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  4. I want to marry

I want to marry

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  • C Offline
    C Offline
    Confused
    wrote on last edited by
    #12

    Shalom,

    I cant help but ask, are these mostly Arranged Marriages ?

    PEACE
    ------------------ Student of Allah

    All the ones I know aren't arranged marriages, can you believe????? I remember a girl, she met this guy and one week later he proposed and she accepted. She told me that she loved him! Love in one week? Sure! I think her adoration was directed more towards the fact that he owned a factory, a big house and a BMW!

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    • C Offline
      C Offline
      Confused
      wrote on last edited by
      #13

      On another note, in Egypt we don't have "arranged marriages," at least not in the traditional sense. What we have is something called "Salon marriages," meaning that a couple can be set up by family and friends, meet with a chaperone for the first time and if they like each other they can proceed to date, with or without a chaperone depending on how liberal the family is. If they fall in love, they marry, if they don't, then it ends there. But there are no "arranged marriages," not the kind that you hear of in other countries. Also, not everyone here marries through the salon marriages. I would say its a 50/50. Half of the couples meet at uni or work and decide to marry. And the other half struggle to meet the right the person so seek the help of loved ones and go in the way of Salon marriages. In my opinion, a salon marriage is nothing more than a chapreoned blind date.

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      • S Offline
        S Offline
        Student_of_Allah
        wrote on last edited by
        #14

        On another note, in Egypt we don't have "arranged marriages," at least not in the traditional sense. What we have is something called "Salon marriages," meaning that a couple can be set up by family and friends, meet with a chaperone for the first time and if they like each other they can proceed to date, with or without a chaperone depending on how liberal the family is. If they fall in love, they marry, if they don't, then it ends there. But there are no "arranged marriages," not the kind that you hear of in other countries. Also, not everyone here marries through the salon marriages. I would say its a 50/50. Half of the couples meet at uni or work and decide to marry. And the other half struggle to meet the right the person so seek the help of loved ones and go in the way of Salon marriages. In my opinion, a salon marriage is nothing more than a chapreoned blind date.

        Shalom,

        In Salon marriage, do I get to marry lets say Adolph Hitler ? or the family will not allow. If that is the case, then its just a version of arranged marriage.

        About the girl that married within a week, well God knows best what was in her heart, let us not be suspicious of her intentions )

        O hope you find a good person who cuddles you and kisses you alot )

        PEACE
        ---------------- Student of Allah

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        • C Offline
          C Offline
          Confused
          wrote on last edited by
          #15

          Shalom,

          In Salon marriage, do I get to marry lets say Adolph Hitler ? or the family will not allow. If that is the case, then its just a version of arranged marriage.

          About the girl that married within a week, well God knows best what was in her heart, let us not be suspicious of her intentions

          O hope you find a good person who cuddles you and kisses you alot

          Thanks. But I daresay that even in a non-Salon marriage a family wouldn't really want Hitler in the family. There are red lines everywhere.

          PEACE
          ---------------- Student of Allah

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          • M Offline
            M Offline
            Mr_Q
            wrote on last edited by
            #16

            Salam,

            I heard there is a rather large Quranist following in Egypt. There is a guy who now lives in Virginia who was exiled but has a large following there, like 10,000 he said, so you should look into that. I can't remember his name now and dont have access to my computer but you can wiki Quranist and find him there.

            I dont think there are 10k Quranist in my entire country of the USA. I know of only one other Quranist where I live and everyone else is either Christian, mostly Catholic or agnostics and atheists.

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            • U Offline
              U Offline
              unknownuser
              wrote on last edited by
              #17

              I believe the one you are talking about is Ahmad Subhi Mansour.

              Their website is http//www.ahl-alquran.com

              Regards.

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              • Y Offline
                Y Offline
                youssef4342
                wrote on last edited by
                #18

                I believe the one you are talking about is Ahmad Subhi Mansour.
                Their website is http//www.ahl-alquran.com
                Regards.

                Peace Everyone peace
                To Confused I might just have an idea of what you're talking about about the Arab culture, because i come from the same country.
                About Dr. Ahmad Subhi Mansour, The cool thing is that he went to AL-AZHAR UNIVERSITY! I guess After his openening his Quran-alone doctrine they kicked him out! For anyone asking for a "scholar", mention him!
                He too was influened by Rashad Khalifa, but he is not really a follower of the Submitters International group.

                He has a youtube channel, and videos
                youtube channel http//www.youtube.com/user/ahlalquran1

                . - 1/9
                http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=oK2bnZl2V0c
                Ahl_Al-Quran_(Quranists) 1/3 - A true Scholar of Islam
                http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuUBHaKaJeg

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                • M Offline
                  M Offline
                  Mr_Q
                  wrote on last edited by
                  #19

                  Salam,
                  Yes that is who I was talking about.

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                  • I Offline
                    I Offline
                    Indelwyn
                    wrote on last edited by
                    #20

                    Confused. I just want to say my husband is Egyptian and he is a snuggle butt...lol He loves hugging and kissing. He is extremely affectionate. So not all of them are the same. He told me his father was like this to his mother. Even on the morning he died they were joking around in the kitchen, he went to take a nap and never woke up, very sad.

                    But not all men are the same. I mean we don't have make out sessions in public, but he will hug me and kiss my hand or forehead when we part, he does not care who sees, I am his wife. He is very silly and playful in our house, we laugh alot. I just don't see what you have described. He has a friend looking for marriage and he is the same way as far as laid back, but then again we live in the US so maybe that is it. But they both are from Abdeen, Cairo since birth till they reached 30. (My husband just turned 36)

                    Good luck sweety! Allah is kind to us, He hears you.

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                    • C Offline
                      C Offline
                      Confused
                      wrote on last edited by
                      #21

                      Confused. I just want to say my husband is Egyptian and he is a snuggle butt...lol He loves hugging and kissing. He is extremely affectionate. So not all of them are the same. He told me his father was like this to his mother. Even on the morning he died they were joking around in the kitchen, he went to take a nap and never woke up, very sad.

                      But not all men are the same. I mean we don't have make out sessions in public, but he will hug me and kiss my hand or forehead when we part, he does not care who sees, I am his wife. He is very silly and playful in our house, we laugh alot. I just don't see what you have described. He has a friend looking for marriage and he is the same way as far as laid back, but then again we live in the US so maybe that is it. But they both are from Abdeen, Cairo since birth till they reached 30. (My husband just turned 36)

                      Good luck sweety! Allah is kind to us, He hears you.

                      Indelwyn, I am so happy that you found a wonderful guy and that he is Egyptian too. It makes me proud. But I reckon your husband is an exception. By the way, Egyptian women are not lovey dovey either, so maybe that's why your hubby wanted to marry a non-Arab so he can fulfill this part of him. Either way, good for you both.

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                      • S Offline
                        S Offline
                        SarahY
                        wrote on last edited by
                        #22

                        Nothing wrong with having a preference.

                        All the best

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                        • M Offline
                          M Offline
                          Maha
                          wrote on last edited by
                          #23

                          I understand what you mean. Arabs are pretty extreme sunnis (wahabis) who depending on how they were raised have mixed in quite a bit of Arab Nationalism into their views of life and thus can be quite harsh as a result. Though the new generation seems to be off that nowaday so I don't see much wrong with them but I understand. Well there are many others such as Persians, Kurds, Pakistanis (though also Sunnis), Turks, Albanians, etc... Never too hard to find one really. A Persian would likely work well as most of them don't push their views onto you (i'm a Persian as well so I know XDD)

                          Persian people are known for being very tolerant in religious matters(thats why most persian dont like their government)... however, they are also known for their racism towards non-persian in their country, just look at how iraqies and afghanies are being treated in Iran.

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                          • M Offline
                            M Offline
                            Maha
                            wrote on last edited by
                            #24

                            Indelwyn, I am so happy that you found a wonderful guy and that he is Egyptian too. It makes me proud. But I reckon your husband is an exception. By the way, Egyptian women are not lovey dovey either, so maybe that's why your hubby wanted to marry a non-Arab so he can fulfill this part of him. Either way, good for you both.

                            Most egyptians both females and males marry other egyptians. Thats very logical. Secondly you have to understand, that its not the nationality but the personality which matters. If you dislike egyptian males for certain reasons, well than keep in mind that there a lot of non-egyptian males who are pretty much the same.
                            But nothing wrong with having preferences, God gave you the freedom to have so. However I would advice you to try to avoid judging people due to their nationality. I have been to Egypt a number of times and I have met some of the most amazing and lovely people there although there are also some bad people among them(just look at hosni mubarak) like in every other country.

                            Best wishes and regards.

                            Peace

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                            • K Offline
                              K Offline
                              KDC501
                              wrote on last edited by
                              #25

                              I want to marry a Muslim who is not an Arab ) Is that so bad? Whenever I tell people that, they tell me that I should never pray for something like that to God and that all I should ask for is a good man and let God choose for me. But then a friend of mine, who is very religious, told me that there should be no problem in asking God for something specific, because if you don't ask God, then who can you ask? The other team however, say that God knows best and so you should let him pick the right person for you. And if you are too specific in your description, then he may gave you what you want exactly which in turn may turn out to be not what you want or need after all. Here's an example, a friend of mine wanted to marry a pilot (don't ask me why) and presisted in praying for this for at least eight years (I swear) and then in the end God gave her a pilot who ended up being the nastiest husband a woman can have. So that is the point, be careful what you ask for, and just pray that God gives you a good man- no specifications.
                              But I really really don't want to marry an Arab. I am 31 years old and was married to an Arab for five years and I really am off them. I really have nothing against Arab men, but let's just say it's like eating at a bad restaraunt and you get food poisoning and you never ever want to go near that restaraunt again. So what do you guys think? Is is haram to be specific in your prayers?

                              Nothing is wrong with asking God to help you find a spouse with particular qualities. But just know that you can't be picky about who you want to marry. There are good and bad in every ethic group. It is better to pray for a man with good moral values and other good qualities. Specifics may make it harder and longer for you to get a husband.

                              Peace,

                              Kevin

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                              • C Offline
                                C Offline
                                Confused
                                wrote on last edited by
                                #26

                                Most egyptians both females and males marry other egyptians. Thats very logical. Secondly you have to understand, that its not the nationality but the personality which matters. If you dislike egyptian males for certain reasons, well than keep in mind that there a lot of non-egyptian males who are pretty much the same.
                                But nothing wrong with having preferences, God gave you the freedom to have so. However I would advice you to try to avoid judging people due to their nationality. I have been to Egypt a number of times and I have met some of the most amazing and lovely people there although there are also some bad people among them(just look at hosni mubarak) like in every other country.

                                Best wishes and regards.

                                Peace

                                Maha, I am proud of being Egyptian and I adore the Egyptian people. I lived in Australia for five years and was homesick mainly because I missed the people so much. The warmth, the family values, the lack of " limits," between people. However, I don't think I can ever fit with an Egyptian guy. I always say, that I am "too Western for the East and too Eastern for the West." I am trapped between two cultures. I am too conservative for a Western guy and way too liberal for an Egyptian guy. I don't know what to do. I have a female friend who is French and she converted to Islam eight years ago. She also tells me that she is trapped in the Middle because she has French values and Muslim values. She is single too. I am like her. I have Egyptian/Muslim values, but I'm also liberal and a bit Westernized because of my education and the years I lived abroad. So I don't know, maybe I can find someone trapped in this Eastern/Western limbo like me and maybe just maybe, we can find happiness together inshallah.

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                                • C Offline
                                  C Offline
                                  Confused
                                  wrote on last edited by
                                  #27

                                  Nothing is wrong with asking God to help you find a spouse with particular qualities. But just know that you can't be picky about who you want to marry. There are good and bad in every ethic group. It is better to pray for a man with good moral values and other good qualities. Specifics may make it harder and longer for you to get a husband.

                                  Peace,

                                  Kevin

                                  Of course. Morals are the most important thing.

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                                  • K Offline
                                    K Offline
                                    Kaiokenred
                                    wrote on last edited by
                                    #28

                                    Nothing is wrong with asking God to help you find a spouse with particular qualities. But just know that you can't be picky about who you want to marry. There are good and bad in every ethic group. It is better to pray for a man with good moral values and other good qualities. Specifics may make it harder and longer for you to get a husband.

                                    Peace,

                                    Kevin

                                    Peace,

                                    I have to say that this is a very logical and reasonable advice... not. You HAVE to be picky about who you marry, why the hell would you want to spend your life with someone you don't love? Full of regrets! And praying is just a waste of time, it's not a wish granter, it's a retarded thing that helps in nothing.

                                    Also, at those who want to marry, don't go chase spouses, that makes you a loser. Let love find you.

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                                    • K Offline
                                      K Offline
                                      KDC501
                                      wrote on last edited by
                                      #29

                                      Peace,

                                      I have to say that this is a very logical and reasonable advice... not. You HAVE to be picky about who you marry, why the hell would you want to spend your life with someone you don't love? Full of regrets! And praying is just a waste of time, it's not a wish granter, it's a retarded thing that helps in nothing.

                                      Also, at those who want to marry, don't go chase spouses, that makes you a loser. Let love find you.

                                      What I mean by picky is that some women want guys to be a particular way. They don't only want guys who have good character but rather they want guys who have a fat bank account, tall, good looking etc. I'm not saying that all these things are bad but to find them in every good natured guy is very VERY rare. That is what I meant when I said women shouldn't be too picky.

                                      Peace,

                                      Kevin

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                                      • K Offline
                                        K Offline
                                        Kaiokenred
                                        wrote on last edited by
                                        #30

                                        Oh, in that case it's okay

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                                        • I Offline
                                          I Offline
                                          Indelwyn
                                          wrote on last edited by
                                          #31

                                          I think a better word would be "realistic" which it is okay to be picky but be realistic.

                                          I know a brother who wants an American revert, who is not too young, not too old, no kids, medium built and height, long hair, does not work, who can cook egyptian style meals, and knows what to do in the bedroom, yet since being muslim guards her modesty... WTH is all I can say.

                                          Needless to say, he is still single at age 39 and still looking.

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