What are the important factors in a marriage relationship
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that might work with some, but for some reason if I do that my husband thinks I'm trying to put on a show for sympathy? So if I cry I have to do it in private.
I'm guilty of that myself. I grew up in a household where the occasional massive fight was as normal as Sunday breakfast. So when my wife and I do argue, if she starts crying, it just screams "drama queen" to me. I have to constantly remind myself that not all women have the cast iron composure my mother and sisters do, and my upbringing was most definitely not the norm.
As for maintaining a marriage, I've learned the all important "I'm sorry. I was wrong. You're right." That rarely fails.
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I'm guilty of that myself. I grew up in a household where the occasional massive fight was as normal as Sunday breakfast. So when my wife and I do argue, if she starts crying, it just screams "drama queen" to me. I have to constantly remind myself that not all women have the cast iron composure my mother and sisters do, and my upbringing was most definitely not the norm.
As for maintaining a marriage, I've learned the all important "I'm sorry. I was wrong. You're right." That rarely fails.
Well at least you are able to say "I'm sorry. I was wrong. You're right.". I've never heard that from my husband.
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Hey everybody..first time here sharing my views..i believe that in a marriage trust, love and communication are of utmost importance, but also i believe that similiar religious views are crucial..so atleast two people who live together have a chance to grow spiritually and provide the kids with an environment that is peaceful and loving,with an emphasis on following Gods path.at the end of the day ur spouse is the one u spend most of ur life with..and after God they should be your utmost priority. I come from a shia family but reject almost all of the beliefs.In my opinion Gods word is the only right path, nothing else.Unfortunately the guys i have encountered either have no religious views and arent exactly bothered, or just stick to what their family believes.It is so hard to actually find a partner who has the same beliefs about how to live your life..so evrybody out there who is lucky enuff to have a spouse they love and share life with..congrats! and just know how lucky u all are.
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If you're a woman and your man gets angry, start crying. They'll feel guilty and stop shouting group
That doesnt work with mine, he panics and shouts more, I cry more, he shouts stop crying. He cant handle tears, says it rips his heart out rotfl
Works better if hes angry (which actually is incredibly RARE) to not speak to him, then all his anger is forgotten while hes trying to make me laugh )
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The most important thing is to have the same values and beliefs. Communication, trust etc. are all things that a couple can develop and is commonly available. Having the same beliefs is very rare though.
thats true..once u meet someone with similiar beliefs its easy to respect love and trust them..and its VERY rare to meet someone with beliefs similiar to ours (
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But people have the potential of sharing your faith. You just need to educate them
Yea everyone has the potential to believe the same. But the question becomes, do I want to waste my time, and potentially get hurt pursuing people who don't agree with me about the fundamentals of life?
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i agree...but u never know whether they agree with u coz they love u and just want to go along with it...or coz they actually believe in wat ur saying
Salaam,
I too have thought a lot about it. Should I insist on finding the one who already shares the same beliefs as I do, or I should exercise patience and try to educate someone who may have the potential. I don't know... as you already know, it is extremely hard to find the one with the same beliefs and values. Anyway... I think it also takes a bit more than that. Ideally, my partner will be someone who can be my 'activity-partner', someone whom I can implement the Deen together. I think it will be awesome to be able to do social/voluntary works together with my partner, instead of just the usual dining/hanging out/watching movies etc. Few weeks ago I saw a couple engaging in voluntary work together and I was ever so jealous (.
Anyway... right now, my heart is inclined to accept someone who is a believer of God, has a peaceful and contented heart and cares about others. He does not necessarily have to already share the same beliefs, but God willing, if I try to educate him, he will be guided. But even with a looser criteria, it is hard to find a person like that (.
Yea everyone has the potential to believe the same. But the question becomes, do I want to waste my time, and potentially get hurt pursuing people who don't agree with me about the fundamentals of life?
I think it's part of the journey. You cannot expect to be happy all your life, and not experience pain. Ideally, we find the person straight away, but in most cases, that's not the case. You'll get hurt along the way but it's not necessarily a bad thing. It helps you grow as a person.
I'm sure your time will not be "wasted" if you use it to educate the person about the Path. If it is for a good cause, no time will be wasted. Whether the person accepts or not, it is not up to you. But the least you can do is trying... It will be better than limiting yourself to one sphere and no change will happen if we remain, umm... quiet?
Salaam.
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Yea everyone has the potential to believe the same. But the question becomes, do I want to waste my time, and potentially get hurt pursuing people who don't agree with me about the fundamentals of life?
Peace,
But, there's no guarantee that they wouldn't change their minds about those fundamentals. A 'quranist' can be an atheist tomorrow. People change. Most of us were all sectarians at one point in time. So, I think It's important to focus on somebody who's interested in the truth, somebody who's open-minded, kind-hearted, etc...
I think the most important aspects are honesty and authenticity, as well as how your personalities play off one another. Does your sense of humor go over their heads? Can he/she challenge you mentally, spiritually and otherwise? Can you be yourself completely, without having to censor/worry? Are you able to discuss issues/problems reasonably? Is he/she able to admit his/her faults?
It is also important to be inquisitive and get THEIR definition(s) of communication, trust, happiness, love, how to handle problems/arguments, etc.Best of luck to all  
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Peace,
But, there's no guarantee that they wouldn't change their minds about those fundamentals. A 'quranist' can be an atheist tomorrow. People change. Most of us were all sectarians at one point in time. So, I think It's important to focus on somebody who's interested in the truth, somebody who's open-minded, kind-hearted, etc...
I think the most important aspects are honesty and authenticity, as well as how your personalities play off one another. Does your sense of humor go over their heads? Can he/she challenge you mentally, spiritually and otherwise? Can you be yourself completely, without having to censor/worry? Are you able to discuss issues/problems reasonably? Is he/she able to admit his/her faults?
It is also important to be inquisitive and get THEIR definition(s) of communication, trust, happiness, love, how to handle problems/arguments, etc.Best of luck to all
I agree with what you have said here, in particular the bolded part. To me, its probably the most important factor....does your partner make you comfortable enough to be yourself. Everything else can then somehow fall into place.
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Peace,
Respect.I'd say trust and communication is the most important but even more so - heralthy ground No Lies and NO Secrets.
If the couple talk about all the problems that they encounter, then I don't see how this marriage won't work.
They must trust each other and work on the marriage. Co-operation is essential, God willing.
If one is carrying the burden for the both .... hmm I don't know.God knows best.
Peace. -
But, there's no guarantee that they wouldn't change their minds about those fundamentals. A 'quranist' can be an atheist tomorrow.
Yes, so true...and a hadith following Muslim can reject the hadith tomorrow That makes for trouble.
I know this post is old but truth, communication and being realistic seem like very important factors. In particular prior to deciding to marry, but certainly after as well.
I agree it's important to have similar beliefs, though obviously no two people will ever have the exact same beliefs in everything and as Jack pointed out, people change and that continues right through life.
