Qualities that I should look for in choosing a wife

es

"sonnie",

I am not sure whether your post is a joke, but from mere observation, I don't think you should insult your fiancee by marrying her.

No one is perfect and what I think "good logic" was referring to is that you did not mention your own flaws to balance the scenario.

Salaam.

Released

Peace,

At least she is being honest with her "flaws". Now, it's up to you as to whether the two of you will be compatible in marriage with one another. God simply tells us what is prohibited in this regard, now you have to make the decision as to whether you actually see a future with this lady. By the way, can you please tell us what your flaws are?

Even if you decide to not marry her (as I find that you are discontent in many regards), please bear in mind that no one is perfect. Marriage will take a lot of work, nevertheless. So, if you are already seeing a potential for some major conflict, then perhaps you should rethink things?

mirjamnur

Salam

Salaam,

I need some help locating Qur'anic verses that advise as to what qualities I should be looking at when making a decision. I have done a lot of searches, but I cant find any ayas for choosing a spouse...

Personal Details (if you wanna read them)
So....basically, I am engaged
However, I am not 100% convinced I want to marry my fiance yet. I like her alot, but I do not love her.
Her character
-She is kinda attractive
-She is lazy /
-She has college diploma for the sake of having a diploma
-She want to be a mother, and does not want a career (again, she is very lazy)
-She listens to me
-She says is willing to change for me (everything except she really does not want to work)

She has alot of potential... but IDK if I should marry her because of this. Any personal advice would also be useful.

Salam Sonnie
why do you ask us, if you want to marry?
i'm. sorry, but your queation seems like a horse sale this is o.k, and that is not, and maybe the price is too expensive, maybe the horse is sick and dies or I find a better ... nope
Think. ???
Salam peace

youssef4342

I think you should talk with her about your personal goals in life, and what you want to do. See if you guys could have some common grounds. Mutual Respect and love.

Also, you should talk about religious beliefs and anything else which might effect your marriage in the future.

sonnie

lol, thanks for the comments guys! And no, this is no joke... its real life man

I think you should talk with her about your personal goals in life, and what you want to do. See if you guys could have some common grounds. Mutual Respect and love.

Also, you should talk about religious beliefs and anything else which might effect your marriage in the future.

Thank you for your advice brother. Yes, I have, it seems we are incompatible in our goals /

Peace,

At least she is being honest with her "flaws". Now, it's up to you as to whether the two of you will be compatible in marriage with one another. God simply tells us what is prohibited in this regard, now you have to make the decision as to whether you actually see a future with this lady. By the way, can you please tell us what your flaws are?

Even if you decide to not marry her (as I find that you are discontent in many regards), please bear in mind that no one is perfect. Marriage will take a lot of work, nevertheless. So, if you are already seeing a potential for some major conflict, then perhaps you should rethink things?

Thank you for the comments.
Yes, I know not everyone is perfect. Here are my pro/cons

Cons/Flaws
-I can be demanding
-I like things done my way
-I cant tell a joke to save my life

Pros
-Understanding (her words)
-Caring (her words)
-Loving (her words)
-Hardworking/Acomplished (self description)

sonnie

EDIT

good_logic

Peace sonnie.

My advice would be Do not forget to ask her parents ( and yours).Put ypur trust in God and good luck.

May the Lord bless you both.

Peace.

Released

Peace,

It appears that you are very loving and caring, and this is great! However, when you get married to someone, often the formalities come to an end. You'll have to ask yourself whether you have the patience to live day in and day out with this person? Are you willing to compromise here?

sonnie

Peace sonnie.

My advice would be Do not forget to ask her parents ( and yours).Put ypur trust in God and good luck.

May the Lord bless you both.

Peace.

Thank you good logic. Best advice yet. My heart is telling me the same thing.
I am leaning towards marrying her

...often the formalities come to an end....Are you willing to compromise here?

This will be true with anyone I get married to. Yes, I am willing to compromise

Released

Peace,

All the best then! Congrats! sun

Zulf

How old is she?

sonnie

early 20s

es

Can you be more precise, please.

es

And you're only 19, are ya, love. Have ya got yaself a "cougar"? Good on ya, lad!

sonnie

lol, im 24... she is younger than me D

mmkhan

Salaam sonnie,

Marriage is not a game, it is a life changing moment, your thoughts, your feelings, your understanding, everything will not gonna be same as now that you have. So, I suggest....

Write down on a piece of paper yours pros and cons and her's pros and cons, then compare and see, it may help you see both sides together inshaAllah. As from your posts, I found that she don't want to work, that is it... I don't see any other problem with her.

And also if you can discuss with her openly and see if you both are compatible to each other. If you feel that you don't love her or she is not compatible to you, don't marry her. Because this negative think grows in your married life later on. If you feel that you are capable of compromising and understanding, then you can go ahead. There are really many things to think about.

Over all, you should not forget 2221, if she is mushrik, then there is no way that you can marry her.

Please clarify everything before you proceed or I should say before spoiling yours and hers life. Don't get emotional, discuss every possible matter, then once you finalize whatsoever, leave everything on Allah and do tawakkal on Him alone in those matters... inshaAllah, everything will be alright and in peace.

May Allah protect you both and guide us all to His only path pr
mmKhan

es

You're 24 years of age. Well, you are a rather cute 24 year old.

sonnie

If you feel that you don't love her or she is not compatible to you, don't marry her.... Because this negative think grows in your married life later on.

These were EXACTLY my concerns. But at this moment, I am too happy with her, and somehow I have grown to a point where I acknowledge those negatives and choose to overlook them

You're 24 years of age. Well, you are a rather cute 24 year old.

I really hope you are a woman

EDIT
100th post!

es

Or more to the point, you really hope that was a compliment!

justamuslim

Many people marry for all the wrong reasons (tired of being single, don't want to break the other persons heart or feelings, family or societal pressures, etc as the list is long) entering marriages when they are not certain about the person or about their feelings for the person, convincing themselves that they really do like the person or in love trying to rationalize all the reasons why they should get married. Almost always the marriages end either in misery or divorce. Talk to people who are married and unhappy or divorced. Learn from their mistakes and don't be another or add to the statistics.

If you are not 100% and there is no one else that you would rather be with than this girl then do the right thing and not marry this girl.