self-control from indecent activities
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aoa guys,
what is the best way to control oneself from committing actions one commits without wanting to and then feels guilty about doing that (asks repentance and makes a promise with Allah that he/she will not commit the action again but it happens again and again).
thanks in advance )
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aoa guys,
what is the best way to control oneself from committing actions one commits without wanting to and then feels guilty about doing that (asks repentance and makes a promise with Allah that he/she will not commit the action again but it happens again and again).
thanks in advance
When you find out my friend, let us know. One thought I have had on this was to consider it a broken oath between Allah, to be paid by three days of fasting. Of course for me I would never eat again unfortunately....Remember though, for each good and righteous deed god measures it 10 times, and the bad only once, so try to keep your self heavy with good! No one is perfect, and Allah has given us a way to keep ourselves safe I think.
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peace, its a psycological question, but for me the best way is remembering God the most possibile and speak withHim as your companion, 702, inthis verse God describe the importance of remembring God to be mor consious in life, and remember your pledge of God and his infinite blessing these idea will keep you away from doing evil. also update your soul by reading thr quran.
may God guide us. -
aoa guys,
what is the best way to control oneself from committing actions one commits without wanting to and then feels guilty about doing that (asks repentance and makes a promise with Allah that he/she will not commit the action again but it happens again and again).
thanks in advance )
You could try keeping busy, finding a new habit (one that is more positive)...you know habits die hard but when you do work to overcome them then the new way you are living or the new habit you've formed becomes second nature. So if it's one thing in particular then make a big effort to stop it but not just by refraining. Do it by finding something else to do in it's place. Do things to make it difficult for you to do that action that is bothering you.
peace
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if a person commits an act that is indecent, and s/he does it over and over again then clearly s/he must want it. if s/he does't want to do it then are there circumstances/situations that make her/him do these indecent acts?
if a person commits an indecent act once, ok call it a weakness, lapse of judgment, forgetting God for a moment but more than once or twice is not. In seeking God is the person really sincere to stop this behavior? God doesn't change the condition of the person unless the person wants to change - truly and sincerely without deluding him/herself.
may the problem is not self control but suffering from a disorder where one doesn't learn and grow. feeling guilty/bad is called 'ego dystonia'.
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Sometimes it is difficult because onemay be under constant stress and when it is so it is very difficult todrop habits, because it bings the stress to a point where you are not able to function properly may be. So in faact it may turn out a little effort or a spot where you say, this time not, but in fact an all out war in which you must lose something to obtain something. But one must fight that war and plan for it and spend time an energy on it to make it and then choose the time and circumstances to make it successful.
That is why it is easier not fall into temptation and start in the bad path, because to break from it may take a much much greater effort than to fight temptation one in a while, not to speak of the damage yoy may cause to yourself and others in the process of giving in to constant temptation and to break free afterwards.
Salaam
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Wa Alaikum Salaam Cyrus1987,
aoa guys,
what is the best way to control oneself from committing actions one commits without wanting to and then feels guilty about doing that (asks repentance and makes a promise with Allah that he/she will not commit the action again but it happens again and again).
thanks in advance )
417
418
417 Repentance is only for those who commit a sin out of ignorance and then repent soon after; these will be forgiven by Allah, for Allah is Knowledgeable, Wise.
418 And there will be no repentance for those who commit sin then when death comes upon any one of them he says I repent now! Nor for those who die while they are rejecters. For those We have prepared a painful retribution.
And if someone don't repent, it could be dangerous for him/her.
May Allah protect us from all evil and sins pr
Mohammed M. Khan -
mmkhan,
if a person knows clearly that let's use fornication as an example is wrong but does it anyway then he is not committing an indecent act out of ignorance but with full knowledge that fornication is wrong and ignoring God's guidance/warning. now, if a person out of weakness, lapse of judgment, pressure, etc commits a sin but then feels guilty, awful and asks God for forgiveness and repents that means the person will not repeat the same sin again.
if the person repeats the same indecent acts over and over again, well....what does it say? surely the person is not on a path that would earn blessing from God but rather anger. the koran opens up with sura al fatiha and what does this sura mean to this person. what good is worship without meaning? God has given us salat to refrain from sin. God has given us all the tools, warning us what will happen if we listen to satans whispers and to seek refuge in God.
so, is the problem lack of self-control or is it a struggle to surrender/submit to God seeking his protection, guidance and comfort?
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rana,
the info that we have here.....
person is committing 'indecent' activities. says doesn't want to but does it repeatedly. feels guilty, repents, makes promises but keeps committing the indecent activities. and wanting to know how to stop.
from my personal and professional experiences, the people who repeatedly commit indecent activities, feel guilty and swear will never do it again but do it again are often those who are suffering from a disorder. people with personality disorder like narcissism don't often learn and correct their behavior. people with addictions like pornography (which is one of the reasons why marriages fail amongst muslims in usa) know it is wrong, feel guilty and want to change but often can't. there are those who are addicted to sex (i am sure we all know of bill clinton). then there are those who are physically addicted to drugs/alcohol that inhibits at times leading to committing indecent activities.
if this person is suffering from a disorder, s/he needs to seek professional help as well as spiritual help which often are part of recovery.
we are not talking about someone who is addicted to caffeine, tobacco products, someone who is a diabetic but doesn't take care of self, etc where self-control is the issue. we are talking about a person who is committing indecent activities repeatedly, feeling guilty, repents but does it over and over again.
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Salaaman Sis JustAMuslim,
mmkhan,
if a person knows clearly that let's use fornication as an example is wrong but does it anyway then he is not committing an indecent act out of ignorance but with full knowledge that fornication is wrong and ignoring God's guidance/warning. now, if a person out of weakness, lapse of judgment, pressure, etc commits a sin but then feels guilty, awful and asks God for forgiveness and repents that means the person will not repeat the same sin again.
if the person repeats the same indecent acts over and over again, well....what does it say? surely the person is not on a path that would earn blessing from God but rather anger. the koran opens up with sura al fatiha and what does this sura mean to this person. what good is worship without meaning? God has given us salat to refrain from sin. God has given us all the tools, warning us what will happen if we listen to satans whispers and to seek refuge in God.
so, is the problem lack of self-control or is it a struggle to surrender/submit to God seeking his protection, guidance and comfort?
I agree with each a every thing you said. But I am sorry, I did not put forward my point clearly. Let me try again.
417
418
417 Repentance is only for those who commit a sin out of ignorance and then repent soon after; these will be forgiven by Allah, for Allah is Knowledgeable, Wise.
418 And there will be no repentance for those who commit sin then when death comes upon any one of them he says I repent now! Nor for those who die while they are rejecters. For those We have prepared a painful retribution.
If you notice there are two different words used in 417 and 418, one is "Yamaloona AlSoo" and another one is "Yamaloona AlSayyi-aat".
Yamaloona AlSoo means those who do BAD , please see 249
Yamaloona AlSayyi-aat means those who do SIN, please see 7153
After 'AlSoo' if repent soon after, there is a chance to get back as per 417
After 'AlSayyi-aat', only repenting is not enough, s/he has to become a believer again 7153 or one has to correct his/her deets/acts there after repenting as per 2571, but if someone wants his/her habits of sins to be changed to habits of goods, then one has to repent, and believe, and correct ones deeds/acts as per 2570
Please look at the aayaats below for more detail
2563
2564
2565
2566
2567
2568
2569
2570
2571
2572
2573
2574
2575
25762563 And the servants of AlRahmaan who walk on the earth in humility and if the ignorant speak to them, they say Peace.
2564 And those who stay awake for their Lord, in prostration and standing.
2565 And those who say Our Lord, avert from us the retribution of Hell. Its retribution is terrible.
2566 It is a miserable abode and station.
2567 And those who when they give they are not excessive nor stingy, but they are in a measure between that.
2568 And those who do not call on any other god with Allah; nor do they take the life which Allah has made forbidden, except in justice; nor do they commit adultery. And whoever does will receive the punishment.
2569 The retribution will be doubled for him on the Day of Judgment and he will abide in it in disgrace.
2570 Except for the one who repents and believes and does good works, for those Allah will replace their sins with good, and Allah is Forgiving, Merciful.
2571 And whoever repents, and does good, then he shall repent towards Allah a true repentance.
2572 And those who do not bear false witness, and if they pass by vain talk they pass by with dignity.
2573 And those who when they are reminded of the revelations of their Lord, they do not fall on them deaf and blind.
2574 And those who say Our Lord, grant us from our mates and our progeny what will be the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders for the righteous.
2575 These will be rewarded with a dwelling for what they have been patient for, and they will find in it a greeting and peace.
2576 In it they will abide, what an excellent abode and station.
Please note that 2570 used the word "Sayyi-aat" and the word used in 2574 is "Li (A)lMuttaqeena Imaama" make us "leaders for the avoiders of bad". I translated it cause "AlMuttaqeen" means "Those who avoid what Allah asked them to".
In my previous post, I said that it could be dangerous if one don't repent. Please see 9115 how it is dangerous and also get the meaning of "Taqwa" .
9115
9115 And it is not for Allah to misguide a people after He guided them, until He makes clear to them what they should avoid. Allah is aware of all things.
Hope this make things clear inshaAllah.
May Allah protect us all from Sins and Bads and make us the leaders of AlMuttaqeen pr
Mohammed M. Khan -
rana,
the info that we have here.....
person is committing 'indecent' activities. says doesn't want to but does it repeatedly. feels guilty, repents, makes promises but keeps committing the indecent activities. and wanting to know how to stop.
It doesn't say anything about ''indecency'' in there and I'm just saying (though perhaps I could have put it more gently) that when I read the statement the I don't necessarily conclude anything as serious as a disorder. I suppose the last part, about making promises to Allah then committing the action again does seem to suggest that it is something of concern....
I'm a little wary of disorders involving things like 'sex', 'pornography' and the 'internet'. Though, I do feel more comfortable when disorder is used merely as a descriptor for the act in question being a problem for the person involved - i.e. they can't stop using it, it's causing them problems in their life, they spend increasing time doing it...to me it seems like a habit that got waaaay out of control. I'm not saying it can't become severe but these things are always a continuum and even when people do go through a stage of not being able to stop a certain behaviour it doesn't mean that it will always be like that or that they need intervention. Many times even without clinical intervention people change themselves and/or heal themselves.
You might be right justamuslim ) but either way, you are right that if it's a problem that can't be fixed through trying different things at home and it is causing the persons life (family, social, work etc) to fall apart then it is definitely worth discussing with a Dr to see if further help might be needed. I hope I've made my point more clear. peace
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we are not talking about someone who is addicted to caffeine, tobacco products, someone who is a diabetic but doesn't take care of self, etc where self-control is the issue. we are talking about a person who is committing indecent activities repeatedly, feeling guilty, repents but does it over and over again.
Did they say it wasn't caffeine, tabacco or lack of self-care? I must have missed that part.
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rana,
the title of the post is "self-control from indecent activities".
true there are people who can stop their self-destructive behavior on their own but after how much damage to the spirit, mind, body, family though? i know people who have lost everything - family, job, house, their health. there are those who say 'this is the last time i will gamble, drink, do drugs, etc" swearing that they will quit, making promises and family members believe or want to believe. when you have someone engaged in self-destructive behavior, some kind of intervention needs to happen. depending on what the destructive behavior is, family members or friends may not be able to help or know how to help the person out.
if the person is living in US, mental and medical care are easily accessible. also there are support groups, organizations that people can turn to. my concern is whoever this person is, i sure hope that s/he will get the kind of help that is needed. i just don't think the problem is self-control. i think it is much more than that. why is this person engaging in the activity in the first place? what's going on? it doesn't make him feel good but why is he doing it over and over again? he repents, but yet goes back to doing the same thing.
To me, this is a cry, scream for help. and spiritual support is integral in helping this person.
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rana,
the title of the post is "self-control from indecent activities".
Lol - I stand corrected then (and had better take more care in future to check the subject headings). hypno
true there are people who can stop their self-destructive behavior on their own but after how much damage to the spirit, mind, body, family though? i know people who have lost everything - family, job, house, their health. there are those who say 'this is the last time i will gamble, drink, do drugs, etc" swearing that they will quit, making promises and family members believe or want to believe. when you have someone engaged in self-destructive behavior, some kind of intervention needs to happen. depending on what the destructive behavior is, family members or friends may not be able to help or know how to help the person out.
if the person is living in US, mental and medical care are easily accessible. also there are support groups, organizations that people can turn to. my concern is whoever this person is, i sure hope that s/he will get the kind of help that is needed. i just don't think the problem is self-control. i think it is much more than that. why is this person engaging in the activity in the first place? what's going on? it doesn't make him feel good but why is he doing it over and over again? he repents, but yet goes back to doing the same thing.
To me, this is a cry, scream for help. and spiritual support is integral in helping this person.
One reason people continue in these things is the 'short-term' gain. So it 'does' make them feel good in the short term, but it's a false thing because the guilt, disappointment etc follow. Often we know it's not for the best but sometimes, or with some things, we get locked into that despite knowing it's not good. So, do you think that those people who continue despite these negative feelings are suffering from ''addiction'' in a similar way to drug-addicts? Do you think it's to do with brain wiring, chemistry or something else? It certainly is a big problem in society. )
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rana,
there is not an easy, simple answer to your questions. addiction comes in different shapes and forms. religious obsession and idolizing can also be forms of 'addiction' but that's a different thread. i am sure if i start such a thread, will have quite a discussion!
sticking to our topic, let's take smoking for instance. smoking has no medical benefits and yet people smoke. it has no benefits, causes sickness, suffering, death, not to mention costs a lot. so why do people do it? when or how do people start smoking?
over time, there's a pyschological and physical dependence. there are those who want to quit and are highly motivated but have a hard time. medications do help with the physical dependence but there's also the psychological dependence. cigarettes have a calming affect. when people who smoke experience acute stress, they grab for the cigarettes. unless this behavior is modified, longterm success is hard to achieve. how many smokers quit but then resume smoking?
people experience shortness of breath, wheezing, get pneumonia, are on oxygen, etc and yet can't stop the smoking although clearly are suffering. even after storke or heart attack, some continue to smoke. why?
is it that people who smoke simply lack self-control. the answer is yes and no. for some the problem is just that - lack of self-control. but for some, it is more than that. in addiction, lack of self-control is just one component. when the tobacco is taken away, cannot function. although the behavior is causing suffering and illness, still continuing to smoke. there are those who say they are not dependent on the smoking and can quit anytime. ok then what are they waiting for, why don't they? there are those who do quit smoking on their own but doesn't mean that they were not addicted to it.
when you engage in a self-destructive behavior repeatedly, the brain is disordered. whatever immediate gratification the person gets results in harmful consequences. to stop the self-destructive behavior, more than just the lack of self-control need to be addressed. some people who try to quit smoking, experience irritability, headache, just an ill feeling. so physical dependence needs to be addressed. also, behavior modification need to be addressed. if the person grabs for the cigarette when subjected to stress, the behavior needs to be modified. they need to learn to grab onto something else when subjected to stress. i know especially woman who smoke because cigarettes are appetite suppressants and fear gaining weight. so, it is not strictly a problem of self control in these people.
some who engage in self-destructive behavior have other underlying issues. what appears to be lack of self control may not be the problem. people treat their depression, anxiety, unhappiness in life with alcohol, food, drugs, etc. so the underlying problem need to be addressed. also, spiritual suffering needs to be addressed.
the problem is multitude - wiring of the brain, chemistry, upbringing, learned behavior, personality, poor coping skills, spirituality, etc.
and yet the solutions are in the Koran for simplifying our lives.
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Peace justamuslim. Thanks for taking the time to answer so thoroughly.
Smoking is an interesting one...it always surprises me the number of people I see that give up whether just using their will power or using patches/gum, but don't change their behaviours. The way you socialise and who you socialise with counts for a lot imho. I have seen a lot of people fail and I'm fairly sure they'd have had better chance if they'd combined attacking the physical addiction aspect with things such as socialising with different people (non-smokers) and socialising in different settings. Sometimes smokers are so used to sitting down for a coffee with a cigerette in their hand that it can help to change the smaller things too - stop doing the things you normally do when smoking and it can help to break the cycle.
I think you are right about reasons underlying smoking and many other problems being multitudinous. Unfortunately it makes it harder to plan the attack.