I'm I going on the wrong path?
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Peace Simple_girl19,
sis you make me sad I pray the almighty that all your dreams are fulfuiledis it wrong with what all i'm doing after taking a promise keepin quran in my hand? shudnt i b going for all this n wait till i get married to him (inshallah)? am i betrayin' my parents? is it wrong to keep any kinda conacts with a na-mehram?
53- An-Najm
32-Those who avoid great sins and shameful deeds, Only (falling into) small faults--verily thy Lord is ample in forgiveness. He knows you well when He brings you out of the earth and when ye are hidden in your mother's wombs therefore justify not yourselves. He knows best who it is that guards against evil.4- An-Nisaa
31-If ye avoid the great (things) which ye are forbidden, We will remit from you your evil deeds and make you enter at a noble gate.God bless you.
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With some hesistance I write this, but I am hopeful.
If a guy says he loves you, then why meet in secret. Why keep it hidden, and once you love someone, why not marry them. I thought love was suppose to give you courage.
It gave me courage, and it saddens me to see the youth of today devalue love by attributing it to their irresponsible intentions, in the hope that it may justify their actions.
Peace.
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Firstly,
Thanks a lot to all you people who are adivicing me according to Islam!And brother AhmedBahgat, i'll b really thankful to you if u write the verse as well or atleast the verse no. in the quran...
n abt others who've been askin me da game plan... well, people over his side includin' is parents r cool with evrythin' n r ready to call my parents to have a talk regardin' our marriage but da problem is with ma side 'cuz never in our family these so called love marriages have been promoted... im really scared to disscuss this with my parents as 1st of all my mum is still angry with me...
the guy whom i love i ready to marry me now but i hesitate a li'll to disscuss dis prob with my parents as he still gotta yr to get over with his studies n inshallah get a job...n yea... i gotta ask u ppl somethin' more.... well, since i talk to this guy without my mum's knowledge, in a way i'm betrayin' her but besides is betrayin parent a sin in islam?
but i know i'm true to myself as i dont spk nethin rubbish n even Allah knows all this -
Firstly,
Thanks a lot to all you people who are adivicing me according to Islam!And brother AhmedBahgat, i'll b really thankful to you if u write the verse as well or atleast the verse no. in the quran...
n abt others who've been askin me da game plan... well, people over his side includin' is parents r cool with evrythin' n r ready to call my parents to have a talk regardin' our marriage but da problem is with ma side 'cuz never in our family these so called love marriages have been promoted... im really scared to disscuss this with my parents as 1st of all my mum is still angry with me...
the guy whom i love i ready to marry me now but i hesitate a li'll to disscuss dis prob with my parents as he still gotta yr to get over with his studies n inshallah get a job...n yea... i gotta ask u ppl somethin' more.... well, since i talk to this guy without my mum's knowledge, in a way i'm betrayin' her but besides is betrayin parent a sin in islam?
but i know i'm true to myself as i dont spk nethin rubbish n even Allah knows all thisPeace sister
Layth has posted it in his comment it is 2235
here it is in Arabic sister, not sure if you can read arabic
(235)
I will comment later on it sister as I have to go to bed right now, sorry but i will comment tomorrow
peace and all the best
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Peace Simple_girl19 ,
n yea... i gotta ask u ppl somethin' more.... well, since i talk to this guy without my mum's knowledge, in a way i'm betrayin' her but besides is betrayin parent a sin in islam?
but i know i'm true to myself as i dont spk nethin rubbish n even Allah knows all thisYou are obligated to obey your parents in everything except if they asked you to believe in a god beside Allah, meaning forcing you to commit Shirk. This is the only thing that you should not obey them about. Of course I am here talking about normal loving and caring parents.
n abt others who've been askin me da game plan... well, people over his side includin' is parents r cool with evrythin' n r ready to call my parents to have a talk regardin' our marriage but da problem is with ma side 'cuz never in our family these so called love marriages have been promoted... im really scared to disscuss this with my parents as 1st of all my mum is still angry with me...
the guy whom i love i ready to marry me now but i hesitate a li'll to disscuss dis prob with my parents as he still gotta yr to get over with his studies n inshallah get a job...I can perfectly understand your situation. I don't know where you live but here in Saudi Arabia it is not only forbidden to fall in love but also even if the lover really wants to marry the girl, the parents won't even give him permission to ask for their daughter's hand because to them he is not trustworthy enough to be deserving of their daughter after he has allowed himself to love her behind there back. Loving the girl means that he was able to see her face which is totally forbidden here. A guy who does not respect the family values is incapable of taking responsibilty of their daughter.
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Peace sister Taj
I have a note please, the Quran only stressed being polite, loving and caring for the parents, it never suggested to obey them in every thing excpet shirk, it only warned us NOT to obey them if they encourage us to shirk, but again we should not say to them any bad word at that incident, like what happned between Abraham and his father as documneted in the Quran
the Quran even did not say not to be nice to them if they are not a loving parents, in fact the message of the Quran that we should also be nice to them if they are not loving parents
peace sister
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Simple girl, where do u come from?
Its not wrong to fall in love but u have to be sure its love and not infatuation/crush.
And then at 19, u wanna get married? arent u a bit young for it?
I'd suggest u finish up ur education and work towards a career first. when u r old enough and have a solid foundation that can back u up, get married.Hmm, not a good idea to lie to ur mom about not seeing him. Infact lying to anyone is wrong,isnt it?
Well, its true parents can be overprotective. But they also mean good(though mosttimes, according to their views/beliefs which might not be similar to urs).
But at the end of the day, they do care about u. ''love marriage is unacceptable'' is more of a traditional belief than religious. So, u will have to break through the mould if u want a love marriage, when the time is right(when u r old enough). -
With some hesistance I write this, but I am hopeful.
If a guy says he loves you, then why meet in secret. Why keep it hidden, and once you love someone, why not marry them. I thought love was suppose to give you courage.
It gave me courage, and it saddens me to see the youth of today devalue love by attributing it to their irresponsible intentions, in the hope that it may justify their actions.
Peace.
Its kept secret because of such parents homophobic attitude. And sometime these parents go to the extend of killing their own daughter known as honor killing.
Some think parents being overprotective!! well yeah in to some extend BUT if this protective attitude is coming from religious believe than I think its a red alert!! and these things can make a person insane..
Do you think its fun!! to keep it secret ?
peace
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Its not wrong to fall in love but u have to be sure its love and not infatuation/crush.
And then at 19, u wanna get married? arent u a bit young for it?
I'd suggest u finish up ur education and work towards a career first. when u r old enough and have a solid foundation that can back u up, get married.
I agree with peaceful on this one. Are you really sure you want to get married at this age? I understand, everyone is different, but generally speaking, a lot of people who get married this young only end up regretting it later, especially when things turn 'sour'.On the other hand, I can very well understand why you're keeping it all a secret. I'm aware of overbearing parents who threaten and put fear in you so much so that you can't ever express yourself or even ask for what you want. You will have to face your fear at some point, whether you like it or not. You will have to come out and tell them what your intentions are. If they are at all reasonable, then they will understand.
I don't want to scare you here, but there's a girl I worked with some years ago who eloped with her boyfriend. She got married without her parents consent, because she knew of their disagreement to that particular family. The parents told her that they never wanted to see her ever again. The marriage didn't go very well, as it turns out the husband was abusive. She had three children with him. She couldn't leave her kids with him, couldn't go back to her family who didn't want her. She still lives with this man. Now, yes, it's messed up that her marriage ended up that way, yes, she shouldn't have run away and marry this guy... but, I ask, what kind of parents are these to have anyway? People who know what's happening to her, yet they can't find it in themselves to forgive their own daughter and take her back? And probably think it's the 'islamic' thing to do! noway
My thoughts?... wait, and if he loves you and if he's patient, he will wait too. Talk to your family about it and tell them that his family knows and he is willing to wait (if this is the case). And tell them in a way that you wish to have their consent and blessing in the matter, but at the same time don't give them the option of saying no without reason. I hope that makes sense.
Peace be with you and remember to put your trust in GOD.
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Its kept secret because of such parents homophobic attitude. And sometime these parents go to the extend of killing their own daughter known as honor killing.
Yeah, I have heard about the honour killings, especially in the punjabi community.
And every time I read or see the narration of one, my eyes pop out, out of absolute disbelief and shock.
It just shocks me how people can let blind beliefs cloud their consciousness, mind and soul, to such an extent that they dont stop from killing their own daughter or the son in law.
Somehow, When I think of those parents, I kinda feel they dont really deserve their children for they seem to have no respect for human life and human beings. -
I don't agree that 19 is too young of an age to get married. It is fine to get married at 19, you just need to take two things in mind
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Your potential husband needs to get to know your parents first. He needs to stop meeting you secretly and speak with your parents on the phone, come meet your dad and your mom. The honorable things like that. So that your parents can't form an argument against him or you.
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You need to take in mind that marriage doesn't mean that you can't study, get a job and things like that. You guys can still do things like that, even if you are married. You don't have to have kids right away, and even if you do there are plenty of women that have kids and go to school. They usually do it more when they are in graduate school, married and working part-time. So don't look at marriage like the end of your education or your life. Your parents might be glad to be around him. You can take time off you breat-feed and other things and then continue at school. But that is thinking into the future. Firstly, get him to meet your parents and create a good reputation with them.
And fast for 3 days for breaking your promise.
Godbless,
ProGod -
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19 is an age of curiousity, an age when u tend to judge a book by its cover.
And marriage is a huge decission of an entire lifetime and at 19, we dont have that much of maturity to take such a huge decission.
Also, its better to finish up with ur education(atleast the undergrad) coz its difficult to do it within a marriage. its easier said than done.
For eg, say , ur top university is in another town, u would have to compromise that option as ur hubby might not be very keen for u guys to stay apart etc and if u have a baby and no help(family not around), it can be a nightmare.
And also 19 is an age of innocence and growing up. Marriage and having children would only weigh one down coz its too much of a responsibility at that age and especially if u r also keen to study. Its like telling a 14 yr old boy to earn and provide for his family. Children need to grow up at their pace and should not be forced to grow up way too early.I was glad I didnt have to worry/ consider anything other than education when I was 19.
Just my opinion. This is what i have learnt from seeing people around me.
yeah, it also depends on the kind of society u live in. -
peace,
My suggestion would be ...finish your studdies..get a job..try be indipendent..than make your decision...either you wanna marry that guy or another...or you wanna date around or whatever.........If you are independent than you will have a solid ground to stand for your rights....
Dependency always ends up with abuse...you can?t help it.
Shanty
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Peace Zein,
I don't want to scare you here, but there's a girl I worked with some years ago who eloped with her boyfriend. She got married without her parents consent, because she knew of their disagreement to that particular family. The parents told her that they never wanted to see her ever again. The marriage didn't go very well, as it turns out the husband was abusive. She had three children with him. She couldn't leave her kids with him, couldn't go back to her family who didn't want her. She still lives with this man. Now, yes, it's messed up that her marriage ended up that way, yes, she shouldn't have run away and marry this guy... but, I ask, what kind of parents are these to have anyway? People who know what's happening to her, yet they can't find it in themselves to forgive their own daughter and take her back? And probably think it's the 'islamic' thing to do! noway
They are the same kind of parents she ran away from. Girls who elope and do such things are already not happy at home. Falling in love with the wrong guy is just an illusion that girls fall into because of what they are suffering from at home. They hold on to that illusion becaue to them it looks like the end of their deprivation and suffering. Those girls have been victims of their own families before they become victims of their spouses. And because they have been grown up in such an abusive environment they themselves become attracted/drawn to men who are as abusive. Abuse to those girls looks "normal" and "familial" in a way. So they take alot of abuse from their spouses before they wake up. The wake up comes late and that is when the female hormones become short. Hormones, illusions and waking up belongs to another thread. But anyway, you were wondering about such parents and I tell you raising up that girl looks like an uncelebrated experience to her parents so raising yet three kids of which half of their genes belong to an enemy must be much much unwelcomed! I am not excusing their behaviour. I am trying to find an explanation to it.
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Assalamu alaikum simple girl_19
I dont think ur too young to get married, looking at ur age. It depends on some factors, for eg. how mature u are and how much responsibility u have been given for the household.
I think u shall ask urself if u really want to be married with HIM and live together for the rest of ur life, why u want to marry HIM , and find out why he wants to marry u (that ur in love with eachother is not reason enough). Be sure that u share the same opinions that are important for u. Dont hurry for marriage, take time to get to know him very well. Maybe u will think u really know him but it can turn out u didnt know him as well as u thought.
Let him meet ur family (if they want to). See how he is with ur family. I wonder, would ur parents agrre to marriage when ur at this age?
Try to not keep secrets from ur family even if it doesnt harm u now, it can harm u if ur family finds out again. I dont know where u r from, where u live, or about ur situation but be careful sis so ur family doesnt hurt u. Always fear God Alone.
Salaam
Ps. Maybe it is good for u to study the quran carefully. U can change ur view on important things at this age very much, so make sure of ur belief and see if u 2 share the same belief. That way it will be much easier for u in the future if u will get married to each other.
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Most of u have been sayin' that its too early for me to get married at dis age but what i think is its better to get married rather than wait for da right age n keep increasin' my 'sin count' (i.e. by talkin, meetin n so on)
Well, I'm originally an Indian but was born n spent a lot more than half of my life in Saudi Arabia n brother TAJ i'm aware of those rules which r followed there but as far as I think just liking/loving some1 shudnt b considered as somethin' wrong unless n untill u do wrong or u think wrong. If the guy makes a girl date around with him n asks her to go on the wrong path then in that case the parents shudn't agree with he girl's choice..... even yhe parents ought b understandin' n they simply can't reject a guy just cuz he made their daughter fall in love with him, it cant b his fault cuz the decision of liking the guy n acceptin' him entirely depends on the girl!
In every relationship its the trust n mutual understandin' between two people that counts more n OF ALL THE TRUST ON ALLAH to carry out a successful relationship!
I've been listening since years that "love marriages are never successful" but I completely disagree with it 'cuz in the case of hurtin' parents n gettin' married the marriages rnt successful but in my case I want my parents to happily agree with my choice. I've known this guy since i was 15 n I know what type of a person he is n hope even my parents agree with my choice...I seriously don't prefer dating thats why i wanna get married early...
1 more favour from you people.... include me in ur prayers!thankin' you all!
simple girl! -
hi Simple girl,
Most of u have been sayin' that its too early for me to get married at dis age but what i think is its better to get married rather than wait for da right age n keep increasin' my 'sin count' (i.e. by talkin, meetin n so on)
) Sin count! thats real funny. A good term.
Anyways, Good luck girl ! U have made ur decissions.
May Allah give u the strength and courage and also guide u! -
Peace Simple Girl,
Well, I'm originally an Indian but was born n spent a lot more than half of my life in Saudi Arabia n brother TAJ i'm aware of those rules which r followed there but as far as I think just liking/loving some1 shudnt b considered as somethin' wrong unless n untill u do wrong or u think wrong. If the guy makes a girl date around with him n asks her to go on the wrong path then in that case the parents shudn't agree with he girl's
I've been listening since years that "love marriages are never successful" but I completely disagree with it 'cuz in the case of hurtin' parents n gettin' married the marriages rnt successful but in my case I want my parents to happily agree with my choice. I've known this guy since i was 15 n I know what type of a person he is n hope even my parents agree with my choice...You say you love the guy, but how well do you know him!? 4 years even 10 years are not enough, simply because you have not lived with him. You now only know part of him, the part that he cares so much to polish for you. Only until you are married that you will come to know him well, well enough to see him worth of your love or not.
Marry him but give yourself time 2-3 years to know him before you decide to have children. -
Hi sis Taj,
Ofcourse, one can know a person completely when u live with him. But thats not an ideal realistic, suggestion to consider before marriage. So, the only other way would be to get to know him( if they are in love or otherwise) before marriage, for a considerable period( and 4 ys is long enough) with ''Eyes wide open''.
In her case, I suppose, she can wait around before she has children. I say this only becoz she is young and not becoz I think, she should work on getting to know him first for 2-3 yrs and gauge him , after marriage. That part doesnt make much sense to me. I dont think one should enter matrimony with doubts, but with a sense of reality. And as for getting to know the other person after marriage, it will happen naturally.
In an arranged marriage, it makes sense to first get to know each other after marriage so that they understand each other and get comfortable with each other (coz the other person is an absolute stranger) -
Hi PM, how are you?
So, the only other way would be to get to know him( if they are in love or otherwise) before marriage, for a considerable period( and 4 ys is long enough) with ''Eyes wide open''
''Eyes wide open''! How could that be before marriage!?In her case, I suppose, she can wait around before she has children. I say this only becoz she is young and not becoz I think, she should work on getting to know him first for 2-3 yrs and gauge him , after marriage.
What if she was old, would it then be wise to have children right away!? Before getting to know the "stranger" husband!?
Also it is a lot easier to leave the marriage, after realizing that it was a mistake, when there are no children in the middle.I did not say that she should take advantage of him then get rid if him!! No woman would enter a marriage thinking this way.
In an arranged marriage, it makes sense to first get to know each other after marriage so that they understand each other and get comfortable with each other (coz the other person is an absolute stranger)
Not just in arranged marriages. Even in cases as this one "love before marriage". I don't think that Simple Girl knows the guy as a wife would know her husband. She thinks she knows him well but that is not possible. The two will always be strangers to each other until they are married, then they would really know each other really well. Six month into the marriage is a good period of time but 2-3 years is better just to be 100% sure.
My advice to Simple Girls is to first focus on her education in order to get a degree that would secure her financial indepence, after that get married then wait before making children, for the sake of the children.PM are you a she or a he?