Arranged Marriages are an INJUSTICE?
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Hi Lotetree,
Hey, the movies made are only(99% of the time) about love stories. That an irony, aint it? )Because LOVE means so much to us even though we continually fail to have LOVE in our lives?
Its just 'its not the done thing' And if u diasgree........
U r disrepectful, selfish, disobedient, irresponsible etc....Perhaps there needs to be an peaceful LOVE REVOLUTION in those societies?
'Love' is for the movies and books.
Yes that too...but there is LOVE in real life too?
And I am not from Saudi. And by 'our family' I meant, the society I come from.
Peace!My appologies...
If not LOVE then perhaps there needs to be a revolution in those societies so that people can at least choose their own marriage partners?
Is LOVE that SELFISH?
Is LOVE a CRIME?
If not why these societies are viewing it as such?
Regards,
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hi Lotetree,
Perhaps there needs to be an peaceful LOVE REVOLUTION in those societies?
Easier said than done, aint it?
Yes that too...but there is LOVE in real life too?
Everyone knows what 'love' is. But most often, parents do not think its any important for a lasting relationship.
If not LOVE then perhaps there needs to be a revolution in those societies so that people can at least choose their own marriage partners?
Is LOVE that SELFISH?
Is LOVE a CRIME?
If not why these societies are viewing it as such?
,Well, I understand what u mean. Its not simple to get parents of one, to understand that. And then, the families are knitten in a society framework which doesnt approve of love marriages either. And to convince the whole society, is not an easy deal.The main reason ,I suppose, is they dont know better than what they have known. And they have not known 'love marriage'. So, they think, it cant be any good.
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hi Lotetree,
Perhaps there needs to be an peaceful LOVE REVOLUTION in those societies?
Easier said than done, aint it?
Lets start it now -)
Yes that too...but there is LOVE in real life too?
Everyone knows what 'love' is. But most often, parents do not think its any important for a lasting relationship.
I don't know what LOVE is PM even as a poet I continually struggle to understand what LOVE means. Everyone knows what LOVE is? I think not. See the diversity of views on the many LOVE THREADS that has been created. Everyone is trying to understand what LOVE means...and I do too all the time...
Well, I understand what u mean. Its not simple to get parents of one, to understand that. And then, the families are knitten in a society framework which doesnt approve of love marriages either. And to convince the whole society, is not an easy deal.The main reason ,I suppose, is they dont know better than what they have known. And they have not known 'love marriage'. So, they think, it cant be any good.
Perhaps time has come for the FRAMEWORK of the society to change....it only takes FEW brave individuals to stand up and say I want LOVE -)
And I will be behind all those individuals - cheering them on...Why is it so WRONG to CHOOSE your own partner?
Why make it so WRONG?Regards,
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SaLaM LT
If not LOVE then perhaps there needs to be a revolution in those societies so that people can at least choose their own marriage partners?
Is LOVE that SELFISH?
Is LOVE a CRIME?
No LT dear old chap. Love is a figment of our imagination created by us so that we dont feel NOT so special.
To quote someone, "love is like money. It runs out after time".
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SaLaM LT
If not LOVE then perhaps there needs to be a revolution in those societies so that people can at least choose their own marriage partners?
Is LOVE that SELFISH?
Is LOVE a CRIME?
No LT dear old chap. Love is a figment of our imagination created by us so that we dont feel NOT so special.
Her Eyes are NOT like the delphenium blue of the sky
And yet why do I feel this way?Her Lips are NOT like the red of the roses
And yet why do I feel this way?Her Smile is NOT that of a beauty queen
And yet why do I feel this way?Her Shape is NOT like a catwalk model
And yet why do I feel this way?Whatever it is Jaxal, let me EXPERIENCE IT MORE!!! wink
Regards,
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BE THE LOVE GENERATION.... lol
Lets fly the flag of LOVE REVOLUTION -)
http//www.justforfunflags.com/Merchant2/graphics/00000001/NG62226_LoveHrt.jpg
!!!! LOVE REVOLUTION NOW !!!!**
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Regards,
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Salam everyone,
After failing two times after years of marriage I said to my mom that I promise the next one she is going to decide whom I am going to marry since she always knew from the start that we are going to fail... So the next one has to stand the test with my strict mother D
I think parents do know their kids quite well and so they are able to evaluate who is fits for them and who doesn't. But this does not mean at all that I prefer arranged marriages. In fact I believe that many marriages in the muslim society hold because women have such a bad status as a divorced women be in justice or in reputation.
As about the movies, it's the same with the songs When you are unhappily in love you can find hundreds of good, dramatic, desperate love songs in which he doesn't get her and she doesn't get him because of arranged marriages or other reason that forbid more meetings with the loved one so what is left is only the sweet memory.... Almost everybody knows the unfullfilled love so everybody understands these songs and suffers with the artist.
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I think parents do know their kids quite well and so they are able to evaluate who is fits for them and who doesn't.
Parents may know their own kids, but do they know the other one? Also, sometimes, parents try to project their own thoughts and fears onto their children, forgetting the child is a different individual from them. -
Salam everyone,
After failing two times after years of marriage I said to my mom that I promise the next one she is going to decide whom I am going to marry since she always knew from the start that we are going to fail... ) So the next one has to stand the test with my strict mother DBut you have learnt anything from these experiences?
I have no problem in people getting advise from others when choosing a suitable partner. But I want each individual to make that final decision when choosing a partner...
I think parents do know their kids quite well and so they are able to evaluate who is fits for them and who doesn't.
But not always especiallly when the children outgrow their parents...
In fact I believe that many marriages in the muslim society hold because women have such a bad status as a divorced women be in justice or in reputation.
You are correct. Just in Victorian times in Britain Divorce was a social stigma so many marriages held up even though those marriages were hell!
As about the movies, it's the same with the songs When you are unhappily in love you can find hundreds of good, dramatic, desperate love songs in which he doesn't get her and she doesn't get him because of arranged marriages or other reason that forbid more meetings with the loved one so what is left is only the sweet memory.... Almost everybody knows the unfullfilled love so everybody understands these songs and suffers with the artist.
I think human love is always prone to dissappointment. The heart yearns for the Ideal and we end up with the reality of human fallibility...
And yet it does not stop us yearning for LOVE... -)
Regards,
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Salam LT, all
But you have learnt anything from these experiences?
I hope so, I really hope so lol But I actually think that I did, I'm quite optimistic
Regards
wardaI am glad to hear that -)
So the experience was beneficial after all in terms of growth as an individual despite all the pain it may have caused?
Regards,
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Hi all,
Parents may know their own kids, but do they know the other one? Also, sometimes, parents try to project their own thoughts and fears onto their children, forgetting the child is a different individual from them.
I agree.
First, children might/can differ from their parents. So, the ideas would differ as well. What matters to u might not matter to them and vice versa.
Children are not a replica of their parents.Second, parents often dont know about the selected groom/bride's personality. These are the criteria the well-wishing parents generally use
(same ethnic origin, same religion and same caste are must haves)
To select a bride
1.Beautiful, 2.good family background, 3.good health, 4.rich family(rich enough to pay the dowry they want. the richer the better!), 5.education(depends on whether they want the bride to be a house wife or an earner).To Select a Groom
- Good healthy chap. 2. Good, respectable family 3. Good Job with Good income 4.Educated 5. Clean records(criminal and social) 6.Non smoker, Non-alcoholic 7. affordable dowry
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Hi Lotetree,
Perhaps time has come for the FRAMEWORK of the society to change....it only takes FEW brave individuals to stand up and say I want LOVE -)
And I will be behind all those individuals - cheering them on...Why is it so WRONG to CHOOSE your own partner?
Why make it so WRONG?Oh yeah, Let's see.
On one hand, there are ur parents(who do sacrifice a lot for u, all their life) who would be miserable(ranging from constant tears to being admitted to hospital with acute exacerabations of some illness) if u disobey/disappoint them and on the other hand is ur life.
Thats an easy decission, Isnt it? -
salam LT, PM, all
Salam LT, all
But you have learnt anything from these experiences?
I hope so, I really hope so lol But I actually think that I did, I'm quite optimistic
Regards
wardaI am glad to hear that -)
So the experience was beneficial after all in terms of growth as an individual despite all the pain it may have caused?
Regards,
Insha'Allah Rab al Alameen )
First, children might/can differ from their parents. So, the ideas would differ as well. What matters to u might not matter to them and vice versa.
Children are not a replica of their parentsIdeas might differ between parents and kids, still parents do know their kids quite well and even if it doesn't seem right for the moment, it still might be the right decision.
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HI Warda,
How on earth, would the parents know the selected partner's personality? -
Hello PM,
Hi Lotetree,
Perhaps time has come for the FRAMEWORK of the society to change....it only takes FEW brave individuals to stand up and say I want LOVE -)
And I will be behind all those individuals - cheering them on...Oh yeah, Let's see.
On one hand, there are ur parents(who do sacrifice a lot for u,Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of to-morrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday....-Khalil Gibran
I like to think that we owe our children everything but they owe us nothing...this attitude may be harder to appreciate perhaps...
who would be miserable(ranging from constant tears to being admitted to hospital with acute exacerabations of some illness) if u disobey/disappoint them and on the other hand is ur life.
Thats an easy decission, Isnt it?I think if you go just outside of this guilt-burden of owning the very children you given birth to, then perhaps you will see that your childrens happiness is most important to you...
The decision can be easy when you are able to transform this guilt into expression of freedom for your kids...but again this attitude perhaps is harder to appreciate....
But may be you can't do it yourself for now...but for your kids make it so that they have the freedom to choose their partner?
Regards,