Status of Mothers
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"Fear the wombs"? -\
Like it or not full time mothers enjoy high status in Islam more than those mothers who leave hard work to child minders and run back to their job soon afer giving birth.
3114 And We enjoined man regarding his parents. His mother bore him with hardship upon hardship, and his weaning takes two years. You shall give thanks to Me, and to your parents. To Me is the final destiny
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Salaam,
I am with ES and Bender on this one. Though I do agree that the exaggerated status of mothers is a concession for the generally shabby way women are perceived and treated.
Farida, not quite sure how you infer from that verse that women who go to work are somehow lesser than stay at home mums. Sometimes people do not have a choice in this matter due to being widowed, divorced and suffering from financial hardship and some personalities are simply not suited to full time child rearing and need the additional challenge of study/work and are great at juggling work and family.
Really whatever works for each woman and family.
Peace.
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Like it or not full time mothers enjoy high status in Islam more than those mothers who leave hard work to child minders and run back to their job soon afer giving birth.
3114 And We enjoined man regarding his parents. His mother bore him with hardship upon hardship, and his weaning takes two years. You shall give thanks to Me, and to your parents. To Me is the final destiny
It depends on the person's character. My maternal grandomother couldn't simply stand children. She had six, but even though modest people, they did hire a childminder for the children and my grandmother went to work in the fields, just to be away from the kids. She much preferred working in the fields to minding the children. She was very much loved by her children and when old and sick she was taken care of by them when with great devotion.
A mother is not a nursery employee. She may not be fond of children and still be a great mother, just the same as a father. Many fathers are great and nurse children, others are not like that, but they may be devoted. Each person takes care of their offspring according to ther capacity and inclination, and the same goes with mothers.
On the other hand the Qur'an also gives the choice not to suckle the children and does not say that not doing it diminishes in any way the motherhood or the motherness of anybody, doesn't say they should be loved less for that or that that is a shortcoming of them. The devotedness of each person depends on the make up of the person and devotion may be demonstrated very differently by different persons.
Salaam
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"Fear the wombs"? -
That is the translation of Ittaqw, that is when said about God, fear God or be conscious of God, I prefer this, so it would be
Be conscious of Goid,... and be conscious of the wombs.
Which as I understand means that we should bear very much in mind honouring motherhood and giving it a high social standing and status, so that motherhood does not become a hero-exercise, which very often is the case, and which is the reason why in some countries birth rate plunges, because the demands on women become so unreasonable and heavy that motherhood, and sometimes fatherhood too, is completely discouraged and in fact it is punished. Or motherhood turns out to be a trap, where if you are a mother (or just a wife)you you must rennounce other aspirations (usually com wifehood), but not work, provided that work is menial and badly paid. Wmen are never prevented from badly paid work. When people say that women or mothers should not worok, they always mean well paid work. Nobody worries about women in awfully paid jobs or unstable or vulnerable jobs.
Of course motherhood justifies that too, I suppose.
If a society wants mothers it must be conscious of motherhood and put their purse (and everything else) where their mouth is. Lipservice is an insult. The selfsacrifice demanded by motherhood without the corresponding acknowledgement compensation and respect is plain exploitation and cheating.
Salaam
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It depends on the person's character. My maternal grandomother couldn't simply stand children. She had six, but even though modest people, they did hire a childminder for the children and my grandmother went to work in the fields, just to be away from the kids. She much preferred working in the fields to minding the children. She was very much loved by her children and when old and sick she was taken care of by them when with great devotion.
A mother is not a nursery employee. She may not be fond of children and still be a great mother, just the same as a father. Many fathers are great and nurse children, others are not like that, but they may be devoted. Each person takes care of their offspring according to ther capacity and inclination, and the same goes with mothers.
On the other hand the Qur'an also gives the choice not to suckle the children and does not say that not doing it diminishes in any way the motherhood or the motherness of anybody, doesn't say they should be loved less for that or that that is a shortcoming of them. The devotedness of each person depends on the make up of the person and devotion may be demonstrated very differently by different persons.
Salaam
Salaam Huruf
Your maternal grandmother was very lucky to have had a supportive family and I am sure she was a good mother but, as Ayat mentions, hardship upon hardship, and his weaning takes two years which, to my understanding, is a reminder to children what she has gone through raising kids. Maybe this reminder is there because a mother, who devoted all her life to her children is often taken for granted, whereas those who keep their offspring at arms length have their children running after them for love and attention.
With my post I was not in anyway judging mothers but pointing out that Allah acknowledges the mother's burden of the weaning period, which streches up to two years. I know that the Qur'an gives us the choice not to suckle the children it in any way diminishing motherhood, but there is a difference between the mother who affords the children her time and effort and the one who doesn't. Btw. I was not able to suckle all my children so I know the difference between the two.Peace
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As someone said respect in general has to be earned. It does NOT depend solely on a blood relation, and you can't agree with one person saying this (Bender) and another saying the complete opposite. The Quran right there pointed out under what circumstance you should treat your mother/father in a good manner, i.e. if she breast-feeds, takes care of you and so forth. Dave Peltzer (if you read where I mentioned him in the opening post) obviously has no obligation to even like his mother.
It also mentions that you should reject them if they're idol-worshippers, which practice-wise my mother is, but just continue to treat them nicely (which I do). It also doesn't mention anywhere how that relationship should change considering she gave consent and paid to get me genitally and sexually mutilated, losing around 70% of bodily pleasure when considering the amount of neural and vascular damage, i.e. paying and giving consent to let that which Satan promised to do, which is to get people to alter God's creation. I'm almost positive God then in this case wouldn't even give a rat's ass if I'm "amicable" to her or not.
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The point is that life is not the army by conscription. That all persons have their existence justified because God wants it, not because they fullfill any social expectations of anybody. Not all women enjoy suckling, so whose who enjoy it, good for them, but we cannot pretend that they are more meritorious that on who donsn't suckle. For one it is not effort but enjoyment. This is just an example that we cannot draw a chart where we get points for this and that. Thak God, persons are varied, and a person may be a failure en something like suckling and then turn out on the other hand to be an outstanding friend where others can run for help advice and support.
Motherhood or fatherhood is not anything in particular, but taking up or assuming responsibility for the good of the children. How they get there is their business, and nobody can judge better than them what is most suitable given their circumstances, their temperaments, their possibilities and their environment. Whether there is a granfather or mother who helps, what kind of community they live in, etc.
In villages, when I was a child, rearing children was not so much of a burden for a single person, because from very early age, they run around and all the people share in looking after them and watching that they do nothing dangerous.
Modern city life, with people closeted in apartments and when children go out there must always be some adult watching them (mostly one adult per child or couple of children) is the most unsocial and uneconomical way of rearing children. Nurseries are an alternative, but I find that the old way where people of all ages and condition shared in it were better. When it is just one adult in charge for the whole day day after day it is maddening and too much. Work is rest by comparison. I find it disproportionate and not all that good for the children. But of course, even in that it depends on each individuality.
Of course acknowledgement of the two years suckling is a must when it is done. Just as the pregnancy and delivery, which some times are very trying, yes hardship upon hardship. It is es matter of justice and also of honesty. The
Salaam
Salaam
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As someone said respect in general has to be earned. It does NOT depend solely on a blood relation, and you can't agree with one person saying this (Bender) and another saying the complete opposite. The Quran right there pointed out under what circumstance you should treat your mother/father in a good manner, i.e. if she breast-feeds, takes care of you and so forth. Dave Peltzer (if you read where I mentioned him in the opening post) obviously has no obligation to even like his mother.
It also mentions that you should reject them if they're idol-worshippers, which practice-wise my mother is, but just continue to treat them nicely (which I do). It also doesn't mention anywhere how that relationship should change considering she gave consent and paid to get me genitally and sexually mutilated, losing around 70% of bodily pleasure when considering the amount of neural and vascular damage, i.e. paying and giving consent to let that which Satan promised to do, which is to get people to alter God's creation. I'm almost positive God then in this case wouldn't even give a rat's ass if I'm "amicable" to her or not.
Carlee, I am sorry to hear about your mother sanctioning F.G.M. on you. Unfortunately, there are certain cultural attitudes and practices which are sometimes so ingrained within our communities, people, internally, cannot objectively view the abhorrence of such things. We can only hope to be patient with our parents if not to try and change their attitudes. But before you can think about having any sort of relationship with your mother or with anyone else, you should heal yourself. It seems like you have had some traumatic experiences in life, especially involving your mother, but to be able to live a fruitful life, a worthwhile life, first you need to be happy from within.
Practically, it seems you have also sought advice from a specialist medical practitioner. I don't know whether it's something which you have tried already, but I would suggest counselling/ therapy. I would also try to get in touch with a support group for women affected by F.G.M. Perhaps talking to other women who have been subjected to this horrific torture may help.
Feel free to PM me.
Salaam.