I'm I going on the wrong path?
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Peace Anwar,
Honestly, you'll never know someone completely inside and out. Trying to do that would be trying to accomlish the impossible.
It is impossiblr before marriage and even after marriage one needs few years to know the other well enough to make a final judgment.
Depending on the things that life throws at people, including you, people will change or bring out things never seen before (whether agreeable or detestable).
That is also another important thing to consider. Some times, for example, spiritual growth can be a big problem if the other is not moving at the same pace.
You should also look at those things that you forgive now because you haven't been with him for a long time and imagine those little annoying things, over and over and over again, or right in your face, and where you have a vested interest.
These little annoying things if the woman accepts them at the beginning, the man will surely get worse, thinking that his wife does not mind them.
We often forgive friends for things that we don't like that they do, becuase we don't have to be with them all the time and don't feel like they represent us.
Exactly. Friends don't represent us although we will be judged for picking them still.
You should also take into account 'forgivness'.
No one is perfect and you will have to tell your husband things that you feel he needs to take control of, etc. etc. but most of all you will have to constantly forgive him for all those things that you will see as faults (because he is not you and doesn't do it the way you would). And he has to do the same thing.
Forgiveness is important but for a certain extent otherwise the wife will be a doormat, completely invisible to the man. Rarely you would see a man change his bad habits because those bad habits annoy his wife.
It's amazing how the more you start to get closer to someone the more you expect them to be like you, to understand everything about you, etc., etc. Get that out of your head now. Expect your husband to think differently, to have different ideas, to not know what you are thinking all the time, to not know how to react to you all the time, etc., etc.
We are different beings, of course. No wife would ask her husband to be her duplicate!
It takes a lot of forgiveness to have close friends and espcially to have a spouse. Practice that, without grudging. That's what makes a good marriage, looking over things, over and over again. Not dwelling on things, etc. . .
Everybody has a different limit, capacity of patience. You cannot ask a woman, for example, to be patient over a certain problem becuase you see that the problem she is complaining about is silly or trivial. Why do you expect the spouse to keep looking over things, over and over again!!!??? You are not in their shoes. Your advice here is common among "some" men. How can they know how much the woman is suffering inside? Putting up with bad company doesnot make the marriage good. You say "that is what makes a good marriage". Good marriage according to who!? And to put up with bad company will destroy the woman's physical health and not just her psychological and menatl health.
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Hi Progod and all,
I agree with u. No two people are mirror images of each other. Each one of us has a unique individuality. And no person is perfect. We all have our goods and bads.
The idea, should be, to choose a partner who is compatible with one. Some one(whose goods and bads) u can understand, love and respect, for all of he/she is.We all have come across numerous human beings(all kinds of them) all our life. And u realise that there are some people who u get along great with , some who are ok to be with, some who u cant stand etc......And marriage is a life long commitment. The more compatible and understanding u r with each other, the easier the journey of life(the good times and the bad) becomes.
Respecting and loving each other, for who the individual is, is what I was talking about. So, that obviously includes respecting the differences etc.
But say, A guy believes /loves violence and beats up kids. U cant sit around and respect and forgive him, can u? So, no one is talking of petty differences here.
Its just that in life, there all kinds of people. And u dont get along with 'all kinds'. U get along with some. U get along great with some. In an arranged marriage, u can end up with 'any kind'
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in life, there all kinds of people. And u dont get along with 'all kinds'. U get along with some. U get along great with some. In an arranged marriage, u can end up with 'any kind'
And in most cases you end up with wrong kind -(
In life it is always hard to live with a another human being because as human beings were are not perfect. To live with a partner that you hate or dislike is suffering...
Regards,
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Hi all,
Honestly, you'll never know someone completely inside and out. Trying to do that would be trying to accomlish the impossible.
I agree. thats why I added 'almost' inside out.
Let alone another person, We ourselves are in a journey of self discovery every day. There are new things about us that come out. Thats called growth. We can change with life, situations etc.But the essence of us doesnt change much.
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With some hesistance I write this, but I am hopeful.
If a guy says he loves you, then why meet in secret. Why keep it hidden, and once you love someone, why not marry them. I thought love was suppose to give you courage.
It gave me courage, and it saddens me to see the youth of today devalue love by attributing it to their irresponsible intentions, in the hope that it may justify their actions.
Peace.
Its kept secret because of such parents homophobic attitude. And sometime these parents go to the extend of killing their own daughter known as honor killing.
Some think parents being overprotective!! well yeah in to some extend BUT if this protective attitude is coming from religious believe than I think its a red alert!! and these things can make a person insane..
Do you think its fun!! to keep it secret ?
peace
I wasn't refering to a homophobic stituation, I though this was a girl for boy case.
My point is the boys and girls who claim to be in love are really in love with romantic notion of being in love. There are certain situations where u should keep it secert but most kids don't face those situations.
Honour killings are not the norm ok. It's not the scenario the average kid faces.
We all mature at different ages but you shouldn't really be thinking about relationships until you are out of your teenage years. Until you are ready to carry the responsibility that comes with love.
Peace.
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God bless,
With all that I said, I was not talking about the extreme situations where the spouse (women or man) is abusive. It seems that Taj has had some bad relationship experiences and wishes to scare this poor girl about marriage. If that is not your intention, cool. But nonetheless you are still doing that.
I am not talking about abusive situtations. But Americans, and especially American women are too particular about their spouses. They want everything to always be perfect.
Find someone you are compatible with. Look for the deeper things, like some beliefs, morales, attitudes, etc. If you like them good. Go with that. But believe me forgiveness is the key. Some people are forgiving and are too demanding. Sometimes your spouse (man or woman) may not appreciate you for the things you do. Bring it up, but overall forgive them. Abusive men are abusive men. Try to avoid that. But don't expect it to be perfect. Don't expect him to always act like you think he should. If you do and he does also there will be problems, because you are two different people. Forgive him and remind him to forgive you for what you both will probably see as faults in each other. Don't exagerate them. Look for the good and forgive the bad, as long as it doesn't amount to real abuse. That's all I'm saying. I'm sure some of the hurt women here will want to respond to me in large post, really just exposing their hurt and their insecurities because of their bad relationships. God gives us those for reason. I've had mine. In the end I took the advice of the Koran. To paraphrase, you should stay with your spouse, because what may annoy about them you might actually be good for you. So I learned not to be so judgemental. We all have our role to pay, but our spouse is not our God. In the case of abuse the Koran is clear about that too.
Godbless,
ProGod -
With all that I said, I was not talking about the extreme situations where the spouse (women or man) is abusive. It seems that Taj has had some bad relationship experiences and wishes to scare this poor girl about marriage. If that is not your intention, cool. But nonetheless you are still doing that.
Are you a marriage counselor?
Are you a therapist?
I am sure you are none of that.
Another important thing why are you making it personal!?So I learned not to be so judgemental.
And in denial of it too! I just quoted you judging me! Are you not aware of what you write!?
I would feel bad to respond to your stuff because your situation is clear. Take care of yourself. -
Ha! D That's so funny. I just told you the truth. I didn't judge you at all. But you are a woman and like most women you take any comment that might be contrary to you as a negative judgement. It's the emotion behind it . . . I know.
Baby. Just so you know, I love you as a sister in the faith. I think you are scaring the girl, nonetheless. And because I might not be a marriage counselor doesn't mean that I don't know what I'm talking about. But it's all good. Speak from you heart and I will speak from mine and let's hope God can bring truth and peace to us both. I don't mean to make anything personal. The truth can be seen from its signs.
May God put truth and real love in all our hearts and minds. Sisters and brothers alike. Taj. I love you as a sister in the faith wink
Godbless,
ProGod -
Ha! D That's so funny. I just told you the truth. I didn't judge you at all. But you are a woman and like most women you take any comment that might be contrary to you as a negative judgement. It's the emotion behind it . . . I know.
Baby. Just so you know, I love you as a sister in the faith. I think you are scaring the girl, nonetheless. And because I might not be a marriage counselor doesn't mean that I don't know what I'm talking about. But it's all good. Speak from you heart and I will speak from mine and let's hope God can bring truth and peace to us both. I don't mean to make anything personal. The truth can be seen from its signs.
May God put truth and real love in all our hearts and minds. Sisters and brothers alike. Taj. I love you as a sister in the faith wink
Godbless,
ProGodOne minute you attack me, another you cry you love me!!! In faith or otherwise roll Man, you need help.