I want to marry
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Oh, in that case it's okay
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I think a better word would be "realistic" which it is okay to be picky but be realistic.
I know a brother who wants an American revert, who is not too young, not too old, no kids, medium built and height, long hair, does not work, who can cook egyptian style meals, and knows what to do in the bedroom, yet since being muslim guards her modesty... WTH is all I can say.
Needless to say, he is still single at age 39 and still looking.
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Confused,
You are not alone. Born in India and grew up in US. Married an Egyptian and there was nothing normal about the marriage. I paid for my own ring and his ring also, paid his bills also - lost a lot financially. I know that Egyptian men are not like that but every barrel has a bad seed. I filed for divorce on grounds of cruel and inhuman treatment. I suspect he married me for the green card. Then came across another Arab guy who had bad temper and control issues, used hadiths to his convenience.
I got more than burned and learned from my experiences. Stay away from hadith followers and bad seeds regardless of ethnicity. Now, we all have our likes and dislikes which there is nothing wrong with that. In the Koran, God does say meet and see if you like each other, see if you are compatible - so there has to be mutual liking and compatibility. But I wouldn't discard all arab guys because of your ex, though. Don't let him still affect you like that. Don't let him interfere in your life. I am not staying away from Arab guys, just guys like my exes.
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Confused,
You are not alone. Born in India and grew up in US. Married an Egyptian and there was nothing normal about the marriage. I paid for my own ring and his ring also, paid his bills also - lost a lot financially. I know that Egyptian men are not like that but every barrel has a bad seed. I filed for divorce on grounds of cruel and inhuman treatment. I suspect he married me for the green card. Then came across another Arab guy who had bad temper and control issues, used hadiths to his convenience.
I got more than burned and learned from my experiences. Stay away from hadith followers and bad seeds regardless of ethnicity. Now, we all have our likes and dislikes which there is nothing wrong with that. In the Koran, God does say meet and see if you like each other, see if you are compatible - so there has to be mutual liking and compatibility. But I wouldn't discard all arab guys because of your ex, though. Don't let him still affect you like that. Don't let him interfere in your life. I am not staying away from Arab guys, just guys like my exes.
Hi, I am really sorry you had to go through all that horror with your ex. I think you are right. We should not discard an entire ethnicity and of course not all Egyptians or Arabs are bad. However, I do have a problem with the whole "Arab mentality." Even the guys who are considered "good" still drive me nuts.
Have you been following the Egyptian news? Have you seen the young female protester being stripped in the middle of the street while brutally beaten by army forces? Have you seen what the Egyptian men are saying? It's a long the lines of "she deserves it, what was she doing there in the first place?" Ok fine not every single Egyptian guy said that. There were many who defended the girl but still being Egyptian, I know that the first group represents the bulk of Egyptian society. The second group are the minority.
Anyway, I also had a horrible first marriage and do not want a repeat. I will open my mind and heart to anyone suitable but I just "prefer" a non-Arab Muslim. If God "prefers" that I end up being with an Arab Muslim than that's ok too.
Meanwhile, I am preparing for a life of being single. I am crazy busy with my career and rarely have a moment to breathe either way. Maybe that's the life God intended for me. Maybe marriage and family are not for everyone. -
Salam,
There are difficulties no matter where you live or what ethnicity you are. The best you can hope for is for someone who is kind and is loyal to God in how they live and even more importantly, how they treat others and especially their spouses. Someone who is loyal to God will treat their spouse with kindness, respect and unselfishness.
I live in the USA and am a white Quranist Muslim. There is virtually nobody where I live that has the same values or beliefs as I do. Everyone is either polytheist Christians or immoral, value-less agnostics. I still maintain my hope and faith that God will guide me to a like-minded individual who wants a happy married life. There isn't anything more I can do than to put my trust in God.
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Confused,
It is not just 'egyptian' mentality but 'human' mentality. It is like that everywhere.
I have had horrific experiences that if I told my story, people wouldn't believe how I can still believe in God and be so positive. Sometimes, I don't either. I don't agree that God intended for us to be single. In the Koran, God encourages single people to get married. It goes against God's principles and nature to be single. There's a whole chapter on divorce in the Koran. I read over and over the first ayat where God says how after divorce He may lead to a new situation. I believe in God and that His words are true. I do my part and God does His. If you take 100 persons, 99 of them may be bad but not all of them and you are looking for just one person to get married. God knows that one person. On God's time, he will bring that one right person to you.
Me- I am doing my part in seeking for an 'islamic' way of life and why won't God help me? May be, I will never realize that in this life but at least I can look back and say that I lived in search of an 'islamic' life. when I use the word 'islamic' - i mean 'peaceful, good'. This life is temporary and may be, I am to realize this truly islamic life in the life hereafter. I don't know but giving up is not my vocab. Our exes denied us of happiness. They are the losers, Confused. They are the ones who are truly suffering. Because of our exes, how can we now deny ourselves of this basic human need to love and to be loved. They are of our past and there's a good reason why they are not part of our future. Don't let your ex still be a part of your present or your future. My exes are part of my experiences and I learned from that but left them in the past. They have to answer to God for how they treated us and we move on with our lives in search of an islamic way of life.
Preparing a life of being single is not islamic. It is detrimental to your physical, mental and spiritual health. Listen, you are not alone and lot of us are in the same boat but don't give up on yourself, on love and on God. You never know what tomorrow may bring. But you have to put yourself out there, getting hurt is a chance you take but nothing comes from nothing. This woman protester was brave/stupid (depending on your perspective) to put herself in harms way for change. You can play it safe by resigning yourself to being single or join the other crowd of dreamers, believers, protesters. Remember, Confused.... God doesn't change the condition of people unless we want change. I do not agree with you that God intended for us to be single. God is the one who created us and with needs. He intended for us to be married and told us what we have to do to live an islamic life.
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There is nothing wrong with being single if you cannot find the right spouse. In this deen it is very hard to find a true believing person who you can marry. Just know that spouses , children, wealth all of these things are a test. These things are not the meaning of our existence. If this was the case then God would have made these things easily accessible to everyone. Yet we have people who are born into poverty , they are born into terrible lifestyles , they are born with deformities having life threating diseases in which they cannot escape from etc. There is nothing wrong with enjoying the good things in this life, as matter of fact the good things in this life are readily made available for those who submit to God's will and follow the Straight Path. HOWEVER all the things that we have in this life are NOT more important than being on a Straight Path. We were sent here for ONE REASON. God wants to separate the acknowledgers and the appreciative of his creation from those who do not acknowledge his signs nor are appreciative of his countless of gifts. That is the MAIN function of our WHOLE existence. That is why everything that we have is only temporary in this life. Being single and being married is insignificant when compared to the bounty that God will give to those who submit to his will and his teachings. Yes I want to married and yes God willing have children too. But I will never put those things in front of my deen since that is what will save me in the hereafter.
If you cannot find a spouse don't jump on the bandwagon of taking chances with people whose beliefs are questionable.Believers marry Believers. There is no such thing as a person who is half way a believer. A believer is one who worships God and God alone, does good deeds, he/she doesn't associate anything with God and has high moral standards. Do not settle for the bad or the lukewarm since they are ones who will give you hell later on in the future.
Peace,
Kevin.
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Kevin,
amen to that! i can meet the love of my life tomorrow but lose him in death the day after. i can imagine a life without love but a life without God is dark and devoid. as someone said to me and to remember always that no man could possibly love you as much as God does. and that is true as i am yet to find a friend truer than God. having said that, being a human being we need that human touch, that affection, that love, that garment which God created - our companions.
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I think a better word would be "realistic" which it is okay to be picky but be realistic.
I know a brother who wants an American revert, who is not too young, not too old, no kids, medium built and height, long hair, does not work, who can cook egyptian style meals, and knows what to do in the bedroom, yet since being muslim guards her modesty... WTH is all I can say.
Needless to say, he is still single at age 39 and still looking.
rotfl
I cannot help but to think of the very common best-wife-in-the-world description. 1 meter tall, flat head and no teeth..............No, don't ask me to explain why.
I am not much help on this subject because I have been blessed with a wife that I truly love with all my heart and she happens to be extremely beautiful as well. But I never asked or prayed I would meet such a woman. In fact Allah was not in my life at all. Actually counting all the bad things I have done I deserved to live alone in misery with no love in my life until the day I die......so asking Him for anything is just a complete waste of time. Allah does what Allah wants, we cannot change His way just by saying please. Furthermore, and please correct me if I am wrong, is there anywhere in the Quran where it stipulates that we will receive what we pray for? Or that we will be rewarded in this life for our good deeds? Taking myself as an example it seems to be the contrary, the more lying, drinking and fornicating you do the bigger reward you will receive.....maybe Allah sent her to me to save me, I don't know, all I know was that I never asked God to give me a good wife and I certainly did not do anything to deserve her.
I don't know how arab, sunni or egyptian men are like. But I hear Russian women are not very keen on marrying Russian men because of the enormous amounts of vodka, so I understand where Confused is coming from. But don't close the door entirely. Learn from my experience, a black muslim girl was the last girl I ever thought would be the one for me. Boy, I was so wrong.
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I think we can't simple pigeon hole a whole group of people based on some of our life observations. i guess we're judgmental in a way
if you can have a relationship a friendship and understand each others wants, expectations then there is no reason why either couple needs to live up to social expectations e.g money = happiness.
the grass might look greener on the other side but what we see isn't always what it is. If you have good communication mutual (similar) understandings it's not a biggie.
afaik in arab culture it's "3ayb" (rude/disrespectful) to be cuddly and all affectionate in public although different environments its acceptable e.g. airport goodbyes etc. i've seen it.
if you're in the culture and you have an understanding thats different to the norm of that culture, than possible someone else in the same culture thinks similar. although having preferences of other/different is fine.
I agree with Emil don't close doors just keep them open be more particular if you must. you never know what might come past
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rotfl
I cannot help but to think of the very common best-wife-in-the-world description. 1 meter tall, flat head and no teeth..............No, don't ask me to explain why.
I am not much help on this subject because I have been blessed with a wife that I truly love with all my heart and she happens to be extremely beautiful as well. But I never asked or prayed I would meet such a woman. In fact Allah was not in my life at all. Actually counting all the bad things I have done I deserved to live alone in misery with no love in my life until the day I die......so asking Him for anything is just a complete waste of time. Allah does what Allah wants, we cannot change His way just by saying please. Furthermore, and please correct me if I am wrong, is there anywhere in the Quran where it stipulates that we will receive what we pray for? Or that we will be rewarded in this life for our good deeds? Taking myself as an example it seems to be the contrary, the more lying, drinking and fornicating you do the bigger reward you will receive.....maybe Allah sent her to me to save me, I don't know, all I know was that I never asked God to give me a good wife and I certainly did not do anything to deserve her.
I don't know how arab, sunni or egyptian men are like. But I hear Russian women are not very keen on marrying Russian men because of the enormous amounts of vodka, so I understand where Confused is coming from. But don't close the door entirely. Learn from my experience, a black muslim girl was the last girl I ever thought would be the one for me. Boy, I was so wrong.
Seriously Emil maybe I can just stop being such a goody two shoes since being a good person doesn't work. Honestly today I was at a friend's party and they offered me alcohol and for the first time in my life I hesitated. I was thinking, why don't I just drink and do whatever I like. What did I get from being so righteous about everything?
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Seriously Emil maybe I can just stop being such a goody two shoes since being a good person doesn't work. Honestly today I was at a friend's party and they offered me alcohol and for the first time in my life I hesitated. I was thinking, why don't I just drink and do whatever I like. What did I get from being so righteous about everything?
So did you drink? P
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No
Thats good. If you're hesitant , it always best to stay away.
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Greetings and Peace, all group
@Confused Ask ALLAH for what is best for you; you won't lose if you do this. If you limit yourself to muslims who follow the Qur'an alone (or exclude any ethnic background), you indeed limit yourself significantly. Monotheism is the key--not any so-called religion. If 99% are not suitable, don't automatically exclude the 1% that is good!!!
There are probably more men with your beliefs seeking a spouse than the other way around. The internet should really help you find a suitable spouse. Protect your privacy and be safe--but use what is available for you. Don't marry anybody who is "indifferent" to your beliefs. Their spirituality may awaken and place themselves in opposition to your system.
At a party, whether alcohol is involved or not, it is better for your safety to not accept already opened drinks. Sometimes, people will put things in them (GHB or Rohypnol, for instance) in order to drug you. It happens more often than you might think.
My wife is a monotheistic Christian; we get along fine (now).
May ALLAH see fit to Guide all seekers.
peace
~Abdul-Hadi
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Confused,
one thing satan does and does best is whispering in your ears "see look at you... being all good and nice, and what do you get? and look at so and so, she gets everything. the good husband, the children - she's got it all, the good life...." ok, this is where you tell satan "SHUT UP... I am happy with what I have". I may not have this. I may not have that. but I have God. So, tell satan to get lost and not waste time with you.
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Seriously Emil maybe I can just stop being such a goody two shoes since being a good person doesn't work. Honestly today I was at a friend's party and they offered me alcohol and for the first time in my life I hesitated. I was thinking, why don't I just drink and do whatever I like. What did I get from being so righteous about everything?
LOL! you got a little devil sitting on your shoulder?
You are entirely right, being a good person doesn't "work", not until judgement day at least. Our God does not reward you, if that was true a poor person would become rich just by being righteous, and we know that is not happening because the most righteous people are poor. The only reward we get is to feel happy about the situation we are given, but that comes from finding peace within ourselves and not Allah throwing us a bone.
Allah does not punish us either. Some muslims think He does but I cannot find anywhere in the Quran where Allah will individually punish us here on earth..I remember my sister who is paralyzed waist down telling me about this muslim man saying to her that she must have done something terrible for Allah to punish her like that. LOL!I think you should have that drink.......If you feel righteousness equals abstinence, then you need to explore if this is true. Maybe you will find out that righteousness is much more complicated than just staying away from haram....... Anybody telling you not to do it.......well that is like a rich man telling a poor man that money will not bring happiness. The poor man will never accept this as true until he experiences it himself.
Righteousness does not consist in whether you turn your faces towards the east or the west; what is righteous is to believe in God and the last day, and the angels, and the Book, and the messengers; to spend of your substance, out of love for Him, for your kin, for orphans, for the needy, for the wayfarer, for those who ask, and for the ransom of slaves; to be steadfast in prayer, and practise regular charity; to fulfil the contracts which you have made; and to be firm and patient, in pain (or suffering) and adversity, and in times of war. Such as do so are people of truth. Such are the God-fearing.
(Al-Baqara, 177)And for you satan believers out there, once again you do not give Satan credit. In the eyes of Allah he is feeble in his attempt to lead us astray, but what makes you think you can identify him with such a quick glance?