Need help with a dilemma
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Peace esimsek,
So will all be solved if I get married???????????
In the words of Mr. Alex, "No, no, no, no, no.. no no no no no".You have to solve your 'head problems' before you get into marriage, or atleast be comfortable with them. When you get married, a whole set of problems join you. twisted
Side note I'm reminded of a saying that goes something like... If you took all the problems of the world and divided and distributed them evenly to all human beings... people will likely ask for their own problems back.
Females are so lovely. Every inch of their body so different to a man's. And Every female so different to other females. Each with their own personality, their wierd little quirks. Damn hard choice to make.
You're right, and no matter how many you have, there will always be more. wink Think of the most beautiful woman in the world, then put the brains and morals that you want in her, the perfect fantasy... ok, now stop drooling... as long as you haven't solved the issue?... you will want other women a couple of months in. Infact, you'd probably ask yourself, what was I thinking?! brickwallHave you ever been in a situation where you left a job that you hated, thinking if I just got into this company or got that salary I would be happy?... only to get what you asked for and still find something wrong with the new place?
There is no perfect woman, all women are perfect. You are not perfect, you're perfect just the way you are. D
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SaLam esimsek
I know exactly how you feel.
So my question, until I find the woman that I can "settle" with, is it so wrong to experience with others?
Yes. Becoz the Quran asks us not to have sexual releations with others. Its ok to be their friend. Just dont take them to bed.
PEace Jaxal,
Easier said then done, my friend, easier said then done.
I'm a man of rationality, I need a rational explanation as to why to do it. That is why when people ask me whether I believe in the whole Quran, I answer no. There are still some unanswered questions that I have. Behind, probably 90% of the Quran's rulings, I can see the rational justification, but that 10% is still lacking (and no, it's not necessarily this topic).
When in the Quran Allah says he'll protect the message, I believe it to mean his message is always protected because it is NATURE, we see it right before our eyes, the core of the Quran is well protected both within the book and in our visualization. (By the way I'm alluding to the possiblity that the Quran could have been changed)
You see it is in my nature to mate. And the evidences on testosterone lowering when you've found your partner are compelling enough. But what if my partner is eons down the track, why is it so wrong to have these experiences??? Our religion does not place importance on virginity, but rather chastity. We are allowed to divorce and remarry, today's society's concept of boyfriend girlfriend has practically become marriage.
It is much a confusing topic.
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Peace Zenje,
You are not perfect
I said no judging!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But from you I'd accept it.
wink
I understand what you mean, and completely agree. It's along the lines of "perhaps if we met another time, it could be, but at the moment, no".
As much as I deny love, and say it's a chemical reaction in your brain, that it can be explained, I still know it's there. I'm in search of it. But it's like finding the message, you prod and poke in different areas and you're in constant search of it, until finally.......................
BINGO
you've found it!!!!!!!!!!
Yes?
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SaLaM esimsek
Easier said then done, my friend, easier said then done.
Brother no doubt its hard. It was hard for me too. But i realised that this worldy pleasure will not get me in God's good graces. And that is when i decided to make the change. Maybe, what helped me was that a woman finally did conqure me. But its like an addiction. And the longer you dont do it, the easier it will be for you to let go of this addiction. TRUST ME.
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SaLaM ichephern
I guess strong men like to be conqured by women .Just kidding looll. But when i say i was conqured by a woman, i mean that, this woman really got me to stop and think about everything i was doing. And that is really something becoz no woman has EVER been able to do that with me.
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Peace,
Although you are not seeking advice, I will give you advice from the One who knows all things
"Say 'Come let me recite to you what your Lord has forbidden for you that you should not set up anything with Him; and be kind to your parents; and do not kill your unborn children for fear of poverty, We provide for you and for them; and do not come near lewdness, what is plain of it or subtle; and do not kill the soul which God has forbidden, except in justice. That is what He enjoined you that you may comprehend.? (The Message 6153)
Your post indicates you already know what you are doing is wrong by God's law...Deal with it.
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So my question, until I find the woman that I can "settle" with, is it so wrong to experience with others?
Yes. Becoz the Quran asks us not to have sexual releations with others. Its ok to be their friend. Just dont take them to bed.
Easier said then done, my friend, easier said then done.
I'm a man of rationality, I need a rational explanation as to why to do it. That is why when people ask me whether I believe in the whole Quran, I answer no. There are still some unanswered questions that I have. Behind, probably 90% of the Quran's rulings, I can see the rational justification, but that 10% is still lacking (and no, it's not necessarily this topic). ....
You see it is in my nature to mate. And the evidences on testosterone lowering when you've found your partner are compelling enough. But what if my partner is eons down the track, why is it so wrong to have these experiences??? Our religion does not place importance on virginity, but rather chastity. We are allowed to divorce and remarry, today's society's concept of boyfriend girlfriend has practically become marriage.
salam esimsek100 .
here is the rational explaination that u want
by M. Asadi
PREMARITAL SEX AND THE DYING NUCLEAR FAMILY
" This paper examines the relationship between society's greater acceptance attitudes towards premarital sex since the 1960s, the breakdown of the traditional U.S nuclear family, and the rise in female-headed single parent households.
It presents this increase in permissiveness towards premarital sex and the accompanying practice changes as causal links to the increase in the divorce rate and the feminization of poverty
The research is also extended to include status of women and children, juvenile delinquency, and shallower relationships at all levels in society.
The research model follows a logico-empirical path analysis, similar to the what the "path" that the Koran suggests while discussing non-marital sex (Koran 179). "
CLICK HERE
http//www.geocities.com/justiceparadigm/presex.pdf.
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HI esimsek100,
Ask urself- if u r doing what u believe and understand is right, If yes, Then
- seek God's guidance.
- dissect and study the belief, pros and cons and think through all of it. Think through what ur future would be like, the hurdles etc. U would know all the answers. Just think through it.
And if u r doing it becoz of lack of self control
- completely abstain (even thoughts)from it for a while(decide on some time, say 4 months), making urself a promise that u will maintain abstinence and see if u can do it. To take charge of ur self. Whenever it gets difficult, fast for a few days. Gain control of ur self.
It will be easier for u to make a sensible decission at the end of it.
And to help with abstinence period, give this a thought If u fast in ramadan or have fasted, during which u would have controlled such thoughts and actions completely and also ur hunger.... so, u can do now too, if u want it strong enough.......Just be in charge and be very determined.
This is a phase that will slowly pass and it will get easier with time, if u r strong.
And u will be glad too, if u remain strong now.
May Allah guide u and help u!
And if my suggestions are not good enough , dont judge me either.wink
Peace! )
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There is a solution that exceeds all others in your scenario. You need to follow the steps below
- Buy yourself an AK-47 and several cases of ammunition.
- Get yourself a time machine.
- Dial in 1520 and location Topkapi Palace, Istanbul.
- Complete the coup and assume the sultanate.
- You'll have a harem of hundreds to enjoy.
Good luck!
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Peace esimsek100,
I took that path for some time, and surely I had to stop because as you say, signs begin flashing.
You should look for that which has started this sort of behavior, like a separation from a loved one... maybe you are trying to find some thing you have lost, or trying to forget someone by all means.
--
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There is a solution that exceeds all others in your scenario. You need to follow the steps below
- Buy yourself an AK-47 and several cases of ammunition.
- Get yourself a time machine.
- Dial in 1520 and location Topkapi Palace, Istanbul.
- Complete the coup and assume the sultanate.
- You'll have a harem of hundreds to enjoy.
Good luck!
All that trouble just to get laid as often as you like!!!?
I am sure there are better and cheaper and more "fulfilling" option than this these days! -)I think what esimek is after or majority of men for that matter is the want of guilt-free sex with many women as possible and often as possible -)wink
Thats why I advise to everyone to get married early and have that guilt-free sex as often as you like and then perhaps you will come to realise that sex is just sex, the need of the body and once the need is satisfied then perhaps other things might happen - the dreaded four letter word (if you are lucky that is!!!) wink
Regards,
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My salaam,i got a dillemma,and i want to get different oppinions from each one of you.Lately i
ve been thinking a lot about this ex girlfriend of mine(before i became muslim),its been a year now that ive became a muslim,so for that whole period of time we were not talking to each other,until recently.We speak about islam on the phone,she has two of her friends who became sunnis.Altho,she did not specifically tell me she wants to know more,but she wants to meet me,and im scared to start developping feelings(anyways its already happening),i know that i cant have no girlfriend because i fear God.But at the same time i dont want to lose her,or i fear that she becomes a sunni,i really dont know can i get some advices?? -
Hi Komla,
.Altho,she did not specifically tell me she wants to know more,but she wants to meet me,and i
m scared to start developping feelings(anyways its already happening),i know that i cant have no girlfriend because i fear God.But at the same time i dont want to lose her,or i fear that she becomes a sunni,i really don`t know can i get some advices??U fear talking to her coz u think u will fall in love?
Since When did 'falling in love' become a sinful deed?
Sexual intimacy between a man and a woman is prohibited before marriage.
So, I dont understand what u r scared of really in merely talking to her.
If at all u fall in love, in time and want to be with her, marry her. -
I love women heaps
I'm a women slave lol , however I know that sex outside the wedlock is NO NO and one hell of a sin so I never come near it
but as Jaxal said friendship with women are one great thing to have as long as you are strong enough to control yourself even if been seduced, if you can't then you should not even have friends from the other sex unless they are true friends
I know it is a big problem but as someone said here the longer you stay strong the easier you will control yourself, the Quran will help you come over this problem if you keep reading it, Salat and fasting also will shut down those sexual desires when they come
peace
