My Journey
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Salaam Alaykum Brothers and Sisters,
I am a 24 year old male living in Canada at the moment, of German descent and brought up in a Christian family. I grew up on an acerage for the first 16 years of my life out on the Saskatchewan prairie so always had a connection to the land (and love the prairie and the desert most of all) and always felt close to God ever since I was a child. I had alot of rough times growing up but always had God there for me, and always seemed to be aware of his presence, in obvious or subtle ways, all through my life. I have always had vivid and spiritual dreams which have helped me in numerous ways ever since I was young, and I attribute this to God and another way in which he has helped me overcome problems and shown me guidance. Later on I moved into the city and the past few years decided to get more serious about living according to my faith, in all aspects of my life, spiritual and socio-economic, and have undergone much study and contemplation, prayer and experiences to get to where I am now.
I have always felt/known that God exists in reality ever since I can remember as a small child, it never occured to me that there was any doubt as to whether God existed or not, for how could we and the world and everything exist without God? It didn't seem possible to me way back then, and it still doesn't seem possible to me now. I studied the Bible and other religions for many years, was brought up on the Christian faith (which I rejected in my teens and stopped going to Church out of my own free will) although I always had issues with Christianity and had the feeling that Jesus and the other prophets were doing the right thing and trying to help out humanity and so on so I tended to concentrate on the Biblical prophets as their example and teachings resonated the most with my thinking.
Two and a half years ago I decided to basically live like a homeless person and live on very little money and discard unnecessary material wealth and concentrate more seriously on a spiritual way of living, and strongly felt I needed to act on my faith (and still do) so for the past 2 years off and on I lived homeless all over Canada and also when I went abroad lived on the streets in London, Amman, and Istanbul and slept almost every night in Jordan under the stars in the desert. Those years were essential for building character and increasing faith and confidence, trust in God, and when you live such a way for long enough, you can go anywhere and know that God will look out for you and feed and shelter you, and you have no need to worry about the necessities of life, as God, Arachman Araheim, continues to provide for you.
Last year in the late summer I was in Toronto waiting to take a flight to the U.K., and after that was planning on heading to Morocco or Jordan. My plan was basically to live as a traditional desert nomad herding goats, and I had worked on goat and cattle farms prior to this and was eager to take the next step as I don't like farming so much but nomadic pastoralism/herding and living free in the desert is a very fulfilling and also very spiritual way to live for someone like me. I had done a little research regarding Islam until one day I went into a Masjid to ask where I could find some turban cloth and ended up talking to the Imam for some hours regarding Islam and found out to my surprise that my faith was in accordance to the teachings of the Qur'an and had been for many years prior to knowledge of Islam. In fact I felt a bit strange saying to the Imam that "Yes, I have believed in the prophets and what they were sent with and have felt this way for a long time, I give charity, help people when I can, pray in my own way, and so on and so forth" as I think they tend to expect that a new convert has other beliefs prior to hearing the message of Islam, at least that is what I thought at that time. Indeed, the message of the Qur'an is accessible to all people at all times. Later that same night I "officially" became a Muslim by reciting the Shahada and learning the prayers.
So I eventually ended up staying in Jordan for 3 months last fall living in the southern desert near the Saudi Arabian border herding goats and living in a goathair tent and using a donkey to get water from mountain springs and travelling with camels and having the most wonderful time of my life and having feasts and great friendship with my Bedouin friends in that amazing part of the world. It was there that I really started to read the Qur'an and I was given a large hardcover copy of the Glorious Qur'an by (not sure who the author is) which had a translation and transliteration and found myself drawn more and more to Islam and of course I felt so close to God the whole time through all those experiences living such a simple and fulfilling life in the Arabian desert. I always feel now that If I die I will die happy and content because of my experiences in Jordan and the guidance and experiences God has blessed me with in my life. I had some rough years in my life in the past, but even then I see that God was always there for me, always guiding and helping me so I remain very thankful and grateful Hamdulillah.
Even before I became Muslim I thought that there was no need for any intercession between God and man, and I had already instinctively rejected many of those dogmatic rituals that some of my fellow brothers in Islam were following (and at this time I did not know much about the Hadith or the connection between those rituals and Hadith), but to be honest most of the Bedouin I was close with were not that serious about following the Hadith, so it wasn't much of a problem for me in Jordan and mostly I studied the Arabic language and Qur'an but half of the time I was alone in the desert allowing God to teach me all about life through solitude, patience, persistence and prayer. I didn't spend that much time in the Masjids till just a few months ago back here in Canada, where I came to learn more about Hadith and Sunna and so on, I had always thought that it didn't matter all those rituals, but I liked the act of praying in prostration and especially in Jordan in the desert it is a beautiful way to connect with your God.
I took a trip to Mexico in late spring and when I came back I headed over to the east coast of Canada for a few months, and decided to spend more time at the masjid and ended up going every day for 2 months and learned a whole lot more about Islam and what religion it is that people are following. I had an opportunity to go for 40 days Juma'at but declined (I have been on 10 day and 3 day Juma'ats) I don't need to hear about the Hadith over and over as I have been to Ishtima in Montreal and the speakers there tend to just repeat so much Hadith which I can't bring myself to embrace and as God has shown me that they are unnecessary I cannot rationally accept those aspects of the Sunni faith. I honestly cannot see how music would ever be haram, that we should blindly follow those in authority or how we would need to do the Sunni wudu in the EXACT way according to their traditions and that if we don't our prayers are invalid, etc etc. I think anyone who seriously studies the Hadith is bound to see the holes and flaws contained within those books. I asked one of my Sunni friends "How can you be certain of the validity of the Hadith?" and "Do you believe the Qur'an to be a perfect and detailed book?" and his response was basically not to question Hadith and even the ones which the scholars consider doubtful should be considered according to his thinking and that the Qur'an was just one part of the message and requires the Hadith to complete it, which didn't satisfy me and confirmed my doubts about their validity in Islam.
I had the opportunity for paid travel overseas if I had decided to do the 40 days Juma'at which was appealing in one way since I am planning on heading to West Africa once I get enough money but I decided that I couldn't spend that many days listening to Hadith and Sunna so I travelled to Saskatchewan and am looking for work here instead. Having said that, I have some great Sunni friends, and of course I love to eat communally with my brothers and share the life and so on and recite the Qur'an and pray and other things but I obviously don't agree with them that we as Muslims should be following Hadith, but what can you do? I appreciate my Muslim brothers even if we don't always see eye to eye, but in the end I have to go my own way so I left that province and came back here and am doing my own Islamic studies and taking a break from the masjid, although I do enjoy praying in congregation at times even if my faith differs somewhat from the other Muslims in the temple.
Anyways I found this website a few weeks ago and it was great to see that there are others who share similar beliefs and are striving to practice the true faith of Abraham, which was what interested me about Islam from the beginning, and I look forward to more discussions with my brothers and sisters on this board.
Maa'Salaama,
Matt
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Peace and welcome, Matt!
Fascinating story brother. You've really seen a lot in your short life. I'd be lying if I didn't tell you I was envious. I also find it amazing, yet confirming, that you found truth on your own, through contemplation, before knowing anything about islam. I have a couple of questions if you don't mind...
When you first arrived to meet the Bedouins, did you already know Arabic? If not, how did you communicate?
Peace,
Tay -
Salaam Brother Tay,
Shukran, Ahlan Feek. Many of the Bedouin in Jordan speak some English as it is taught in the schools as a second language, although the elders living outside of the villages don't always know as much. The Bedouin peoples are wonderfully hospitable, the friendliest people I have had the pleasure to share life with, and if you want to know more about the Bedouin living there or any other info let me know. There is tourism in Wadi Rum (which was near where I was staying and I stayed in Rum village itself for a few days, as well as a few other villages around the area) so many of the guides speak English/French, although I tried to learn as much Arabic as I could.
After staying there for a month or two I could speak better Arabic but I still have much to learn in the language. If I would have stayed in the villages more of the time I was there I would have learned more Arabic because half of the time I was just on my own in the desert, and for a period of time I didn't go to the village for a 2 month stretch as the Bedouin would come visit me ever so often in my camp and drop off food or have a feast and sing and socialize. One day I learned some Arabic from a schoolteacher who offered to teach me Arabic for a few months, but as I wanted to spend time out herding in the desert, I declined the offer. I didn't have my own camera but I have some pics that a tour leader friend took while I was there, who stayed with me in my camp for about 10 days. There are also some general landscape pics in there as well.
http//www.hipgallery.com/photopost2/showgallery.php?mcats=all&si=&what=allfields&name=spiritofthewildernes&when=0&whenterm=&condition=and
-Matt
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Welcome to the forum Matt. Great story.
Peace.
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As salamu alaykum.
Respectfully.Welcome to the forum, Matt. welcome
You went through a LOT and you have seen so much of the world and experienced many different things in a short period of time. Congratulations on surviving, i mean, i truly don't know if i would make it in the desert, if i went there now.May Allah Most Merciful reward you with Paradise.
As salamu alaykum. jedi -
Salam,
I heard once that Bedouin people who live in remote places in the desert are actually less conservative/extreme and nicer than the people in the big cities. Now I'm convinced that it is true. However, I'm also wondering how is this possible. '(
Anyway, I too am envious toward you Matt. I have always wanted to venture around the world, especially the Middle East. Unfortunately, my current situation prevents me from fulfilling this dream. So, I'm really looking forward to hear about your next adventure.
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Peace Matt,
Many of the Bedouin in Jordan speak some English as it is taught in the schools as a second language, although the elders living outside of the villages don't always know as much.
Gotcha. So, they send their kids to schools in the cities. Is it common for the children to return to the nomadic life afterward, or do they generally assimilate?
Many of the Bedouin in Jordan speak some English as it is taught in the schools as a second language, although the elders living outside of the villages don't always know as much.
You're not the first person I heard this from. Dr. Shabbir Ahmed (co-author of QXP) spent a few years with them in order to learn the Quraishi Arabic. He spoke very highly of his experiences there.
If I would have stayed in the villages more of the time I was there I would have learned more Arabic because half of the time I was just on my own in the desert...
Well, it seems you went there with a purpose that needed fulfilling. There's time to learn the Arabic.
I didn't have my own camera but I have some pics that a tour leader friend took while I was there, who stayed with me in my camp for about 10 days. There are also some general landscape pics in there as well.
Wow! Those pictures are absolutely amazing. Reminds me of the descriptions of Paulo Coelho in "The Pilgrimage" (the follow-up to "The Alchemist"
btw, I noticed a picture of Jessica Alba right after that last landscape pic. Was she hanging out with the Bedouins too? D
Peace,
Tay -
Salaam Brother Tay,
Most of the Bedouin send their children to the school in the village they are closest to, and there was one military school for boys in Rum Village(and every other older Bedouin man I met there had been in the army or police/patrol during some point in his life) and another school for girls. In the village of At Tuwaisi there is a small private school with one or two teachers. Many of the older children spend their time offering camel rides to tourists or helping out their brothers with guiding and so on. In Jordan, the Bedouin are becoming increasingly settled, although some still choose to live out on the land. Many of the younger Bedouin are drawn to the cars, cellphones and western lifestyle, but still remain rooted to the land, and I visited some families who live in tents and travel back and forth to Saudi Arabia seasonally with all of their belongings and was offered by my brother Ali a chance to accompany his Uncle's family on their migration. Some Bedouin are more drawn to the modern ways while some are drawn more to the traditional ways of life, although most who stay out in the desert or desert villages tend to base their livelihood on either herding, guiding, or a combination of the two. A few are shopkeepers and traders who supply herders and guides.
On the site which is hosting the image gallery, they show other people's gallery images that they have recently uploaded right next to the current gallery you are viewing.
-Matt
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Salam upon you brother Matt. Your story is indeed an inspiring story. I was also raised a christian for 35 years, and only converted to Islam over one year ago. I can honestly say that I shared with you the deep connection to God that you say you felt your entire life. MY only problem was that I didnt really know God, I was raised Roman Catholic and was taugh thte trinity and that Jesus is God, so I prayed as taught but never really felt it or accepted in my soul. So my entire life I searched for the truth, without even knowing what the truth was, i just knew I felt it and that I would know it when I found it. I wish I can say that I could have searched the way you did by travelling the world, that would be great if I could have, but I didnt, so I searched using whatever I could. I read a lot, think alot, watch nature and all creatures, I could honestly sense God in all things but I didnt know how I could worship him.. I assumed that if Jesus was God as I taught and that since I followed the church and Jesus and prayed to him then why was I still feeling this doubt deep inside, this longing for something still missing?.
Anyways, I will tell my entire story of my conversion someday, but for now I just wanted to welcome you in the religion of True Islam brother Matt.
I also can not accept the traditions or sayings of hadith. I did read and investigate them but i believe that the same spirit of truth that led me to God in Islam also led me to stay away from hadith. So when I said the Shahada I did not say the Mohammad Is the messenger part. Even though I believe he is, I will not associate anything with God during my prayers. I do believe we should pray by bowing down and prostrating since God says to in Quran. and I do pray 5 times a day, sometimes more, I do not see a reason to try to reduce prayers to only 3 like some say, we should be glad to pray to God and not try to lessen our worship of him.
Welcome again Matt, I hope we can talk together as we seem to share much in common in our beliefs. I also think that the Quran alone movement that we are part of is the final and true message of God to all humanity. Think of how important our task is, we are the only young and new movement that I believe truely has the true message as God intended, and it is our duty to spread this message, free of traditions and hadith, God willing we will be the vanguard of Gods truth. Lets work together to get our community of believers together, to develop a strategy and to spread the word of God
Salam ,
Kurt
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Peace bro "Matt",
Welcome to the forum. Have you witnessed the mathematical miracle of the Quran based on code-19 at www.submission.org ? GOD Bless! -
Salam.
Welcome to the forum, brother Matt and i hope you'll enjoy talking to us. As you will see, we talk about EVERYTHING and soon you'll have more friends then ever.
In the past two months, i expanded my circle of friends by dozen, thank God Almighty.
As far as number of daily prayers are concerned, you should visit PRAYERS and check why even here some of us pray 3 times a day and some 5 and there are even some who pray only twice a day.
May Allah Most Powerful guide us all to the Paradise.
Salam. -
Bro matt welcome to the forum.Wonderful story,and you are the man i have always wanted to talk to.I have a dream to be a shepherd for a summer holiday at the least.Any link?or loopholes in jordan you know of?I love that kind of lifestyle,though i never tried it.
SalamAlso,will i be allowed to bring a dog along in jordan.
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Salaam Alaykum,
Thanks for all the kind words of welcome brothers and sisters. Ahlan feek.
Brother Matinbhagat,
If you want to live as a shepherd in the desert in Jordan I would suggest you go to Rum Village and meet some of my brothers there. Of course there are many other places in the world where you can live as a herder nowadays, (contrary to the opinions of some people I have talked to) but if you are keen on southern Jordan, I have lots of brothers there that I am very close with, my brother Salem has access to the internet and we send emails back and forth now and then so I could write to him on your behalf.
It's a beautiful life; herding and wandering free in the desert, leading the goats to pasture and water, sleeping out under the stars every night with the open fire, boiling the tea and watching the canopy of shooting stars, milky way, and bright moon lighting up the long warm desert nights. The freedom of the life certainly makes one feel so very alive and from the Bedouin I received such a level of respect and honesty that it made me realize that there is reason to have faith in human beings and that there are others out there who share the same human values I consider important and necessary.
There is not one day that goes by that I am not eager to be back in the desert, remembering the antics of my goats and donkeys, collecting water from the mountain springs, riding the camel in the moonlight, the feasts and laughter and joy shared with my brothers, the lessons learned in subsisting on simple fare and being thankful for the opportunity to be able to live according to one?s inclinations and praise God in a beautiful land. The gratitude felt when you quench your thirst on a hot afternoon when the sand burns the soles of bare feet, after you have climbed a mountain and gaze upon the fresh water spring. The realization that at this moment you could not be more thankful for anything else than the life-giving water from God, and all the gifts of life that God provides for you. In the desert there is such directness with all aspects of life; with what you eat, drink, how you sleep, with who you are and how you interact with the earth and other people and how you should live your life according to what you feel is right and in accordance with God?s commandments.
When one spends enough time in solitude in the desert(or other wildlands), there are no barriers, no distractions that one can use to escape from dealing with their underlying issues and one is forced to confront themselves and their problems and desires, and at this point one either leaves the desert to seek refuge in busyness and social distraction or they persist on, endure and walk forward with patience; learning, listening and being open to what God wants to teach them. The prophets were led out in the desert to spend months in solitude for a reason, I think it was probably because in order to be able to carry out God?s commandments for their lives they had to confront themselves and work through their own worldly desires, receive guidance and come back full circle to their purpose in life and be strong and steadfast therein. In order to achieve this they needed to be away from human habitations which offered relief through social discourse, in order that they find no relief and guidance except through God alone. One need not be a prophet to be able spend a little time in solitude in wildlands and learn what God has to teach them. I do believe God works in mysterious ways, and that there are many mediums and methods through which he spreads his message and guides his people. This is one such way in which to receive that message and guidance which will help keep one steady on the right path that God has chosen for them.
I feel that small-scale nomadic goat/camel herding (and hunting/gathering) is a beneficial way of life in both personal, economic, social and spiritual aspects so I definitely encourage you to follow your path and may God help you in this and provide guidance and support for you on your journey brother.
I am not entirely sure what you mean by "loopholes" could you explain ? I am sure you could bring your dog (but not 100 percent sure as I haven't looked into it before) so long as she/he has shots and papers to go along with them. Most of the Bedouin herders use one or two dogs for herding their goats and sheep.