Now that you have embraced this way, have you changed at all as a parent ?

unknownuser

Peace savage carrot...A superb post... sun bravo yay

savage_carrot

Thanks enq, maybe you have some tips and tricks as well to add?

unknownuser

Peace savage carrot,shirley and all. I have two children,and three young sisters... elektro sun
I feel that empathy,and trying to remember back to when we were children ourselves,can help a great deal in dealing with ones children...Remeber the mistakes we made when we were children,the things we looked forward to,the likes and dislikes,the questions we asked etc... I think this helps us to understand why our children act in seemingly 'funny ways' on occasion,and their motivations for some of their behaviour patterns...
I think communicating with your children at their own personal,unique,individual level,and trying to understand what they are trying to convey to us,are also very important...
I think that children must be given some sense of freedom and control in their lives,ie a say in food,clothes,toys,books,what to play etc....But discipline,boundaries,and the parents playing the lead educational and protective role,is essential with children...
I feel that i want my children and sisters to be happy,brave,responsible,creative and moral adults...
Your post pretty much covers a lot of what i personally think....I am glad we have finally agreed on something... yay bravo
Peace all. ps;i will try to post again on this excellent section.(thanks for starting this much-needed thread,shirley. ).)

Shirley

Peace Savage Carrot and Enquire,

Thanks for the feedback. I'm looking for new approaches for my little ones. I keep hitting a brick wall with what I've been using so far. I was talking with my son ( who is 8 ) and asked his input.
I tried to keep my mind open and listened to his concerns.

I believe sometimes we as parents can be just as stubburn as our children and forget that they are the future of mankind. We overlook them in someways and see them as only being little people and not always potential leaders of tomorrow in God's cause.

I asked him, what can we do to improve our relationship with each other? Yes, i asked my 8 year old this and one thing he said shocked me. He is very intellegent and mentioned in his own words the need to be respected eventhough he is a little person. That made me think.

I probably wouldn't have as much trouble out of him if I would really try to understand where he is coming from. I have 2 other children 5 and 7months. I would like to improve the quality of our relationship also. I need to discipline them, but at the sametime I want to enjoy them now, before those OMG! teen years kick in. All in all , they are great kids. I will take your pointers and God willing they might take alot of chaos out of our live.

Concerning the teaching about God right now, my oldest has his own concept. He believes that God created everything. He also remembers going to the mosque all the time and I think it is still hard for him and my 5 year old. They were use to being a part of something physical that they could see with their eyes and participate in with their hands.

So much has changed in the past 3 years. We are pretty isolated and that's not always a good thing. When we were sunni, we were active in the mosque. We did dinners, field trips, talks, schooling and such. They had lots of other children like them to play and identify with and now no one except us.

I'm currently trying to come up with a strategy to give them a sense of purpose. To help them learn and understand how we as believers should be more active in the community. To do what God wants us to and not be selfish. Where we live there are alot of churches who always have event going on like fund raisers and cleaning up the community. Just last week, an old friend from a mosque that we use to attend said they were starting an organic garden. She was asking if we were interested in participating. She said that the "muslim community" needs to show their presense in the surrounding communities. They need to show that they care and are apart of a wholesome community life. And eventhough we are greatly different in our veiws and belief, I was thinking about participating in the garden efforts. I am not satisfied with living this hermit life anymore and worry that all this islolation will end up hurting the children, but at the same time I don't want them to get confused and think we have gone back to that way.

Do any of you have this dilema? -\

Thank you,

shirley

savage_carrot

Peace Shirley, enq...

I'm glad we agree on something too enq!

I asked him, what can we do to improve our relationship with each other? Yes, i asked my 8 year old this and one thing he said shocked me. He is very intellegent and mentioned in his own words the need to be respected eventhough he is a little person. That made me think.
Exactly! I've noticed that the kids want independence and to be respected and have their personal boundaries younger and younger these days for some reason. They start doing it when their terrible two's hit.

Concerning the teaching about God right now, my oldest has his own concept. He believes that God created everything. He also remembers going to the mosque all the time and I think it is still hard for him and my 5 year old. They were use to being a part of something physical that they could see with their eyes and participate in with their hands.
I totally understand. I've been through some of the same. I tell them that you can do it like this or you can do it like that, it will have the same end result...that is it must benefit others and themselves. Conflicts arise at times due to differences they see in other people practising different ways and one needs to clarify that it's left open for people to think which way suits them best and that it's not cut and dried. Eventually of course they will make their own minds and that's when more discussion would be beneficial. Age is paramount to take into consideration and not confuse the children too much. Keeping things simple and sweet.

So much has changed in the past 3 years. We are pretty isolated and that's not always a good thing. When we were sunni, we were active in the mosque. We did dinners, field trips, talks, schooling and such. They had lots of other children like them to play and identify with and now no one except us.
Same end result with us but due to different reasons. In a foreign country where you don't know anyone except maybe one or two people. The isolation can be due to entirely different reasons, and dealing with it is hard. To me, if thats the way it is, makes the family more interdependent. Growing up personally my family was quite small and kept to themselves, so maybe that's why I don't see it as too much of a big deal.

I'm currently trying to come up with a strategy to give them a sense of purpose. To help them learn and understand how we as believers should be more active in the community. To do what God wants us to and not be selfish. Where we live there are alot of churches who always have event going on like fund raisers and cleaning up the community. Just last week, an old friend from a mosque that we use to attend said they were starting an organic garden. She was asking if we were interested in participating. She said that the "muslim community" needs to show their presense in the surrounding communities. They need to show that they care and are apart of a wholesome community life. And eventhough we are greatly different in our veiws and belief, I was thinking about participating in the garden efforts. I am not satisfied with living this hermit life anymore and worry that all this islolation will end up hurting the children, but at the same time I don't want them to get confused and think we have gone back to that way.
Absolutely. They must know the importance of volunteering and being active and trying to set wrongs right. Depending on circumstances, there are plenty of ways to do that. Believe me, kids tend not to think about religion when they are out and about, preferably not fishing for trout but you know...they have too much fun playing and doing other things than think about religion of all things. When I was a kid, there were people all around me who believed in things and did things a certain way but in my mind I knew that something was logically off. That persisted and I hope we can give our kids the same benefit of the doubt and really discuss with them when the time is right. If you have the opportunity and/or know of people around you who you can visit with your kids and they can play with their kids...by all means take the opportunity. Yet, keep talking and communicating with them and instilling the basics as best you can. They will be the better for it God willing. Best of luck, I wish I lived near you guys, but as it is Kuwait is a long way away from anyone I know.

unknownuser

Peace shirley. I have been through your predicament in the past...I dont feel its always healthy for us to isolate ourselves from others,because of differences in theoretical beliefs...I myself want my children to help/contribute to all humanity/society...
How will our children learn to interact with other cultures and belief systems, if we isolate them,and ourselves?...I do agree we have to protect them from 'unhealthy influences',but keeping them away from society, i personally dont think is helpful...Children can harbour resentment if we 'unnecessarily' closet them away from the world...
Helping people transcends religious beliefs....Im sure you would encourage your children to feed the poor,and be polite to people,regardless if those poor people were christian,sunni or even atheist...
I find the most important things to teach my children religion-wise,is to be practically moral,responsible and compassionate...And also,to use ones mind to continually learn about the world...
It think you could also cause distress to yourself if you live a hermit like life-style...
My advise would be to accompany your children to the community garden project...I think your children may have fun there,and you could probably enjoy it too...I am always telling my wife to go out either with the kids,or by herself,so they can have fun,and increase their personal development....How are we and our children going to contribute to the worlds spiritual,physical,intellectual and moral develpoment sitting at home,or isolating ourselves?
Peace all.ps; you make a lot of great observations in your post,especially with regard to enjoying and respecting our children,and on our children being the future 'adults' of the world...
PPs; i will try to post more ideas as they come to me,this is a very,very important topic....
I take it you are damons' wife?
PPs; Another great post savage carrot... bravo My god,if we agree three times,im going to sit down,and take my temperature... yay

Shirley

Peace to you Enquirer and Savage Carrot,

Thank you for all your support and advice. I've been looking at myself lately and see the need for improvement in so many areas of our life. It's hard to deal with somedays, but you manage to get by.

We are not totally isolated if you count that I have friends that I've known for years. And in general they are good people, so I take the children over to their houses to play. Most of the time we are in the home and that is what gets to me.

I'm a very social person to some degree and so I want our children to be the same. It gives them confidents in themselves. How can they speak out about injustice in the future if they aren't comfortable communicate in small groups?
Well that's just my thoughts on that.

I am thinking strongly about the garden project. It can give us something to do together as a family.
And it can make them feel good to know the veggies that they plant will feed hungry people.

And yes Enquirer, I am married to Damon.

Thank you all,

shirley

unknownuser

Peace shirley and all. I am glad you are 'self-reflecting'...This is something we all need to do. (is this salat?) I feel your post is very heartening...
I wish you,damon,and your children practical peace in your efforts...
I think we can all try to relax and enjoy our lives with our children, and respect our childrens views and needs,...as well as giving them discipline and love...
Peace all; ps; i think organising/co-ordinating our schedules,relaxation time,and chores,can help to alleviate stressful situations... yay )

Shirley

Peace Enquirer,

Thank You! sun bravo

shirley

zenje

I'm a very social person to some degree and so I want our children to be the same. It gives them confidents in themselves. How can they speak out about injustice in the future if they aren't comfortable communicate in small groups?
I'm not a social person myself, and I realize the disadvantage that is on my kids, as you mentioned, it does give them better confidence in dealing with others. I just wanted to say though, that in terms of them speaking on injustices, don't worry about that... put your trust in God, as Moses did.

Peace )

Chapter 20

?Go to Pharaoh, for he has transgressed.?
He said ?My Lord, relieve for me my chest.?
?And make my mission easy.?
?And remove the knot in my tongue.?
?So they can understand what I say.?
?And allow for me an advisor from my family.?
?Aaron, my brother.?
?So that I may strengthen my resolve through him.?
?And share with him my mission.?
?So that we may glorify You plenty.?
?And remember You plenty.?
?You Have been watcher over us.?
He said ?You have been given what you asked O Moses.?

Shirley

Peace to you all,

Zenji, you are right about putting trust in God. Thanks for those verses to reflect on.

Peace,

shirley