Having a crisis of faith
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Hi Faithfull-Jinn
Question did you draw your own profile picture ???
Now I am struggling with faith very much my self...however I come from a different angle of being someone who has same attraction (sorry to gross you out), and someone who was raised to be a sunnah believer....
The idea of God not being there....I can't really say I ever felt that is true, because I love nature and animals very much, and there is something about those things that stir too much emotion, and it didn't make sense to me to say no one made things with such details that melts my heart like this....nature is too beautiful....to be an accident to me anyways....
Regarding the video, there is a question that people always ignore when they get those feelings of whatever it is, be it feeling that you need to feel that there is an 'ultimate parent'....I guess the question that people ignore is
WHY??....why do I feel like I need that...why is it important for me to believe I wasn't born randomly...why is your 'chemicals' bursting by the idea that there is a story that tells us why we are here? I honestly believe that is why God hates disbelievers so much...is because they deny their God given feelings and choose to give up the pursuit of God...because life is too demanding to figure out what happens when we die, which everyone agrees we do die.
Being gay was a horrible challenge for me...actually is still...although I am now someone who is not tempted at all to act on it...or feel bad about being gay I realize what the problem is...but the real issue is that it caused everything to be questionable....and that for me to figure out the truth it needs so much hard work....and that there is a lot of politics and materialistic purposes out there that just don't give a dam about my questions or my pursuit of peace and my point of existence....and what you see is not necessarily what you get is so true....the human mind is so tricky...and being gay made me realize how creative my mind is and how when I thought I was control I actually was not at all...I mean it makes sense what my mind did...but I didn't realize what it is that it did until much later after a lot of reflection and research and seeing how the world works....also it made me realize how a lot of people seem to me to conveniently choose truths that makes there mind do not explode....they say things like don't think too much or you will go crazy...?
I love drawing and of the amazing things about drawing things from real life to me...is how you think something looks like....but when you draw you realize how it is not actually a circle or whatever you automatically thought it is at all...and how subtle lines make all the difference...and how difficult it is to put on the paper what your eyes actually so easily see...
I arrived to religion after much struggle with doubts about my life that I felt religion was saying the things I felt is right all a long...so it was too random for me to believe that those aren't the words of someone who knows my very nature.....that he is the creator that knows his creation.
I am sorry this is a long ramble...and I am not sure if everything I said is actually point-full...but what drove me through this quest is why...why why why....here is another question for people who keep saying the idea of the holy book claiming that it does have the truth, God says if people claim they have another answer for life...let them come up with something that actually makes sense to people....let them try to explain a different existence story....you can't just settle with people telling you...in my case...you are gay because you are....deal with it...what kind of answer is that.....you are here and then you die and thats that.....what kind of logical intelligent conversation is that....at least admit you don't know what happens after death (to people who are adamantly athiests)
The prophet Muhammed's story, is that he actually felt there is something strange with how his life turned out....he had doubts about how things are going around him before God came to him...Abraham the same.....it makes so much sense to me...they had legitimate concerns and only when they did not settle about their concerns did God come to them....
Obviously I could be very wrong...and as I said...I am someone who still struggles with praying five times a day...wither I have to read the Qur'an in Arabic (even though I am an arab...lol)...and I am so afraid of turning out wrong and self righteous when I am actually false...that I am one of those people that God says they think they are right but they are wrong but they can't tell....
I don't know what else to say except keep at it till you are satisfied....I don't know wither it is ok to doubt or not....but...I feel that if I doubt then how can I claim I believe....?
I also always prayed to whatever God will turn out to be...that he would show me the truth even if it will shake my world....even if it will hurt like hell...I currently believe I got my prayer...parts of it anyways.....and my mind is still storming horribly over how the truth seems so obscured....and how can I trust anything anymore....sigh....anyways...don't know hope I was of some help whatever your choice will be .
God Bless
Sorry for any spelling mistakes...I am kinda retarded lols D...
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One more thing....Read the Qur'an for your self and decide before you jump to conclude that you will end up just like the Christian view...that Is what I am currently trying to do...it is quiet an intense read and it will take time...at least it is for me...
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I've read the Qur'an several times over since I converted.
I think I'm just going through a moment of weakness because of certain life circumstances like Bigmo said.
Deep down I believe it is the Truth I just wasn't ready to face the Truth because of things I'm dealing with. That weakness and unwillingness to accept Truth manifested itself in doubt.
And I let my dad borrow my copy of the Qur'an while he is working out of the state because he's recently decided to get involved in the faith since my conversion. My mom said in the 30 years she knew him she never once saw him pray or fast until I converted so maybe 1 good thing has come.
Only thing is I can't find the other Qur'an in the house lol he said he left it on the bookshelf and I can't find it...