Partner's parents living with us after marriage
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So daycare is wrong? Allowing anyone else, besides yourself, to care for a family member is wrong? I'm just confused. That's what you seem to be advocating. I'm curious where you stand on assisted care within the home.
Sadly no matter how clearly I phrase the issue, it seems to always carry on to be misunderstood, probably why you are asking such a question.
Ill try and be extremely brief and clear as much as possible.
Daycare is a facility, not a luxury. That's as plain as I can possibly get.
Also to repeat myself over yet again after several times since my very first post in this topic it all depends on the situation.
In any case daycare and dire/unusual situations and all that are completely irrelevant as far as the situation described in the topic is concerned
Similarly paying another organization for the care (no matter how good or expensive the care maybe) of your parents for the ulterior motive of keeping them out of your life does not come under "doing good to parents" nor being "dutiful".
Keeping them out because you see them as a nuissance and a burden I should add ->
That is what I've been addressing.
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Hello,
Hi Sajda,
So you are ok to live in a house with your husband and with your and his parents?
I think there is a time that we have to accept to get independent of our parents and our children.
Unless they are very sick or have financial problems or other really important things. I do not see the added value to live with our parents and our partner in the same house.No, I am not okay with it. Of course, I would love to live a life free of the responsibility of a bunch of old folks knocking around my house, depriving me of my privacy, my money, my time, my energy, etc., etc., etc., but I see it as my duty. And I don't take my duties lightly.
Salaam.
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Hello,
...but I see it as my duty. And I don't take my duties lightly.
Salaam.
Same here. If only more people realized it and (God stresses it in the Quran). This isnt being extra nice, and no this isnt a favor to them. Caring for parents as they brought us up when we were helpless, for us is a debt, an obligation a duty that is owed to them.
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Peace,
Same here. If only more people realized it and (God stresses it in the Quran). This isnt being extra nice, and no this isnt a favor to them. Caring for parents as they brought us up when we were helpless, for us is a debt, an obligation a duty that is owed to them.
Exactly!
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Hello,
No, I am not okay with it. Of course, I would love to live a life free of the responsibility of a bunch of old folks knocking around my house, depriving me of my privacy, my money, my time, my energy, etc., etc., etc., but I see it as my duty. And I don't take my duties lightly.
Salaam.
You see it as a duty to take them in your home?
I think the duty towards our parents is that we should be good to them. We can be good to them without having them in our house.
If my mom really wants to live in my house or for some practical reason then that is totally ok with me (of course only if she is going to do all the household and pay half of the rent).
But to see it as a duty to take our parents in our homes just because they are our parents is a little bit weird imho.btw do you want to live with your children in 1 house after they get married? Me for sure not, for them and for myself.
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For parents, I could see the value - they get to be around their children and never experience the effects of what is known as "Empty Nest Syndrome" (when children leave the home and parents find themselves gripped with loneliness and confusion about what to do next).
Maybe for some or a lot of parents this is the case, but for myself I do not see any value to live with my children in their home after they get married. I would feel uninvited and uncomfortable besides that I want my own privacy.
Preferable situation for me is to have my parents and my children in a short distance. -
Peace all,
I saw a Facebook post today in which a man was talking about his mother, who is 103-years-old. The Facebook post included a picture of them both. The man was in his late 80s himself. It was beautiful. It makes me wonder about how they live their lives. But anyways. Just thought I'd share.
In any case daycare and dire/unusual situations and all that are completely irrelevant as far as the situation described in the topic is concerned
Keeping them out because you see them as a nuissance and a burden I should add ->
That is what I've been addressing.
I understand your point now. Thank you for the added clarification.
Peace. peace
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i find those people lucky who get a chance to look after their parents . its a blessing if we think positively.
may b sometimes we only understand when we have our own kids, and if somebody kidnnap them, mother and father do whatever it takes to get it back, for parents their kids mean so much for them,
but this life is full of sellfishness , whenever we find ourself in a stable position first thing come in the mind to get seperate and have a private life, parents usually never stops us, becoz they are happy in ur happiness,
but look its better to live with them.
a indian movie bhagban is an example if somebody have a chance to see this movie look into it,
http//www.imdb.com/title/tt0337578/
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If my mom really wants to live in my house or for some practical reason then that is totally ok with me (of course only if she is going to do all the household and pay half of the rent).
Repulsive to say the least. You'd make your own mother labour away and pay too?
This is one of the same inhumane attitudes that have existed over and over again throughout time and one of the outrages that God sent scripture to put a stop to.
Apparently people read but they choose not to understand, they see but act blind, they hear but act deaf.
Quran 543 And they denied and followed their desires, but (for) every matter (will be a) settlement.
Anyway, I don't see what the point is of arguing the matter. Those with a complete lack of conscience - personal desires are a justification enough to do or not do whatever.
To each their own.
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Repulsive to say the least. You'd make your own mother labour away and pay too?
what i can say now. human being is free to decide and act whatever they want, now i will comme to animals,
all the animals and the documentries of them i watch. i realise one thing the parents of animals never leave them untill they make them prepare for everything. and they love them by cuddling with them ,licking them with their tonge.the kid of animal and human there is a big difference , human kid learn to walk after nine months.and in this nine months countless kisses we recieve from our parents, cant we learn from animals what is the importance of this relationship.
i watched a documentry in which buffalo safe his kid from lions and make the lions run away , and after that the little kid was walking with her mom and lot of other buffalo and she/he buffalo shouts at lions , what a amazing documentry it was,
peace.
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what i can say now. human being is free to decide and act whatever they want, now i will comme to animals,
all the animals and the documentries of them i watch. i realise one thing the parents of animals never leave them untill they make them prepare for everything. and they love them by cuddling with them ,licking them with their tonge.the kid of animal and human there is a big difference , human kid learn to walk after nine months.and in this nine months countless kisses we recieve from our parents, cant we learn from animals what is the importance of this relationship.
i watched a documentry in which buffalo safe his kid from lions and make the lions run away , and after that the little kid was walking with her mom and lot of other buffalo and she/he buffalo shouts at lions , what a amazing documentry it was,
peace.
In the west, many parents believe that having prepared their kids for everything means that by 18 or 19, a young adult will have graduated from the educational system. They will have the independence and skills to establish themselves away from their parents and either move on to a greater pursuit of learning, or move into the workforce. For many parents, these are the signs that they have "done their job right."
What I would be interested in knowing is how well, if at all, animals care for their parents in an elderly age (and what species they are, if they do). I have a feeling the practice isn't common, though, although there doesn't seem to be much research. (The only source of information I could find was on Quora https//www.quora.com/In-the-animal-kingdom-do-the-young-care-for-their-elderly-parents)
But then again, as you stated, there is a difference between animals and humans. Most animals don't live nearly as long as humans. Most animals live a life completely revolving around survival. Of course, they do take care of and nourish their young, as do humans. And it's wonderful to see. But at a certain time, I believe that most species let their children go.
I don't think anyone is denying that parents love their children, or that children love their parents.
Peace. )
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Repulsive to say the least. You'd make your own mother labour away and pay too?
This is one of the same inhumane attitudes that have existed over and over again throughout time and one of the outrages that God sent scripture to put a stop to.
Apparently people read but they choose not to understand, they see but act blind, they hear but act deaf.
Quran 543 And they denied and followed their desires, but (for) every matter (will be a) settlement.
Anyway, I don't see what the point is of arguing the matter. Those with a complete lack of conscience - personal desires are a justification enough to do or not do whatever.
To each their own.
I thought it was obvious that I was joking there. Especially when I said in the same post "I think the duty towards our parents is that we should be good to them." Does letting my mom do the household and pay the rent sounds like being good to her???
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You see it as a duty to take them in your home?
I think the duty towards our parents is that we should be good to them. We can be good to them without having them in our house.
If my mom really wants to live in my house or for some practical reason then that is totally ok with me (of course only if she is going to do all the household and pay half of the rent).
But to see it as a duty to take our parents in our homes just because they are our parents is a little bit weird imho.btw do you want to live with your children in 1 house after they get married? Me for sure not, for them and for myself.
Then where's the joke? Sounds like the joke is to be good to them.
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It would probably be because they were getting old and withered, Bender. And a person might need assistance then.
The reason why people cannot live with others is because they are too self-centered and the fault is usually in both parts, the house owner and the guest. Both need to humble.
Be well
Amenuel -
Then where's the joke? Sounds like the joke is to be good to them.
I know I have a strange taste of humor which is not everyone taste (probably only me).
But what I do not get is that even after I said I was joking you still want to see it from the negative side. -
...I do not see the added value to live with our parents and our partner in the same house.
I'd rather not get involved anymore considering the direction this is headed but
am I seeing it from the negative side or was that^ a joke too? (See your own quote above)
...If my mom really wants to live in my house or for some practical reason then that is totally ok with me (of course only if she is going to do all the household and pay half of the rent)...
I read your earlier posts and understood.
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I think we all agree that other than selfishness or maliciousness on the part of either parents or the children, these things are pretty much non-issues. Any decent person parent or child know that they should take care of family in the best way they know how to taking into account consideration for the other party. As long as that's in place everything falls into a balance. A lot of factors affect relationships but as long as we keep the above in mind, I don't think there should be many complications.
As far as the original post goes, I think there's a bit of fear of the unknown going on which is totally understandable. Once you get to know them/meet them, you may have a better idea how to handle the situation. Best of luck and hope it works out well for all involved )
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the defination of fear is , the future which may not exist. lol
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Salaam,
Fortunately, for me, I don't have children, nor do I intend to have any so that's not a question which I could accurately answer, but hypothetically, I wouldn't mind living with my children.
Interesting to observe, especially for the O.P.'s reference that all of us who are overly passionate are of a Pakistani heritage.
Peace.
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Peace everyone,
As far as I know, the OP has never suggested that all of you who are overly passionate are of a Pakistani heritage. If there is any evidence which suggests that the OP suggests that all of you who are overly passionate are of a Pakistani heritage, then I'd like to see that evidence.