Arranged marriage or love marriage?
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Should we promote married couples having problems to try and work it out and stay together? Sure. Should we force a family that isn't working to continue living a lie? No.
People divorce due to number of reasons, unfortunately a lot of the time it is spouse abuse. It can be that the marriage was fake (common in UK with south Asian migrants getting legal status in the country) or even petty things like a child being born disabled.
In the end though the vast majority of arranged marriage regards to wealth distribution between families, not what life future children might have.
Quite a good analysis.
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Peace,
Should we promote married couples having problems to try and work it out and stay together? Sure. Should we force a family that isn't working to continue living a lie? No.
Agreed!
It can be that the marriage was fake (common in UK with south Asian migrants getting legal status in the country) or even petty things like a child being born disabled.
My family are South Asian immigrants living in the U.K. and this is news to me. Any snippets from the 'Daily Mail', in particular, would be greatly appreciated.
In the end though the vast majority of arranged marriage regards to wealth distribution between families, not what life future children might have.
I am slightly confused as to what you mean when you refer to an "arranged marriage". I am, and live in and amongst a community of Yorkshire dwellers whose "roots" are from the Indian sub-continent. In my parents' culture, arranged marriage is extremely popular. The "arranged marriage" introduction model, in the most common form which I have encountered it, is when the "Aunty Network" put people in touch with like-minded interests. From recollection, I've not personally come across the "wealth distribution" model which you describe. Unless you're talking about India or Pakistan, maybe?
Peace
Sajda.
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Salam es, will try and give you a proper answer when I can, but I refer to Pakistan, India AND Bangladesh when talking of UK marriage visas. It might be different in other towns but here it largely involves bringing in cheap labour. There have been a few cases of people I know leaving their spouse ( both man, woman) as soon as permanent leave to remain is given. In some cases this includes children left behind, literally the day it's finalised.
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I am slightly confused as to what you mean when you refer to an "arranged marriage". I am, and live in and amongst a community of Yorkshire dwellers whose "roots" are from the Indian sub-continent. In my parents' culture, arranged marriage is extremely popular. The "arranged marriage" introduction model, in the most common form which I have encountered it, is when the "Aunty Network" put people in touch with like-minded interests. From recollection, I've not personally come across the "wealth distribution" model which you describe. Unless you're talking about India or Pakistan, maybe?
Peace
Sajda.
I think attitudes regarding arranged marriages is gradually changing. Go back ten years, and many Muslim Women with roots in South Asia didn't even know they could refuse a proposal, if only because they were never asked. I've yet to see an arranged marriage personally yet in which the values, personality and likes of a prospective partner has ever been taken into account in a proposal, but am glad to hear that it is elsewhere.
What I have experienced is a criteria of
a) The 'piety' not of the potential, but the potential's father as if that is a gauge for a whole family. (As a result, 'pious' fathers have successfully married off unsuitable, drug addled sons to unsuspecting families because of a lack of contact between potentials or even potential with the opposites family).
b) How much the Brides side is prepared to pay in costs of marriage (can in some petty cases prevent a marriage even taking place if the grooms side doesn't feel it is extravagant enough).
c) If the migrant is the groom, what job the British Brides side is prepared to offer, so he can send money back 'home' (often sacrificing the quality of life of the married couple themselves)
d) If the migrant is the bride, how 'traditional' she is, as young as possible, and what family she is tied to both back 'home' and in Britain can bring business or money in (previous marriages, children, "old age" of 30+ being instant barriers)
e) What has been 'promised' a long time ago in order to get larger families abroad by arranging marriages between 1st and 2nd Cousins to avoid money moving out of the family.This is through the same 'Aunty Network' system, again glad it working somewhere, I think the Midlands should copy the Yorkshire method, it sounds a lot better.
I speak out against this focus of economics and try to get people looking for partners to seriously think about how the partnership between them and their spouse will work but its usually lost.
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Salaam "Mikebloke",
I'm afraid I don't feel terribly enlightened after your subjective analysis of the British South-Asian community.
Initially, you stated that fake marriages were common amongst British South Asians. You've then gone on to cite a "criteria" for spouses. Surely if the fake marriages, which are oh so common amongst my community, were taking place, having such a extensive and particular criteria would be redundant.
I'm not sure which South Asians in England have a shared stock of goats, sheep, cows and the such like with their siblings and extended families so that they are compelled to marry their offspring to one another on the basis of the "distribution of wealth". Yes, there are people who marry their first and second cousins, but I am not convinced that they are for the reasons which you are asserting.
I don't intend to become entrenched into a sociological debate with you. You're entitled to your opinion.
I feel that we should have the liberty to marry whomsoever we choose without duress of any sort.
Salaam.
Sajda.
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I would like to know what the 'other' category entails lol.
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I would like to know what the 'other' category entails lol.
I would imagine the 'other' category is for people who love each other and manage to trick/deceive their community into arranging the marriage for them.
I'm going to agree with bro Mike's original post in this thread. I think arranged is ok if people are knowledgeable and agree with the circumstances. I feel like the arrangement isn't the issue, it's the forced gender-roles and practices that accompany the countries that typically use arranged marriages. Using the same "bottom-three" criteria.
If you don't love your spouse, you're going to have a bad time. Unless you're one of those super wealthy power-couples or something that is in it for something else. But that doesn't sound like Islam to me.
May we all love our current spouses, or future ones if we aren't married! yay group
peace
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Bit of a bump I know, I got frustrated today because I saw a post of facebook of a Muslim Matters blog post/article on a sister who anonymously contacted them about the difficulty of coming out as homosexual. The response from some of the commentators was to "get nikah done" which really frustrated me. Reading this topic again helped calm me down.
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The Christ's/Messiah's teachings are a bit on collision course with mainstream "Islam" interpretation since there is no strong recommendation on marriage but rather the opposite. Get rid of all fleshly and attain the spirit is his message.
But since two souls, male and female, become one upon bonding it is probably wise that they can stand each other, to be able to remain together without divorce. It is only mental pain to live with someone you cannot get along with, and choosing the "right person" is important because they will one way or another affect your assimilation with the realm of "God" unless you can remain independent but then it is a very shallow bonding.
You need to have some mutual love or else it is meaningless. A female and male body complement each other perfectly so the other is the perfect companion so that they reduce their fleshly nature, but if it is an oppressive marriage where one of the gender attributes are suppressed, then the bonding is meaningless. You bond due to the advantage of meeting a female and male characterized being. The man has something to learn from the woman while the woman has something to learn from the man. Everything is created for a logical reason being different or we could be created two equal minded partners.
If we suppress our gender identity to get the other one then we have failed to get the point. The point is getting a balanced soul, and to be able to "control the flesh", so that the flesh itself is suppressed with the desires so that we can be spiritual and hence separate the spirit from the flesh.
So you actually bond to control the beast in you.
Be faithful ones