Funeral Traditions
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Where I am from, women are told not to get near the grave when a family member is about to be buried. They attend the burial but have to keep their distance. However, after the person (male or female) is buried and the men are done with the prayers and leave, the closest female family members are allowed to quickly go over and throw a bit of dirt over the grave and say their final goodbyes. It all has to be done quickly. The explanation given for women not being near the grave during the burial is that they are more emotional and will end up crying out loud, and their crying may cause some of the men to cry as well. They are told that the tears will not let the dead person rest in peace, so they must keep their distance. However, visiting the grave by women later on appears to be fine, and everyone does it. It just doesn't make sense to me. This too is just one more thing that makes many of the women feel like Islam is a man's religion and we're just observers on the outside looking in.
As far as I know, this is not in the Quran so it must be tradition derived from a hadith somewhere. Does anyone know anything about this? Also, is this a tradition in any of your communities?
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Another tradition I'd like to ask about is headscarves at the funeral. Are they an Islamic requirement?
Back home and in the U.S., almost none of the women wear headscarves. A few of the older women still wear them and there's also a very small group of younger women wearing hijab, although I've only seen three of them. The funerals are held in the basement of the mosque and the women and girls wear headscarves during this time and at the burial. They have been--and continue to be--told that they have to. Although a few might have a beige, gray or other non-colorful scarf on, almost all wear white headscarves and they are not supposed to wear any makeup. Many of the women will wear black clothes but no one would be caught dead wearing a black headscarf, and I believe that comes from black headscarves being associated with Christianity.
I personally don't believe that there is any mention of women having to wear headscarves in the verse referring to how women should dress. A woman is required to cover her chest and dress modestly. That's it. And in a society where women never wear them, it seems unnecessary and hypocritical to suddenly show up at a funeral wearing one. When everyone has already seen you dancing all night in your skimpy dresses at the numerous parties and weddings you've attended, what's the point of covering your hair at funerals? Unless there's something somewhere in the Quran that I haven't seen that requires a person's head to be covered during a certain prayer, wearing a headscarf to a funeral makes no sense. The men don't cover their heads with anything. At least Jewish men wear the yamaka.
If wearing a headscarf at a funeral is an Islamic requirement, does the color matter? If it's about covering the hair, does it have to be a scarf? Will a hat do?
I hate headscarves.
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I think there is a hadith. Of course nothing of the sort is in the Qur'an where nowhere is it stated thst women are more emotional nor any of that garbage psychology.
Salaam
Thank you, huruf. I didn't think so either. I'm curious to know what funeral traditions are like for other Muslims. Where you come from, do women stand with the men at the burial of a family member?