Is it wrong to disobey parents if
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I agree that parents shouldn't be controlling like that.
If theyre concerned they should ask to meet him and allow us to spend time together in halal way. Instead got my car keys taken away based on false assumptions. They also doubt he's a practicing Muslim just bcs he's a revert which is hypocritical bcs they would allow me to marry a non religious Bosnian. Im actually oppressed at home and dont think it's wrong to run away. My dad will never trust me so probably best to move out and get married. InshaAllah.
Yeah it's usually common for Arab parents to do that too but it's usually because parents don't know what to expect of the person marrying their daughter or son but if they were of the same nationality then they would at least know something. I think converts are looked down on too because of the common assumption that they might leave religion easily anytime unlike people who are born into it which is probaly true and they don't have that 'Muslim culture' that many people who are born as adherents of the religion do. I don't think running away from home is a good idea though because what if that person you end up marrying turns out to be a bad individual leaving you more hurt and then you're not able to get any support from your family either? I've heard of similar stories. Unless you can deal with the outcome then it's probaly not such as good idea? Mist answer is correct that maybe disobeying parents might help as your parents might realize that they can't dictate your life anymore and will eventually stop and change their position (I know something similar happened between me and my parents) but there's no way knowing that and it might as well lead to worser scenarios. Talk with your parents and tell them that you don't feel happy about their decision, if they care a lot about you then they will support you. Personally I do think your parents are concerned and care a lot about you but they view this more differently than you do.
You're 23 years old now and you're an adult so you should have the every right to do whatever you want with your life. However I do agree with Hp_tech's questions, unless you know the answers to these questions then there's probaly not so much you can do since you might get an outcome that you can't handle in the future. But really there's no way of knowing whether a person is a genuine or not, some people could be manipulators (narcessists) whom are really dangerous to a healthy relationship. But what you can do at least is to get to know the person better etc. I'd assume that you've known this person for months? Marriage shouldn't be happening very quick as it's a huge decision. Get to know this person for a year at least maybe that's a good step?
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Talking to them about it and proving he's genuine isn't even an option. I lied and said did break up when my dad asked cause was scared. He never hit me or anything but still scary. Also lied bcs can't deal with the stress. He said if didn't break up theyre disowning me. Isn't that a big sin??
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Talking to them about it and proving he's genuine isn't even an option. I lied and said did break up when my dad asked cause was scared. He never hit me or anything but still scary. Also lied bcs can't deal with the stress. He said if didn't break up theyre disowning me. Isn't that a big sin??
You lied to protect yourself. They've resorted to threats which means you have every right to disobey them. The best solution is to move out to a house of your own so you're not at the mercy of someone else.
Your relationship with your parents changed from child-to-parent to adult-to-adult. The roles changed from dependency and parental authority to mutuality and respect. They've broken the boundary with their wrongful threats. They also took your car keys away which is petty larceny if they took the keys without your consent. This is not a healthy environment for you. Make plans to find a property to rent as soon as possible.
Most people who've dealt with a similar scenario will relate and on the rare occasion, an empathetic individual.
To Freedom and Prosperity! clink
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Talking to them about it and proving he's genuine isn't even an option. I lied and said did break up when my dad asked cause was scared. He never hit me or anything but still scary. Also lied bcs can't deal with the stress. He said if didn't break up theyre disowning me. Isn't that a big sin??
Threatning with disowning is definently inmoral but are your parents really serious about that or maybe they're saying that to scare you? Still it's wrong regardless. A lot of us Arabs have parents like that too. Damn that sucks. Very sorry to hear. I'd say wait until you move out although don't run away from home now as it might backfire later on which will only make it worse for you. Study, do well and then when you move out you'll be able to do whatever you want. You're still young so you have a lot of opportunities ahead. Don't worry so much about marriage now as you can always get married with that person later on.
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they wont allow you to marry a revert bcs they doubt he's being genuine? It's also based on superficial things like his name and not being Bosnian like me..
Peace, sister Amra
Have you considered giving time to everybody (your parents, your relationship and even yourself) to prove to all parts in the confrontation it is genuine and for real? you could take it slow and show day by day the truth of your relationship, not losing anybody in the road. Never lose your parents. They are the only people in this world that will always be there for you, whatever you do and in spite of whatever you do. Patience will give its reward, inshAllah, good things take time. Your parents will realize and you will realize too
4243 And for he who is patient and forgives, then that is an indication of strength
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Salam,
before doing anything, have the man visit your family and ask your parents for permission to marry you.
Do your parents know that you're a believer?
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Salam, no point in asking for permission when the obvious answer is no and it would probably lead to an argument.
They dont know I reject traditional way of following Islam so thats another issue. They would expect him to prove he knows about all the rituals and stuff. No way I can tell them I pray differently etc cause as you can see theyre not open minded at all. -
Salam, no point in asking for permission when the obvious answer is no and it would probably lead to an argument.
They dont know I reject traditional way of following Islam so thats another issue. They would expect him to prove he knows about all the rituals and stuff. No way I can tell them I pray differently etc cause as you can see theyre not open minded at all.Peace Amra94, I sympathize with you. Most of us from traditional Muslim households have been in similar situation. First, I urge you to seek help via salat and do good deeds such as charity. Patience will pay off, and the Lord shall be your strength.
Next, I wonder what you think about you and your fianc? staging a sunni charade in presence of your parents. You don't have to revert to sunni ways, just pretend to be sunni to gain their trust. Probably, they might change their mind on your fianc? and let you go.For me this is the only way when I return back home to my parents. It is a shame on my part, but my parents are ardent sunnis and won't entertain any Qur'an alone perspective on Islam. I still depend on them financially and I live under their roof. But God willing as soon as I move out and start earning enough for myself, I'll ditch my sunni charade for good.
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Salaam Amra,
I wish you all the best. Perhaps I speak from life experience, but it is best to not break certain relationships and to accord them a certain dignity and respect even if it is one sided. It is always better to act with patience and peace than to seek an alternative route.
No one else can walk in your shoes.
I wish you all the best.
Peace.
Sajda.
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Salam, we would pretend to be sunni if my parents were even willing to listen to me. They legit cant get past the guy not changing his name to an Arab name. Based on that they assume he's lying not really Muslim. And every time I try talking to them in a respectful way seems like it only makes things worse bcs they realize I'm not gonna break up. I have been very patient, praying more etc. My mom is of course trying to emotionally manipulate me and says if I marry him she's gonna have a heart attack, that I'll go to hell etc. Wont be able to stay here much longer tbh.
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Can't you drop this project of yours for a little while ? You look like you have some priorities to take care of.
Why not start from zero, build up your little wings slowly but surely and take control over your life. As that happens, you will be able to move out, and they will also respect your decisions as a grown up independent individual. Let your father keep the car keys (assuming he bought it) and use the public transport. And while you work on your life, time will show you new routes, new perspectives, and time will disclose new things about yourself and the person you wanna marry. You might become thankful that you waited.
That being said, I think your parents are wrong but that is okay you shouldn't try to demonize them.My point is, it is your life first. don't try to build something on shaky grounds. figure things out slowly. Nothing deserves more attention than our own life.
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Peace Amra,
Besides getting married to this gentleman, what are some of your goals in the nearest future?
Are you going to school? What are you studying? What do you want to become?
Like Cerberus said, keep your mind focused on yourself primarily. We are not saying break up with the guy and move on. We are saying give it time, fulfill your near future goals and aspirations. Finishing school and earning an education is so important, it might not be as easy to do once you're fully invested in a committed relationship or marriage. Therefore, focus on your immediate priorities, establish yourself. God forbid but relationships can get sour even among believers. No one is perfect. What will you have to fall back upon if you do not have an education, degree or career?Neptin gave the best advice keep steadfast to your salat and indulge in sadaqqat Our Lord is Ever Near.
Do not despair and remain patient