kids victim of your "pleasure" by kissing them with something you wouldn't think is std
https//medlineplus.gov/ency/article/000606.htmPleasure of having innocence in the relationship is much much greater! It is huge. It is worth the time. Its magnificent and I am not sure why I am talking like trump.
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I just keep thinking about it in my head and I'm stuck in a loop. I just can't comprehend a just and all-knowing God would consider sex as inherently evil, since sex doesn't cause anyone any harm? In fact sex has been scientifically proven to have positive effects such as reducing stress, provide pain relief, good for the heart etc.
What can be considered evil would be irresponsible people not dealing with the possible consequences of sex, such as unplanned pregnancies, spreading HIV etc. But that wouldn't make the sexual act itself 'evil' or 'harmful/detrimental'. For example if I hit a pedestrian while driving on the road, and drive off without helping the victim (hit and run) that doesn't make the act of 'driving' evil, it would make the act of not taking responsibility 'evil'!
Please can someone provide me a good answer because I'm starting to think that the Quran wasn't divinely inspired. And I admit alot of the verses in the Quran do a make a lot of sense. Maybe the Quran has been tampered with somehow in the past which is why you get things that don't make sense mixed in with things that make a lot of sense.
because premarital sex is inherently wrong
context is everything and just like the typical post modernists, you are focusing on the act of sex itself rather than the context in which sex is practiced
this is disngenuous and i invite you to think about the reasons why context would matter
i will just show you a few links to show you why you cant just focus on sex like you did, your argument is just wrong when you do that
http//www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-life/11874559/Super-gonorrhoea-outbreak-Everything-you-need-to-know.html
http//www.reuters.com/article/us-aids-usa-idUSTRE68M3H220100923
http//www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2016/10/25/number-of-std-cases-in-the-us-reaches-record-high-as-public-serv/
http//edition.cnn.com/2017/03/01/health/syphilis-newborns-partner/index.html -
I just keep thinking about it in my head and I'm stuck in a loop. I just can't comprehend a just and all-knowing God would consider sex as inherently evil, since sex doesn't cause anyone any harm? In fact sex has been scientifically proven to have positive effects such as reducing stress, provide pain relief, good for the heart etc.
It's a good question. I would recommend for you to search the forum on this topic. There's a lot of threads that discuss premarital sex that might be useful to you.
Sex is not inherently evil; you're right. Nowhere in the Qur'an is this stated. But I understand that's the view many take. It's unfortunate that many religious people and cultures paint sex in that light. It's not a healthy mindset.
I agree with huruf on this one. Marriage is a contract/obligation you make with another. (And in the beginning of Qur'an 51, we're told to honor/fulfill all contracts.) It's considering and regulating one's affairs. It's a promise of obedience, or vow of allegiance. You join/pair/unite. A committed, known union.
You can get married legally but not religiously. You can get married religiously but not legally (common law marriages aside). In these cases, it's "just" a ceremony (or "just" a formality with the government). For all intents and purposes you can consider yourselves married, even if the law won't, and vice versa.
To have a covenant with someone is to have a type of bond. That's it. It's someone you rely upon, someone you trust.
Regardless of whatever type of situation or relationship you have, you need a clear bond, trust, etc. People who have non traditional relationships first have to have that strong bond and a lot of trust with their partner in order to make their situation work. They may have/need expectations and guidelines set for both of them to follow as well. Sex is still a huge activity that bonds people together, as per this verse
421 And how can you take it when you have become intimate with each other, and they have taken from you a solemn covenant.
What can be considered evil would be irresponsible people not dealing with the possible consequences of sex, such as unplanned pregnancies, spreading HIV etc. But that wouldn't make the sexual act itself 'evil' or 'harmful/detrimental'. For example if I hit a pedestrian while driving on the road, and drive off without helping the victim (hit and run) that doesn't make the act of 'driving' evil, it would make the act of not taking responsibility 'evil'!
Not everyone's responsible though. Some people can't prevent themselves from feeling certain emotions as a result of sex, either. For example, there are many stories of friends with benefits where one person catches feelings and gets hurt. Maybe someone else can feel pressured into sex by a boyfriend/girlfriend/friends/classmates/etc. before they feel ready. Alternatively, they can feel like they're worth less as a person or a loser if they haven't had sex by a certain age, which isn't a healthy mindset either. And of course sex can be "harmful" if a spouse/partner decides to cheat on their partner with someone else. A lot of people these days seem to try to reduce sex to any other activity. But to me and others, it still means something. It's still something I want to share with only one person. Sex is still a vulnerable, emotional, and powerful experience, to me.
Having said that, sex isn't everything. I don't believe anyone should revolve their lives or identities around sex (or lack thereof). Sex is a very personal/private matter.
I'll admit that I'm not a fan of causal sex. What everyone else does is something they have to concern themselves with, but for me personally, it doesn't feel right. I've seen my college roommates have causal sex with so many guys. One of them was never truly in a real romantic relationship, and she wanted to be, but as far as I knew her, she never got to that point. She had a lot of guys over, or she would go to their place(s). One time she had a guy who wanted/was coming over for sex while I was sleeping (we shared a room). She woke me up and I groggily, stupidly consented to getting up and leaving my bed because I was confused, sleepy, and though there must be some kind of emergency going on. There wasn't - She was just being incredibly selfish because of her primal need to have sex and disregard of others.
I believe some of the guys that came over were older. Some she just met/barely knew. Some wouldn't take or help her get home (when she went over to their places in the late hours of the night). To me, it seemed like a safety concern to invite or privately hang out with some of them. My roommates and their friends would talk about sex, talk about guys easily and causally and compare or gossip about how they were in bed... It was strange to me. It didn't feel right. They also worried about pregnancy scares from time to time. It would have been unfortunate (IMO) if a pregnancy occurred (that they wanted to keep) and their causal partner(s) wanted nothing to do with it.
Of course, this is all from my own point of view, experiences, and biases. Everyone has different experiences. As someone who has seen this side of college life, hookups and such - I just want to look at others and regard them as a person, and have them regard me the same. Not as someone to hook up with.
Looking into supposed history, this article explains sex in pre-Islamic Arabia. Not sure how accurate it is of course, but it mentions behaviors like sending one's wife to another man (and if she fell pregnant, she would go back to her husband). Secret relationships, swapping wives without divorce/contracts, taking multiple husbands, ten man having sex with one woman (and choosing one of them to father the child if/when she became pregnant), and prostitution.
Not having a type of contract (such as in swapping wives, as the article mentioned) isn't good IMO. As I mentioned earlier, even people in non-traditional/open relationships have clear guidelines/boundaries/expectations for regulating their behavior with other people (other than their primary partner). If what the article said was true, we don't know if there was mutual consent involved either. A person involved in sex that didn't take responsibility for a child resulting from an unplanned pregnancy (as a woman would supposedly go back to her husband, or "choosing" the father) would probably be looked down today as well (granted, paternity tests weren't around then). Secret relationships aren't good either. If your relationship is a secret, that usually means the person is hiding something (from you or someone else), this is a relationship they shouldn't be in, they don't care about you enough, they're not proud of you/ashamed of you, there's no longevity or security in the relationship, potentially only heartbreak, etc.
Prostitution is another on this list. It's a dangerous profession, and escorts today have to be careful and smart about their clients and their line of work. It has its risks. Women can get physically assaulted, or be at risk for sexually-transmitted diseases. Simply put, it's not seen as something morally good by society either. It's hard for escorts to open up and be accepted by family and friends in a taboo profession. This may extend to not being able to come forward to the police (if something were to happen) and feel safe/secure in seeking legal protection or help. In addition, a 2012 study found that countries with legalized prostitution have an increased market and increased rates of human trafficking. Fortunately, in the modern era escorts can take great care in screening and protecting themselves with clients, but certainly there are still many risks and many women who can be in danger, either now or throughout history, as long as this practice has existed.
Please can someone provide me a good answer because I'm starting to think that the Quran wasn't divinely inspired. And I admit alot of the verses in the Quran do a make a lot of sense. Maybe the Quran has been tampered with somehow in the past which is why you get things that don't make sense mixed in with things that make a lot of sense.
There are certainly members here/in the past who have held those beliefs, so you wouldn't be alone there.
btw i think op was a troll
Doesn't seem like it. They asked a genuine question. With all due respect, these types of comments could easily discourage people with these kinds of questions from posting here. /
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3000 years ago, the Hebrews were surely not different from most other people at that time and still today in some developing countries, and probably practiced a fierce code of honor where protecting the bloodline was of utmost importance.
Protecting the bloodline meant that the honor of the family lied "between the legs" of the women.
Therefore, women caught in extra-marital sex or alleged extra-marital sex were killed, possibly by stoning. Occasionally, men could also be killed.
Premarital sex was just a particular case of extra-marital sex.There is singular difference between men and women especially regarding premarital sex women can become pregnant and this witnesses extra-marital sex, even without witnessing the sexual intercourse itself.
As evidenced by archeology, the Hebrews, before the Exile in Babylon, worshiped a god of storm called yahweh, and whose wife was goddess ashera.
Other deities were also worshiped.After return from Exile, the sages of Israel wanted to protect Israel identity by establishing monotheism. This monotheism was probably inspired by zoroastrism of Persia and Cyrus and Darius.
This is because usually a tutelary deity protects the city or the state through an Alliance, in which the people must perform some rituals or follow some laws. When the people turn away from these rituals or laws, the deity removes its protection.
That's how the Sages of Israel explained the Exile in the Bible.In order to convince the people to worship exclusively the tutelary deity of Israel, i.e. yahweh, the Sages and the Prophets have used a metaphor. Alliance with God is like marriage, and idolatry is like extra-marital sex.
As extra-marital sex is an extremely serious matter, so is idolatry, they taught.So in short, when in the Bible, premarital sex or extra-marital sex is forbidden, this is a metaphor to forbid idolatry. But for the Sages and the Prophets the fierce code of honor of their people still held, otherwise the metaphor was senseless.
Centuries later, the key understanding of the metaphor was lost, therefore Theologians were left with two prohibitions in sacred books extra-marital sex and idolatry.
That's why in the Gospels and in Qur'an both prohibitions still hold, and in Qur'an they stand almost on the same foot.Now in developed and democratic countries we made substantial progress in human rights and this is not extra-marital sex that is considered (legally) wrong but sex without consent. This includes
- rape, including in the context of marriage or marital relationship.
- sex with children under 15. Children under 15 are never assumed to consent to sex. And with restrictions between 15 and 18. Possibly some countries put even stricter rules.
- sexual harassment
- sex with animals. This is equated with cruelty because animals are assumed not be able to express consent. Even if the human is a woman and the animal is a male.
- in some countries, removing condom even in a consenting sex is considered as sex without consent.
Sadly enough, some developing countries, mostly in Middle East, still lag far away in term of human progress.
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Peace Anoushirvan.
You say,quote
Now in developed and democratic countries we made substantial progress in human rights and this is not extra-marital sex that is considered (legally) wrong but sex without consent. This includes- rape, including in the context of marriage or marital relationship.
- sex with children under 15. Children under 15 are never assumed to consent to sex. And with restrictions between 15 and 18. Possibly some countries put even stricter rules.
- sexual harassment
- sex with animals. This is equated with cruelty because animals are assumed not be able to express consent. Even if the human is a woman and the animal is a male.
- in some countries, removing condom even in a consenting sex is considered as sex without consent.
What about married couples who cheat on their partners? What about those who spread diseases having sex with different partners? what about those who pay their way with whomever pleases the eye(oppressing the naive and poor!)?...etc Or is your list complete?
You also say,quote
Sadly enough, some developing countries, mostly in Middle East, still lag far away in term of human progress.I do not see permissible sex with whoever pleases you,regardless of the status of people and their contracts of marriage as progress?!!!!
Does your human right as an adult means you can have sex with anyone who consents/agrees ?
Are there no limits/rules (social and moral) to abide by?
Surely there are limits?
GOD bless you.
Peace. -
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Peace Anoushirvan.
You say,quote
Now in developed and democratic countries we made substantial progress in human rights and this is not extra-marital sex that is considered (legally) wrong but sex without consent. This includes- rape, including in the context of marriage or marital relationship.
- sex with children under 15. Children under 15 are never assumed to consent to sex. And with restrictions between 15 and 18. Possibly some countries put even stricter rules.
- sexual harassment
- sex with animals. This is equated with cruelty because animals are assumed not be able to express consent. Even if the human is a woman and the animal is a male.
- in some countries, removing condom even in a consenting sex is considered as sex without consent.
What about married couples who cheat on their partners? What about those who spread diseases having sex with different partners? what about those who pay their way with whomever pleases the eye(oppressing the naive and poor!)?...etc Or is your list complete?
Peace GL,
from legal point of view, though I'm not a lawyer, I reasonably believe my list is complete.
In developed countries, the boundary between what is legally permissible and what is not legally permissible is consent, not religion.Cheating one's partner within marriage is not a legal case anymore. This is considered as a private issue that is to be discussed privately, and I believe this evolution is a good thing.
Regarding sexually transmissible diseases, some of them, like HIV and hepatitis can be transmitted by other means than sex.
In any case, safe sex is ensured by using condoms, and not by trusting one's partner, even in marriage.I believe that some US states tried to promote an abstinence program towards young people based on religious consideration, instead of educating them to use contraceptive means. Results were disastrous with a high increase of young mothers.
You also say,quote
Sadly enough, some developing countries, mostly in Middle East, still lag far away in term of human progress.I do not see permissible sex with whoever pleases you,regardless of the status of people and their contracts of marriage as progress?!!!!
Does your human right as an adult means you can have sex with anyone who consents/agrees ?
Are there no limits/rules (social and moral) to abide by?I see as a considerable progress that the legal system or a code of honor does not try to look anymore what is happening inside my bed when it involves consenting people.
But surely other considerations should apply besides the law such as no incest, love (consent doesn't mean love) and so on. -
Though I have only addressed my take on sex (premarital or not), this is my take on marriage.
The right marriage imo is the like of a platonic relationship, in which the two opposite genders, or should I say the two persons that complement each other will work on helping each other to better themselves.A male and a female have different tests because of their different nature. There are certain flaws in men that women consider juvenile and futile, and likewise for men regarding certain flaws in women.
The two can and should (if they can, i.e to get married) work with each other.Marriage is somehow a cage where you put two flawed person and they decide to work with each other to better themselves, in a spiritual way. You help me and I help you. This bond makes it that I can see your true self and you can see my true self. I see the naked part of you and you see mine (not the physical one, that one is irrelevant). So we can be each others mirrors and you can point out my flaws and I can point out yours. We cannot run away from each other, and if we do not work with each other it's because one of us or both of us are not determined to better ourselves. And then the whole marriage crumbles.
Are we good and mature enough, and we're thinking of bringing a life to this life ? Sure, we can do that, that's why we have our reproductive organs. However, adding that person to life means we'll have to work with that new born toward making it a good person too. It's a sacrifice.
(compare that to those people breeding like crazy and throwing their abomination of children into society and causing harm and stealing and raping....)
You get my point, here is a video relating to what I said, the author is a psychiatrist.
The relevant part is marked in this link here (~4min in the video)