Arranged marriage or love marriage?
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Look to what is happening in the world..................
so which is better for our kids welfare?
http//nitawriter.wordpress.com/2007/04/04/divorce-rates-of-the-world/
http//wiki.answers.com/Q/What_is_the_divorce_rate_worldwide
http//www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1363176/Why-arranged-marriage-likely-develop-lasting-love.html
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http//www.89decibeles.com/files/u16210/Cereal_Guy.jpg
Seriously?
Forced-marriage/arranged-marriage causes a lot of misery. Just look at tribal places in Afghanistan and Pakistan .
Regards
Yuliana -
Its not about love or arranged, its about being sensible before going into a contract for life with another person.
Arranged is fine when both partners have understood what the other is about, what they want, and what they supply to a relationship, when it is arranged by relatives only, the only thing they usually consider is family ties to future business, not whether the two involved are compatible. On the other hand, Love marriages can fail because of the blind nature that some people enter a relationship.
With arranged, and especially with forced marriages, there often is a sense that one HAS to stay married, especially from the Woman's side, due to a perceived notion that a Woman isn't allowed to leave their husband.
Just going from the top three in the lowest divorce rates India and Sri Lanka runs on a caste system in which marriage is the only way to move upwards, divorce isn't traditional, and acts of putting spouses of the dead onto the pyre alive is still existent in some rural areas. In Japan, Marriage is a death sentence to one's career for either a man or woman. Their problem is that they are promoting families but most people are ignoring it. They have a huge demand on elderly care and to keep working, family is often the last thing on most Japanese minds. Again, divorce is not traditional, but many aren't getting married in the first place.
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Its not about love or arranged, its about being sensible before going into a contract for life with another person.
Arranged is fine when both partners have understood what the other is about, what they want, and what they supply to a relationship, when it is arranged by relatives only, the only thing they usually consider is family ties to future business, not whether the two involved are compatible. On the other hand, Love marriages can fail because of the blind nature that some people enter a relationship.
With arranged, and especially with forced marriages, there often is a sense that one HAS to stay married, especially from the Woman's side, due to a perceived notion that a Woman isn't allowed to leave their husband.
Just going from the top three in the lowest divorce rates India and Sri Lanka runs on a caste system in which marriage is the only way to move upwards, divorce isn't traditional, and acts of putting spouses of the dead onto the pyre alive is still existent in some rural areas. In Japan, Marriage is a death sentence to one's career for either a man or woman. Their problem is that they are promoting families but most people are ignoring it. They have a huge demand on elderly care and to keep working, family is often the last thing on most Japanese minds. Again, divorce is not traditional, but many aren't getting married in the first place.
I think that is a good analysis;
How about doing the following aswell, please, what are the causes and the effects on the children and all........
Just going from the bottom, three, in the highest divorce rates..............
Thanks.
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I think that is a good analysis;
How about doing the following aswell, please, what are the causes and the effects on the children and all........
Just going from the bottom, three, in the highest divorce rates..............
Thanks.
To be honest I think how children turn out is a bit more mixed. I think a child of an arranged marriage is more likely to accept an arranged marriage themselves. I don't think anything else such as their habits or how they react to divorce is effected by the type of marriage only the situation of the parents.
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To be honest I think how children turn out is a bit more mixed. I think a child of an arranged marriage is more likely to accept an arranged marriage themselves. I don't think anything else such as their habits or how they react to divorce is effected by the type of marriage only the situation of the parents.
The effects of divorce on children are bad , people can cold shoulder the pain caused to their children but is wrong.
People should really be concentrating on marriages so they will bring up of their children so that their children will be stable strong professional people , rather then coming from broken families - i think.
Rather then simply marrying for love there aught be other long term goals - i personally think.
https//www.iser.essex.ac.uk/publications/iser-reports/2009-10/effects-of-divorce-on-children
http//www.sfla.co.uk/effectschildren.htm
peace
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The effects of divorce on children are bad , people can cold shoulder the pain caused to their children but is wrong.
People should really be concentrating on marriages so they will bring up of their children so that their children will be stable strong professional people , rather then coming from broken families - i think.
Rather then simply marrying for love there aught be other long term goals - i personally think.
https//www.iser.essex.ac.uk/publications/iser-reports/2009-10/effects-of-divorce-on-children
http//www.sfla.co.uk/effectschildren.htm
peace
Should we promote married couples having problems to try and work it out and stay together? Sure. Should we force a family that isn't working to continue living a lie? No.
People divorce due to number of reasons, unfortunately a lot of the time it is spouse abuse. It can be that the marriage was fake (common in UK with south Asian migrants getting legal status in the country) or even petty things like a child being born disabled.
In the end though the vast majority of arranged marriage regards to wealth distribution between families, not what life future children might have.
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I'm the kind of person that cant be forced into arrange marriage i have to fall for you and once i do your problem is my problem and i love with all my heart and if we are going through something you better belief we are going to work it out because i hate going to bed angry or mad
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Should we promote married couples having problems to try and work it out and stay together? Sure. Should we force a family that isn't working to continue living a lie? No.
People divorce due to number of reasons, unfortunately a lot of the time it is spouse abuse. It can be that the marriage was fake (common in UK with south Asian migrants getting legal status in the country) or even petty things like a child being born disabled.
In the end though the vast majority of arranged marriage regards to wealth distribution between families, not what life future children might have.
Quite a good analysis.
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Peace,
Should we promote married couples having problems to try and work it out and stay together? Sure. Should we force a family that isn't working to continue living a lie? No.
Agreed!
It can be that the marriage was fake (common in UK with south Asian migrants getting legal status in the country) or even petty things like a child being born disabled.
My family are South Asian immigrants living in the U.K. and this is news to me. Any snippets from the 'Daily Mail', in particular, would be greatly appreciated.
In the end though the vast majority of arranged marriage regards to wealth distribution between families, not what life future children might have.
I am slightly confused as to what you mean when you refer to an "arranged marriage". I am, and live in and amongst a community of Yorkshire dwellers whose "roots" are from the Indian sub-continent. In my parents' culture, arranged marriage is extremely popular. The "arranged marriage" introduction model, in the most common form which I have encountered it, is when the "Aunty Network" put people in touch with like-minded interests. From recollection, I've not personally come across the "wealth distribution" model which you describe. Unless you're talking about India or Pakistan, maybe?
Peace
Sajda.
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Salam es, will try and give you a proper answer when I can, but I refer to Pakistan, India AND Bangladesh when talking of UK marriage visas. It might be different in other towns but here it largely involves bringing in cheap labour. There have been a few cases of people I know leaving their spouse ( both man, woman) as soon as permanent leave to remain is given. In some cases this includes children left behind, literally the day it's finalised.
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I am slightly confused as to what you mean when you refer to an "arranged marriage". I am, and live in and amongst a community of Yorkshire dwellers whose "roots" are from the Indian sub-continent. In my parents' culture, arranged marriage is extremely popular. The "arranged marriage" introduction model, in the most common form which I have encountered it, is when the "Aunty Network" put people in touch with like-minded interests. From recollection, I've not personally come across the "wealth distribution" model which you describe. Unless you're talking about India or Pakistan, maybe?
Peace
Sajda.
I think attitudes regarding arranged marriages is gradually changing. Go back ten years, and many Muslim Women with roots in South Asia didn't even know they could refuse a proposal, if only because they were never asked. I've yet to see an arranged marriage personally yet in which the values, personality and likes of a prospective partner has ever been taken into account in a proposal, but am glad to hear that it is elsewhere.
What I have experienced is a criteria of
a) The 'piety' not of the potential, but the potential's father as if that is a gauge for a whole family. (As a result, 'pious' fathers have successfully married off unsuitable, drug addled sons to unsuspecting families because of a lack of contact between potentials or even potential with the opposites family).
b) How much the Brides side is prepared to pay in costs of marriage (can in some petty cases prevent a marriage even taking place if the grooms side doesn't feel it is extravagant enough).
c) If the migrant is the groom, what job the British Brides side is prepared to offer, so he can send money back 'home' (often sacrificing the quality of life of the married couple themselves)
d) If the migrant is the bride, how 'traditional' she is, as young as possible, and what family she is tied to both back 'home' and in Britain can bring business or money in (previous marriages, children, "old age" of 30+ being instant barriers)
e) What has been 'promised' a long time ago in order to get larger families abroad by arranging marriages between 1st and 2nd Cousins to avoid money moving out of the family.This is through the same 'Aunty Network' system, again glad it working somewhere, I think the Midlands should copy the Yorkshire method, it sounds a lot better.
I speak out against this focus of economics and try to get people looking for partners to seriously think about how the partnership between them and their spouse will work but its usually lost.
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Salaam "Mikebloke",
I'm afraid I don't feel terribly enlightened after your subjective analysis of the British South-Asian community.
Initially, you stated that fake marriages were common amongst British South Asians. You've then gone on to cite a "criteria" for spouses. Surely if the fake marriages, which are oh so common amongst my community, were taking place, having such a extensive and particular criteria would be redundant.
I'm not sure which South Asians in England have a shared stock of goats, sheep, cows and the such like with their siblings and extended families so that they are compelled to marry their offspring to one another on the basis of the "distribution of wealth". Yes, there are people who marry their first and second cousins, but I am not convinced that they are for the reasons which you are asserting.
I don't intend to become entrenched into a sociological debate with you. You're entitled to your opinion.
I feel that we should have the liberty to marry whomsoever we choose without duress of any sort.
Salaam.
Sajda.
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I would like to know what the 'other' category entails lol.
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I would like to know what the 'other' category entails lol.
I would imagine the 'other' category is for people who love each other and manage to trick/deceive their community into arranging the marriage for them.
I'm going to agree with bro Mike's original post in this thread. I think arranged is ok if people are knowledgeable and agree with the circumstances. I feel like the arrangement isn't the issue, it's the forced gender-roles and practices that accompany the countries that typically use arranged marriages. Using the same "bottom-three" criteria.
If you don't love your spouse, you're going to have a bad time. Unless you're one of those super wealthy power-couples or something that is in it for something else. But that doesn't sound like Islam to me.
May we all love our current spouses, or future ones if we aren't married! yay group
peace