My divorce - need your help
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Peace Warda,
let me a small comment, sorry, I know it is not related to the problem but as you mentioned it...In islamic marriages you don't take the name of your husband this is christian tradition. So I never changed my name.
not Christian tradition, Spain is traditionally a Christian country and here no woman loses her surname here after marriage and no man either.
It is perhaps an Anglo-Saxon custom since it is practiced in USA and UK.
I wish you the best end for your current situation. I understand you got married in the islamic way and you need an islamic divorce that will be valid in front of the muslim community. All the best, my sincere support, I'll seek information from the FEERI here (Spanish Federation of Islamic Religious Entities)
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Hi Warda,
How do you know that? Where in the Quran is written that after two years of seperation you are divorced by any account? What makes you so sure about it?
See, my husband is muslim and I am muslima. We married ONLY in the mosque, no civil marriage. So the civil law cannot help me in any sense. Only a Sheick can disengage this marriage. My husband won't accept any other solution.
Well, yes and no. He doesn't have the right to take the kids but on the other hand I cannot marry again as long as I am married with him. As I said earlier, the civil law doesn't help me here. This marriage has been united in the name of God and it has to be cancelled in the name of God.
Well, If its Only the shaikh who can dissolve ur marriage, then I suppose, u should talk & try convincing him that u do not wish to stay married to ur husband. Nobody can force u to. Not even the shaikh. Its only upto the couple to decide. If ur husband is not in favour of the divorce, then I suppose u will have to do some homework. Try bringing up good reasons why u do not wish to stay married with ur husband. Try pointing out the support or lack of it u have recieved the last 2 yrs etc
And if u feel, the shaikh wont give u the divorce, then talk to womens rights activist(preferably muslim ones) at ur place and explain ur condition to them and seek their help.
2227 But if their intention is firm for divorce, Allah heareth and knoweth all things.
2241 For divorced women Maintenance (should be provided) on a reasonable (scale). This is a duty on the righteous.Hope and pray u succeed!
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Salam Warda,
From
http//www.quranbrowser.com/004130
Pickthall But if they separate, Allah will compensate each out of His abundance. Allah is ever All-Embracing, All-Knowing.
Yusuf Ali But if they disagree (and must part), God will provide abundance for all from His all-reaching bounty for God is He that careth for all and is Wise.
Shakir And if they separate, Allah will render them both free from want out of His ampleness, and Allah is Ample-giving, Wise.
Sher Ali And if they separate, ALLAH will make both independent out of HIS abundance, and ALLAH is Bountiful, Wise.
Khalifa If the couple must decide to part, GOD will provide for each of them from His bounties. GOD is Bounteous, Most Wise.
Arberry But if they separate, God will enrich each of them of His plenty; God is All-embracing, All-wise.
Palmer but if they separate, God can make both independent out of His abundance; for God is abundant, wise.
Rodwell But if they separate, God can compensate both out of His abundance; for God is Vast, Wise;
Sale but if they separate, God will satisfy both of his abundance; for God is extensive wise,
Transliterated Arabic Wa-in yatafarraqa yughni Allahu kullan min saAAatihi wakana Allahu wasiAAan hakeeman
Warda, also check the freeminds translation.
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See, my husband is muslim and I am muslima. We married ONLY in the mosque, no civil marriage. So the civil law cannot help me in any sense. Only a Sheick can disengage this marriage. My husband won't accept any other solution.
Peace warda,
Your statement here is a little incorrect.
In Australia and some other countries there is a thing called a common law marriage - here it is called a "de-facto" relationship where a couple is considered equivalent to being "married" if they have lived together in a serious relationship for over 6 months. They have all the rights of marriage regardless of their actual marital status.
The best advice would be to forget trying to do this through a 'sheikh' who has no authority ultimately - and consult like the advice above - see a family law solicitor/lawyer.
You seem too entangled in the 'sunni' situation. If you believe the law cannot help you - then why do you give authority to a "sheikh" or to your ex-husband who seems to be in denial of the reality of the situation? Who do you fear - the sheikh and the opinions of people - or the God?
The "sheikh" has absolutely zero authority.
Regards.
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Peace,
Who do you fear - the sheikh and the opinions of people - or the God?
but Truth, she will have to live in a society, in a community that accepts as valid her divorce, if not , how could she marry again if she wishes?
Warda, please, check this link that it is about a new divorce law in UAE, maybe it helps or at least you can gather more information
http//www.uaeinteract.com/news/default.asp?cntDisplay=10&ID=33#17020 -
Peace be upon you Warda
Out of all the opinions expressed I feel that 'truth's' opinions are the ones that correlate most with my beliefs. Remember the verse you yourself quoted
And if they insist on the divorce, then God is Hearer, Knowledgeable. 2227.
With regards to marriage/divorce, I believe
- Follow God's law
- Follow the law of the land if it does not conflict with your religion.
Don't let the bearded baffoons fool around with your life. You are divorced (in the eyes of God) period. If you are legally married (I am sure you can find out if you are), get a (legal) divorce.
I just hope you don't live in a 'closed community' where you will be slandered.
Roshan
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This is my plan how to win the case and get my freedom and own will back wink and this is why I opend this thread so if anyone can refer to a Sura/Aya which could help me in this situation would be appreciated.
Peace
Sunnis don't follow the Quran. The more ardent ones don't care what it says. They have brainwashed themselves into stupidity and the brainwashers have brainwashed intolerance into the brainwashed so they can never go back.
Roshan
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Salam Aleikum all of you )
Taj, thanks very much for the ayas ) I looked up the free-minds translation.
And great link wink I needed it!Peace,
Who do you fear - the sheikh and the opinions of people - or the God?
but Truth, she will have to live in a society, in a community that accepts as valid her divorce, if not , how could she marry again if she wishes?
Exactly this is the point how can I marry again if I am not divorced regularly. My husband would never ever accept if I'm saying "oh, I left you two years ago, now I decide that I'm divorced and will marry again". No way! Think of the kids! He might get wild and take them or whatever. In addition to that my coming husband in future wouldn't like to marry a not-divorced/still-married woman - I'm sure of that. And my husband could always come and claim that I am still his wife - which would be true.
You seem too entangled in the 'sunni' situation. If you believe the law cannot help you - then why do you give authority to a "sheikh" or to your ex-husband who seems to be in denial of the reality of the situation? Who do you fear - the sheikh and the opinions of people - or the God?
I cannot continue life as if I would be alone. My husband is not a reader of this site ) , nor does he accept most of the things written here. This is the way they see it and I have to deal with it. Of course I fear God and He tells us to divorce if marriage can't be continued. So because I fear God, I have to get divorced regularly.
Well, If its Only the shaikh who can dissolve ur marriage, then I suppose, u should talk & try convincing him that u do not wish to stay married to ur husband. Nobody can force u to. Not even the shaikh. Its only upto the couple to decide. If ur husband is not in favour of the divorce, then I suppose u will have to do some homework. Try bringing up good reasons why u do not wish to stay married with ur husband. Try pointing out the support or lack of it u have recieved the last 2 yrs etc
I talked again today with him and he actually gave me some hope. And if it may be that I will "buy" my freedom with money (see the aya 4128 down). He will arrange a meeting in the near future.
And I found today what I was looking for
Yusuf Ali
If a wife fears cruelty or desertion on her husband's part, there is no blame on them if they arrange an amicable settlement between themselves; and such settlement is best; even though men's souls are swayed by greed. But if ye do good and practise self-restraint, God is well-acquainted with all that ye do.I guess/I hope this might help me.
THANK YOU ALL for your help and comments (it feels good ) )
and I will inform you what happens with me.Salam
warda -
Salam Elena,
thanks for the link! This is exactly what the Sheikh plans to do in my case
The right known as Khulo' is enshrined in a draft Personal Status Law, approved by the Cabinet on Monday.
The law, the paper opines, enables women to end unhappy marriages more easily after paying a compensation or the dowry to the husbands.
It would mean a big financial mess for me ... but better than staying a married woman with an unloved man.
Regards
warda -
My dear Warda,
I am so, so glad that you found what you were looking for. This is really great news. I am so, so happy for you. If you have to buy your freedom, so be it! At least there is a way. You deserve to be happy, you have suffered enough. Hold on to your faith and God is with you my sister. Al Hamdu lIllah. I wish you the best sun
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My dear Warda,
I am so, so glad that you found what you were looking for. This is really great news. I am so, so happy for you. If you have to buy your freedom, so be it! At least there is a way. You deserve to be happy, you have suffered enough. Hold on to your faith and God is with you my sister. Al Hamdu lIllah. I wish you the best sun
Thanks for your wishes Taj, I really appreciate it. I really hope that this ends soon, 'cause I'm tired of being alone... .
Salam Sis
warda
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Salam Warda,
In sha Allah things will be all fine ya Rab ) You know, we here have a belief about Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) that he used to welcome the time of extreme difficulty because it would be a sign that the difficulty is nearing the end. So in sha Allah this extreme difficult episode in your life is coming to an end. My advice to you now is that next time when you marry a muslim make sure that "Al3issmah" would be in your hand not his. Make it a condition in the marriage contract. "Al3issmah" means the right to divorce.
Take care and Allah Ma3ake pray
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Salam Warda, All
"Al3issmah" is a lifejacket that I hope no woman would need to use, ever pray
But I have to say that bringing up "Al3issmah" issue in the marriage contract would most probably turn off the husband-to-be and so would most probably make him run away. Most men cannot stand that the woman could have control over her destiny. To lose that power over to the woman would shake their core, I assume! So a lot of preparation for that "shock" for the husbnand-to-be is certainly needed )
"Al3issmah" issue is well known and practiced in Egypt where women are exceptionally strong there. No man could say "no" to an Egyptian woman!
However, I know of only ONE Arab woman from outside Egypt who conditioned this right in the marriage contract. A very strong confident woman indeed. She is also well-learned in Quran. And only because the man loved her so much that he had to agree on this condition. He asked for her hand many times but she would refuse because she was insisting on this condition. She only accepted him when he agreed on it. Everybody blamed him especially because he comes from a very rich, famous family and he could find many women who would die to get him. The couple are happily married for 25 years now with 7 children -
Hi Sis Taj,
"Al3issmah" is a lifejacket that I hope no woman would need to use, ever pray
what is "Al3issmah" ? I have no clue.
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Hi PM.
Hi Sis Taj,
"Al3issmah" is a lifejacket that I hope no woman would need to use, ever pray
what is "Al3issmah" ? I have no clue.
"Al3issmah" is the right to divorce. The Muslim husband owns that right naturally. He is the one who can end the marriage. The wife would not be divorced, free to marry another man, if her husband refuses to divorce her. However, if she conditioned in the marriage contract to own that right, then she won't be under his mercy. He won't hold her neck and won't let go of her in case she wants out. Owning that right, she would be able to divorce herself from him in front of Shohood witnesses and maybe even in mosque or court. It should not take much time nor effort to end her marriage.
There is also a law now, called "Al Khul3", not practiced everywhere though yet, where the wife can buy her divorce by paying her mahar back to her husband. But this still is difficult. You would still need a lawyer who would stand for her in court.
It would be much easier if the wife has the right to divorce"Al3issmah", as a condition in the marriage contract. If the husband-to-be signed that conditioned marriage contract then he won't dare to make any trouble for his wife in case she decides to divorce. But to find that mature, secure man is not easy! -
There is also a law now, called "Al Khul3", not practiced everywhere though yet, where the wife can buy her divorce by paying her mahar back to her husband. But this still is difficult. You would still need a lawyer who would stand for her in court.
It would be much easier if the wife has the right to divorce"Al3issmah", as a condition in the marriage contract. If the husband-to-be signed that conditioned marriage contract then he won't dare to make any trouble for his wife in case she decides to divorce. But to find that mature, secure man is not easy!Salam Taj,
did you read the link Elena posted? This is exactly about Khul'a. What I heard about it here didn't sound so difficult. Though I must say that I find it very bitter to give to that man who gave me such a hard time in several aspects a lot of money in order to let me go nope
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Salam Warda,
There is also a law now, called "Al Khul3", not practiced everywhere though yet, where the wife can buy her divorce by paying her mahar back to her husband. But this still is difficult. You would still need a lawyer who would stand for her in court.
It would be much easier if the wife has the right to divorce"Al3issmah", as a condition in the marriage contract. If the husband-to-be signed that conditioned marriage contract then he won't dare to make any trouble for his wife in case she decides to divorce. But to find that mature, secure man is not easy!Salam Taj,
did you read the link Elena posted? This is exactly about Khul'a. What I heard about it here didn't sound so difficult. Though I must say that I find it very bitter to give to that man who gave me such a hard time in several aspects a lot of money in order to let me go nope
I did read the link from Elena and I did know about that law earlier. I think I did not bring it up to you is because the "Khul3" concept is not mentioned in Quran. You wanted Ayat that support your position. "Al khul3" is a bargain that men in the muslim world invented to further suppress and abuse the women! It is not the same as "AlSul7=Alsulh" mentioned in the Ayat of Sura # 4. Because if you have to do something that is more than you can bear like paying so much money to get your freedom! Maybe you don't have that amount of money! I don't see that as the peaceful and considerate "Sul7" as mentioned in Quran. "Al Sul7" is a mutual agreement that considers the ability of both parties. "Al Khul3" is broad day light robbery/theft. But what can you do? You have no choice. Look what you have to go through to get your freedom!? This is not fair.
Besides, you have already paid for the mahar he gave you and that is by being his wife. So he not only had you as a wife, he now, by you paying him, would be having you for free for such a long time in the past!