How long time are we dependant to our parents?
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Salam,
I wonder really how long time are we dependant to our parents?
I mean in my society (Sweden) we are not adults until we become 18 years old.
But Quran doesn't say anything about this or have I miss something!?
Peace sis Majidah
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Salam,
oops sorry but I perhaps put this topic in wrong place maybe better in parenting and children section!?
Majidah
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Peace Sis,
I'm not 100% sure what you're asking, so I'll go with my feelings here.
I don't think there is any set age or time for one to leave their parents or for parents to ask their children to leave, nor is there any limit on how much or how often one should help their parents, or their parents help their children. I think it is more cultural than law, per se. In my culture, we don't move out until we marry. And when we marry, all relatives help get the newlyweds on their feet with gifts and cash. Once we marry, we're still obligated to help our parents if they need it - until they die, or until you die. Charity starts at home.Oddly, in American culture, leaving home is a symbol of success. So, if you're in your thirties and still live at home, most Americans view that as a weakness. I don't buy that at all. Family is vital, imo, and if there's no problem living together, then I say hold on as long as you can.
Peace,
Tay -
Peace Brother,
Thanks for your views of this.
The reasons why I brought this up was that it's often seems to be a big deal in some cultures. Especially when it comes to marriage.
Therefore I wondered when you stop being dependant, so it don't have to be when you get married but can also be when you feel old enough to move away from your parents even if you haven't found a spouse yet!?
Tay I have understood you live in USA, but from which cultures or country are you from?
Peace Sis Majidah
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Peace Sis,
it don't have to be when you get married but can also be when you feel old enough to move away from your parents even if you haven't found a spouse yet!?
Yep. Like I said, it's actually looked at in American culture as a sign of being successful. Once you move out and get your own place, you've "made it".
I have understood you live in USA, but from which cultures or country are you from?
I was born in Turkey because of the nature of my father's work. My heritage, however is mixed Circassian. Not many have heard of Circassians so here's a couple of links if you're interested----> Circassians 1 Circassians 2
Peace,
Tay -
Salam Brother,
Aha, so you have red hair and green eyes? I have read it in a book once that the circassian females are often very beautiful and have red hair and green eyes that can perhaps goes for the males too hehe.
Peace sis Majidah
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Peace Tay,
Thanks, but another myth is that swedes have blond hair and blue eyes, well many have some kind of blond hair but platina blondes are often also here bleeched.
I have brown(hazel) hair and grey eyes, may not sounds so nice but I don't complain LOL.
Peace Jad, Aha another carcissian or what?
Sis Majidah
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Oh Ok, that's sure nice too.
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Peace and welcome, Jad,
Not all Circassians have green eyes nor red hair although I got them -)
Actually, I only know a handful of Circassians with those traits. Most have darker features here in the US. But I know you Jordanian Circassians often have light eyes.
btw, is the Prince coming to see our beloved CBA again anytime soon?Peace,
Tay -
PEace All
Circassians are good looking people! i only met 2 but they were both very beautiful young ladies indeed! Both had dark hair and dark eyes though but very white. very eastern European looking.
Anyways, this is a really good question Sis Majidah. I have zero verses to verify my opinion so its just an opinion. i think it depends on each person. some people are in their 30s and still can't support themselves. others are 15 and are very mature and responsible. i think culture is also very relevant in this matter especially, hence the quran's silence on the topic. if one culture encourages individuality and independance and another emphasizes "family first, individual second" then it would be hard for the 2 cultures to work with the same quranic rule. responsibility and maturity is measured differently for each culture, so adulthood should be expected to be different as well.
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Salam,
Thanks Boost, I think you made a very sane explanation.
Yeah, so the age isn't the issue, but rather how mature you are.
But once you have moved out from your parents house I guess you are independent and can choose your own spouse and don't have to ask them, right!?
Peace
Sis Majidah -
Peace Sis MAjidah
Thanks Boost, I think you made a very sane explanation.
wooohooo first time i make a sane explanation there's hope for me yet ;D
But once you have moved out from your parents house I guess you are independent and can choose your own spouse and don't have to ask them, right!?
Yea i think that sounds right
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Just because you're living with your parents does it automatically make you dependant on them? I don't think so. In cultures as Tay mentionend people don't move out till they are married, and if you did move out before hand a big deal would be made out of it.
For example, if I wanted to move out I wouldn't be allowed my parents wouldn't let me. Culturally it's wrong for a girl to move out of home before marriage even a guy. So say I moved out, out of their will, they would probably discontinue from talking to me.
BTW I come from a Lebanese background.Lots of people are able to take care of themself though cultures disallow it, so it restricts you to being where you are. infact lots of parents are dependant on their child/children to do things for them.
Anyway sorry SwedenMajidah can't answer your question.
Salam
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Peace,
yeah it seems a bit tricky with dependant and independant to your parents.
One thing though is that once a parent always a parent and they will always interfere with your plans and it can be both in a good way and sometimes in a bad way.
I'm 34 years old, I have been married during 16 years but are now divorced and not re-married yet, so I'm a single, my parents especially my dad he treating me like a schoolgirl and it annoys me alot.
It's not like I cannot choose my own spouse but it's like they rather see me with a non muslim guy, and I cannot be with a guy who don't believe in Allah swt and read Quran.
I just wanted to inform ppl that lives don't have to be more easier when you are so called independant on your parents because they will always have an eye on you anyway.
Peace Sister Majidah
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I think having that sort of eye doesn't mean you're not independent.
Because they are just concerned for you. In just about every culture it's a great thing for people to get married you see the celebrations you see happiness even if it ain't for long ... so I think they just want you to be happy or I think they feel obliged to get you married or something / maybe they feel it's they're duty.
Sometimes I wish I was married and divorced that way I can live away from home without a big deal made out of it, and choose freely without their concern of whom I wish to marry, but offcourse being divorced isn't very nice especially if there is children involved though in the long run it might be better.. so really depends on the situation
Parents will always have an eye on you because at the end of the day you're their lil baby but I still think it's easier when your independent