newbie (about me, and how I came to God alone)
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Hello and peace to all,
I just happened to stumble upon this site as I was clicking on the links of many others. While there are vast amounts of information out there, I have to say there are not a whole lot of communities (with active participation) that welcome all of the different beliefs. Which is unfortunate for those of us still trying to figure things out on our own, before making definitive choices. Before I get to where I am today, which is my belief in god alone (and in the Quran), I'll give some background on me and the path I've taken to get here.
About me... I'm Amanda, and I'm from the United States. My belief in god has been strong for a long time now. I guess you could say I was once a christian by default (as I assumed I was the same as my parents), though my family was not particularly religious when I was growing up. At some point as a teenager I simply started questioning everything. Honestly, I tried a few different paths as far as religions go, and I still carry many morals and values that I picked up along the way. In a sense, I guess you could call these beliefs universal, that most good people hold. In the end though, no one religion felt right to me.
Christianity was not comfortable to me, mainly because I could not grasp the concept of god not listening to my prayers unless I went through someone else. Nor could I grasp the concept that god would not accept me unless I went through another. I found myself praying to two different entities, while both asking god to forgive me for not going to him alone if it was what I should be doing, as well as asking for forgiveness for not fully putting my faith into Jesus if that was what I should be doing. I was obviously very confused. I finally decided if I could not put my faith completely behind the religion, I was doing nothing but paying lip service, which would do me no good regardless of what was right or wrong.
I became curious about polytheistic religions (particularly Hindu), though I have to say I never put much faith behind them. My belief in one god was too strong, and I found myself reading about these religions in the same way I would a fairy tale. Great stories with great morals, but not something I could follow as a religion. Buddhism and Taoism were similar in that respect, as I found great morals in them as well. Though most of them did not tell of one god or one supreme power in the way that I believed god to be. Needless to say, I kept moving on. Wicca was probably the last religion I really felt connected with. I completely disregarded the idea of the god and goddess duality though, as well as any other deities, and became instead focused on nature. I guess you could say I saw nature as an incredible gift from god, and something to be thankful for as well as respected. I still believe this, though I have given up some of the practices I used along with those beliefs, as I'm no longer sure how god would view them.
I guess what all of this left me with, probably by the time I was around 18 or 19 years old, was that the only thing I was completely sure of was god. I felt there was no possible way for me to decipher all of different beliefs out there, and actually figure out which one god wanted me to follow. I've been ok with my belief in god only for years now. I've always felt that god was just, and was kind, and would never judge others based on their religion (without considering what kind of people they were, among other things). To me, god is perfection, and perfection is not something a human can truly grasp. Whatever happened when I died, I believed it would be right as it would be in gods hands. So I just stopped worrying about finding "my religion."
A few month ago though, while discussing religion in a yahoo forum, I just decided one day that I needed to buy a book of the Quran and read it myself in order to understand things. While it's true some people made me curious about Islam the religion, when it comes to the Quran... if was not god, I don't what else caused me to decide it was something I had to have right then and there. I am naturally curious about religion in general. Looking back though, my conviction in having to read the Quran for myself was not natural to me. I felt I could not put it off for any length of time, and so I got online and ordered it a day after I'd made the decision to buy it. I don't know if it was that I found the Quran, or it found me.
I don't know how you explain to someone who hasn't truly found their right path what that feels like. For me, I simply began reading, and I was left in tears. I realized almost immediately that the Quran was what I had assumed I would never find. It is what I already felt, in my heart, was right. It was, overall, what I already understood to be true. There are so many worries I had that have vanished because of reading the Quran, and so many questions that have been answered.
One suprising thing for me was that I did not have to give up on Jesus, nor god, nor put them together in a way I felt was wrong. Now Jesus, the man, makes sense to me. Now I am able to be curious about all of the prophets, without the guilt of worry that I have to somehow place them as equals to god. Now I can appreciate them because I realize it was god who sent them, and it is god alone I have to be thankful for when it comes to them.
Another suprising thing is the questions I continually have when I am reading. Sometimes, as I keep a notebook next to me to write things down as I read, it seems like minutes later I will come across something that actually answers my question. Other times I will go back to the verse, and find that what didn't make sense to me before now makes complete sense. I love the feeling of both being encouraged to ask these questions, as well as the feeling that the most important ones will be answered for me if I have faith that god will answer them.
The Quran I am sure of. When it comes to Islam, I guess you could say this is where I see no opening I feel comfortable placing myself inside of just yet. I have read countless debates and aguements between those who call themselves Sunni or Shia, debates between them and the Submitters and Quranists, debates over which hadiths and beliefs are right and wrong... and even a myriad of other debates I won't go into.
Because of all of this, I find I have faith in the Quran, while at the same time having many questions and doubts about the hadiths. I find myself content and happy when I read the Quran. Yet when I go to look for answers, it seems everyone has a different opinion based on the hadiths.. or based on believing in no hadith. I feel that even there are those that are right and worthy of being followed, there is no possible way for me to understand which ones these are.
So for now, I find myself as somewhat a Quranist (though in the future, I have no idea what others will label me). Right now, I am concentrating on understanding those parts of the Quran that are obvious to me, and following those parts that I understand. Everything else is up in the air for me. I've put it on the shelf to look at later, when perhaps they will be less confusing. I am not convinced of the hadiths, either way. I'm ok with that though. Surely I'm better off now than I was several months ago. My faith is stronger, my prayers are more frequent, my happiness is greater, and I might even say I'm a better person because of these things. God willing, everything else will work itself out when it needs to.
Oh yeah... another thing about me, I like to write. A lot. ;D
Thanks for reading, and God bless.
Amanda -
Salaam Amanda,
I know exactly what you mean when you say a problem gets answered by random verses. In fact in the past when I had a Question I would randomly open pages and find the answer straight away on the first go. It reminds me that God is always watching. I know that I never knew a book such as the Quran even existed and was shocked when I first read it. Anyway welcomeI hope God continues to guide all of us.
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Peace to all,
Amanda, great to hear your story, mine is very similar, I was a devout cahtolic before becoming a Quran aloner muslim, but remember, just keep following the truth whereever it leads you, you will find many different opinions hers so join in the discussions. Hope to get to know you.
Kurt
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Salaam, Dear!)
amazing story...!
I just can cry because of my happiness that I find my WAY too) yeahThanks Gos and thank you all, brothers and sisters! ) group
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Salaam, Dear!)
amazing story...!
I just can cry because of my happiness that I find my WAY too) yeahThanks Gos and thank you all, brothers and sisters! ) group
Can you share your story with us?
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Peace be upon you, my sisters and brothers)
I just want to write few words about myself...
I am from Russian Federation and ethnically I am ossack...and Orthodox Christian)
I was Christian, Wiccan, a lil bit Bddhist follower of nwe age philosophy))
so...3 years ago i started to search for rela truth...and began read a lot about Islam...but it was all concebtrated on hadithes...
but i saw big truth inside of it!!!and I became Muslim in august 2007) Glory to God!
some month later i found site Submission and was really suprised that there was my ideas about God and true religion!and now I am Submiter of God!
a lot of traditional sunnis don't want to understand me...and called me eretic))
but I am glad that i have a chance see such many people with the same views)Thank you all dear
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Can you share your story with us?
Oh I forgot to welcome Putaradivi welcome welcome
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Peace, Putaradivi,
eh, it's almost a year late but welcome anyway... even though i'm the newbie
If you really care about "label", how about one that is between you and your God a "God-lover"
Because i'm considering to use that label myself and am looking for friend ... ;D
Translate it to any language you wish. It's between us and our Love--and no one can change that! group
What d'you think?
Peace be upon you, my sisters and brothers)
I just want to write few words about myself...
I am from Russian Federation and ethnically I am ossack...and Orthodox Christian)
I was Christian, Wiccan, a lil bit Bddhist follower of nwe age philosophy))
so...3 years ago i started to search for rela truth...and began read a lot about Islam...but it was all concebtrated on hadithes...
but i saw big truth inside of it!!!and I became Muslim in august 2007) Glory to God!
some month later i found site Submission and was really suprised that there was my ideas about God and true religion!and now I am Submiter of God!
a lot of traditional sunnis don't want to understand me...and called me eretic))
but I am glad that i have a chance see such many people with the same views)Thank you all dear
Hi, Katya, there your story goes...
Glorious God indeed,
i hope you will have a friend in belief near your place soon! handshake
Peace,
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Thank you a lot!
I hope so!)
will seepeace!!)