The Myth that Women have to "Obey" their Husbands
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The Myth that Women have to "Obey" their Husbands
The Qur'an was sent down to a disbelieving people who treated women as second class citizens. Their view was that women's duty is to obey men and to serve their needs. To this day, so-called religious Muslims have inherited this chauvinism. They approach the Qur'an with a pre-acquired mentality. The intention is not to totally surrender to Allah, rather to find ways to adapt the Qur'an to their twisted objectives. The verse they think they found is 434 quoted below
"Men are to support women by what Allah has bestowed on them over one another and for what they spend of their money. The righteous women are obedient/dutiful women ( they keep private, the matters for which Allah would keep watch over. As for those women from whom you fear desertion, then you shall advise them, and abandon them in their sleeping place, and go away from them. If they respond to you, then do not seek a way over them; Allah is High, Great." (Qur'an 434)
These people fail to comprehend the word 'qanitaat ', women who are obedient/dutiful, which is referring to believing women who are obedient and dutiful to Allah. They say it refers to the husband. Some of these insincere people even translate the Qur'an and put their twisted interpretation in the translation. Let us see what the word actually means from a Quranic point of view.
Maryam, a devout believer, was referred to in the Qur'an using the same term
"Maryam, daughter of Imran, she guarded her chastity, so We breather Our spirit into her. She accepted the truth of her Lord's words and Scriptures she was truly obedient/dutiful (ن (Qur'an 6612)
Maryam was never known to have a husband, this word used in this verse can only refer to her being obedient to Allah alone.
The following Verse also uses this expression
"For submitting men and women, for believing men and women, for obedient/dutiful men and women ( ت, for true men and women, for men and women who are patient and constant, for men and women who humble themselves, for men and women who give in Charity, for men and women who fast, for men and women who guard their chastity, and for men and women who engage much in Allah's praise, for them has Allah prepared forgiveness and great reward" (Qur'an 3335)
As can be seen, the word is associated with only being devoted to Allah. In fact, a study of the Qur'an reveals that the root word (--ت has always been used in the Qur'an to refer to believing women and men who obey Allah. Here are some examples
"Abraham was truly an example, obedient/dutiful (ا to Allah and true in faith. He was not an idolater." (Qur'an 16120)
"...those who are steadfast, truthful, were the obedient/dutiful ones (ن, who spend (in Allah's cause) and pray before dawn for forgiveness.' (Qur'an 317)
"All that is in the heavens and the earth belongs to Him, everything is the obedient (ن to His will." (Qur'an 2116)
"And stand before Allah as obedient ones (ن." (Qur'an 223
"Maryam, be obedient (ي to your Lord, prostrate and bow down with those who bow" (Qur'an 343)
"Everyone in the heavens and the earth belongs to Him, there are all the obedient ones (ن" (Qur'an 30260)
As can be seen, the word is used to refer to obeying Allah and being devoted to Him.
"Men are to support women by what Allah has bestowed on them over one another and for what they spend of their money. The righteous women (ت are obedient/dutiful women ( they keep private the matters for which Allah would keep watch over. As for those women from whom you fear desertion, then you shall advise them, and abandon them in their sleeping place, and go away from them. If they respond to you, then do not seek a way over them; Allah is High, Great." (Qur'an 434)
i.e. believing righteous women (ت are obedient to Allah (ت - a common Quranic theme.
To conclude, it does not make Quranic sense to say that 'qanitaat ' in the above verse refers to women who are obedient to the husbands. 'Qanitaat ' are those women who obey Allah and are dutiful to Him, just as the word is used in the rest of the Qur'an.
To a believer who is well versed in the Qur'an, listening to or reading this Verse instinctively leads him or her to interpret it in the way we have done in this article. However, the insincere people out there are those whose aim is not to study the Qur'an for guidance, but to find religious basis for their preconceived views and motives. These people are disguised as believers and follow an inherited religion. Once a believer finds the true Quranic interpretations, no matter what other human beings or books say, he follows the path Allah makes clear to him in the Qur'an.
The believing husband and wife co-operate with mutual understanding and consideration. This originates from their innate believer personalities of being self-sacrificing, caring and understanding. There is not the slightest master-slave inclination in their relationship as they are devoted to Allah and take the Qur'an as their guide.
"One of His signs is that He created for you spouses like your selves so that you may live with them with affection and mercy - there are signs in this for people who reflect" (Qur'an 3021)
www.quranicpath.com | The Myth that Women have to "Obey" their Husbands
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I didn't really read your message. So if that is ignorant of me, sorry. But I do believe that women should obey their husbands. But overall they should obey God. And if the two contradict God comes first.
Ungodly, abusive men and ungodly, disobedient women cause dysfunctional marriages.
Godbless,
Anwar -
Salaam alaikum Anwar, all.
. But I do believe that women should obey their husbands. But overall they should obey God. And if the two contradict God comes first.
I second that. Just like if the children should obey the parents but not when the parents contradict God.
But I do not mean that all men are superior in authority over all women. For example in a father-daughter and a husband-wife relationship, the man is to be obeyed. But in a mother-son relationship, the mother is to be obeyed. Therefore a man can also be subordinate, as can be a woman, but only in relationships. If there is no relationship between a man and a woman, then he has nothing over her and vice versa.
Ungodly, abusive men and ungodly, disobedient women cause dysfunctional marriages.
Yes, dysfunctional families and dysfunctional societies. Women should compliment men instead of challenging them. Believing men and women are complimentary opposites, awliya of one another(9/71). This ensures the smooth functioning of the family as well as the society. Otherwise, women abandoning the feminine gender roles overburdens the men and men abandoning masculine gender roles overburdens the women.
@ AceOfHearts
?Fa in ata?na kum?(4/34) leaves no doubt as to where obedience is due.
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Salaam alaikum Anwar, all.
I second that. Just like if the children should obey the parents but not when the parents contradict God.
Salaam aleikum
I dont think a wife can be obedient to a husband,like children are to the parents.A grown married woman,is not a child,in the hands of the husband,and if her obedience is to be compared with,a childs obidience,than I dont agree.
Fahad,you speak about relationships,what about brothers?A woman has relationships with many men,not only husbands,they have brothers,uncels,cousins,and so on,and on.Is her obedience also required here?
In my fathers culture,it is like that.The woman never belong to her self.First the father and brothers and uncels,then the husband,and all the others too.She is to drop anything she is doing,when any of them need attention.In many muslim cultures,men understand that they should be respected,just because they are born men,and that is enough.
The boys get to be spoiled,and the girls,eat less food,suffer more mailnutrition,more diseas,and death,than boys.When she grow up,she continu being a child,with no influence on her own life,completly in the hands of men.
Woman are their one humans,with the same intellegence as men,and with powers over men,as men have over women.
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Salaam aleikum
I dont think a wife can be obedient to a husband,like children are to the parents.A grown married woman,is not a child,in the hands of the husband,and if her obedience is to be compared with,a childs obidience,than I dont agree.
By children I meant sons and daughters.
Fahad,you speak about relationships,what about brothers?A woman has relationships with many men,not only husbands,they have brothers,uncels,cousins,and so on,and on.Is her obedience also required here?
No.
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Comparing obedience to parents (by sons and daughters) to that of husbands is completely wrong. The former has being emphasized by God in more than a verse, the latter never.
I didn't really read your message. So if that is ignorant of me, sorry. But I do believe that women should obey their husbands. But overall they should obey God. And if the two contradict God comes first.
This is how God sets the limits to the obedience of parents! What if it was a matter not related to God's obedience? For example what if the husband asks her not to work or interfers in her choice of friends? Shouldn't the same apply to the wife? Things are not always black and white.
I second that.
Fa in atana kum(4/34) leaves no doubt as to where obedience is due.
You are taking a sentence out of context. Who is being addressed?
The verse speaks of two kinds of wives the first kind, the righteous, were not described as (obedient to their husband). -
peace
i don't believe women should or must obey their husbands...
there are couples where a woman works, pays bills, brings and prepares food... does ALL the work while husband does nothing... why should she obey him?The believing husband and wife co-operate with mutual understanding and consideration.
i agree.
marrige is not about one having control over the other
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In my fathers culture,it is like that.The woman never belong to her self.First the father and brothers and uncels,then the husband,and all the others too.She is to drop anything she is doing,when any of them need attention.In many muslim cultures,men understand that they should be respected,just because they are born men,and that is enough.
The boys get to be spoiled,and the girls,eat less food,suffer more mailnutrition,more diseas,and death,than boys.When she grow up,she continu being a child,with no influence on her own life,completly in the hands of men.
Sounds like a 100% pagan culture, somewhat similar to the one of pre-quranic arabia.
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I didn't really read your message. So if that is ignorant of me, sorry. But I do believe that women should obey their husbands. But overall they should obey God. And if the two contradict God comes first.
Ungodly, abusive men and ungodly, disobedient women cause dysfunctional marriages.
Godbless,
AnwarYes, unless a woman doesn't want separation she must obey her husband. I mean its quite understandable if you don't obey God you end up in hell and if you don't obey your husband you end up in a miserable life and finally separation. It reminds me a great saying of our great Prophet Mohammad PBUH when he said "if prostration is happen to be allowed for anyone else other then God then I would have ordered women to prostrate to their husbands" he said so or something like that and God knows the best. Subhan Allah great minds think alike.
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This is how God sets the limits to the obedience of parents! What if it was a matter not related to God's obedience?
That is just where their obedience is required.
For example what if the husband asks her not to work or interfers in her choice of friends?
She should obey him. If she doesn?t like Allah?s arrangement for her, she can go marry an obedient man and be the maintainer/manager over him. Maybe that will make her life easier?
Shouldn't the same apply to the wife? Things are not always black and white.
You mean the wife asking the husband to not work?
I second that.
?Fa in ata?na kum?(4/34) leaves no doubt as to where obedience is due.
You are taking a sentence out of context. Who is being addressed?
Men.
The verse speaks of two kinds of wives the first kind, the righteous, were not described as (obedient to their husband).
So the righteous wives are disobedient, and the unrighteous ones are obedient? Nice.
As-salihaat , women who reconcile or reform. If the man is to maintain or manage the women, the women must be obedient; otherwise it will make reconciliation difficult. It will make his responsibility difficult. How can being disobedient help her reconcile? Thus the women are to reconcile themselves with the arrangement made by Allah for men to be maintainers/managers/care-takers/guardians over women and women to be obedient to men(in the context of a husband-wife relationship).
You see, the three steps the men are told to take are for women who go out of the line of being as-saalihaat.
If they go back to being obedient, that is if they reconcile with this arrangement made by Allah, then there is no need then to take those 3 steps.
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She should obey him. If she doesn?t like Allah?s arrangement for her, she can go marry an obedient man and be the maintainer/manager over him. Maybe that will make her life easier?
Does this mean God's arrangement for her was to obey a disobedient husband? I really do not understand what's this "obey" me.
You mean the wife asking the husband to not work?
Why not? If she earns much more than him, and one of them should take care of the little child or sick child. Why not him?
Men.
Sorry, I meant, who is the subject of this verb "ata3nakum"?
So the righteous wives are disobedient, and the unrighteous ones are obedient? Nice.
I did not say that. I said God did not describe them as "obedient".
And if obedience is so good that a righteous person cannot be described as "disobedient", why are you against men being obedient too?As-salihaat , women who reconcile or reform. If the man is to maintain or manage the women, the women must be obedient; otherwise it will make reconciliation difficult. It will make his responsibility difficult. How can being disobedient help her reconcile? Thus the women are to reconcile themselves with the arrangement made by Allah for men to be maintainers/managers/care-takers/guardians over women and women to be obedient to men(in the context of a husband-wife relationship).
You see, the three steps the men are told to take are for women who go out of the line of being as-saalihaat.
If they go back to being obedient, that is if they reconcile with this arrangement made by Allah, then there is no need then to take those 3 steps.
You are mixing between salih and muslih. Salih is someone who does good thing such as charity.
What if God's arrangement was that the husband loses his job or becomes disabled? What world are you living in? What about women caring for their orphaned siblings or their poor family? Single mothers/widows? I just feel silly counting obvious cases. Are you seriously saying women do not support families consisting of men?
How would a son learn to obey his mother when his father is controling her life? -
The believing husband and wife co-operate with mutual understanding and consideration. This originates from their innate believer personalities of being self-sacrificing, caring and understanding. There is not the slightest master-slave inclination in their relationship as they are devoted to Allah and take the Qur'an as their guide.
Yes, this is the way it shoud be.
Comparing obedience to parents (by sons and daughters) to that of husbands is completely wrong. The former has being emphasized by God in more than a verse, the latter never.
God order us to be kind, humble and caring for our parents, but as far as i know there is no verse in the quran where God order us to obey them.
if you don't obey your husband you end up in a miserable life and finally separation.
And what if a women obeys her husband against her will , being burdened by his commands which could be irrational, wont that also end up in a miserable life and finally separation.
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Sounds like a 100% pagan culture, somewhat similar to the one of pre-quranic arabia.
At least,pagans revered women and made them goddesses! this is not paganism..this is unjustifiable type of arrogance and cheap submissiveness on part of women taking place in most lands inhabited by the Arabs..the same land that raised altars and temples for Ishtar and Asherah...
Isnt it funny that the former worshipers of Ishtar,the goddess of fertility,now cut off women ssexual organs in order to stifle their sexual desires?make up laws for them to cover themselves up from head to feet,and confine them in their homes,segregating them from men in education,work and worshiping places?and above all that,telling them they`re bound to hell because they have weak minds and cannot be pure enough to be as religious as men?
it is the cult of arrogance and ignorance..and certainly not paganism.. -
At least,pagans revered women and made them goddesses! this is not paganism..this is unjustifiable type of arrogance and cheap submissiveness on part of women taking place in most lands inhabited by the Arabs..the same land that raised altars and temples for Ishtar and Asherah...
Isnt it funny that the former worshipers of Ishtar,the goddess of fertility,now cut off women ssexual organs in order to stifle their sexual desires?make up laws for them to cover themselves up from head to feet,and confine them in their homes,segregating them from men in education,work and worshiping places?and above all that,telling them they`re bound to hell because they have weak minds and cannot be pure enough to be as religious as men?
it is the cult of arrogance and ignorance..and certainly not paganism..yes yeah
http//india30.tripod.com/duties.htm
http//sagogrynet.bloggagratis.se/2007/12/03/386051-the-duties-of-the-true-hindu-women/ -
Did any body hear about being the Captain (of the ship)? or the term, CEO? YES we must listen and discuss but it is the husband who is been appointed as the ONE , and HIS FINAL decision must be obeyed, if she is the smart one out of the two, He will soon realise his mistakes and would learn to pay heed to her suggestions and would start taking correct decisions accordingly. Even if she is the bread winner He stays as the CAPTAIN.
Siki
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Did any body hear about being the Captain (of the ship)? or the term, CEO? YES we must listen and discuss but it is the husband who is been appointed as the ONE , and HIS FINAL decision must be obeyed, if she is the smart one out of the two, He will soon realise his mistakes and would learn to pay heed to her suggestions and would start taking correct decisions accordingly. Even if she is the bread winner He stays as the CAPTAIN.
Siki
Your analogy is valid only on ships where the Captain is chosen because he has the longest beard.
When setting a parable, go with it to the end. What I am reading is a ship has a captain who must be obeyed, therefore the captain of the house is the husband. -
Is there not a single Muslim who truly understands verse 434? Truth is only found in cleaving to Quran!
(434) Men are the maintainers (qawwam) of women because Allah has made some of them excel the others and because they spend of their wealth. Hence the good women are obedient (qanitat), guarding the unseen which Allah has guarded. And those of them that you fear might rebel (nushuz), admonish them, and abandon them in their beds and beat (adriboo) them. Should they obey you, do not seek a way of harming them, for Allah is Sublime and Great!
In the mosque, at hutbas and discussion circles, we have heard tafsir (interpretation) of this verse over and over again. That men and women were created to different roles. That women should be provided for by their husbands, and that the verse in fact prescribes a greater responsibility and hardship on the men. That the path of the woman is obedience to her husband, because obedience is the only way a woman can be happy. And that the ?admonishment? of the wife is encouraged by God, in order to steer the woman to the right path, as if women are some kind of animal to be trained.
Do you question this verse? Question the tafsir. Question the tafsir a thousand times. The verse can be recited and memorized. But it is through constant engagement with prophecy that we may be guided to the light. And engagement only comes through questioning.
The question of this tafsir must be answered, for there to be a religion of Islam. Most of the people recite the Quran but understand little. In this age of exploration, Islam will not survive unless understanding is raised for the ummah. The people called Sufis possess the understanding, but it is kept secret. But in this age of exploration, if the secrets are kept from the wider people, Islam as a religion will not survive. The people are thirsty from their recitation, their throats are draw and they are now in dire need of water. But water will not be given unless the people ask so ask your questions! Ask and ask again, to save the ummah from its peril!
Let us now engage with this verse and see what deeper meaning is buried there for our benefit.
Men are the maintainers (qawwam) of women because Allah has made some of them excel the others and because they spend of their wealth. Hence the good women are obedient (qanitat), guarding the unseen which Allah has guarded. And those of them that you fear might rebel (nushuz), admonish them, and abandon them in their beds and beat (adriboo) them. Should they obey you, do not seek a way of harming them, for Allah is Sublime and Great! (Verse 434)
Men are the qawwam ? those who take care of and and provide for ? the women. The good women guard the unseen which Allah has guarded. The women to fear are those who create nushuz ? discord, hostility, dissonance. If you fear such women, leave them in their beds and beat, forsake or avoid them (adriboo).
Indeed! Because the secret of the Quran is identical to the secret of the Torah, understood by the Comrades of the Kabbalah.?Men? and ?women?, ?husband? and ?wife? mean something much more than the physical understanding we have.
Ancient knowledge has been remembered in the 20th century we each havemasculine and feminine aspects. Some call these aspects the anima and animus. But Torah and Quran teach the masculine and feminine aspects are more complex they are multiple eminations of God?s Names. The names God breathed into our bodies because we are made in the image of God. We all are have female and male aspects, in different balance. So these verses address humanity, physically male and female.
If this seems implausible, then it is so only due to the groups who so fiercely defend the literal interpretation. But this book is a holy book! It?s not an agony aunt column in the local newspaper! The folly oftheir tafsir verges on blasphemy, but they don?t understand.
In Kabbalah, the feminine name of God that we can realise within is called Shekhinah (Sakina in Arabic). The concept is complex, but is something close to the notion of the unconscious in psychoanalysis the field of language from whence all types of signification may play. But for the sake of our discussion, a simple way of thinking of it is that the Shekhinah is the source of all human creativity. If you paint a picture, then you engage with Shekhinah in a way. If you do an equation, similarly. But essentially, prayer and worship are acts of creativity, where we create an image to ourselves of God (something ultimately unimaginable). As we see with the acts of violence and hatred produced by people in the name of religion, clearly this creative name that has been breathed into us can be corrupted, if our creativity is not realised in a righteous fashion.
But if we are seeking God, then it is the feminine name of creativity, of Shekhinah, that we must realise within ourselves, the first gate that must be entered, in order to ascend.
So the feminine name comes first for the spiritual traveller. The Kabbalists call Shekhinah the ?poor girl?, because this emination is our creative spirit, and, on its own, is not capable of generating any light from God. Instead, it?captures? light from the higher name of God, Ti?fret, the source of prophecy. The words of the Quran itself (and the other holy books) derive from this name, that was realised to its fullest potential in men like Moses and Muhammed. Ordinary folk such as us cannot realise this name, but, through worship as creativity, we may find Shekhinah and, through worship as righteously guided creativity, our Shekhinah may be ?married? to Ti?fret, to prophecy.
In this sense, our feminine aspect is ?maintained? by the light of our masculine aspect. If this is done, then we may move closer to God. In this sense, the masculine aspect of our psyche are commanded to ?spend out of their property?.
The Shekhinah realised within us is righteous if it is obedient in ?marriage? to prophecy. That is, our creativities are ?good women?, ?obedient? and, importantly, ?guarding the unseen as Allah has guarded?. God and the higher spiritual realms are the unseen, but the feminine creativity within us can guard these realms. Guarding here means, protecting against the darkness that can fill our creative spirit if we do not guard this feminine aspect of ourselves, we can create evil in the name of religion, as we see happening again and again.
The last part of the first then is an instruction and warning about how to treat ourselves, how to treat the creative emanation placed within us. ?Those on whose part you fear desertion, admonish them, and leave them alone in the sleeping-places and beat them; then if they obey you, do not seek.? If you fear your creativity will leave you and move to the darkness, try to make it righteous again, into the light. If that doesn?t work, and your prayers move you to darkness still ? or if you encounter a sect that exchanges love for hatred ? or enter a mosque where death is preached instead of love ? then creativity has been corrupted. If this happens, then beat the unrighteous creativity into submission stop praying and walk away from that mosque. God willing, something better might come your way.
Mythopoetically, if our creative aspect turns unrighteous, becomes a creativity-in-discord, if the song we sing turns from a love song to disharmony, then our feminine aspect turns from Shekhinah into Lilith. Potiphar's wife, who tried to seduce Joseph to her bed, was Lilith. He was righteous and followed the path set down by this verse, because he recognized this potential seduction within himself and, instead of being tempted to join with it, left it at its bed and ran away, forsaking and avoid it (adriboo).
To those who question this verse, to those who question the tafsir of this verse the verse is placed there, especially for you! You indeed have been doubting the dark creative spirits of others who read this verse, take its surface meaning, and perhaps justify it to do evil (such as beating other humans). And you are doing (God willing) what the later part of the verse instructs walking away from that interpretation.
In your journey, always remember the first part of the verse the masculine light of prophecy will provide for our feminine aspect of creativity, and guide us to a righteous worship. So worship with us in this.
May the wife within be wed happily to the husband within, that we might find balance, harmony not discord, righteousness not adultery, and perhaps ascend higher in our journey!
FOR MORE OF THE TAILOR'S DOCTRINE, SEE
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AND
http//thegoodgarment.wordpress.com/ -
Your analogy is valid only on ships where the Captain is chosen because he has the longest beard.
When setting a parable, go with it to the end. What I am reading is a ship has a captain who must be obeyed, therefore the captain of the house is the husband.Negative, my analogy is valid for any/every organization/set up/unit whenever there is more than one person. For the collective good some body has to be a captain/leader, and if there is none/or eveyone, (in a group) doom/chaos is inevitable.
siki
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Negative, my analogy is valid for any/every organization/set up/unit whenever there is more than one person. For the collective good some body has to be a captain/leader, and if there is none/or eveyone, (in a group) doom/chaos is inevitable.
siki
You're completely missing the point. Please re-read my post and try to understad it. If you can't understand what I am saying, I will then explain to you.
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You're completely missing the point. Please re-read my post and try to understand it. If you can't understand what I am saying, I will then explain to you.
I completely understand you , I thought you would understand what i have not said/explained, but you did not , OK i will,
Do you agree that there has to be someone in charge?
If yes , then who for the house?
Do you think God would not address this important issue?
siki