Short intro from Minnesota
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Asalaamu 'alaykum everyone,
Bear with me I am new here and have so much confusion in my head about what Islam is(basically what I have been told at the masjid, ahadith, other muslims). I'm quite down tonight, I feel so much confusion and have felt so hopeless and helpless to be able to be a 'good' muslim(as described by ahadith, khutbahs, etc). i feel so dejected because I have tried so hard, I feel like a square peg in a round religion. I am hoping to feel the love for Islam and the light of Islam again that brought me to revert 6 years ago. I am confused because I do not feel liberated, I feel more oppressed than ever, I am treated like I am invisible by local imams because I am a woman, I am told I am the reason men sin, I am told I need to stay home and behave perfectly and submissively to a husband and fulfill his every sexual want or I will be cursed all night. My needs mean nothing. I'm so tired of trying and trying and trying and not feeling happy but just in constant inner turmoil. I am looking for hope in the middle of the night here, hope that Islam is the beautiful deen that I knew it as 6 years ago, that I have hope to be a good muslim and to make Allah(swt) happy with me, that I have a chance at Jannah. I live in Minneapolis/St.Paul, MN and I don't know any other muslims that feel the same as I do. Is there anyone local or any groups that meet to learn Islam? i'm not usually this gloomy, I'm pretty optimistic, just tired of feeling like a useless wanna be muslim. I know I am not, I just hope to find it validated in Islam, instead of feeling torn down. Probably need some sleep now so I can wake up on the happier side of the bed, LOL. I just joined this forum tonight and I have not had much time to look around yet. Thank you for listening to my mild rant and rave, ) Mehgan -
Peace Mehgan,
My understanding of islam can be summed up by the following verses
3030 So establish yourself to the system of monotheism. It is the inclination that God has nurtured the people on. There is no changing in God?s creation. Such is the pure system, but most people do not know.
3138 This is a clarification for the people and a reminder for the righteous.
The god tells us that humans are naturally inclined towards islam (peacemaking) so even if you don't understand the quran, you still have an inborn understanding of right and wrong. Rely on your "inner islam" when you can't understand the quran and always try to improve your understanding of the quran because it's purpose is to prevent you from going wrong
752 And We have come to them with a Scripture which We have detailed with knowledge; a guide and a mercy to those who believe.
I think to "believe", you have to have acknowledge that the real god is nothing like the god of Christians, Jews, Sunnis and Shias. The real god is not an unreasonable and sadistic despot. The real god is the one who made all the beautiful things you see in nature and who tells us to follow our innate sense of right and wrong and to purify it with the quran's words. It's unreasonable to think that such a god would command us to perform silly rituals or believe or do anything that seems illogical.
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peace Mehgan,
Welcome to the forum.
Your experience is not that uncommon amongst Traditional Islam. Please dont confuse what Traditional Muslims do with Quran based islam, they are very very different. I recommend reading The Quran, as it will answer most of the questions you have or address the feelings/confusion you have.
And remember confusion is no bad thing, it forces us to re-think, question etc. Always remember to stick with what is solid (e.g. do good deeds, be honest, charitable etc) and slowly build up your knowledge on other things as you progress.
to a husband and fulfill his every sexual want or I will be cursed all night.
That's from Traditional Ahadith, e.g. no. 60.
Most of Traditional Islam is based on Traditional Ahadith, not The Quran.
And as to what you been told, e.g. "I am told I need to stay home..." this is disproven beyond doubt by The Quran
Misconception Women confined to houses
Background Some think that in Islam a woman's place is in the home and they are not allowed outside or without the permission of their husbands or male family members. Some also think that women should not be allowed out by themselves unless chaperoned.
The Quran has several examples in which women are able to go freely and be amongst the community. The most clear example are in the references to Mary, some of which are shown below
And relate in the Scripture Mary, when she withdrew herself from her family to a place which was to the east.
So she was pregnant with him, and she retired to a far place.
"So eat and drink and be happy. If you see any person, then Say "I have made a vow of abstention for the Almighty, and I will not talk today to any person."
Then she came to her people carrying him. They said "O Mary, you have come with something totally unexpected!"The above verses prove beyond doubt that she was alone in a location where it was possible other people may have met her, and then she returned to her people.
The example of Mary is very important because The Quran gives her a special status
And when the angels said O Mary! surely God has chosen you and purified you and selected you above the women of all the beings.
The Quran also gives an example in which believing women were allowed to be amongst the community even in times of hostility
And those who harm the believing men and the believing women, with no just reason, shall bear the guilt of slander and an evident crime.
O prophet, tell your wives, your daughters, and the wives of the believers that they should lengthen upon themselves their outer garments. That is better so that they would be recognized and not harmed. God is Forgiver, Merciful.
If the hypocrites, and those with disease in their hearts and those who spread lies in the city do not refrain, then We will let you overpower them, then they will not be able to remain as your neighbours except for a short while.Women were also free to petition the prophet (who would have been the leader of the community at the time) directly
God has heard the woman who pleads with you regarding her husband, and she complained to God. And God hears the argument between you. God is Hearer, Seer.
There is also an example in which an engaged couple may meet in secret if they have something righteous to discuss
And there is no sin upon you if you openly propose marriage to these women, or you keep it between yourselves. God knows that you will be thinking of them, but do not meet them secretly, unless you have something righteous to discuss...
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Peace,
Respectfully.welcome sun welcome to the forum, dear sister and may The Exalted God The Most Merciful guide you to the higher point of understanding The Quran and may The Exalted God The Most Powerful make you one of the best Muslims ever. God willing, God willing.
You're not alone in this feeling of yours, many have felt what you ahve described and many feel like that today and the future will be the same, hope not but this is life here on earth. Thank God that you are guided and that you follow The Quran. You don't have to listen to men or feel any fear from them or from what they say.
I'm a man and i can assure you that you must only be obedient to The Exalted God The Most Wise. Read all about Mary in The Quran and you will see that she was the obedient one and you know her marital status - she was a virgin. Prophet Ibrahim was obedient to God and many more, so from these and other examples we can conclude that obedience is always only to God and not to men.
You're a woman who thinks with her own brains and uses her own logic, that is a huge step forward. Afghan women are the most oppressed people on Earth and you should be grateful to The Exalted God that you live in USA.
I support you all the way and i hope that you will feel better, God willing and i hope you have more strength and patience to do more research on The Quran, Islam and Muslims. All the answers are in The Quran, sister.
Read The Quran. A lot. Specially in the morning after fajr prayer. Trust me.
God bless you, sister.
Peace. -
Peace neighbor!
I live in Milwaukee,Wisconsin. This is as far north as I am willing to go! D I know dotty lives in Madison. We should definitely meet up sometime. About the lonely part, believe me sister I know how you feel. I come from a traditional Sunni family and my parents live in Kuwait. i used to go to the local mosque when I first moved here 2 years ago but got sick of listening to the Imaam lecturing us from man made books (Sahih Bukhari, Sahih Muslim). It is tough living alone and not having people around you who share your God Alone mindset. However, the Quran is the truth and God grants me patience. Remember, this world is just amusement and a test. God tests His servants to see who believes in Him for real. So hang in there and keep reading the Quran and remember God. There is light at the end of the tunnel. I almost forgot, welcome to FM forum. You will find a wealth of information here and open-minded Muslims willing to help you out and support you.
God Bless!
Said Mirza -
Asalaamu 'alaykum wa rahmatuh Allahi wa barakatuh everyone,
Jazak Allah khayr for your responses! I really appreciate them, I'm in a better mood today and feel more optimistic, 5am doldrums stink! & LOL. I hope to post more and read a lot on here and learn insha'Allah. I might be kind of busy this week, a man I know is coming from NJ to see me because we are thinking of marrying, it is our first time meeting and we are both so excited. He is originally from Chad, Africa....hope he likes pale white Minnesota women like me, LOL....he's seen my picture so I don't think I will shock him to much. yay If things continue to go well with us then he will move here in the summer and we will marry then. Only Allah knows and I am comfortable with that. pr
Masalaam,
Mehgan -
Asalaamu 'alaykum wa rahmatuh Allahi wa barakatuh everyone,
Jazak Allah khayr for your responses! I really appreciate them, I'm in a better mood today and feel more optimistic, 5am doldrums stink! & LOL. I hope to post more and read a lot on here and learn insha'Allah. I might be kind of busy this week, a man I know is coming from NJ to see me because we are thinking of marrying, it is our first time meeting and we are both so excited. He is originally from Chad, Africa....hope he likes pale white Minnesota women like me, LOL....he's seen my picture so I don't think I will shock him to much. yay If things continue to go well with us then he will move here in the summer and we will marry then. Only Allah knows and I am comfortable with that. pr
Masalaam,
MehganBeware of culture shock. Unless he grew up in USA you need to make sure you know what he expects from you as a wife and he knows what you expect from him. Its a fact that most intercultural marriages dont work.
